God
When everything is right. When all the drama is years long ago, the time and tide of things that are become in sync, when all is just right with the world...I wonder.
I yell inside at the top of my lungs..."what took you so long!" I do have a better appreciation for those of us in our 40's. We run around ragged, on edge, trying to change the world in our 20's, settle for leftovers at times in our 30's and find our karma in our 40's. Was the drama of yore a waste? I don't think so. Everything had to happen the way it all happened.
I had hurt a lot in the past over things that I couldn't control, over things that I did, things that I said, I hurt more over the things I never said. But I can't regret a moment. I have always thought of mistakes as accessories to something better. I had to leave and leave and leave again. Not knowing what I was doing, where I was going I would feel the restlessness and move. I would try greener grass and learn it was bitter to the taste. I enjoyed most of my adventures, Amarillo, Florida, Maryland and several trips around this state. I left doses of joy and at times angry words and deeds that although they led me back home and to my family here, I left some with pain I can never erase or ever ease. I have to leave them guessing of my wishes of apologies but I can't say I ever will regret those moments. What was needed, was done.
I think God has a sense of humor with me. I pause several times of the day and thank him in my own way and I let him know that I notice what he's doing up there. One silly moment I missed the trash can and thought "the hell with it, I'm not picking that up." the next step I literally took, I nearly tripped. I looked up and raised my eyebrows and told him that I thought he was showing off. I didn't pick the trash up just to let him know I was being rebelious...but he'll get me for that I just know he will.
Other times, he catches me in mid-stream and slows me down. Like needing to be somewhere in lightening fast speed and he'll hit me with every single stop light between point A and point B. That's when I know he's really showing off.
I think he's all that and then some. (Forgive me for not capitolizing every He) I can't fathom the true massive universal size of his being, and I stand amazed that he knows every hair on my head, every particle of dirt in my yard and every thought of my mind., yet he still turns around and creates galaxies and warm fuzzy feelings as if it was all a flash of a thought for him.
Then of course I ponder all the bad, tragic, torment and evil that is here and wonder why he can't just go "poof"? Thus, making it all better. I am reminded that this is all by our free will. Whatever we do on others we do and stands not in our way to let it be done. Why does he allow it? The FREEWILL part kills me.
I believe that before all this happened...creation, the universe, us. He was up there feeling all this love, peace and good stuff and became unselfish enough to want to share it with someone. I think that's why we all have pray to him or something like that. To concentrate on him, to think of him, thank him, to love him is to know a sliver of the peace he knows. Can't get to peace without him, can't love peace without loving him.
Anyway, that's my take on the whole thing.
I yell inside at the top of my lungs..."what took you so long!" I do have a better appreciation for those of us in our 40's. We run around ragged, on edge, trying to change the world in our 20's, settle for leftovers at times in our 30's and find our karma in our 40's. Was the drama of yore a waste? I don't think so. Everything had to happen the way it all happened.
I had hurt a lot in the past over things that I couldn't control, over things that I did, things that I said, I hurt more over the things I never said. But I can't regret a moment. I have always thought of mistakes as accessories to something better. I had to leave and leave and leave again. Not knowing what I was doing, where I was going I would feel the restlessness and move. I would try greener grass and learn it was bitter to the taste. I enjoyed most of my adventures, Amarillo, Florida, Maryland and several trips around this state. I left doses of joy and at times angry words and deeds that although they led me back home and to my family here, I left some with pain I can never erase or ever ease. I have to leave them guessing of my wishes of apologies but I can't say I ever will regret those moments. What was needed, was done.
I think God has a sense of humor with me. I pause several times of the day and thank him in my own way and I let him know that I notice what he's doing up there. One silly moment I missed the trash can and thought "the hell with it, I'm not picking that up." the next step I literally took, I nearly tripped. I looked up and raised my eyebrows and told him that I thought he was showing off. I didn't pick the trash up just to let him know I was being rebelious...but he'll get me for that I just know he will.
Other times, he catches me in mid-stream and slows me down. Like needing to be somewhere in lightening fast speed and he'll hit me with every single stop light between point A and point B. That's when I know he's really showing off.
I think he's all that and then some. (Forgive me for not capitolizing every He) I can't fathom the true massive universal size of his being, and I stand amazed that he knows every hair on my head, every particle of dirt in my yard and every thought of my mind., yet he still turns around and creates galaxies and warm fuzzy feelings as if it was all a flash of a thought for him.
Then of course I ponder all the bad, tragic, torment and evil that is here and wonder why he can't just go "poof"? Thus, making it all better. I am reminded that this is all by our free will. Whatever we do on others we do and stands not in our way to let it be done. Why does he allow it? The FREEWILL part kills me.
I believe that before all this happened...creation, the universe, us. He was up there feeling all this love, peace and good stuff and became unselfish enough to want to share it with someone. I think that's why we all have pray to him or something like that. To concentrate on him, to think of him, thank him, to love him is to know a sliver of the peace he knows. Can't get to peace without him, can't love peace without loving him.
Anyway, that's my take on the whole thing.