what it takes
I don't think I will ever understand what it takes to make relationships work. Right from the start I have always got it wrong. I have lost so many friendships, close friends, and people who have cared about me all because of failed relationships. I've had my share of them and every single one of the has been different. Failed differently in every way. With every relationship I susposedly learn more about what it means to be a good partner and how to take care for the people we care the most about, but I must really be missing something major here.
I've done my best in some of my most recent relationships to put everything together and do everything right. Complimenting her best attributes, being genuine, being a good provider, caring and understanding, showing strong support, compromising the best that I can, and doing the best to make her happy. But appearantly these qualities are ones which are not good enough for a successful relationship?
All my relationships seem to fail for one reason or another so I am continuely forced to choose between a world of being alone, not fully engaged with the outside world, and one which I take some risk with the rare slight unmeasurably tiny fraction of hope that maybe the next relationship will work out better, but seemlying inevitably always ending with pain, lose, failure, and disappointment.
I watch and stare at dating couples and married spouses. I watch their facial expressions and listen to their conversions between each other, reading their lips looking and searching and trying to figure out the glue which holds it all together -- the missing piece to the puzzle that continuelly eludes me.
I'm starting to think everyone is in denial and it's all a huge sham where people are just comming to terms with their partners deficiencies only to get whatever they can out of whatever relationship they have while it lasts.