a real update, perhaps

[cyangemini]

so, i figure i should give this whole "use the journal, as a journal" thing. especially since i told myself i'd endeavor to update more often this year. (not a resolution, a suggestion.)

well... since the last time i actually wrote anything of substance, a lot has changed. yet, everything's essentially the same. i'm still killing myself with work and school (though, oddly, i don't mind). i'm still single, bitter and happy that way.

for some specific/recent life events:

• tuesday afternoon my uncle had an AMI as a result of new onset ACS (read: he had a bad coronary heart attack). so, my mother and step-father ran out of here, got my grandparents and headed to lima, ohio where he lives. (fyi - lima's about 2.5 hours south of detroit)
  
  wednesday morning when i got off work, i got my brother and we headed to the airport to pick-up my aunt who flew in from SF, then proceeded to drive to lima.
  
  he's not in good shape. when i left yesterday it was evident that the AMI was severe. there is significant damage to his heart. a large portion of the LV is damage, therefore LHF and CHF are imminent. also, before the EMTs could resuscitate him, he had no pulse/circulation/gas exchange for about 10 minutes. this happened again when he went into respiratory arrest in the ER, again he was without oxygen for about 10 minutes.
  
  so, as a result of all of this, he has pronounced irreparable brain damage. his skull is also swollen. his lungs have ceased functioning independently, so he's intubated and attached to a ventilator.
  
  they performed and EEG yesterday and as far as i know, the only brain activity is medulliary. this suggests that he is essentially brain dead. (the medulla serves to regulate reflex-like actions, ie - breathing, heart beat, etc.)
  
  they (wife/family) signed DNR paperwork yesterday and have spoken with his physician about organ donation. i believe only his kidneys can be harvested, but at least that's something.
  
  now it's really just a waiting game...


• how've i been? upset, but not in a way that you would think.
  
  i'm not that close to this uncle -- never have been. in fact, nor are my brother or sister. he's lived life by his own rules. he hitchhiked across the country for 20 years. he's lived in every state and most likely been arrested in most of them.
  
  so, i'm not that upset that he's sick. don't get me wrong, it's a family member, but not one that i have any real feelings for. what's making this hard for me is seeing my mother so upset. this will be the second brother that she'll have to bury. (another one of my uncles died the year i was born.)
  
  
• on a physiological level, i'm shit. i'm still getting over being sick and i've really abused my body over the past two days. i woke up @ 700a on tuesday, worked 12 hours tues night, got off @ 730a on wed, drove to ohio w/ my brother and aunt. stayed at the hospital until about 1, then started the drive home. got home around 4p, slept for a few hours, woke up and wrote a paper for my children's lit class, then went back to bed.
  
  so, my tuesday lasted about 32 hours.


• i got some sleep last night and i do feel a lot better, but i still feel tired.

well, that's about all of the excitement i've had so far this year.

(god, even typing all that made me tired...)

ah well, i have to be to work in a few hours, so i should get going.