Dissertation Reflections
My mode of work has always been to just keep writing and trust the process to lead me to where I need to go, and things always just miraculously gel somewhere along the way. My dissertation proved to be the first major writing project that I’ve undertaken that didn’t do that. I kept writing and writing, but it just wasn't gelling.
Ironically, it took the break-up with Caity to provide the incident that finally allowed it to start gelling. I really needed outside eyes to figure out how to use that as an organizing principle, though. It was too fresh for me, and writing about something that fresh is always dangerous.
Fortunately, Leslie was able to see how the break-up provided a focusing point that allowed me to restructure the whole piece into a narrative. Artistically, the break-up proved to be just thing.
As a result, the dissertation shifted from being a series of first-person essays into a memoir. I’d not intended to write a memoir and have never been interested in writing one, but that’s the way this ended up taking shape, and I think it was the right choice for the material. I’m satisfied with the way it came together.
The dissertation is over pending any revisions the committee might want-and Leslie suggests there won’t be any because I need some time (like, at least until after Christmas) before I tackle this again with fresh eyes. That means I can finally move on. Having to revisit my relationship with Caity every day-and write about “the good times”-has been emotionally difficult. While writing is always a form of catharsis, it’s also been an impediment to the healing I need. I’m ready to march forward with a clear and active purpose, but it’s been tough to do that mired as I’ve been in the emotional terrain the dissertation has required of me.
I’m definitely feeling the post-project drop in energy, which is something else that always happens for me with artistic endeavors. It’ll take a couple days before I can even out from that. Once I do, I’ll be in much better shape. I have to get through the defense, too, and maybe that throw me for an emotional loop (maybe not) but at least I’m finally able to look forward to the road ahead. I see hope.
Ironically, it took the break-up with Caity to provide the incident that finally allowed it to start gelling. I really needed outside eyes to figure out how to use that as an organizing principle, though. It was too fresh for me, and writing about something that fresh is always dangerous.
Fortunately, Leslie was able to see how the break-up provided a focusing point that allowed me to restructure the whole piece into a narrative. Artistically, the break-up proved to be just thing.
As a result, the dissertation shifted from being a series of first-person essays into a memoir. I’d not intended to write a memoir and have never been interested in writing one, but that’s the way this ended up taking shape, and I think it was the right choice for the material. I’m satisfied with the way it came together.
The dissertation is over pending any revisions the committee might want-and Leslie suggests there won’t be any because I need some time (like, at least until after Christmas) before I tackle this again with fresh eyes. That means I can finally move on. Having to revisit my relationship with Caity every day-and write about “the good times”-has been emotionally difficult. While writing is always a form of catharsis, it’s also been an impediment to the healing I need. I’m ready to march forward with a clear and active purpose, but it’s been tough to do that mired as I’ve been in the emotional terrain the dissertation has required of me.
I’m definitely feeling the post-project drop in energy, which is something else that always happens for me with artistic endeavors. It’ll take a couple days before I can even out from that. Once I do, I’ll be in much better shape. I have to get through the defense, too, and maybe that throw me for an emotional loop (maybe not) but at least I’m finally able to look forward to the road ahead. I see hope.