Unfucklingbelievable
I've been lied to. Again. By someone I knew...I fucking KNEW...was a bald-faced liar. He'd done it to me before, many times.
I'd pretty much written him off. I'd settled for the fact that I would never have to deal with him again. Then, he goes through at LEAST two others to talk to me. Hoping to get the word to me, that he can address me without addressing me. He's got this great idea, you see, but he's scared I'm angry at him. That's how the motherfucker presents it. And thus, of course, I got the message.
I was strong, at first. I told the person who presented it to me for him, quote-unquote, "No. I'm not doing this through a third party. He talks directly to me or he doesn't [DELETED]"
So he did. And we talked. And he got what he wanted.
And just like that, one day after I agreed, I'm fucking burned.
I don't care about the situation. The situation is trivial, and I'm even okay with it. This is what gets me.
I don't like the fact that I was lied to. My trust was violated by an individual who was trying to mend what he stated to be a bridge that he believed was burned. That bothers me.
I hate...I FUCKING HATE...the fact that I was fucking retarded enough to put that trust out there to let it be violated. I hate feeling that dumb. It makes me physically ill. It's the feeling of swallowing Drano, I imagine, or of lighting a cigarette while covered in lighter fluid. Carrying a Walkman into the shower with you, or running out in the middle of traffic. You know it's going to hurt, and you know that son of a bitch is going to hurt BAD. But you think... "Maybe this time, it will be okay."
Of COURSE it's not going to be okay, you fucking idiot! It's going to fucking HURT YOU! Wake up and smell the shit you're selling yourself!
Maybe next time, I'll remember. Maybe next time, I'll not be angry with myself.
Thank you, Fox, for helping me not feel this way as much as I otherwise would have tonight. I'm okay now, guys, I promise.
I know the world needs me to have faith. I know the world needs me to trust. I do have faith. And I do trust. I will always be the empathic one, the eternal optimist, the one who cares and is open to people. This man will not change that.
Tonight, he just made me not want to be.
--Jer
I'd pretty much written him off. I'd settled for the fact that I would never have to deal with him again. Then, he goes through at LEAST two others to talk to me. Hoping to get the word to me, that he can address me without addressing me. He's got this great idea, you see, but he's scared I'm angry at him. That's how the motherfucker presents it. And thus, of course, I got the message.
I was strong, at first. I told the person who presented it to me for him, quote-unquote, "No. I'm not doing this through a third party. He talks directly to me or he doesn't [DELETED]"
So he did. And we talked. And he got what he wanted.
And just like that, one day after I agreed, I'm fucking burned.
I don't care about the situation. The situation is trivial, and I'm even okay with it. This is what gets me.
I don't like the fact that I was lied to. My trust was violated by an individual who was trying to mend what he stated to be a bridge that he believed was burned. That bothers me.
I hate...I FUCKING HATE...the fact that I was fucking retarded enough to put that trust out there to let it be violated. I hate feeling that dumb. It makes me physically ill. It's the feeling of swallowing Drano, I imagine, or of lighting a cigarette while covered in lighter fluid. Carrying a Walkman into the shower with you, or running out in the middle of traffic. You know it's going to hurt, and you know that son of a bitch is going to hurt BAD. But you think... "Maybe this time, it will be okay."
Of COURSE it's not going to be okay, you fucking idiot! It's going to fucking HURT YOU! Wake up and smell the shit you're selling yourself!
Maybe next time, I'll remember. Maybe next time, I'll not be angry with myself.
Thank you, Fox, for helping me not feel this way as much as I otherwise would have tonight. I'm okay now, guys, I promise.
I know the world needs me to have faith. I know the world needs me to trust. I do have faith. And I do trust. I will always be the empathic one, the eternal optimist, the one who cares and is open to people. This man will not change that.
Tonight, he just made me not want to be.
--Jer