Fanfiction || Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been || Sophie/Tara & Parker/Sophie || Part 2/3
Title: Are You Now Or Have You Ever Been
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): dolfynrider
Fandom: Leverage
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Sophie/Tara & Parker/Sophie
Timeline: Post Season 3 Finale, but before Season 4
Length Thus Far: 17,939 words
Summary: "Are you now, or have you ever been so in love with someone that you forget to breathe, to eat, to live?”
A/N: It's been over a year since I've written for Leverage, but I recently noticed that this fandom still has a serious lack of femslash, so I decided to try to rectify that. This is pretty angsty at first, but it turns into a very sweet love story. So don't worry, there will be a happy ending :)
Other Parts: PART ONE
“What are you thinking about?”
“Parker.”
The hands that were caressing her back stopped for a moment. Tara let out a small chuckle before she returned to kneading out the knots in Sophie’s shoulders. “That wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, but alright.”
Sophie sighed, cheek pressed into the mattress as she stared at the far wall. She knew that was probably far off course, yeah; they were both naked and Tara was rubbing oil on her - her thoughts should probably be halfway in the gutter right now, but something was bothering her and she couldn’t shake it. “I think I upset her.”
“How?”
“I don’t know,” Sophie admitted quietly, closing her eyes and letting out a soft moan as Tara’s strong fingers found a particularly tough spot above her left shoulder blade. “Yeah, there,” she encouraged.
“It feels like someone shit a brick in your muscles.”
“I’ve just been stressed out lately,” Sophie answered. She let out a long breath, opening her eyes again to stare at the eggshell paint on the wall. She should be enjoying this moment - the one time Tara was allotting her more than an hour of her time - but it was hard to enjoy something that felt like a façade. No matter how sweet Tara was being at the moment, no matter how attentive, it wouldn’t last.
Tara slid her hands roughly down Sophie’s back, pressing her burning center into the curve of Sophie’s backside. “I thought that was what all the fucking was for.” Her voice is low, husky, and it sent an involuntary shiver down Sophie’s spine. Tara was growing impatient with the foreplay; she never did have much patience. But Sophie had her for the whole night - Tara could learn to wait a little. It might actually be good for her.
“I was told I didn’t love correctly the other day,” Sophie mentioned, not playing into Tara’s hands. The grifter atop her sighed, sitting back again so she could continue to rub the oil across Sophie’s back. She knew she was about to get nowhere fast.
“You want to do the talking thing.” Disappointment colored every word.
“Usually that’s what friends do, Tara.”
Tara let out a breath, hearing the underlying bitterness in Sophie’s use of the word ‘friend.’ “So how do you not love correctly?” she indulged, running her thumbs along the ride of the brunette’s spine.
“Apparently I compartmentalize everything,” Sophie answered, scrunching up her nose a little. “I put people in boxes and label them.”
Tara chuckled softly. “Everyone does that, babe. It’s part of human nature. If we didn’t, everyone would be on even footing in our eyes and that’s not really possible.”
“Parker thinks it’s wrong.”
“Parker isn’t exactly the poster child for mental stability,” Tara answered pointedly. She paused for a moment, allowing her fingers to massage out another knot in Sophie’s lower back. “Why do you care what she thinks anyway?”
“Because she’s my family,” Sophie answered, a response that didn’t require much thought. “Besides,” she went on, letting out another small sigh, “she’s been the only one lately who actually seems to give a toss about me.”
There was a noticeable silence that hung in the air after that statement. Tara’s hands paused on her back; Sophie could feel her grip tighten before suddenly Tara was climbing off of her in a huff; the massage was obviously over.
“Why don’t you just fuck her then,” she snapped.
Sophie raised an eyebrow, turning around so she could look at Tara; she didn’t look happy. “You’re doing the jealousy thing again,” Sophie reminded her; it was something Tara wasn’t privy too, being only a ‘friend’ and all.
“I’m not fucking jealous of her, Fi,” Tara replied shortly. “I just think it’s bullshit that you think no one else but her gives a crap.”
“Tara, all you care about is what’s between my legs,” Sophie told her bluntly as she hoisted herself up into a seated position. “Sometimes I wonder if you even remember I’m a person.”
Tara stared at her, offense written all over her face.
“What the fuck was I just doing, huh?” she asked, though obviously rhetorically. “Having a damn conversation, trying to make you relax and feel good. You know how many other people I give massages to? None. I wouldn’t spend the whole fucking day here if all I wanted was your pussy; I’d have taken what I wanted from you and left already.”
“Like you usually do?” Sophie countered.
“I never claimed to be perfect,” Tara replied hotly. “I know I’m not the world’s best friend sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit.”
Sophie wanted to explain to her that saying she gave a shit meant nothing; it was her actions that meant everything, but she knew it would be words wasted. The two of them, for being so similar, saw things so completely differently from one another. It used to not matter; what they had, it used to be fun. But then feelings got involved and now everything just seemed so… hard. They seemed to argue more often than not lately and the sad part was, it wasn’t even resolving anything. It probably never would, either.
“Maybe we should stop seeing each other.”
Sophie didn’t actually mean for the words to come out of her mouth, but now that they were out there she couldn’t exactly take them back. Tara stared at her; seemingly unable to find the proper response to that. She looked shocked, which made Sophie believe that Tara, even when she gave her the option, never really expected her to leave.
“What?” she asked, looking immensely confused all of a sudden. “Why? Because we’re having an argument? That’s stupid, Fi.”
“It’s not because we’re having an argument!” Sophie exclaimed, bewildered by Tara’s complete lack of notice when she based her living around reading people. “I thought I could do this, but I just can’t, Tara. I’m so fucking in love with you that half the time I don’t even know what to do with myself. And this? This nonchalant shagging routine we’re doing right now? It’s hurting me. You have no idea how much.”
Tara continued to stare at her in disbelief, the amount of information Sophie had just piled on her seemingly overwhelming to her. They never spoke of it out loud; Sophie’s feelings for her. Noting Tara’s reaction, there was probably a reason for it - she obviously couldn’t handle it.
“I never asked you to fall in love with me!” Tara shouted, sounding incredibly defensive all of a sudden.
“Tara, what makes love special is that you don’t have to ask for it; it’s just given to you,” Sophie told her softly. She wished more than anything that she understood that, but love seemed to be something Tara Cole would never fully grasp.
“Well I don’t want it!”
The pang in her gut felt like a knife. “I know,” Sophie whispered, looking away from her. It was the hardest truth that she had to accept, but she had accepted it.
Tara looked at her sadly. She swallowed hard before she told her, voice slightly broken, “You’re my best friend, Sophie. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t… really have anyone else. It’s only ever been you.”
Sophie didn’t say anything, nor did she look at her. She knew the moment she saw the sadness of Tara’s face, she’d take it all back. She’d hurt in her place, because that’s what you do for someone you love. But she had hurt in her place for far too long and her love wasn’t being returned; continuing to torture herself was stupid, and bloody pointless.
“Fi?” Tara tried, her voice holding desperation now.
But Sophie never answered her.
---
When Parker opened the door to her warehouse, she probably wasn’t expecting the sight of Sophie, drenched from head to toe and looking like she was about to break in half. She was shaking from the cold; her clothes soaked through from walking in the rain for over an hour. Her makeup was smeared down her cheeks, her tears mixing with the water droplets that continued to fall on her with no remorse.
“I want to understand.”
Her voice was broken, barely above a whisper. She had spent the better part of the evening feeling rather lost; torn between regretting letting Tara go and trying to convince herself that she did the right thing. But she still felt empty; alone.
Asking Parker to make her understand love was something Sophie never thought she would ever find herself doing. Yet as she walked for miles, her heels giving her blisters and the rain chilling her to the bone, she realized that out of everyone she knew, Parker was the happiest. She loved unconditionally, not allowing herself to get caught up in the drama of labels and questions. Things seemed easy for her; simpler, happier. Sophie desperately wanted to feel that way.
Parker looked at her, frowning a little as she took in her friend’s state. For a moment, Sophie thought she saw sympathy in her eyes, but it was always hard to tell with Parker. Sophie took a step forward, her bottom lip trembling as she begged through her tears, “Please, Parker. I just want to understand…” She knew she probably looked and sounded hysterical, but it wasn’t often she got her heart broken this way.
“Okay,” Parker replied softly. Sophie thought she was going to guide her inside, but instead she stepped out into the rain. She didn’t hesitate, she didn’t think; she merely cupped her hand around the back of Sophie’s neck and brought her lips to hers.
Sophie fell apart.
She sobbed against Parker’s mouth, upset that she came here for clarity and instead found herself faced with more confusion. Parker pulled back, not looking phased in the slightest that her first kiss with Sophie made her cry. “Do you understand now?” she asked, looking up at her in question. The rain continued to fall, making Sophie realize that in its entirety, this moment was incredibly screwed up in its perfection.
It was fitting.
Sophie shook her head, trying to breathe through her tears. “No,” she admitted weakly. Parker looked disappointed, but moved back to nod her head towards her door.
“It’s wet,” she told her as a way of invitation, before leading Sophie inside.
Parker let her borrow some of her clothes so she could get dry before letting her crawl into her bed. Sophie curled herself into a ball, silent tears continuing to stream down her cheeks. The only sound that could be heard was sniffling, and though it was quiet, with the way Parker’s “room” was set up, it sounded echoing. Parker sat next to her on the bed, looking at Sophie with soft curiosity. Sophie realized she was probably wondering why she showed up here like this.
“I told her I didn’t want to see her again,” Sophie whispered, her heart clenching in her chest. Her eyelashes seemed heavy as she looked up at Parker, the weight of her tears making her want to close her eyes. But closing her eyes didn’t make things go away.
“Good,” Parker replied simply.
Sophie knew better than to expect empathy from Parker, but it still hurt. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m a bloody mess,” she told her. “Never… in my sodding life have I let someone affect me like this. I’m falling apart.”
“You look whole to me,” Parker replied, cocking her head to the side as she assessed the woman in front of her. “But you are being kind of dramatic.”
Sophie glared at her; she couldn’t believe Parker just said that to her. Not having empathy was one thing, but that was just mean.
“My heart just got broken, Parker,” Sophie replied heatedly, wiping at her tears almost violently. “But I don’t expect you to understand; when someone might hurt you, you shut down instead of being brave enough to deal with it.”
“Yes, and I don’t cry,” Parker affirmed, looking down at her. “Ever. You do all the time.”
“You can’t live your life in a shell; that’s not even living.”
“It’s worked out fine for me.”
Sophie scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. She didn’t believe that, but honestly it didn’t matter. Parker’s inability to deal with negative feelings was a project for another day. Besides, she knew Parker was full of crap; she cried. Maybe not often, but she did. She turned to lie on her back, staring up the ceiling. “I can’t believe you called me dramatic.”
“You are,” Parker told her. Sophie turned to shoot her another glare, but Parker explained, “Tara broke your heart a long time ago. Even when you had her you knew you didn’t really have her.”
“So?” Sophie snapped, not appreciating being told hurtful truths right now.
“So you knew this was going to happen,” Parker told her simply, shrugging. “I know you’re sad, but you’re acting like the world is ending. The world doesn’t revolve around your sex life.” She paused, before informing her, “It revolves around the sun,” like Sophie didn’t know.
“Thank you for the science lesson,” Sophie responded dryly, turning her face away from her to scowl at the ceiling instead. “I came here to feel better,” she told her after a long stretch of silence. “Instead you’re making me feel worse.”
“I don’t know how to comfort people,” Parker told her honestly. Sophie exhaled a shaky breath before turning to look at her again.
“You hold them while they cry. You tell them everything is going to be all right. You empathize, Parker.”
“I don’t know how to do that either.” Parker watched Sophie cover her face with her hands, her upset mixing with frustration. “But if you want to cry again, I can do the holding thing,” she offered. Sophie shook her head.
“No, I don’t-” want to cry anymore, and yet even as she said it she felt another hot tear slip down her cheek. She tore her hands away from her face in a rage, so sick of not being able to control her own emotions. She was a grifter, for shit’s sake - she should be able to find a decent amount of self-control right now. But everything just hurt. Every part of her. “Fuck,” she swore, wiping her tears away angrily. “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to do this. I’m bloody stronger than this.”
“Do I hold you now?” Parker asked, like she wasn’t sure if it was wise to crawl into bed with an angry, crying person.
Sophie didn’t want to answer and frankly was sick of all the questions since it was getting in the way of her mental breakdown, so she merely grabbed her instead. She took her arm, pulling Parker down on top of her so fast the thief emitted a small, “Oof!” of surprise. Sophie barely let her have time to get herself into a comfortable position before she curled into her, laying her head on her chest.
“My boobs probably aren’t that comfortable,” Parker informed her, squirming a little beneath her so she could situate herself into a better position. “They’re small.”
“Your boobs are fine,” Sophie informed her, sniffling a little as she closed her eyes, burying her face further into said boob. “Now please stop talking,” she mumbled. The last thing she wanted was to have a conversation about breasts.
“Oh. Sorry,” Parker apologized. She finally stopped squirming beneath Sophie, but was now patting the top of her head oddly, like she was a small child being confronted with a pet she wasn’t sure how to interact with yet. Sophie dealt with the rhythmic patting of her head, but only because it distracted her from thinking about Tara.
“Am I supposed to tell you everything’s going to be okay, or am I supposed to still be quiet?” Parker asked after a couple minutes, suddenly remembering there was a second part to her plan. Sophie sighed, wiping her wet cheeks on Parker’s shirt before bringing her hand up to take Parker’s off of her head.
“You can talk, just please stop smacking me.”
“I was petting you,” Parker protested.
“That’s not how you pet,” Sophie informed her, her voice quiet from feeling so emotionally drained. Explanations were something she didn’t want to do right now, but with Parker it was sometimes unavoidable. “Its front to back, not up and down.”
“Oh.”
Parker tried out Sophie’s way of petting then, which was much nicer than the previous five minutes were. Sophie wrapped her arm around Parker’s waist, taking a shaky inhale of breath as another tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to see her again,” she whispered. “I just wanted space but… I don’t know how long it’s going to take for everything to stop hurting.”
“It’ll be okay,” Parker told her, reciting the line that she was expected to say. But that’s what it sounded like: a line. Parker tried, but in the end she really didn’t know much about comfort. Sophie shook her head, sighing softly.
“I just don’t understand why she doesn’t love me.”
It was quiet, barely above a whisper. It sounded so childish, so silly, but it was the question she had been asking herself for months now. She wasn’t so pompous that she believed that everyone should fall in love with her, but it was hard to understand how Tara could tell her that she was the only one she had; that it had always been her, and yet was unable to feel the same way she did.
But Sophie supposed she always did have a habit of falling for emotionally unavailable people.
“She’s stupid.”
Sophie let out a short laugh, that one simple sentence actually brang her some strange sort of comfort. “Thanks,” she replied softly, still smiling slightly against Parker’s chest.
“For what?”
“For saying something right.”
Tara wasn’t stupid, but it was what Sophie needed to hear right now. She sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears before tightening her grip around Parker’s torso. A comfortable silence washed between the two of them as they laid there, the closeness that Sophie had long since been denied from Tara finally being given to her by someone rather unexpected.
“Why did you kiss me?” Sophie asked suddenly, the memory finally coming to the forefront of her mind now that she was feeling a little less… hysterical. It was utterly confusing; to her it meant the obvious, but she knew better than to believe that the obvious was what Parker thought. She always saw things differently than what they were.
“You wanted to understand,” Parker answered simply. She shrugged lightly. “I guess it didn’t work though.”
Sophie turned her head to look up at her. “Then explain it to me,” she requested.
Parker scrunched her face to the side, as if debating on whether or not trying to explain it would help. But she seemed to decide it couldn’t hurt to try, because she looked down at her. “You wanted someone to love you, like how you love Tara,” she started. “You keep looking for someone to put you in a box. You’re so stuck on the stupid box that you can’t see when someone loves you unless they label it.” Parker shrugged lightly. “I don’t label things. I like disarray; it makes things more interesting - less contained.”
Sophie felt her heart rate triple and she looked at Parker in astonishment. “Parker, what exactly are you trying to say?” she asked, needing this to be spelt out for her. She thought she knew, but she also was pretty sure she wanted to be wrong.
“That I love you,” Parker told her slowly, her tone indicating that it should have been rather obvious and that Sophie was slow for not being able to come to that conclusion herself. “Duh.”
Sophie sat up a little suddenly; needing to face her better as she asked, “Are you in love with me?” Her voice went up a couple octaves, her eyes widening. For wanting someone to love her, suddenly the thought became rather frightening.
Parker gave her a look like she was being stupid. “You’re labeling things again.”
“Parker.”
“I love you like I love everyone I love,” Parker answered, like the answer was so simple; yet all Sophie could see was the complication in it. “It’s not just one thing to me; it’s everything. I told you that before.”
Sophie continued to stare at her, trying to make sense of what Parker was saying. It did, actually, make a whole lot more sense than she was willing to admit, but she seemed rather hesitant to actually accept the fact that Parker loved her in every way that she could possibly love a person. Not just because she loved her like that, but because apparently she loved the whole team like that. It was, honestly, a little weird. But then again, Parker had never been the epitome of normalcy either.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Parker asked, not understanding the expression on Sophie’s face.
But Sophie couldn’t exactly understand her own feelings at the moment either, so she didn’t really have an answer for her. It should make her feel happy, that there was someone out there that did truly love her, but it only stood to make her feel… well, rather bloody stupid. It wasn’t often that something stared at her in the face for years and Sophie was unable to see it. It made her wonder maybe, if she had noticed it sooner, things would have been different. But it was a stupid thought - Parker was… well, she was Parker. She couldn’t -
“You know, even when your face is all twisted up like that, you’re still really pretty.”
It was said to her in the way Parker said everything; with mild fascination and with a steady voice, noting it as fact and not opinion. She was merely observing Sophie’s confused expression and stating her findings. But for some reason it felt like more than that to Sophie and the next thing she knew, her lips were on Parker’s; fingers tangling in the thief’s hair as she kissed her in a way that could only be described as startlingly possessive.
It was odd, seeing as she never thought of Parker as hers. Then again, five seconds ago she was pretty sure she could never really go ‘there’ with Parker, and now she was kissing her.
Maybe this whole thing with Tara had made her go mad.
Parker reciprocated with as much passion for being owned as Sophie had for possessing her in the moment. Her hand cupped the back of her neck as she leaned up, allowing herself to get as close to the grifter as she could. As her tongue slipped against Sophie’s, the brunette found her brain going completely, gloriously blank for a moment as she emitted a soft sound of approval. Parker was, surprisingly, an excellent kisser.
But it was when Sophie had Parker lying beneath her a few minutes later, hand halfway up her shirt and thigh nestled snuggly between her legs, that what she was doing finally hit her. She pulled away from her suddenly, a little short for breath as she looked down at the girl beneath her.
Shit, what did she just do?
“Do you want me to get naked now?” Parker asked, between attempting to catch her breath herself as she looked up at Sophie, wondering if that was why she stopped the kissing.
“Fuck,” Sophie groaned, sliding off of her as her hand ran through her hair in frustration and disappointment. She shouldn’t have done that.
“Yeah,” Parker affirmed, like she was being slow. “That’s what I wanted to do.” She peered up at Sophie, finally taking notice of the distressed look on her face. “Oh,” she said softly, getting it now. “You don’t want to.”
“I’m so sorry,” Sophie apologized, feeling ashamed of her lack of control. “I just broke it off with Tara - I can’t do this to you. I won’t do this to you.” God, one word from Parker about her being pretty and she practically jumped her - what was she, fifteen? She knew her emotions were fucked five ways to Sunday right now, but that wasn’t any excuse.
“Do what to me?” Parker asked, sounding confused as she hoisted herself up into a seated position.
Sophie sighed, looking at her regrettably. “I can’t use you to forget about her. That’s not fair to you, especially because of the way you feel about me.”
Parker blinked, not understanding what Sophie was saying to her. “But wouldn’t sex make you happy?”
“Probably, but-”
“Then I want to make you happy.”
If asked to put into words how that one sentence made her feel emotionally, Sophie wouldn’t be able to do it. But it did make her warm inside considerably and she gave Parker a soft smile. “I know, sweetie. But I’m not in the best frame of mind for decision making right now - I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You can’t hurt me.”
It was said with so much determination that Sophie couldn’t help but look at her disbelievingly. Regardless of how much negative emotion Parker tried to suppress, there were just some things that couldn’t be.
“Yes, I can,” Sophie replied regrettably. “Probably more than you even realize. But I won’t.”
---
“No.”
“Sophie-”
“I said no, Nate. We’re not calling her.”
The atmosphere in the room suddenly became very awkward. Hardison coughed, turning back to his computer and Parker fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. Even Eliot looked like he didn’t want to be here for this.
Nate didn’t look amused by being shot down when, well, he has always called the shots around here. “Sophie, we need another grifter. I don’t know what went on between the two of you and I probably never want to know, but Tara is our only option right now if we want to pull this off.”
“They were sex buddies,” Parker informed him, which made Sophie whip around and look at her disbelievingly. “What?” Parker asked, noting her expression. “If she works with us, he’ll probably find out anyway.”
Sophie felt her face color from that being very much out in the open now, but she set her jaw and attempted to compose herself as she turned back to Nate. He looked like he didn’t know how to respond to that information.
“It didn’t end particularly well,” she finished, trying to keep this as professional as she could, even though at the moment she was possibly compromising a job because of this. It had only been a month since the last time she spoke to her. “I’d really rather not see her right now. One of the others can grift.”
“Who?” Nate asked, apparently deciding to stick to business instead of spouting off at Sophie about personal shit, at least for right now. Sophie knew it was coming though; once he got her alone. “Hardison’s useless; he got himself kidnapped last time he tried, Parker’s emotionally unstable and prone to stabbing people-”
“Dude, we’re right here,” Hardison exclaimed, offended by his choice of wording. But Nate was annoyed and when he was annoyed, he didn’t really care about anyone’s feelings. Not that he did much normally.
“-And Eliot can’t watch our backs if he’s chatting up rich socialites. He’ll blow cover.”
Sophie didn’t even bother asking about him; Nate always situated himself into the leadership role, which the second grifter in this job was not. Sophie put her hands on her hips, not liking the options she was being presented with.
“I’m not going to work with her, Nate. Especially not when the job requires drinking.” For the plan to work, both of them needed their blood alcohol level to be above .20 - strangely enough, the rapist, the bastard of a mark, liked to find out exactly how sloshed he could make his victims (couples, though oddly the gender wasn’t preferred) before he could take them. It made her sick to think about.
“They always have sex when they’re drunk.”
“Yes, thank you, Parker,” Sophie hissed, grinding her teeth. Parker did not have to explain every little thing to them right now. “Please stop trying to help me.”
Parker mocked her silently before folding her arms across her chest and frowning; which Sophie saw out of her peripheral. She sighed; she’d deal with that later.
Nate stared at her, his face expressionless except for his eyes; he was angry, jealous. He slid his cell phone across the table to her. “Call her,” he ordered her. “This isn’t a discussion.”
Sophie had the urge to throw the phone at his head, but suppressed it.
--
“Sophie?”
Sophie turned from the mirror, only to be greeted by Parker’s lips pressing against hers. When the thief pulled away she requested, “Don’t have sex with her. Don’t get raped either. Okay?”
Sophie gave her a soft smile, bringing her hand up to cup Parker’s cheek before moving to sweep it down the length of her hair. Her concern was sweet. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” She didn’t mention the kiss; Parker had been slipping them in here and there when she thought she could get away with it. So far, she was getting away with a hell of a lot.
Sophie would be lying if she said she didn’t like the attention; it was genuine for once, not something used to get her into bed. Though she was sure Parker would enjoy that, she also seemed to enjoy just being able to be near her. It was a nice feeling.
Regardless, Sophie wasn’t ready for anything more than that. What happened with Tara still hurt, which made this job even harder. The other grifter was in the far room, getting changed herself. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since she got here, which was making everything even more awkward.
Parker still looked a little worried though, which apparently in her brain translated to ‘more kissing.’ Whether it was to make herself feel better or to make Sophie remember that there was someone who actually loved her, Sophie wasn’t sure. But she liked it all the same.
“Sophie, Nate wants you to-whoa.”
The minute Sophie heard Hardison’s voice she pulled away from Parker, guilt plastered all over her face. Shit. Hardison was the last person she wanted to know about what may or may not be going on with her and Parker. He liked her. He had liked her for a while. And they… were kind of starting to actually get somewhere with it, until Parker recently decided to pay more attention to Sophie for whatever reason.
“Really?” He asked angrily, looking at Sophie. “Really?”
“I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t have sex with Tara,” Parker explained, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“And you have to stick your tongue down her throat to do that?” Hardison asked, not sounding pleased by her explanation at all.
“Well duh - Sophie’s gay,” Parker replied, like he was being stupid. “Otherwise I’d make Nate do it.” She picked up her equipment bag before walking out the room without another word, or another care in the world, it seemed, that she just outed Sophie as gay when Sophie herself hadn’t even admitted to the fact that that might actually be true. She was very much more gay than straight it seemed, anyway. At least lately.
“Hardison…” Sophie tried, sounding incredibly apologetic. She didn’t want him to witness that.
Hardison held up his hand to stop her. “I really don’t want to hear it. That’s fucked up, Sophie.” He took a breath, trying to calm his anger at her for a moment. “Nate wants you to make sure you and Tara wear the button cams as well as the ear buds, for extra protection.”
“Fine,” Sophie replied softly. Hardison turned to walk away, but Sophie knew she couldn’t leave it like this. “Hardison,” she called out, making him stop momentarily. “I’m not… trying to take her away from you. I promise. It was only a kiss.”
“Yeah?” Hardison replied disbelievingly, turning to face that. “Tell that to her; she’s been practically up your ass the last couple months. At least now I know why.” The look he gave her cut her deep; he felt betrayed, and rightfully so. Friends didn’t do these kinds of things to each other.
Sophie didn’t know what to say to that; it was true, after all. Parker and her had been spending a lot of time with each other. “I’m sorry,” she told him softly, feeling awful. “I never asked for this.”
“Yeah, well,” Hardison started, voice even as he looked her dead in the eyes. “You got it anyway. So don’t hurt her or I swear to god I will make every identity you’ve ever had disappear. You won’t exist in any form by the time I’m done.”
Sophie stared at him, the fact that he gave her his unwilling acceptance - just because he cared that much for Parker’s happiness - making her feel even worse. “Understood,” she whispered.
“Good.”
The door he slammed when he left made Sophie jump. She didn’t know how she was going to make it through the rest of the day; the Parker situation was bad, the Hardison situation was worse, and the Tara situation was bound to be catastrophic. The Nate situation, well, that had yet to blow up in her face but she knew it was coming. And Eliot… thankfully, Eliot didn’t give much thought or care to how she lived her personal life, which at the moment she was incredibly thankful for.
She sighed heavily; tonight was going to be awful.
---
The con wasn’t going as smoothly as they would have hoped.
Honestly, it was all Tara’s bloody fault. For some reason she decided that her hands were allowed to be everywhere. Which, okay, fine, they were playing the role of a couple, but Sophie was sure she was doing it just to make her uncomfortable; Tara was obviously still pissed Sophie up and left her without a word.
It got worse when she kissed her; though mainly because Parker’s voice came over their com exclaiming, “Don’t do that! She’s going to make you cry again!” which everyone ended up hearing, including Tara. It was bloody embarrassing, honestly. But they both were professionals, so Sophie dealt with it and played off of her seamlessly. Still, it infuriated her.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sophie demanded once their part of the con was over and they had left the building.
“I was doing my job,” Tara replied flatly. “That’s what you asked me to come here to do, right? You’re lucky I even showed up in the first place after you left like that.”
“I needed some bloody space!” Sophie exclaimed, the pace of her stride increasing due to her fury as they walked over to the car. “You did that on purpose; we could have come off as a couple without you being obnoxiously all over me like that. You were trying to piss me off.”
“Well excuse the fuck out of me,” Tara snapped as she opened the passenger side door. “It worked, didn’t it? I don’t know why you’re throwing a fit at me right now, but you’re acting like a child.”
“Guys!” Nate exclaimed, his voice floating in over the coms as Tara and Sophie climbed into their car. “The job isn’t over; put your coms on mute if you’re going to have spat. For fuck’s sake, no one wants to hear your drama. Parker, I need you to-”
But Sophie didn’t hear the rest of that. She ripped the com out of her ear, throwing it on the dashboard angrily and Tara switched hers on mute. She knew Nate wasn’t happy, but she didn’t need his crap on top of Tara’s right now. But instead of starting the car and heading back to the hotel they were planning to meet at, she rested her elbow on the door as she covered her eyes with her hand. She was trying to desperately to keep her emotions under control, but this was something she wasn’t ready to deal with. She took a deep breath, making sure her upset didn’t end up turning into tears.
Tara stared at her from the passenger seat, jaw locked. “I was just doing my job,” she reiterated. “This wasn’t personal.”
“Bullshit!” Sophie exclaimed, rounding on her. “You knew I couldn’t deal with you being like that with me right now, that’s why you did it.”
“It was a grift, Sophie. An act.”
“Don’t speak to me like I’m stupid,” Sophie snapped. “I bloody well know the difference, and that? That wasn’t an act, Tara. I’ve known you long enough to know that.”
Tara stared at her, not looking entirely thrilled that she just got called out like that. “Fine,” she relented. “I was pissed at you and I knew it would bother you; that’s why I did it. Alright? Are you happy?”
“Not bloody particularly.”
“Well I’m not sorry I did it. So if you’re sitting here waiting for an apology before we head back to the hotel, we’re going to be here for awhile.”
Sophie looked at her disbelievingly. “Why do you have to be such a prat all the time? I understand that you’re angry with me for breaking it off, but it isn’t like I didn’t give you a reason. What you did was cruel, Tara, and it certainly didn’t make things any easier.”
“You didn’t just break it off, Fi; that’s the fucking problem!” Tara exclaimed, furious that Sophie didn’t understand why she was angry. “You cut me out of your life! How the hell do you think I’m supposed to feel about that, huh? I lost my best friend; of course I’m pissed off!”
“Well I lost the woman I loved; so in comparison to shitty things, I think I win,” Sophie spat angrily. “Besides, you’re the last person to complain about being cut off; the last time you needed space, I didn’t hear from you for months!”
“That was different!”
“How?”
“Because I always knew I would come back,” Tara replied heatedly. “I always knew I’d fucking come back to you, because I don’t have anyone else! You have them!” She was pointing out the window angrily, chest heaving from the anger of having to admit an insecurity to Sophie for the first time. Sophie looked at her, temporarily rendered mute from Tara’s unspoken, yet obvious fear that Tara didn’t think she needed her or wanted her because she had her team. Her family.
“Fuck,” Tara swore, giving up before she grabbed Sophie’s face in her hands, crushing their lips together. The passion behind it was bruising, stealing the air from Sophie’s lungs as a wave of emotions crashed over her. It was entirely too much to handle. “You’re the only one I have, Sophie,” Tara told her desperately between kisses. “I don’t want to let you go.”
“Tara, please don’t do this…” Sophie begged softly, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. But Tara didn’t stop. She swallowed Sophie’s protests, her tongue sweeping into her mouth as she took what she knew Sophie would give her, regardless of whether it was best for her or not.
But that always seemed to be the basis of their relationship, so Sophie was probably stupid to think she could change it.
---
Tara left as soon as the job was over, but Sophie promised to call her so they could... somehow find a middle ground between them. Sophie didn’t want to cut her completely out of her life, but she couldn’t go on the way they were. They nearly had sex in the car; Sophie was willing to let her take her again, was willing to let her break her heart again for whatever bloody stupid reason, but when Tara moved to take off her shirt she was reminded that, shit, they both were still wearing button cams.
Sophie was sure she didn’t want to know how much of that Hardison ended up witnessing.
She knew it was enough, however, by the scathing look he shot her when they got back. Fearing for the safety of her many, many aliases, Sophie ended up having to pull him aside the next day.
“Parker and I aren’t exclusive,” she told him, needing him to realize she wasn’t cheating on her. But then she scrunched up her face, realizing what she just alluded to. “Actually we’re not even… anything, really. But she knows that. She understands that Tara is something that’s hard for me to get over. Alright?”
But Hardison merely dismissed it with an angry, “Ain’t none of my business,” before finding a way to slip away from her. It was probably the last thing he ever wanted to talk to her about.
Her identities were safe the next day, but it took a long while until Hardison could look at her without glaring.
Parker, on the other hand, was worried that her kissing Tara again for the con was going to screw up all the work she had done to try to make her happy. Parker exclaimed that Tara was going to “ruin everything” before she pushed Sophie up against a wall, pinning her there before she kissed her with silent desperation, trying to “undo” everything Tara had done.
It turned into, by far, the heaviest make out session they had ever had. It probably would have turned into more, if not for Sophie remembering the entirety of her love life was completely fucked to hell. Still, Parker managed to make it to second base… and that was with her mouth, not her hands. She left Sophie completely flushed, wanton, and confused before informing her that they were going to meet up for coffee in the afternoon. Then she left, because Parker never pushed when Sophie told her they needed to slow down.
Parker had never asked her to meet her anywhere (though to be fair, she more told her than asked), so she found herself intrigued, probably against her better judgment. When she sat down, Parker slid the coffee she got for her across the table.
“This is a date,” she informed her, before even saying hello. She wanted Sophie to know exactly what her intentions were so there wasn’t any confusion.
Sophie raised her eyebrows. “Oh?” she inquired, not really sure what to say after being blindsided by that. It certainly wasn’t what she was expecting.
“Yes,” Parker replied, fidgeting in her seat a little as her fingers drummed nervously against her coffee cup. “If you’re mine, you can’t be hers. If you can’t be hers, maybe you can be happy.”
“Parker…”
“I got you these,” Parker interrupted, obviously not wanting to hear Sophie’s protests that this was probably far too soon. She turned around, grabbing the vase off of the table next to her and placing it in front of her. It was filled with roses.
The gesture was sweet, though it made Sophie chuckle a little. “Parker, you can’t give me those. They belong to the café.” There were a dozen other vases like it scattered around the room.
“No,” Parker protested. “I just stole them, therefore they’re mine. I’m giving them to you. Do you like them?”
Sophie smiled at her softly. It had been a long time since anyone had given her flowers, even if they were stolen. “They’re beautiful,” she told her honestly. “But we can’t walk out of here with these.”
“Why not?”
Sophie gave her a patient look. “Parker, if you’d like to give me flowers I would… well, I would love it, honestly,” she admitted quietly, flushing slightly despite herself. “But please buy them.”
“Don’t you like stolen things?”
“I like expensive stolen things,” Sophie told her. She just didn’t want to walk out of here with these so she was trying to give her an excuse, though it was true nonetheless. But this coffee shop was small, probably privately owned, and taking their flowers wasn’t very nice.
“Like paintings?”
“Yes.”
“Hm,” Parker mused for a moment, bringing the coffee cup up to her lips to take a sip. When she put it down she informed her, “I can get you one, if you want. There’s a Monet on display at the Museum of Fine Arts. Their security is a joke; I could get in there blindfolded.” She paused, smiling a bit at that thought. “I should do that, actually; that sounds like fun. Do you want to go now?”
Sophie chucked before taking a sip of her coffee. Of course Parker’s idea of a first date would be to steal something together. “Let’s just see where the afternoon takes us, okay?” Though her first instinct was to tell Parker it was too soon for them to have a date, she couldn’t deny how happy it made her feel. Tara had never bothered with that formality.
It was strange; feeling things for Parker. She never thought in a million years she would because she always looked at the girl as a younger sister of sorts. Things were definitely changing between them.
“Okay,” Parker replied, giving her a small smile. But then she pursed her lips, looking around the café. “So what do people usually do on coffee dates anyway?”
“Talk mostly,” Sophie answered, a little amused that Parker had taken her out on a date and then didn’t exactly know what to do when they got there. She looked at her curiously, “Have you ever been on a date before? Coffee or otherwise.”
“Nope. No one’s ever asked me,” Parker replied, shrugging. Sophie’s eyebrows rose from that information; never, in her entire life? Parker didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest, even though it made Sophie feel a little bad for her. “We’re both girls though, so there was no guy to ask us. So I asked you instead.”
“Parker, this is the twenty first century; you could have asked a man on a date if you wanted to. There doesn’t need to be formality to it.”
“I never wanted to ask a guy before,” Parker answered, then paused as she reassessed that. “Well, maybe Hardison. Once.”
Sophie immediately felt bad by the mention of the hacker’s name.
“He really likes you, you know,” Sophie mentioned softly, looking down at her coffee. Her fingers drummed against the cup absentmindedly.
“I know. I like him too,” Parker replied simply. “But he’s not the one who’s unhappy right now; you are.”
Sophie looked up at her, not exactly liking the way she just said that. “Are you trying to tell me that once I’m happy, you’re going to just… go?”
“Go where?” Parker asked, confused. “I live here, Sophie.”
“No, I mean… are you just dating me to make me happy? Am I just some kind of project to you?” Sophie’s last question was filled with offense.
“I… um,” Parker started, obviously taken aback by Sophie suddenly getting upset with her. “I don’t understand the question. What?”
Sophie took a deep breath as she shook her head. “Never mind. This was probably a bad idea,” she told her as she rose from the chair, leaving her coffee on the table before she began to walk out of the café.
“No, Sophie!” Parker exclaimed, jumping up out of her chair before running after her. She caught her right as she walked out the door, grabbing a hold of her hand. “Please don’t go; I didn’t understand! I’m sorry I’m making you upset; this was supposed to be a good date, not a bad one!”
Sophie allowed Parker to stop her, knowing she wasn’t being fair by walking out without getting a proper explanation from the girl. She sighed softly before she turned around, leaning against the side of the building. “Is this real, Parker?” she asked her quietly.
“Yeah,” Parker replied, obviously still not understanding. “This is real life, Sophie; not a dream. If it was a dream we’d be naked already and Eliot would be dressed up like a duck.”
Despite how she was feeling, that made her giggle a little: the mental image of Eliot in a duck costume was quite funny. She took a breath before chewing softly on her bottom lip, looking at Parker who had an expression of someone who so desperately wanted to please, but didn’t know how. She reached out, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind the thief’s ear.
“What I was trying to ask,” she started, trying to make Parker understand, “was if we were to start dating-”
“We are dating. Right now. This is a date.”
Sophie ignored her and continued, “-how long do you think it’ll be until we stop? Once I’m happy, are you going to be done with me or are we going to… continue this?”
Parker blinked, thinking about that for a moment. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I’m not psychic. Will you still want me when you’re happy?”
“If you’re the one to make me happy, then yes, I would say so.”
“Oh.” Parker smiled a little, “Well, I like making you happy. It makes me feel good. So if I keep doing that, then we’ll be both be happy, right? So why would we stop?”
That was a very good question.
GO TO PART THREE...
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): dolfynrider
Fandom: Leverage
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Sophie/Tara & Parker/Sophie
Timeline: Post Season 3 Finale, but before Season 4
Length Thus Far: 17,939 words
Summary: "Are you now, or have you ever been so in love with someone that you forget to breathe, to eat, to live?”
A/N: It's been over a year since I've written for Leverage, but I recently noticed that this fandom still has a serious lack of femslash, so I decided to try to rectify that. This is pretty angsty at first, but it turns into a very sweet love story. So don't worry, there will be a happy ending :)
Other Parts: PART ONE
“What are you thinking about?”
“Parker.”
The hands that were caressing her back stopped for a moment. Tara let out a small chuckle before she returned to kneading out the knots in Sophie’s shoulders. “That wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, but alright.”
Sophie sighed, cheek pressed into the mattress as she stared at the far wall. She knew that was probably far off course, yeah; they were both naked and Tara was rubbing oil on her - her thoughts should probably be halfway in the gutter right now, but something was bothering her and she couldn’t shake it. “I think I upset her.”
“How?”
“I don’t know,” Sophie admitted quietly, closing her eyes and letting out a soft moan as Tara’s strong fingers found a particularly tough spot above her left shoulder blade. “Yeah, there,” she encouraged.
“It feels like someone shit a brick in your muscles.”
“I’ve just been stressed out lately,” Sophie answered. She let out a long breath, opening her eyes again to stare at the eggshell paint on the wall. She should be enjoying this moment - the one time Tara was allotting her more than an hour of her time - but it was hard to enjoy something that felt like a façade. No matter how sweet Tara was being at the moment, no matter how attentive, it wouldn’t last.
Tara slid her hands roughly down Sophie’s back, pressing her burning center into the curve of Sophie’s backside. “I thought that was what all the fucking was for.” Her voice is low, husky, and it sent an involuntary shiver down Sophie’s spine. Tara was growing impatient with the foreplay; she never did have much patience. But Sophie had her for the whole night - Tara could learn to wait a little. It might actually be good for her.
“I was told I didn’t love correctly the other day,” Sophie mentioned, not playing into Tara’s hands. The grifter atop her sighed, sitting back again so she could continue to rub the oil across Sophie’s back. She knew she was about to get nowhere fast.
“You want to do the talking thing.” Disappointment colored every word.
“Usually that’s what friends do, Tara.”
Tara let out a breath, hearing the underlying bitterness in Sophie’s use of the word ‘friend.’ “So how do you not love correctly?” she indulged, running her thumbs along the ride of the brunette’s spine.
“Apparently I compartmentalize everything,” Sophie answered, scrunching up her nose a little. “I put people in boxes and label them.”
Tara chuckled softly. “Everyone does that, babe. It’s part of human nature. If we didn’t, everyone would be on even footing in our eyes and that’s not really possible.”
“Parker thinks it’s wrong.”
“Parker isn’t exactly the poster child for mental stability,” Tara answered pointedly. She paused for a moment, allowing her fingers to massage out another knot in Sophie’s lower back. “Why do you care what she thinks anyway?”
“Because she’s my family,” Sophie answered, a response that didn’t require much thought. “Besides,” she went on, letting out another small sigh, “she’s been the only one lately who actually seems to give a toss about me.”
There was a noticeable silence that hung in the air after that statement. Tara’s hands paused on her back; Sophie could feel her grip tighten before suddenly Tara was climbing off of her in a huff; the massage was obviously over.
“Why don’t you just fuck her then,” she snapped.
Sophie raised an eyebrow, turning around so she could look at Tara; she didn’t look happy. “You’re doing the jealousy thing again,” Sophie reminded her; it was something Tara wasn’t privy too, being only a ‘friend’ and all.
“I’m not fucking jealous of her, Fi,” Tara replied shortly. “I just think it’s bullshit that you think no one else but her gives a crap.”
“Tara, all you care about is what’s between my legs,” Sophie told her bluntly as she hoisted herself up into a seated position. “Sometimes I wonder if you even remember I’m a person.”
Tara stared at her, offense written all over her face.
“What the fuck was I just doing, huh?” she asked, though obviously rhetorically. “Having a damn conversation, trying to make you relax and feel good. You know how many other people I give massages to? None. I wouldn’t spend the whole fucking day here if all I wanted was your pussy; I’d have taken what I wanted from you and left already.”
“Like you usually do?” Sophie countered.
“I never claimed to be perfect,” Tara replied hotly. “I know I’m not the world’s best friend sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit.”
Sophie wanted to explain to her that saying she gave a shit meant nothing; it was her actions that meant everything, but she knew it would be words wasted. The two of them, for being so similar, saw things so completely differently from one another. It used to not matter; what they had, it used to be fun. But then feelings got involved and now everything just seemed so… hard. They seemed to argue more often than not lately and the sad part was, it wasn’t even resolving anything. It probably never would, either.
“Maybe we should stop seeing each other.”
Sophie didn’t actually mean for the words to come out of her mouth, but now that they were out there she couldn’t exactly take them back. Tara stared at her; seemingly unable to find the proper response to that. She looked shocked, which made Sophie believe that Tara, even when she gave her the option, never really expected her to leave.
“What?” she asked, looking immensely confused all of a sudden. “Why? Because we’re having an argument? That’s stupid, Fi.”
“It’s not because we’re having an argument!” Sophie exclaimed, bewildered by Tara’s complete lack of notice when she based her living around reading people. “I thought I could do this, but I just can’t, Tara. I’m so fucking in love with you that half the time I don’t even know what to do with myself. And this? This nonchalant shagging routine we’re doing right now? It’s hurting me. You have no idea how much.”
Tara continued to stare at her in disbelief, the amount of information Sophie had just piled on her seemingly overwhelming to her. They never spoke of it out loud; Sophie’s feelings for her. Noting Tara’s reaction, there was probably a reason for it - she obviously couldn’t handle it.
“I never asked you to fall in love with me!” Tara shouted, sounding incredibly defensive all of a sudden.
“Tara, what makes love special is that you don’t have to ask for it; it’s just given to you,” Sophie told her softly. She wished more than anything that she understood that, but love seemed to be something Tara Cole would never fully grasp.
“Well I don’t want it!”
The pang in her gut felt like a knife. “I know,” Sophie whispered, looking away from her. It was the hardest truth that she had to accept, but she had accepted it.
Tara looked at her sadly. She swallowed hard before she told her, voice slightly broken, “You’re my best friend, Sophie. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t… really have anyone else. It’s only ever been you.”
Sophie didn’t say anything, nor did she look at her. She knew the moment she saw the sadness of Tara’s face, she’d take it all back. She’d hurt in her place, because that’s what you do for someone you love. But she had hurt in her place for far too long and her love wasn’t being returned; continuing to torture herself was stupid, and bloody pointless.
“Fi?” Tara tried, her voice holding desperation now.
But Sophie never answered her.
---
When Parker opened the door to her warehouse, she probably wasn’t expecting the sight of Sophie, drenched from head to toe and looking like she was about to break in half. She was shaking from the cold; her clothes soaked through from walking in the rain for over an hour. Her makeup was smeared down her cheeks, her tears mixing with the water droplets that continued to fall on her with no remorse.
“I want to understand.”
Her voice was broken, barely above a whisper. She had spent the better part of the evening feeling rather lost; torn between regretting letting Tara go and trying to convince herself that she did the right thing. But she still felt empty; alone.
Asking Parker to make her understand love was something Sophie never thought she would ever find herself doing. Yet as she walked for miles, her heels giving her blisters and the rain chilling her to the bone, she realized that out of everyone she knew, Parker was the happiest. She loved unconditionally, not allowing herself to get caught up in the drama of labels and questions. Things seemed easy for her; simpler, happier. Sophie desperately wanted to feel that way.
Parker looked at her, frowning a little as she took in her friend’s state. For a moment, Sophie thought she saw sympathy in her eyes, but it was always hard to tell with Parker. Sophie took a step forward, her bottom lip trembling as she begged through her tears, “Please, Parker. I just want to understand…” She knew she probably looked and sounded hysterical, but it wasn’t often she got her heart broken this way.
“Okay,” Parker replied softly. Sophie thought she was going to guide her inside, but instead she stepped out into the rain. She didn’t hesitate, she didn’t think; she merely cupped her hand around the back of Sophie’s neck and brought her lips to hers.
Sophie fell apart.
She sobbed against Parker’s mouth, upset that she came here for clarity and instead found herself faced with more confusion. Parker pulled back, not looking phased in the slightest that her first kiss with Sophie made her cry. “Do you understand now?” she asked, looking up at her in question. The rain continued to fall, making Sophie realize that in its entirety, this moment was incredibly screwed up in its perfection.
It was fitting.
Sophie shook her head, trying to breathe through her tears. “No,” she admitted weakly. Parker looked disappointed, but moved back to nod her head towards her door.
“It’s wet,” she told her as a way of invitation, before leading Sophie inside.
Parker let her borrow some of her clothes so she could get dry before letting her crawl into her bed. Sophie curled herself into a ball, silent tears continuing to stream down her cheeks. The only sound that could be heard was sniffling, and though it was quiet, with the way Parker’s “room” was set up, it sounded echoing. Parker sat next to her on the bed, looking at Sophie with soft curiosity. Sophie realized she was probably wondering why she showed up here like this.
“I told her I didn’t want to see her again,” Sophie whispered, her heart clenching in her chest. Her eyelashes seemed heavy as she looked up at Parker, the weight of her tears making her want to close her eyes. But closing her eyes didn’t make things go away.
“Good,” Parker replied simply.
Sophie knew better than to expect empathy from Parker, but it still hurt. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m a bloody mess,” she told her. “Never… in my sodding life have I let someone affect me like this. I’m falling apart.”
“You look whole to me,” Parker replied, cocking her head to the side as she assessed the woman in front of her. “But you are being kind of dramatic.”
Sophie glared at her; she couldn’t believe Parker just said that to her. Not having empathy was one thing, but that was just mean.
“My heart just got broken, Parker,” Sophie replied heatedly, wiping at her tears almost violently. “But I don’t expect you to understand; when someone might hurt you, you shut down instead of being brave enough to deal with it.”
“Yes, and I don’t cry,” Parker affirmed, looking down at her. “Ever. You do all the time.”
“You can’t live your life in a shell; that’s not even living.”
“It’s worked out fine for me.”
Sophie scoffed in disbelief, shaking her head. She didn’t believe that, but honestly it didn’t matter. Parker’s inability to deal with negative feelings was a project for another day. Besides, she knew Parker was full of crap; she cried. Maybe not often, but she did. She turned to lie on her back, staring up the ceiling. “I can’t believe you called me dramatic.”
“You are,” Parker told her. Sophie turned to shoot her another glare, but Parker explained, “Tara broke your heart a long time ago. Even when you had her you knew you didn’t really have her.”
“So?” Sophie snapped, not appreciating being told hurtful truths right now.
“So you knew this was going to happen,” Parker told her simply, shrugging. “I know you’re sad, but you’re acting like the world is ending. The world doesn’t revolve around your sex life.” She paused, before informing her, “It revolves around the sun,” like Sophie didn’t know.
“Thank you for the science lesson,” Sophie responded dryly, turning her face away from her to scowl at the ceiling instead. “I came here to feel better,” she told her after a long stretch of silence. “Instead you’re making me feel worse.”
“I don’t know how to comfort people,” Parker told her honestly. Sophie exhaled a shaky breath before turning to look at her again.
“You hold them while they cry. You tell them everything is going to be all right. You empathize, Parker.”
“I don’t know how to do that either.” Parker watched Sophie cover her face with her hands, her upset mixing with frustration. “But if you want to cry again, I can do the holding thing,” she offered. Sophie shook her head.
“No, I don’t-” want to cry anymore, and yet even as she said it she felt another hot tear slip down her cheek. She tore her hands away from her face in a rage, so sick of not being able to control her own emotions. She was a grifter, for shit’s sake - she should be able to find a decent amount of self-control right now. But everything just hurt. Every part of her. “Fuck,” she swore, wiping her tears away angrily. “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to do this. I’m bloody stronger than this.”
“Do I hold you now?” Parker asked, like she wasn’t sure if it was wise to crawl into bed with an angry, crying person.
Sophie didn’t want to answer and frankly was sick of all the questions since it was getting in the way of her mental breakdown, so she merely grabbed her instead. She took her arm, pulling Parker down on top of her so fast the thief emitted a small, “Oof!” of surprise. Sophie barely let her have time to get herself into a comfortable position before she curled into her, laying her head on her chest.
“My boobs probably aren’t that comfortable,” Parker informed her, squirming a little beneath her so she could situate herself into a better position. “They’re small.”
“Your boobs are fine,” Sophie informed her, sniffling a little as she closed her eyes, burying her face further into said boob. “Now please stop talking,” she mumbled. The last thing she wanted was to have a conversation about breasts.
“Oh. Sorry,” Parker apologized. She finally stopped squirming beneath Sophie, but was now patting the top of her head oddly, like she was a small child being confronted with a pet she wasn’t sure how to interact with yet. Sophie dealt with the rhythmic patting of her head, but only because it distracted her from thinking about Tara.
“Am I supposed to tell you everything’s going to be okay, or am I supposed to still be quiet?” Parker asked after a couple minutes, suddenly remembering there was a second part to her plan. Sophie sighed, wiping her wet cheeks on Parker’s shirt before bringing her hand up to take Parker’s off of her head.
“You can talk, just please stop smacking me.”
“I was petting you,” Parker protested.
“That’s not how you pet,” Sophie informed her, her voice quiet from feeling so emotionally drained. Explanations were something she didn’t want to do right now, but with Parker it was sometimes unavoidable. “Its front to back, not up and down.”
“Oh.”
Parker tried out Sophie’s way of petting then, which was much nicer than the previous five minutes were. Sophie wrapped her arm around Parker’s waist, taking a shaky inhale of breath as another tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to see her again,” she whispered. “I just wanted space but… I don’t know how long it’s going to take for everything to stop hurting.”
“It’ll be okay,” Parker told her, reciting the line that she was expected to say. But that’s what it sounded like: a line. Parker tried, but in the end she really didn’t know much about comfort. Sophie shook her head, sighing softly.
“I just don’t understand why she doesn’t love me.”
It was quiet, barely above a whisper. It sounded so childish, so silly, but it was the question she had been asking herself for months now. She wasn’t so pompous that she believed that everyone should fall in love with her, but it was hard to understand how Tara could tell her that she was the only one she had; that it had always been her, and yet was unable to feel the same way she did.
But Sophie supposed she always did have a habit of falling for emotionally unavailable people.
“She’s stupid.”
Sophie let out a short laugh, that one simple sentence actually brang her some strange sort of comfort. “Thanks,” she replied softly, still smiling slightly against Parker’s chest.
“For what?”
“For saying something right.”
Tara wasn’t stupid, but it was what Sophie needed to hear right now. She sniffled, wiping away the last of her tears before tightening her grip around Parker’s torso. A comfortable silence washed between the two of them as they laid there, the closeness that Sophie had long since been denied from Tara finally being given to her by someone rather unexpected.
“Why did you kiss me?” Sophie asked suddenly, the memory finally coming to the forefront of her mind now that she was feeling a little less… hysterical. It was utterly confusing; to her it meant the obvious, but she knew better than to believe that the obvious was what Parker thought. She always saw things differently than what they were.
“You wanted to understand,” Parker answered simply. She shrugged lightly. “I guess it didn’t work though.”
Sophie turned her head to look up at her. “Then explain it to me,” she requested.
Parker scrunched her face to the side, as if debating on whether or not trying to explain it would help. But she seemed to decide it couldn’t hurt to try, because she looked down at her. “You wanted someone to love you, like how you love Tara,” she started. “You keep looking for someone to put you in a box. You’re so stuck on the stupid box that you can’t see when someone loves you unless they label it.” Parker shrugged lightly. “I don’t label things. I like disarray; it makes things more interesting - less contained.”
Sophie felt her heart rate triple and she looked at Parker in astonishment. “Parker, what exactly are you trying to say?” she asked, needing this to be spelt out for her. She thought she knew, but she also was pretty sure she wanted to be wrong.
“That I love you,” Parker told her slowly, her tone indicating that it should have been rather obvious and that Sophie was slow for not being able to come to that conclusion herself. “Duh.”
Sophie sat up a little suddenly; needing to face her better as she asked, “Are you in love with me?” Her voice went up a couple octaves, her eyes widening. For wanting someone to love her, suddenly the thought became rather frightening.
Parker gave her a look like she was being stupid. “You’re labeling things again.”
“Parker.”
“I love you like I love everyone I love,” Parker answered, like the answer was so simple; yet all Sophie could see was the complication in it. “It’s not just one thing to me; it’s everything. I told you that before.”
Sophie continued to stare at her, trying to make sense of what Parker was saying. It did, actually, make a whole lot more sense than she was willing to admit, but she seemed rather hesitant to actually accept the fact that Parker loved her in every way that she could possibly love a person. Not just because she loved her like that, but because apparently she loved the whole team like that. It was, honestly, a little weird. But then again, Parker had never been the epitome of normalcy either.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Parker asked, not understanding the expression on Sophie’s face.
But Sophie couldn’t exactly understand her own feelings at the moment either, so she didn’t really have an answer for her. It should make her feel happy, that there was someone out there that did truly love her, but it only stood to make her feel… well, rather bloody stupid. It wasn’t often that something stared at her in the face for years and Sophie was unable to see it. It made her wonder maybe, if she had noticed it sooner, things would have been different. But it was a stupid thought - Parker was… well, she was Parker. She couldn’t -
“You know, even when your face is all twisted up like that, you’re still really pretty.”
It was said to her in the way Parker said everything; with mild fascination and with a steady voice, noting it as fact and not opinion. She was merely observing Sophie’s confused expression and stating her findings. But for some reason it felt like more than that to Sophie and the next thing she knew, her lips were on Parker’s; fingers tangling in the thief’s hair as she kissed her in a way that could only be described as startlingly possessive.
It was odd, seeing as she never thought of Parker as hers. Then again, five seconds ago she was pretty sure she could never really go ‘there’ with Parker, and now she was kissing her.
Maybe this whole thing with Tara had made her go mad.
Parker reciprocated with as much passion for being owned as Sophie had for possessing her in the moment. Her hand cupped the back of her neck as she leaned up, allowing herself to get as close to the grifter as she could. As her tongue slipped against Sophie’s, the brunette found her brain going completely, gloriously blank for a moment as she emitted a soft sound of approval. Parker was, surprisingly, an excellent kisser.
But it was when Sophie had Parker lying beneath her a few minutes later, hand halfway up her shirt and thigh nestled snuggly between her legs, that what she was doing finally hit her. She pulled away from her suddenly, a little short for breath as she looked down at the girl beneath her.
Shit, what did she just do?
“Do you want me to get naked now?” Parker asked, between attempting to catch her breath herself as she looked up at Sophie, wondering if that was why she stopped the kissing.
“Fuck,” Sophie groaned, sliding off of her as her hand ran through her hair in frustration and disappointment. She shouldn’t have done that.
“Yeah,” Parker affirmed, like she was being slow. “That’s what I wanted to do.” She peered up at Sophie, finally taking notice of the distressed look on her face. “Oh,” she said softly, getting it now. “You don’t want to.”
“I’m so sorry,” Sophie apologized, feeling ashamed of her lack of control. “I just broke it off with Tara - I can’t do this to you. I won’t do this to you.” God, one word from Parker about her being pretty and she practically jumped her - what was she, fifteen? She knew her emotions were fucked five ways to Sunday right now, but that wasn’t any excuse.
“Do what to me?” Parker asked, sounding confused as she hoisted herself up into a seated position.
Sophie sighed, looking at her regrettably. “I can’t use you to forget about her. That’s not fair to you, especially because of the way you feel about me.”
Parker blinked, not understanding what Sophie was saying to her. “But wouldn’t sex make you happy?”
“Probably, but-”
“Then I want to make you happy.”
If asked to put into words how that one sentence made her feel emotionally, Sophie wouldn’t be able to do it. But it did make her warm inside considerably and she gave Parker a soft smile. “I know, sweetie. But I’m not in the best frame of mind for decision making right now - I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You can’t hurt me.”
It was said with so much determination that Sophie couldn’t help but look at her disbelievingly. Regardless of how much negative emotion Parker tried to suppress, there were just some things that couldn’t be.
“Yes, I can,” Sophie replied regrettably. “Probably more than you even realize. But I won’t.”
---
“No.”
“Sophie-”
“I said no, Nate. We’re not calling her.”
The atmosphere in the room suddenly became very awkward. Hardison coughed, turning back to his computer and Parker fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. Even Eliot looked like he didn’t want to be here for this.
Nate didn’t look amused by being shot down when, well, he has always called the shots around here. “Sophie, we need another grifter. I don’t know what went on between the two of you and I probably never want to know, but Tara is our only option right now if we want to pull this off.”
“They were sex buddies,” Parker informed him, which made Sophie whip around and look at her disbelievingly. “What?” Parker asked, noting her expression. “If she works with us, he’ll probably find out anyway.”
Sophie felt her face color from that being very much out in the open now, but she set her jaw and attempted to compose herself as she turned back to Nate. He looked like he didn’t know how to respond to that information.
“It didn’t end particularly well,” she finished, trying to keep this as professional as she could, even though at the moment she was possibly compromising a job because of this. It had only been a month since the last time she spoke to her. “I’d really rather not see her right now. One of the others can grift.”
“Who?” Nate asked, apparently deciding to stick to business instead of spouting off at Sophie about personal shit, at least for right now. Sophie knew it was coming though; once he got her alone. “Hardison’s useless; he got himself kidnapped last time he tried, Parker’s emotionally unstable and prone to stabbing people-”
“Dude, we’re right here,” Hardison exclaimed, offended by his choice of wording. But Nate was annoyed and when he was annoyed, he didn’t really care about anyone’s feelings. Not that he did much normally.
“-And Eliot can’t watch our backs if he’s chatting up rich socialites. He’ll blow cover.”
Sophie didn’t even bother asking about him; Nate always situated himself into the leadership role, which the second grifter in this job was not. Sophie put her hands on her hips, not liking the options she was being presented with.
“I’m not going to work with her, Nate. Especially not when the job requires drinking.” For the plan to work, both of them needed their blood alcohol level to be above .20 - strangely enough, the rapist, the bastard of a mark, liked to find out exactly how sloshed he could make his victims (couples, though oddly the gender wasn’t preferred) before he could take them. It made her sick to think about.
“They always have sex when they’re drunk.”
“Yes, thank you, Parker,” Sophie hissed, grinding her teeth. Parker did not have to explain every little thing to them right now. “Please stop trying to help me.”
Parker mocked her silently before folding her arms across her chest and frowning; which Sophie saw out of her peripheral. She sighed; she’d deal with that later.
Nate stared at her, his face expressionless except for his eyes; he was angry, jealous. He slid his cell phone across the table to her. “Call her,” he ordered her. “This isn’t a discussion.”
Sophie had the urge to throw the phone at his head, but suppressed it.
--
“Sophie?”
Sophie turned from the mirror, only to be greeted by Parker’s lips pressing against hers. When the thief pulled away she requested, “Don’t have sex with her. Don’t get raped either. Okay?”
Sophie gave her a soft smile, bringing her hand up to cup Parker’s cheek before moving to sweep it down the length of her hair. Her concern was sweet. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” She didn’t mention the kiss; Parker had been slipping them in here and there when she thought she could get away with it. So far, she was getting away with a hell of a lot.
Sophie would be lying if she said she didn’t like the attention; it was genuine for once, not something used to get her into bed. Though she was sure Parker would enjoy that, she also seemed to enjoy just being able to be near her. It was a nice feeling.
Regardless, Sophie wasn’t ready for anything more than that. What happened with Tara still hurt, which made this job even harder. The other grifter was in the far room, getting changed herself. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other since she got here, which was making everything even more awkward.
Parker still looked a little worried though, which apparently in her brain translated to ‘more kissing.’ Whether it was to make herself feel better or to make Sophie remember that there was someone who actually loved her, Sophie wasn’t sure. But she liked it all the same.
“Sophie, Nate wants you to-whoa.”
The minute Sophie heard Hardison’s voice she pulled away from Parker, guilt plastered all over her face. Shit. Hardison was the last person she wanted to know about what may or may not be going on with her and Parker. He liked her. He had liked her for a while. And they… were kind of starting to actually get somewhere with it, until Parker recently decided to pay more attention to Sophie for whatever reason.
“Really?” He asked angrily, looking at Sophie. “Really?”
“I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t have sex with Tara,” Parker explained, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“And you have to stick your tongue down her throat to do that?” Hardison asked, not sounding pleased by her explanation at all.
“Well duh - Sophie’s gay,” Parker replied, like he was being stupid. “Otherwise I’d make Nate do it.” She picked up her equipment bag before walking out the room without another word, or another care in the world, it seemed, that she just outed Sophie as gay when Sophie herself hadn’t even admitted to the fact that that might actually be true. She was very much more gay than straight it seemed, anyway. At least lately.
“Hardison…” Sophie tried, sounding incredibly apologetic. She didn’t want him to witness that.
Hardison held up his hand to stop her. “I really don’t want to hear it. That’s fucked up, Sophie.” He took a breath, trying to calm his anger at her for a moment. “Nate wants you to make sure you and Tara wear the button cams as well as the ear buds, for extra protection.”
“Fine,” Sophie replied softly. Hardison turned to walk away, but Sophie knew she couldn’t leave it like this. “Hardison,” she called out, making him stop momentarily. “I’m not… trying to take her away from you. I promise. It was only a kiss.”
“Yeah?” Hardison replied disbelievingly, turning to face that. “Tell that to her; she’s been practically up your ass the last couple months. At least now I know why.” The look he gave her cut her deep; he felt betrayed, and rightfully so. Friends didn’t do these kinds of things to each other.
Sophie didn’t know what to say to that; it was true, after all. Parker and her had been spending a lot of time with each other. “I’m sorry,” she told him softly, feeling awful. “I never asked for this.”
“Yeah, well,” Hardison started, voice even as he looked her dead in the eyes. “You got it anyway. So don’t hurt her or I swear to god I will make every identity you’ve ever had disappear. You won’t exist in any form by the time I’m done.”
Sophie stared at him, the fact that he gave her his unwilling acceptance - just because he cared that much for Parker’s happiness - making her feel even worse. “Understood,” she whispered.
“Good.”
The door he slammed when he left made Sophie jump. She didn’t know how she was going to make it through the rest of the day; the Parker situation was bad, the Hardison situation was worse, and the Tara situation was bound to be catastrophic. The Nate situation, well, that had yet to blow up in her face but she knew it was coming. And Eliot… thankfully, Eliot didn’t give much thought or care to how she lived her personal life, which at the moment she was incredibly thankful for.
She sighed heavily; tonight was going to be awful.
---
The con wasn’t going as smoothly as they would have hoped.
Honestly, it was all Tara’s bloody fault. For some reason she decided that her hands were allowed to be everywhere. Which, okay, fine, they were playing the role of a couple, but Sophie was sure she was doing it just to make her uncomfortable; Tara was obviously still pissed Sophie up and left her without a word.
It got worse when she kissed her; though mainly because Parker’s voice came over their com exclaiming, “Don’t do that! She’s going to make you cry again!” which everyone ended up hearing, including Tara. It was bloody embarrassing, honestly. But they both were professionals, so Sophie dealt with it and played off of her seamlessly. Still, it infuriated her.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sophie demanded once their part of the con was over and they had left the building.
“I was doing my job,” Tara replied flatly. “That’s what you asked me to come here to do, right? You’re lucky I even showed up in the first place after you left like that.”
“I needed some bloody space!” Sophie exclaimed, the pace of her stride increasing due to her fury as they walked over to the car. “You did that on purpose; we could have come off as a couple without you being obnoxiously all over me like that. You were trying to piss me off.”
“Well excuse the fuck out of me,” Tara snapped as she opened the passenger side door. “It worked, didn’t it? I don’t know why you’re throwing a fit at me right now, but you’re acting like a child.”
“Guys!” Nate exclaimed, his voice floating in over the coms as Tara and Sophie climbed into their car. “The job isn’t over; put your coms on mute if you’re going to have spat. For fuck’s sake, no one wants to hear your drama. Parker, I need you to-”
But Sophie didn’t hear the rest of that. She ripped the com out of her ear, throwing it on the dashboard angrily and Tara switched hers on mute. She knew Nate wasn’t happy, but she didn’t need his crap on top of Tara’s right now. But instead of starting the car and heading back to the hotel they were planning to meet at, she rested her elbow on the door as she covered her eyes with her hand. She was trying to desperately to keep her emotions under control, but this was something she wasn’t ready to deal with. She took a deep breath, making sure her upset didn’t end up turning into tears.
Tara stared at her from the passenger seat, jaw locked. “I was just doing my job,” she reiterated. “This wasn’t personal.”
“Bullshit!” Sophie exclaimed, rounding on her. “You knew I couldn’t deal with you being like that with me right now, that’s why you did it.”
“It was a grift, Sophie. An act.”
“Don’t speak to me like I’m stupid,” Sophie snapped. “I bloody well know the difference, and that? That wasn’t an act, Tara. I’ve known you long enough to know that.”
Tara stared at her, not looking entirely thrilled that she just got called out like that. “Fine,” she relented. “I was pissed at you and I knew it would bother you; that’s why I did it. Alright? Are you happy?”
“Not bloody particularly.”
“Well I’m not sorry I did it. So if you’re sitting here waiting for an apology before we head back to the hotel, we’re going to be here for awhile.”
Sophie looked at her disbelievingly. “Why do you have to be such a prat all the time? I understand that you’re angry with me for breaking it off, but it isn’t like I didn’t give you a reason. What you did was cruel, Tara, and it certainly didn’t make things any easier.”
“You didn’t just break it off, Fi; that’s the fucking problem!” Tara exclaimed, furious that Sophie didn’t understand why she was angry. “You cut me out of your life! How the hell do you think I’m supposed to feel about that, huh? I lost my best friend; of course I’m pissed off!”
“Well I lost the woman I loved; so in comparison to shitty things, I think I win,” Sophie spat angrily. “Besides, you’re the last person to complain about being cut off; the last time you needed space, I didn’t hear from you for months!”
“That was different!”
“How?”
“Because I always knew I would come back,” Tara replied heatedly. “I always knew I’d fucking come back to you, because I don’t have anyone else! You have them!” She was pointing out the window angrily, chest heaving from the anger of having to admit an insecurity to Sophie for the first time. Sophie looked at her, temporarily rendered mute from Tara’s unspoken, yet obvious fear that Tara didn’t think she needed her or wanted her because she had her team. Her family.
“Fuck,” Tara swore, giving up before she grabbed Sophie’s face in her hands, crushing their lips together. The passion behind it was bruising, stealing the air from Sophie’s lungs as a wave of emotions crashed over her. It was entirely too much to handle. “You’re the only one I have, Sophie,” Tara told her desperately between kisses. “I don’t want to let you go.”
“Tara, please don’t do this…” Sophie begged softly, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. But Tara didn’t stop. She swallowed Sophie’s protests, her tongue sweeping into her mouth as she took what she knew Sophie would give her, regardless of whether it was best for her or not.
But that always seemed to be the basis of their relationship, so Sophie was probably stupid to think she could change it.
---
Tara left as soon as the job was over, but Sophie promised to call her so they could... somehow find a middle ground between them. Sophie didn’t want to cut her completely out of her life, but she couldn’t go on the way they were. They nearly had sex in the car; Sophie was willing to let her take her again, was willing to let her break her heart again for whatever bloody stupid reason, but when Tara moved to take off her shirt she was reminded that, shit, they both were still wearing button cams.
Sophie was sure she didn’t want to know how much of that Hardison ended up witnessing.
She knew it was enough, however, by the scathing look he shot her when they got back. Fearing for the safety of her many, many aliases, Sophie ended up having to pull him aside the next day.
“Parker and I aren’t exclusive,” she told him, needing him to realize she wasn’t cheating on her. But then she scrunched up her face, realizing what she just alluded to. “Actually we’re not even… anything, really. But she knows that. She understands that Tara is something that’s hard for me to get over. Alright?”
But Hardison merely dismissed it with an angry, “Ain’t none of my business,” before finding a way to slip away from her. It was probably the last thing he ever wanted to talk to her about.
Her identities were safe the next day, but it took a long while until Hardison could look at her without glaring.
Parker, on the other hand, was worried that her kissing Tara again for the con was going to screw up all the work she had done to try to make her happy. Parker exclaimed that Tara was going to “ruin everything” before she pushed Sophie up against a wall, pinning her there before she kissed her with silent desperation, trying to “undo” everything Tara had done.
It turned into, by far, the heaviest make out session they had ever had. It probably would have turned into more, if not for Sophie remembering the entirety of her love life was completely fucked to hell. Still, Parker managed to make it to second base… and that was with her mouth, not her hands. She left Sophie completely flushed, wanton, and confused before informing her that they were going to meet up for coffee in the afternoon. Then she left, because Parker never pushed when Sophie told her they needed to slow down.
Parker had never asked her to meet her anywhere (though to be fair, she more told her than asked), so she found herself intrigued, probably against her better judgment. When she sat down, Parker slid the coffee she got for her across the table.
“This is a date,” she informed her, before even saying hello. She wanted Sophie to know exactly what her intentions were so there wasn’t any confusion.
Sophie raised her eyebrows. “Oh?” she inquired, not really sure what to say after being blindsided by that. It certainly wasn’t what she was expecting.
“Yes,” Parker replied, fidgeting in her seat a little as her fingers drummed nervously against her coffee cup. “If you’re mine, you can’t be hers. If you can’t be hers, maybe you can be happy.”
“Parker…”
“I got you these,” Parker interrupted, obviously not wanting to hear Sophie’s protests that this was probably far too soon. She turned around, grabbing the vase off of the table next to her and placing it in front of her. It was filled with roses.
The gesture was sweet, though it made Sophie chuckle a little. “Parker, you can’t give me those. They belong to the café.” There were a dozen other vases like it scattered around the room.
“No,” Parker protested. “I just stole them, therefore they’re mine. I’m giving them to you. Do you like them?”
Sophie smiled at her softly. It had been a long time since anyone had given her flowers, even if they were stolen. “They’re beautiful,” she told her honestly. “But we can’t walk out of here with these.”
“Why not?”
Sophie gave her a patient look. “Parker, if you’d like to give me flowers I would… well, I would love it, honestly,” she admitted quietly, flushing slightly despite herself. “But please buy them.”
“Don’t you like stolen things?”
“I like expensive stolen things,” Sophie told her. She just didn’t want to walk out of here with these so she was trying to give her an excuse, though it was true nonetheless. But this coffee shop was small, probably privately owned, and taking their flowers wasn’t very nice.
“Like paintings?”
“Yes.”
“Hm,” Parker mused for a moment, bringing the coffee cup up to her lips to take a sip. When she put it down she informed her, “I can get you one, if you want. There’s a Monet on display at the Museum of Fine Arts. Their security is a joke; I could get in there blindfolded.” She paused, smiling a bit at that thought. “I should do that, actually; that sounds like fun. Do you want to go now?”
Sophie chucked before taking a sip of her coffee. Of course Parker’s idea of a first date would be to steal something together. “Let’s just see where the afternoon takes us, okay?” Though her first instinct was to tell Parker it was too soon for them to have a date, she couldn’t deny how happy it made her feel. Tara had never bothered with that formality.
It was strange; feeling things for Parker. She never thought in a million years she would because she always looked at the girl as a younger sister of sorts. Things were definitely changing between them.
“Okay,” Parker replied, giving her a small smile. But then she pursed her lips, looking around the café. “So what do people usually do on coffee dates anyway?”
“Talk mostly,” Sophie answered, a little amused that Parker had taken her out on a date and then didn’t exactly know what to do when they got there. She looked at her curiously, “Have you ever been on a date before? Coffee or otherwise.”
“Nope. No one’s ever asked me,” Parker replied, shrugging. Sophie’s eyebrows rose from that information; never, in her entire life? Parker didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest, even though it made Sophie feel a little bad for her. “We’re both girls though, so there was no guy to ask us. So I asked you instead.”
“Parker, this is the twenty first century; you could have asked a man on a date if you wanted to. There doesn’t need to be formality to it.”
“I never wanted to ask a guy before,” Parker answered, then paused as she reassessed that. “Well, maybe Hardison. Once.”
Sophie immediately felt bad by the mention of the hacker’s name.
“He really likes you, you know,” Sophie mentioned softly, looking down at her coffee. Her fingers drummed against the cup absentmindedly.
“I know. I like him too,” Parker replied simply. “But he’s not the one who’s unhappy right now; you are.”
Sophie looked up at her, not exactly liking the way she just said that. “Are you trying to tell me that once I’m happy, you’re going to just… go?”
“Go where?” Parker asked, confused. “I live here, Sophie.”
“No, I mean… are you just dating me to make me happy? Am I just some kind of project to you?” Sophie’s last question was filled with offense.
“I… um,” Parker started, obviously taken aback by Sophie suddenly getting upset with her. “I don’t understand the question. What?”
Sophie took a deep breath as she shook her head. “Never mind. This was probably a bad idea,” she told her as she rose from the chair, leaving her coffee on the table before she began to walk out of the café.
“No, Sophie!” Parker exclaimed, jumping up out of her chair before running after her. She caught her right as she walked out the door, grabbing a hold of her hand. “Please don’t go; I didn’t understand! I’m sorry I’m making you upset; this was supposed to be a good date, not a bad one!”
Sophie allowed Parker to stop her, knowing she wasn’t being fair by walking out without getting a proper explanation from the girl. She sighed softly before she turned around, leaning against the side of the building. “Is this real, Parker?” she asked her quietly.
“Yeah,” Parker replied, obviously still not understanding. “This is real life, Sophie; not a dream. If it was a dream we’d be naked already and Eliot would be dressed up like a duck.”
Despite how she was feeling, that made her giggle a little: the mental image of Eliot in a duck costume was quite funny. She took a breath before chewing softly on her bottom lip, looking at Parker who had an expression of someone who so desperately wanted to please, but didn’t know how. She reached out, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind the thief’s ear.
“What I was trying to ask,” she started, trying to make Parker understand, “was if we were to start dating-”
“We are dating. Right now. This is a date.”
Sophie ignored her and continued, “-how long do you think it’ll be until we stop? Once I’m happy, are you going to be done with me or are we going to… continue this?”
Parker blinked, thinking about that for a moment. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I’m not psychic. Will you still want me when you’re happy?”
“If you’re the one to make me happy, then yes, I would say so.”
“Oh.” Parker smiled a little, “Well, I like making you happy. It makes me feel good. So if I keep doing that, then we’ll be both be happy, right? So why would we stop?”
That was a very good question.
GO TO PART THREE...