who knew being free felt like prison? i didnt.
i dont understand why being in God's will hurts so much. i mean, i'm more than happy that i've finally stumbled my way back into his loving hands, but it hurts like hell. my prayers were answered. everyone else in my life's prayers were answered. my life is back on track after a year of wandering....or getting back on track rather. yet i still feel like i've been hit by a mack truck. i want to throw up. i want to cry. i'm so happy, yet so devistated at the same time. one side of me wants to press on toward the goal like paul said...but part of me wants to just go...jump back in to his arms and hold him because i care for him too much to let him go. friends? how can we be just friends after everything we've been through together? we both want to...but it won't be easy. i'm afraid of losing him completely....but also afraid of getting him back completely. i guess it's a security issue...i don't know. all i know is this is what i wanted...what i so desperately needed...but i feel so awful. i feel so alone. i feel so free.
♥ cw
♥ cw