Not The Only One
Over the course of the weekend, I learned Elise is growning up not just physically, but mentally as well. Her ability to do the things that are required without prompting sometimes surprises me. I had to get Monte's sister (metally disabled) and her older brother (59 and in nursing home due to Alzhiemer's). My plan was as is usually is to pick up Viriginia on Friday, get her brother Joey on Saturday, taking them both out to eat Mexican.
Plans seem only good in theory never truly panning out in reality though. There are certain absolutes with getting Virginia: cheetos, cokes, mexican food, radio, the mention of jewelry needs or the gift of one, hankies, peanuts, and a run down of what she's eating on her next meal. I decided to take her out for Mexican while still in the town where I pick her up. That was a bad decision to begin with. At her age (56) her body is starting to give out due to the massive amount of meds, weight gain, arthitis, and anything else that pops up more and more these days. We did discover over the last few visits home with her that she simply can't manuver like she did a year ago or even six months ago. She can't walk without assistance, can't get up from sitting without help, and can no longer walk alone more than a few steps before she becomes unbalanced.
At the dinner, I had to carry her in practically. She kept reaching out to lean on something as she went. I had my hands on her belt and kept her walking slow and sure, trying to keep her balanced. The folks that stay in the center that she does don't get out as much as they used to because of the age and limitations they develope. So when she eats out, she eats like the food will disappear in two seconds. Sometimes it reminds me of a human who was wild tasting food for the first time or somthing. She just crams the food in all at once and over and over again, never letting her mouth empty before slamming something else in it.
As I was watching this again, (always a very messy experience with her) she began to try to choke. I scolded her to slow down, but she repeated the eating habit. Again I got on to her over it. Then I decided that this wasn' working out well and began to feed her myself to finish the meal. I had to do her drink the same way. After we were done and the bill paid, an extra ten to the server for being so patient and nice while we were going through this, I had to help her walk out.
During all of this walking, she kept wanting to fall. She actually seemed like she wanted to fall, but I know it wasn't intentional for her to do. She was just so weak that the walking for her was so difficult. After a few calls to the center about bringing her back already, I decided to let her come home for one night and not two due to how difficult it was to take her out or get her from point A to point B. They had to move her bed at the center up to another room where another patient was being watched throughout the night with a nurse stationed in the room 24 hours a day. They did this because of all her falling at the center. They had her in a wheelchair, but she got too big for the belt to keep her in the chair. They gave her a walker, but she still falls. She falls so much now that they keep her in a helmet to help prevent injuries to the head when she does fall.
Anyway, after deciding to tell her that she will need to go back one day early to see the doctor, she finally accepted the need to go back early. Normally over the last few visits when it came up because of the massive amount of seizures she was having, she would throw such a fit that relenting in her staying was the only thing that would calm her down. This time, I think she knew herself that she needed to see a doctor due to all her fallings. So now I was fine.
The next morning I did what is always required, bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee for her. She always inquires to her breakfast meal the day before, even while she's in the middle of eating the required out-to-eat-mexican-dinner. Always drives me crazy when she does this. By the way, she had to sleep with me as she's going to have to do with either me, or Monte from now on, instead of her room at the back of the house. Our bed is 4 feet from the bathroom and I couldn't chance her falling in the middle of the night trying to go the bathroom so I moved her to sleeping with me.
After breakfast is the shower episode. Required element for Virginia as well. This too, is always an ordeal for us. Due to her inability to stand more than a minute, we decided to place our lawn chair in the shower and let her sit down while showering. (her center always does this to all the patients as well) This was the first time I had done this for her and found it so much better than her standing as she did before. In prior showers at home, she would always have one hand on the wall and I tried to wash her down without her falling. I was amazed that one could wash in record time when needed. Here I am always taking 20 minute showers...I have to work on my time with this.
After the shower and dressing I let her watch tv for a bit, I was exhausted by this time and it was only 8am! I knew I still had to take her back, drive over two more counties to get to her brother and take him out to eat as well.
During all of this prepping for Virginia, Elise was wonderful. She had straightened out the house for her coming home, prepared the chair in the shower (we have a huge walk-in shower), covered the couch for her sitting (Virginia is awfully messy with the cheetos when she eats them on the couch). She cleaned up the kitchen and cleaned up her room in case she would sleep in there. She was totally awesome in helping me...great kid.
So after I rested for an hour, showered and dressed, I took Virginia back home. Her requirement for going home even after she eats a big breakfast (I had to hand feed her that too) is getting a cheesburger, fries and a coke. We can never get out of that either as much as we try. We know full well that when we take her back after breakfast that the lunch being served for them back at the unit is usually only about an hour away. But it's still demanded from her on the cheeseburger, fries and a coke thing.
Okay now she's dropped off and I explain to the house parent all the issues I was having with her from the night before and this morning. I informed them that her sister (guardian) was pissed that no one called her to tell her how much downhill she had gotten over the last few weeks and months. Even Virginia's speech was becoming difficult to understand. She's simply getting old, feeble, and weak. All the coctails of meds she takes can't be good for her and her liver either.
Off I head to pick up her brother. I had taken Elise out to mexican Thursday night, Virginia Friday night, and now I was taking Joey for Mexican Saturday afternoon. I am truly sick of Mexican right now. That is such an understatement right now too. Anyway, I go and get the brother and he stinks to high heaven. My eyes are watering in the car with the man because they don't give them showers as often as we think they do. He walks slower than his sister and I'm just testing my patience often with the both of them. I succeed in never letting it show of my frustration thankfully. I know that I have to go grocery shopping after lunch and think he can go with me. Of course the more I think about how slow he can walk, the more I realized that my milk would be at room tempature by the time we got to the checkout line. So after lunch, I simply take him for a drive for about 30 minutes or so and take him back to the home. He too, has gotten worse over the last few months.
I never realized until now, how ONE person (Monte) can effect so many others in a life. Without her presence, her sister and brother (who adore her and crave for her more than any other family member) they go down hill mentally. When they talk to her on the phone, they light up a bit more and convey all the 'miss you's' they can get out.
Letting Monte know how difficult it's getting for the both of them has been hard on her. She's powerless to come home still and she can't do too much via the phone for them. When I told her how bad Virginia was getting and the problems I was having, she naturally cried. She knows as well as I am coming to terms with that Virginia is getting worse and that her days here with us are nearing their end. The oldest sister said in our visit with her over the summer, that she couldn't believe she had lived this long. We can't believe it either. The patients at the center are all mentally challenged in some way and the ones that are like Virginia usually don't live past their late 50's. Virginia is the only one who is falling and having seizures as much as she is. Sad to say, but I believe it is just a matter of time before she's gone from us all. Monte realized this over the weekend. For her to hear about her brother was also hard on her, I think he'll be fine for quite some time, but that alzhiemers' steals your mind quicker than we give it credit for. I know Joey doesn't know my name anymore, I know he'll forget Monte too, but so far he can recgonize a friend and family member and that alone is something.
And during all of this, I realized that Elise is maturing in her responsibilities too....I'm not the only one...
What a saint for me she's been.
