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[cwetyk]

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I live alone and die alone. Sometime our life tape goes along with others for some period of time. For some of you - longer, for others - shorter. Once, back in school, we were discussing the absolutes in history. So our teacher of history told us that “there is no objective absolute to measure human emotions or activity”. Two of us from the class room were quite frustrated and confused with this phrase and tried to argue: mother’s love is absolute and never goes lower. I tried not to listen to her answer, since of course there are so many examples of bad mothers and so on. I just closed my ears and cried with hiden tears. I know that whatever alone I feel my parents are with me, and thanks to 12-years old girl, who closed her ears. I am still with them.
We had great two weeks in the center of South Finland with my best friends. It seems that my tape continuously goes apart from others. Since Moscow and until Vaasa through Lappeenranta. It seems that sometime, once or twice per year, our tapes are getting closer to separate again in two days-one week.
I met one person there. I feel he is as lonely as I am, even though he does not show it. Trying to hide behind the mask, like I hide behind the smiled face. Heh hello, dr. House, you’re damn right again, we all lie. At least be honest with yourself. My new friend has amazing tattoo. Picasso style, it should take a lot of time for me to watch more closely this tattoo and it is not polite. The meaning is We all hide our real face, true emotions, we all lie. Sometime even to our relatives not to hurt them. And it is not bad I believe if they can’t do anything with this situation. Instead of one depressed person there will be three, his parents in addition. From the other hand, I hide my real, true me from the closest people I have - sooner or later they will expect another behavior from me, since they know another me, happy and without troubles.
P.S. lie is not in the list of dead sins. If it could be, heaven would be empty.
P.S.S. hello Vaasa, empty cold and sleepy all the time. There will be time when I remember you as the nightmare, like those king from the Lord of the ring, who was conjured for the lifelong unconsciousness.