Fanfiction || Inconsistencies of Recollection || Amy/River || Part Four
Title: Inconsistencies of Recollection
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): firefly_124, Doom_Kitteh (Twitter)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Amy/River
Length Thus Far: 35,012 words
Timeline: Post "The Big Bang"
Summary: Sometimes a memory is all we have left, even if it feels tampered with.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE
CHAPTER NINE
All I Feel Is You
Her eyes are a brilliant green, like two shining emeralds that pierce into Amy’s soul. Her smile is intoxicating as she looks right at the Scot, giving her an enticing grin as she swiftly takes care of the last guard standing watch over her cell. Amy feels like she knows the woman, but her dark brown locks and olive features look so foreign to her eyes. Amy doesn’t speak - she’s still too much in shock that her rescuer was not at all who she was expecting. She just stands there as the woman opens the cell door, freeing Amy from captivity on a strange planet.
Then the woman’s lips are on hers, but only briefly. Amy’s face masks in confusion and shock, but she isn’t allowed a word out because her rescuer tells her, a breathless whisper against her lips, “I know you said we shouldn’t see each other anymore, but I couldn’t resist playing the white knight.”
“What?” Amy asks, feeling so incredibly lost. Who was this woman, and how did she know who Amy was? Furthermore, why did she think Amy said that they shouldn’t see each other anymore? She didn’t even know who she was.
But there was no time for questions. A shrill alarm rings through the prison and the woman takes her hand. “We need to leave - now.”
Amy doesn’t question it. After all, it had already been far too long that she’s been locked up in there. She should have known better than to wander off on a strange planet on her own, but her curiosity got the best of her. As far as she knew, the Doctor and Rory didn’t even realize she was missing. They were busy in a flea market, after all. For all they knew, she could have wandered off to go get a new pair of earrings or a new dress.
They were supposed to meet up at the TARDIS in a few hours and the Doctor did warn her not to leave the flea market. But on the outskirts of it she noticed a few alien kids beating up on another and stepped in to help. Unfortunately, she seemed to have interrupted some kind of sacred ritual and was thrown into their prison for her crimes against their race. But how was she supposed to know that? It’s not like she’s given a manual when she steps foot onto another planet. The kid might have been an alien, but he was dying.
That’ll teach her to be a good samaritan. Amy doesn’t even know why the Doctor brought them here in the first place. Shopping, sure; she wanted to go shopping, but these aliens are barbaric. Even her cell looked like a torture chamber, which was why Amy was so keen to get out of there. She didn’t care who the mysterious woman was at this point, or how she knew her - she just wanted to get back to the TARDIS.
So Amy took her hand and ran.
It seemed like ages until they actually were able to fight their way out of there and even when they did they still kept running. Amy’s lungs were burning and her legs felt like jelly but the mysterious woman kept a hold on her hand and encouraged her that they needed to keep moving. They took shelter in the strangest forest Amy had ever seen; the trees, with their bark as black as coal, looked like they were moving with them as they ran through the thicket. But they shone, like marble under the moonlight as their leaves - a deep emerald blue - seemed to whisper to the wind. It was like the forest knew it had guests.
Normally something like that would be disconcerting, but instead it seemed to comfort Amy for some strange reason. She looks back as she runs, expecting to see the prison in the distance, but all she sees is black; it’s like the forest is shielded them from view of the outside world. Amy doesn’t feel trapped though; quite the opposite actually. She feels protected.
They ran until they got to a river which was much too wide to cross. It was strange; for the forest being so radically different from Earth’s, the water seemed in many ways the same. The stranger stops then, making Amy grind to an abrupt halt behind her, chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. But then she lets out a squeak of surprise as she’s pushed up against a tree, a hand over her mouth. “Shhh…” the woman hushes her before looking around and listening intently, trying to see if they were followed. Amy stills herself, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
Once the woman is satisfied that they weren’t followed into the forest, she lets her hand fall from Amy’s mouth and steps away from her. Amy just stares at her for a moment, still in shock about the whole random ordeal and having so many questions, but not having a clue where to start. What do you say when something like this happens? Amy would think that she’d be used to stuff flying out of left field by now, but this is bordering on crazy - even by her standards. Who was this woman?
“Where’s the Doctor?” the woman asks, looking at her expectantly.
“What?” Amy responds, still feeling incredibly confused and a little defensive. Some woman she doesn’t know rescues her, kisses her, and then asks about the Doctor? Amy takes a step back from her, not knowing if she should trust her intentions. “Who are you?” she asks, eying the strange suspiciously.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” the woman apologizes. She holds up her wrist that has some kind of mechanism attached to it and Amy immediately flinches, thinking it’s a weapon, but instead the woman presses some sort of button and a blinding flash disorients Amy for a moment.
“What the f-“ she starts, but as she gets her sight back she stops herself mid-sentence as she takes a look at the woman in front of her. “River?” she asks, shocked. Since when did she have the ability to go all shape-shifter?
“Can’t be too careful when going into a Haarlyian prison; they’ve been looking for me for ages,” River replies, smirking. Amy just stares at the device and then at her, wondering how it was possible to change appearance like that. “A little thing I picked up in Koruth; handy, but can have some nasty side effects if you cloak yourself too long,” she explains. “Sorry, love. I should have told you; but with the whole running for our lives things, I got a bit distracted.”
“But…” Amy starts, still in a state of shock. She hadn’t seen River since the Alderay situation - that was four months ago for her. Besides, it was clear as day that this River in front of her was not the one she last saw; she was younger, barely pushing thirty, if Amy had to guess. “How did you even know where to find me?” Amy asks, figuring that was the most important question at the moment.
“You told me,” River says simply as she takes the device off her wrist and pockets it.
“I…? I told you?” Amy stutters for a moment. “Why would I do that?” She knows better than to do something like that.
“Relax; you were just telling me about your scars.”
“What scars?” Amy asks, perplexed. She didn’t have any scars other than the ones she got when she fell off her bicycle when she was nine.
“Exactly,” River replies, smirking.
“What?” Amy asks, feeling more lost now than ever. Frustrated, she folds her arms in front of her chest and demands, “Explain.”
“Can’t do that, love,” River tells her casually, like she knows exactly how infuriating she’s being yet doesn’t care in the slightest. “I’ve changed enough already. I’m sorry.” She gives Amy a sympathetic look before she turns away from her, walking down the bank of the river to stand near the edge. Amy watches as she grabs her shirt and lifts it over her head, exposing her bra.
“Uh, hello? What are you doing?” Amy asks, holding her arms out in frustration at River’s completely nonchalance about everything.
“I’m going to go for a swim,” River explains as she kicks off her shoes. Amy lets out an agitated sigh. A swim, sure, of course; why didn’t she think of that? Because they have so much time right now.
“We need to get back to the TARDIS.”
“No we don’t. Not yet,” River tells her, turning to look back at her up the bank as she shimmies out of her pants. “They’re still looking for us; we can’t go anywhere yet. If we do, we lose the forest as cover.”
“You do realize they could go through the forest and still find us, yeah?” Amy asks impatiently, putting her hands on her hips. She arches an eyebrow in response to the annoying ‘I-know-more-than-you-do’ look River seems to have some kind of fetish with sporting.
“They won’t find us in here,” River tells her simply before giving her a smile. She runs her thumbs along the waist band of her knickers, keeping this infuriatingly sultry eye contact with Amy the whole time that nearly - nearly - makes the younger woman blush. However, Amy figures her annoyance should be put higher in her priorities list than her hormones - especially since her hormones haven’t been leading her anywhere good lately. Amy doesn’t say anything and River’s smirk grows wider, “Aren’t you going to ask me why?”
“No, because I’m pretty sure you won’t tell me,” Amy replies shortly. River isn’t exactly the queen of sharing.
“So distrustful,” River tuts, “I wonder what I’m going to do to deserve that.” She chuckles a little as she folds her clothes nicely and places them on the bank. “Close your eyes,” she instructs as she looks up at Amy, “and listen. Really, really listen. You’ll have your answer.”
Amy narrows her eyes, but with an encouraging nod from River she tries to settle down her aggravation and trust her for a moment. Closing her eyes, she tries to focus on the sounds of the forest, but everything sounds as it should; she can hear the river flowing, the leaves blowing in the light breeze. “I don’t hear anything,” she tells her. She can hear River chuckle softly, then leaves crunch beneath her feet as she walks up the bank and over to where Amy stands.
When River’s palms cup her cheeks, Amy noticeably jumps from the unexpected feeling, but River shushes her. “Only me, love,” she tells her softly. Amy relaxes a little, but not enough. River being this close to her again was putting her senses on overdrive and she swallows hard, attempting to look mildly composed. Amy was not the kind of person who gets nervous around someone, but this seemed like it could be categorized under ‘extenuating circumstances’. So she focuses on her breathing instead of River’s touch and it makes it feel a tad better.
And then River asks quietly, “Do you feel me? The warmth of my hands on your cheeks?”
Well, so much for the not focusing on River’s touch plan.
“Yeah,” Amy breathes and then clears her throat a little awkwardly because she wasn’t expecting her voice to come out that soft. She doesn’t have to see River to know she’s smiling; she can hear it in her voice.
“When you listen to the forest, focus on the warmth of it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense; I’m listening, not feeling,” Amy protests, not understanding what River’s getting at.
“You can hear the warmth in someone’s voice, yeah?” River asks, though rhetorically; she knows Amy has before. “That’s what you’re listening for. Not it’s pitch, but its feeling. Through feeling you can find intent, and with intent you don’t need words. You just know.”
Amy isn’t quite sure she understands, but she tries again regardless. She tries to listen for the warmth in nature, but all she can focus on is the heat from River’s hands. She tries to hear the forest, yet all her ears pick up is River’s breathing, her heartbeat in her chest. Why River thought this would help, Amy wasn’t sure. River seemed to be intoxicating her senses more than any tree could and she had a suspicion River knew it, too. “All I can feel is you,” Amy admits softly. “All I can hear is you.”
“Sorry,” River apologizes, yet doesn’t step back; doesn’t take her hands away. If anything, her fingers ever so slightly began to trace Amy’s jawline. “It took me many years to hear the trees; I shouldn’t have expected you would learn so quickly. They grew on the outskirts of the Academy as well; where I studied archeology. Beautiful, secretive… but very loyal, these trees are. They’re called Fryzgiil and they grow on many planets, yet are connected telepathically as one. Quite amazing, honestly. I’ve never seen a race like it.”
“So we won’t be found here because they are… loyal to you?” Amy guesses. She still doesn’t open her eyes, but she figures it’s safer. Maybe she was a little scared to open them and see River staring back at her, close enough to… well, close enough to do close things with.
“I helped them once,” River replies, her fingertips still lightly brushing over Amy’s jaw. Her voice is low, as if she’s entranced by something. “In return, I asked them to cloak us until the threat is gone. They have everlasting loyalty to each other; not to other races. They’re mistrustful of us. More than once their brothers and sisters have been cut down to serve another race’s mundane purpose. It’s barbaric; the trees in this forest are as alive as you or I.” River’s fingertip slides up Amy’s cheek, to brush a stray hair away from her face.
Amy’s silent for a moment, not sure what approach she should be taking in this situation. Her first instinct is to run; being this close to River is bound to only cause more problems for her in the future. Yet her feet seemed rooted to the spot, her eyes still closed out of fear of what kind of expression she would find on River’s face. Her mind races for something to say; anything, so she doesn’t just stand here in silence.
Finally, Amy remembers a question she meant to ask the moment River found her in that cage. “Why did I say we couldn’t see each other anymore?” she asks quietly. She feels River’s hand freeze and the archeologist is quiet for a moment.
“You know I can’t tell you that, sweetie,” she replies, sighing a little. Her fingers begin their journey on Amy’s jawline again, albeit slower this time. “It’s funny; I’m used to you holding all the answers. I used to wonder if it’d ever be the other way around.” She falls silent for a moment before she flattens her hand against the side of Amy’s face, biting her lower lip gently. “I know it makes no difference to you now, but just so you know; I’m sorry… for whatever it was that made you feel that way.”
Amy purses her lips and risks opening her eyes. The expression on River’s face is so pained that it hurts her heart. “I never told you?” Amy asks softly. If she didn’t tell her then it had to be because of Rory. Still, that is a pretty shitty way to break it off; with no explanation to speak of. It was her fault this whole thing started in the first place; her and her stupid lie.
But Amy knew she couldn’t tell her, not now. She knew she wasn’t meant to break it off now and she didn’t want to risk messing with her future, River’s past; the Pandorica did enough of that already. Besides, Amy didn’t think she could stomach doing it right now. As much as she should, the look on River’s face was heartbreaking enough; it’s like she was staring at happiness and yet was unable to touch it. It made Amy wonder how River came to be at this place; surely one night wouldn’t have mattered this much to her, right?
“You didn’t have to,” River answers, shrugging it off like it was nothing, yet the opposite was so clearly written all over her face. “I knew it was because there was someone else; someone better.”
Amy’s stomach drops to the floor. “I’m sorry,” is all she can manage to say. Her voice cracks ever so slightly.
“Don’t apologize. I never tied myself to one lover; I don’t expect you to either,” River tells her honestly. “Besides, that all has yet to happen to you. I just hoped you would be able to be with us both simultaneously, but I suppose that’s not in your nature.”
Amy bites the inside of her cheek, knowing who she’s talking about. “The Doctor?” she asks quietly. River looks surprised.
“You knew?”
“The first time I met you, you were in your late forties,” Amy tells her, wishing the pit of her stomach didn’t burn with irrational jealousy; River is not hers, after all. She has Rory. “It was obvious then how you felt about him.”
“Even then, huh?” River asks, a little surprised. “Spoilers, sweetie. We’re getting into dangerous territory. Perhaps it’s best if we stop discussing our futures.” Amy nods, knowing that’ll probably be best. It’s just hard, seeing River and not wondering what happened between them in her past. It’s hard not having the answers to so many questions. “So,” she goes on, voice higher as she tries to change the subject. “Swim while we wait for the all clear?”
“You go ahead,” Amy replies. “I just… I’ll think I’ll just sit.” She had a lot to think about. As she moves to sit at the top of the bank, River notices the distress on her face and pauses. After a moment, she moves to sit down next to her, propping her knees up and resting her elbows on top of them.
“I said far too much, didn’t I?” River asks softly.
“Yeah,” Amy whispers, staring out at the river. It was flowing much too peacefully for how Amy felt. Not that her emotions should change the tides, but it just felt… wrong; everything seeming so perfect around her when all she felt was distress.
“Shit,” River breathes, sighing as she lies down on her back, looking up at the sky. “I was afraid of that. I’m not used to this, you know. This is the first time I ever…”
“Knew more than I did?” Amy guesses, looking over at her. River nods before turning her head to look at her.
“I’m so sorry, love. I thought it would be easy, not telling you a thing. I guess I was wrong; I messed that up with the first sentence. You and the Doctor always made it seem rather easy to be shrouded in mystery.”
Amy can’t help but laugh softly and River looks at her questionably. Amy shakes her head; it seemed rather absurd. “If it makes you feel any better, you become a pro at it. You’re the most mysterious person I know.”
River gives her a half smile, “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
River sighs though, turning her face back up to the sky. “Still, that doesn’t help me now. I probably just fucked everything up.” She pauses for a second, then adds, “But I suppose you can’t miss what will never happen.”
Amy furrows her eyebrows, looking down at her. “You’re afraid I’m going to change your past?”
“Honestly, I could do without the breakup. But by the look on your face I’m guessing that’s not what’s got you distressed,” River answers, her eyes searching Amy’s face for answers. She seems to have found one though because she asks, “We aren’t together yet in your timeline, are we?”
Amy stares at her for a long time before she sighs, turning away and looking back out at the river. “No,” she whispers. “Not… not really, anyway.” Pursing her lips, she closes her eyes before she leans backwards, coming to rest on the grass. When she opens her eyes, she expects to be blinded by the sun, but the leaves of the trees seem to be blocking it out. “And honestly, I’m not sure how to handle this information.”
They lay there in silence, the two of them, not knowing what else to say to make the situation better. Amy knew better than to change the past or to change the future - depending on whose point of view she’s looking at - but that didn’t make her decision any easier. It was wrong; in all senses of the word what she was doing with River was wrong. Not only to Rory but to herself as well. Yet Amy knew firsthand the dangers of changing time and so she felt utterly stuck. She wishes she never got herself into this mess in the first place.
After some time, she turned her head to look at the woman lying next to her. “Is it safe to go back yet?” She didn’t know how much longer she could take just lying here and feeling helpless.
River purses her lips and turns to face her. “I don’t know,” she whispers, like she was feeling a little guilty for not having all the answers. Amy furrows her brow.
“I thought you said they would tell you.”
“They will,” River affirms and then admits, “But at the moment I seem to be having the same problem you were.” Off of Amy’s confused look, River gives her a soft, apologetic smile. “All I feel at the moment is you.”
Amy feels her heart skip a beat.
River’s face masks in distress, but she tries to hide it by taking a deep breath and averting her gaze. “And now I can’t help but wonder if this will be the last time I ever do,” she admits quietly. Her words make Amy’s chest feel heavy and her stomach tie in knots.
“It won’t be,” she replies, voice barely audible. River turns to look at her, like she isn’t sure if she heard her right. Amy swallows her nerves and explains, “I won’t change what’s happened. I can’t. Time has been rewritten enough and honestly I’m terrified of the repercussions if we continue to meddle with it. Besides… our minds, our memories? They’ve been screwed up enough. We need to live our lives the way they were meant to be lived: the good and the bad.”
“And what category do I fall under, love?” River asks, trying to sound nonchalant and yet the hitch her voice betrays her façade.
Amy didn’t know. It was far too early to tell if it would end up being the best thing that ever happened to her… or the worst. But River was looking at her in a way that requested answers that Amy didn’t have. So instead of answering, she hoisted the top half of her body up to look down at the woman beneath her. It was amazing, really, how young or old River could be and yet she’d still end up looking so breathtakingly beautiful. The two locked eyes for a moment before Amy brought her lips down, either trying to kiss away River’s doubts or distract her; she wasn’t entirely sure. Regardless, both worked.
Then again, they always seemed to be so much better with the physical part of it all anyway.
* * *
Amy was shaken out of her recollection as she heard the sound of Rory coughing violently behind her. She turned around, surprised to hear him in the console room of the TARDIS when he should have been in bed. “Rory, what the hell are you doing up? You’re sick!” Amy protests as she sees him pounding on his chest for a moment to try to release the phlegm from his lungs. It’s been weeks now and he doesn’t seem to be getting any better. If anything, he’s been getting worse.
“Relax; I’m fine,” Rory croaks, just before he starts in on another coughing fit that nearly brings him to his knees. “See?” he asks weakly as he cracks a smirk, trying to make a joke of it.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not fine!” Amy shouts, angry that she has to play the mother. Rory should know better than to go wandering around when he should be resting; he’s not a child. Besides, truth be told, how long this sickness has lasted has got Amy worried. “Get back in bed before I kick your arse back in there myself.”
“But it’s boring lying in bed all day,” Rory complains, but then practically hacks up his left lung and is left unable to talk for a couple minutes.
“Then I’ll do a whole naughty nurse bit, yeah? Just get back into bed before you keel over and die; you know how I hate to clean,” she jokes, which earns her a laugh from Rory that turns into another coughing fit. Amy sighs, rubbing him on his back before leading him into one of the sleeping quarters. When Rory finally goes back inside, Amy closes the door behind him and leans against it, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh.
Rory being sick wasn’t helping with her guilt either. It seemed like just after Amy got done shagging River in the forest that he came down with this terrible cold. Well, maybe not right after they got done, but regardless. In some way it felt like a punishment. She had a choice back there and yet she chose to give into weakness and desire. She gave in and sure, probably had one of the most amazing, mind-blowing orgasms in her whole life, but it destroyed her and Rory’s marriage just a little bit more in the process.
But it’s what she had to do, right? To not mess things up further than they already were.
Rory doesn’t know their marriage is falling apart though, and how could he? Amy certainly wasn’t going to tell him. By the time the Doctor and Rory even found her after that whole ordeal, River was long gone anyway. She lied and told them a stranger rescued her from the prison; some kind of vigilante. She’s sure the Doctor doesn’t quite believe her, but he’s never questioned it either.
It was difficult lying to them both but under the circumstances, what else could she do? She knew she was trapped in this situation and frankly it… well, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It would be rather flippin’ grand, actually, if not for all the guilt it entailed. Two lovers… who wouldn’t want that?
The only problem was… Amy didn’t know if she was mentally or emotionally equipped to handle more than one. This all had the potential of becoming one big, sodding disaster. And knowing Amy’s luck, it probably will be.
TBC…
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta(s): firefly_124, Doom_Kitteh (Twitter)
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Amy/River
Length Thus Far: 35,012 words
Timeline: Post "The Big Bang"
Summary: Sometimes a memory is all we have left, even if it feels tampered with.
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE
CHAPTER NINE
All I Feel Is You
Her eyes are a brilliant green, like two shining emeralds that pierce into Amy’s soul. Her smile is intoxicating as she looks right at the Scot, giving her an enticing grin as she swiftly takes care of the last guard standing watch over her cell. Amy feels like she knows the woman, but her dark brown locks and olive features look so foreign to her eyes. Amy doesn’t speak - she’s still too much in shock that her rescuer was not at all who she was expecting. She just stands there as the woman opens the cell door, freeing Amy from captivity on a strange planet.
Then the woman’s lips are on hers, but only briefly. Amy’s face masks in confusion and shock, but she isn’t allowed a word out because her rescuer tells her, a breathless whisper against her lips, “I know you said we shouldn’t see each other anymore, but I couldn’t resist playing the white knight.”
“What?” Amy asks, feeling so incredibly lost. Who was this woman, and how did she know who Amy was? Furthermore, why did she think Amy said that they shouldn’t see each other anymore? She didn’t even know who she was.
But there was no time for questions. A shrill alarm rings through the prison and the woman takes her hand. “We need to leave - now.”
Amy doesn’t question it. After all, it had already been far too long that she’s been locked up in there. She should have known better than to wander off on a strange planet on her own, but her curiosity got the best of her. As far as she knew, the Doctor and Rory didn’t even realize she was missing. They were busy in a flea market, after all. For all they knew, she could have wandered off to go get a new pair of earrings or a new dress.
They were supposed to meet up at the TARDIS in a few hours and the Doctor did warn her not to leave the flea market. But on the outskirts of it she noticed a few alien kids beating up on another and stepped in to help. Unfortunately, she seemed to have interrupted some kind of sacred ritual and was thrown into their prison for her crimes against their race. But how was she supposed to know that? It’s not like she’s given a manual when she steps foot onto another planet. The kid might have been an alien, but he was dying.
That’ll teach her to be a good samaritan. Amy doesn’t even know why the Doctor brought them here in the first place. Shopping, sure; she wanted to go shopping, but these aliens are barbaric. Even her cell looked like a torture chamber, which was why Amy was so keen to get out of there. She didn’t care who the mysterious woman was at this point, or how she knew her - she just wanted to get back to the TARDIS.
So Amy took her hand and ran.
It seemed like ages until they actually were able to fight their way out of there and even when they did they still kept running. Amy’s lungs were burning and her legs felt like jelly but the mysterious woman kept a hold on her hand and encouraged her that they needed to keep moving. They took shelter in the strangest forest Amy had ever seen; the trees, with their bark as black as coal, looked like they were moving with them as they ran through the thicket. But they shone, like marble under the moonlight as their leaves - a deep emerald blue - seemed to whisper to the wind. It was like the forest knew it had guests.
Normally something like that would be disconcerting, but instead it seemed to comfort Amy for some strange reason. She looks back as she runs, expecting to see the prison in the distance, but all she sees is black; it’s like the forest is shielded them from view of the outside world. Amy doesn’t feel trapped though; quite the opposite actually. She feels protected.
They ran until they got to a river which was much too wide to cross. It was strange; for the forest being so radically different from Earth’s, the water seemed in many ways the same. The stranger stops then, making Amy grind to an abrupt halt behind her, chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath. But then she lets out a squeak of surprise as she’s pushed up against a tree, a hand over her mouth. “Shhh…” the woman hushes her before looking around and listening intently, trying to see if they were followed. Amy stills herself, her heart pounding wildly in her chest.
Once the woman is satisfied that they weren’t followed into the forest, she lets her hand fall from Amy’s mouth and steps away from her. Amy just stares at her for a moment, still in shock about the whole random ordeal and having so many questions, but not having a clue where to start. What do you say when something like this happens? Amy would think that she’d be used to stuff flying out of left field by now, but this is bordering on crazy - even by her standards. Who was this woman?
“Where’s the Doctor?” the woman asks, looking at her expectantly.
“What?” Amy responds, still feeling incredibly confused and a little defensive. Some woman she doesn’t know rescues her, kisses her, and then asks about the Doctor? Amy takes a step back from her, not knowing if she should trust her intentions. “Who are you?” she asks, eying the strange suspiciously.
“Oh, right. Sorry,” the woman apologizes. She holds up her wrist that has some kind of mechanism attached to it and Amy immediately flinches, thinking it’s a weapon, but instead the woman presses some sort of button and a blinding flash disorients Amy for a moment.
“What the f-“ she starts, but as she gets her sight back she stops herself mid-sentence as she takes a look at the woman in front of her. “River?” she asks, shocked. Since when did she have the ability to go all shape-shifter?
“Can’t be too careful when going into a Haarlyian prison; they’ve been looking for me for ages,” River replies, smirking. Amy just stares at the device and then at her, wondering how it was possible to change appearance like that. “A little thing I picked up in Koruth; handy, but can have some nasty side effects if you cloak yourself too long,” she explains. “Sorry, love. I should have told you; but with the whole running for our lives things, I got a bit distracted.”
“But…” Amy starts, still in a state of shock. She hadn’t seen River since the Alderay situation - that was four months ago for her. Besides, it was clear as day that this River in front of her was not the one she last saw; she was younger, barely pushing thirty, if Amy had to guess. “How did you even know where to find me?” Amy asks, figuring that was the most important question at the moment.
“You told me,” River says simply as she takes the device off her wrist and pockets it.
“I…? I told you?” Amy stutters for a moment. “Why would I do that?” She knows better than to do something like that.
“Relax; you were just telling me about your scars.”
“What scars?” Amy asks, perplexed. She didn’t have any scars other than the ones she got when she fell off her bicycle when she was nine.
“Exactly,” River replies, smirking.
“What?” Amy asks, feeling more lost now than ever. Frustrated, she folds her arms in front of her chest and demands, “Explain.”
“Can’t do that, love,” River tells her casually, like she knows exactly how infuriating she’s being yet doesn’t care in the slightest. “I’ve changed enough already. I’m sorry.” She gives Amy a sympathetic look before she turns away from her, walking down the bank of the river to stand near the edge. Amy watches as she grabs her shirt and lifts it over her head, exposing her bra.
“Uh, hello? What are you doing?” Amy asks, holding her arms out in frustration at River’s completely nonchalance about everything.
“I’m going to go for a swim,” River explains as she kicks off her shoes. Amy lets out an agitated sigh. A swim, sure, of course; why didn’t she think of that? Because they have so much time right now.
“We need to get back to the TARDIS.”
“No we don’t. Not yet,” River tells her, turning to look back at her up the bank as she shimmies out of her pants. “They’re still looking for us; we can’t go anywhere yet. If we do, we lose the forest as cover.”
“You do realize they could go through the forest and still find us, yeah?” Amy asks impatiently, putting her hands on her hips. She arches an eyebrow in response to the annoying ‘I-know-more-than-you-do’ look River seems to have some kind of fetish with sporting.
“They won’t find us in here,” River tells her simply before giving her a smile. She runs her thumbs along the waist band of her knickers, keeping this infuriatingly sultry eye contact with Amy the whole time that nearly - nearly - makes the younger woman blush. However, Amy figures her annoyance should be put higher in her priorities list than her hormones - especially since her hormones haven’t been leading her anywhere good lately. Amy doesn’t say anything and River’s smirk grows wider, “Aren’t you going to ask me why?”
“No, because I’m pretty sure you won’t tell me,” Amy replies shortly. River isn’t exactly the queen of sharing.
“So distrustful,” River tuts, “I wonder what I’m going to do to deserve that.” She chuckles a little as she folds her clothes nicely and places them on the bank. “Close your eyes,” she instructs as she looks up at Amy, “and listen. Really, really listen. You’ll have your answer.”
Amy narrows her eyes, but with an encouraging nod from River she tries to settle down her aggravation and trust her for a moment. Closing her eyes, she tries to focus on the sounds of the forest, but everything sounds as it should; she can hear the river flowing, the leaves blowing in the light breeze. “I don’t hear anything,” she tells her. She can hear River chuckle softly, then leaves crunch beneath her feet as she walks up the bank and over to where Amy stands.
When River’s palms cup her cheeks, Amy noticeably jumps from the unexpected feeling, but River shushes her. “Only me, love,” she tells her softly. Amy relaxes a little, but not enough. River being this close to her again was putting her senses on overdrive and she swallows hard, attempting to look mildly composed. Amy was not the kind of person who gets nervous around someone, but this seemed like it could be categorized under ‘extenuating circumstances’. So she focuses on her breathing instead of River’s touch and it makes it feel a tad better.
And then River asks quietly, “Do you feel me? The warmth of my hands on your cheeks?”
Well, so much for the not focusing on River’s touch plan.
“Yeah,” Amy breathes and then clears her throat a little awkwardly because she wasn’t expecting her voice to come out that soft. She doesn’t have to see River to know she’s smiling; she can hear it in her voice.
“When you listen to the forest, focus on the warmth of it.”
“That doesn’t make any sense; I’m listening, not feeling,” Amy protests, not understanding what River’s getting at.
“You can hear the warmth in someone’s voice, yeah?” River asks, though rhetorically; she knows Amy has before. “That’s what you’re listening for. Not it’s pitch, but its feeling. Through feeling you can find intent, and with intent you don’t need words. You just know.”
Amy isn’t quite sure she understands, but she tries again regardless. She tries to listen for the warmth in nature, but all she can focus on is the heat from River’s hands. She tries to hear the forest, yet all her ears pick up is River’s breathing, her heartbeat in her chest. Why River thought this would help, Amy wasn’t sure. River seemed to be intoxicating her senses more than any tree could and she had a suspicion River knew it, too. “All I can feel is you,” Amy admits softly. “All I can hear is you.”
“Sorry,” River apologizes, yet doesn’t step back; doesn’t take her hands away. If anything, her fingers ever so slightly began to trace Amy’s jawline. “It took me many years to hear the trees; I shouldn’t have expected you would learn so quickly. They grew on the outskirts of the Academy as well; where I studied archeology. Beautiful, secretive… but very loyal, these trees are. They’re called Fryzgiil and they grow on many planets, yet are connected telepathically as one. Quite amazing, honestly. I’ve never seen a race like it.”
“So we won’t be found here because they are… loyal to you?” Amy guesses. She still doesn’t open her eyes, but she figures it’s safer. Maybe she was a little scared to open them and see River staring back at her, close enough to… well, close enough to do close things with.
“I helped them once,” River replies, her fingertips still lightly brushing over Amy’s jaw. Her voice is low, as if she’s entranced by something. “In return, I asked them to cloak us until the threat is gone. They have everlasting loyalty to each other; not to other races. They’re mistrustful of us. More than once their brothers and sisters have been cut down to serve another race’s mundane purpose. It’s barbaric; the trees in this forest are as alive as you or I.” River’s fingertip slides up Amy’s cheek, to brush a stray hair away from her face.
Amy’s silent for a moment, not sure what approach she should be taking in this situation. Her first instinct is to run; being this close to River is bound to only cause more problems for her in the future. Yet her feet seemed rooted to the spot, her eyes still closed out of fear of what kind of expression she would find on River’s face. Her mind races for something to say; anything, so she doesn’t just stand here in silence.
Finally, Amy remembers a question she meant to ask the moment River found her in that cage. “Why did I say we couldn’t see each other anymore?” she asks quietly. She feels River’s hand freeze and the archeologist is quiet for a moment.
“You know I can’t tell you that, sweetie,” she replies, sighing a little. Her fingers begin their journey on Amy’s jawline again, albeit slower this time. “It’s funny; I’m used to you holding all the answers. I used to wonder if it’d ever be the other way around.” She falls silent for a moment before she flattens her hand against the side of Amy’s face, biting her lower lip gently. “I know it makes no difference to you now, but just so you know; I’m sorry… for whatever it was that made you feel that way.”
Amy purses her lips and risks opening her eyes. The expression on River’s face is so pained that it hurts her heart. “I never told you?” Amy asks softly. If she didn’t tell her then it had to be because of Rory. Still, that is a pretty shitty way to break it off; with no explanation to speak of. It was her fault this whole thing started in the first place; her and her stupid lie.
But Amy knew she couldn’t tell her, not now. She knew she wasn’t meant to break it off now and she didn’t want to risk messing with her future, River’s past; the Pandorica did enough of that already. Besides, Amy didn’t think she could stomach doing it right now. As much as she should, the look on River’s face was heartbreaking enough; it’s like she was staring at happiness and yet was unable to touch it. It made Amy wonder how River came to be at this place; surely one night wouldn’t have mattered this much to her, right?
“You didn’t have to,” River answers, shrugging it off like it was nothing, yet the opposite was so clearly written all over her face. “I knew it was because there was someone else; someone better.”
Amy’s stomach drops to the floor. “I’m sorry,” is all she can manage to say. Her voice cracks ever so slightly.
“Don’t apologize. I never tied myself to one lover; I don’t expect you to either,” River tells her honestly. “Besides, that all has yet to happen to you. I just hoped you would be able to be with us both simultaneously, but I suppose that’s not in your nature.”
Amy bites the inside of her cheek, knowing who she’s talking about. “The Doctor?” she asks quietly. River looks surprised.
“You knew?”
“The first time I met you, you were in your late forties,” Amy tells her, wishing the pit of her stomach didn’t burn with irrational jealousy; River is not hers, after all. She has Rory. “It was obvious then how you felt about him.”
“Even then, huh?” River asks, a little surprised. “Spoilers, sweetie. We’re getting into dangerous territory. Perhaps it’s best if we stop discussing our futures.” Amy nods, knowing that’ll probably be best. It’s just hard, seeing River and not wondering what happened between them in her past. It’s hard not having the answers to so many questions. “So,” she goes on, voice higher as she tries to change the subject. “Swim while we wait for the all clear?”
“You go ahead,” Amy replies. “I just… I’ll think I’ll just sit.” She had a lot to think about. As she moves to sit at the top of the bank, River notices the distress on her face and pauses. After a moment, she moves to sit down next to her, propping her knees up and resting her elbows on top of them.
“I said far too much, didn’t I?” River asks softly.
“Yeah,” Amy whispers, staring out at the river. It was flowing much too peacefully for how Amy felt. Not that her emotions should change the tides, but it just felt… wrong; everything seeming so perfect around her when all she felt was distress.
“Shit,” River breathes, sighing as she lies down on her back, looking up at the sky. “I was afraid of that. I’m not used to this, you know. This is the first time I ever…”
“Knew more than I did?” Amy guesses, looking over at her. River nods before turning her head to look at her.
“I’m so sorry, love. I thought it would be easy, not telling you a thing. I guess I was wrong; I messed that up with the first sentence. You and the Doctor always made it seem rather easy to be shrouded in mystery.”
Amy can’t help but laugh softly and River looks at her questionably. Amy shakes her head; it seemed rather absurd. “If it makes you feel any better, you become a pro at it. You’re the most mysterious person I know.”
River gives her a half smile, “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
River sighs though, turning her face back up to the sky. “Still, that doesn’t help me now. I probably just fucked everything up.” She pauses for a second, then adds, “But I suppose you can’t miss what will never happen.”
Amy furrows her eyebrows, looking down at her. “You’re afraid I’m going to change your past?”
“Honestly, I could do without the breakup. But by the look on your face I’m guessing that’s not what’s got you distressed,” River answers, her eyes searching Amy’s face for answers. She seems to have found one though because she asks, “We aren’t together yet in your timeline, are we?”
Amy stares at her for a long time before she sighs, turning away and looking back out at the river. “No,” she whispers. “Not… not really, anyway.” Pursing her lips, she closes her eyes before she leans backwards, coming to rest on the grass. When she opens her eyes, she expects to be blinded by the sun, but the leaves of the trees seem to be blocking it out. “And honestly, I’m not sure how to handle this information.”
They lay there in silence, the two of them, not knowing what else to say to make the situation better. Amy knew better than to change the past or to change the future - depending on whose point of view she’s looking at - but that didn’t make her decision any easier. It was wrong; in all senses of the word what she was doing with River was wrong. Not only to Rory but to herself as well. Yet Amy knew firsthand the dangers of changing time and so she felt utterly stuck. She wishes she never got herself into this mess in the first place.
After some time, she turned her head to look at the woman lying next to her. “Is it safe to go back yet?” She didn’t know how much longer she could take just lying here and feeling helpless.
River purses her lips and turns to face her. “I don’t know,” she whispers, like she was feeling a little guilty for not having all the answers. Amy furrows her brow.
“I thought you said they would tell you.”
“They will,” River affirms and then admits, “But at the moment I seem to be having the same problem you were.” Off of Amy’s confused look, River gives her a soft, apologetic smile. “All I feel at the moment is you.”
Amy feels her heart skip a beat.
River’s face masks in distress, but she tries to hide it by taking a deep breath and averting her gaze. “And now I can’t help but wonder if this will be the last time I ever do,” she admits quietly. Her words make Amy’s chest feel heavy and her stomach tie in knots.
“It won’t be,” she replies, voice barely audible. River turns to look at her, like she isn’t sure if she heard her right. Amy swallows her nerves and explains, “I won’t change what’s happened. I can’t. Time has been rewritten enough and honestly I’m terrified of the repercussions if we continue to meddle with it. Besides… our minds, our memories? They’ve been screwed up enough. We need to live our lives the way they were meant to be lived: the good and the bad.”
“And what category do I fall under, love?” River asks, trying to sound nonchalant and yet the hitch her voice betrays her façade.
Amy didn’t know. It was far too early to tell if it would end up being the best thing that ever happened to her… or the worst. But River was looking at her in a way that requested answers that Amy didn’t have. So instead of answering, she hoisted the top half of her body up to look down at the woman beneath her. It was amazing, really, how young or old River could be and yet she’d still end up looking so breathtakingly beautiful. The two locked eyes for a moment before Amy brought her lips down, either trying to kiss away River’s doubts or distract her; she wasn’t entirely sure. Regardless, both worked.
Then again, they always seemed to be so much better with the physical part of it all anyway.
* * *
Amy was shaken out of her recollection as she heard the sound of Rory coughing violently behind her. She turned around, surprised to hear him in the console room of the TARDIS when he should have been in bed. “Rory, what the hell are you doing up? You’re sick!” Amy protests as she sees him pounding on his chest for a moment to try to release the phlegm from his lungs. It’s been weeks now and he doesn’t seem to be getting any better. If anything, he’s been getting worse.
“Relax; I’m fine,” Rory croaks, just before he starts in on another coughing fit that nearly brings him to his knees. “See?” he asks weakly as he cracks a smirk, trying to make a joke of it.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not fine!” Amy shouts, angry that she has to play the mother. Rory should know better than to go wandering around when he should be resting; he’s not a child. Besides, truth be told, how long this sickness has lasted has got Amy worried. “Get back in bed before I kick your arse back in there myself.”
“But it’s boring lying in bed all day,” Rory complains, but then practically hacks up his left lung and is left unable to talk for a couple minutes.
“Then I’ll do a whole naughty nurse bit, yeah? Just get back into bed before you keel over and die; you know how I hate to clean,” she jokes, which earns her a laugh from Rory that turns into another coughing fit. Amy sighs, rubbing him on his back before leading him into one of the sleeping quarters. When Rory finally goes back inside, Amy closes the door behind him and leans against it, closing her eyes and letting out a long sigh.
Rory being sick wasn’t helping with her guilt either. It seemed like just after Amy got done shagging River in the forest that he came down with this terrible cold. Well, maybe not right after they got done, but regardless. In some way it felt like a punishment. She had a choice back there and yet she chose to give into weakness and desire. She gave in and sure, probably had one of the most amazing, mind-blowing orgasms in her whole life, but it destroyed her and Rory’s marriage just a little bit more in the process.
But it’s what she had to do, right? To not mess things up further than they already were.
Rory doesn’t know their marriage is falling apart though, and how could he? Amy certainly wasn’t going to tell him. By the time the Doctor and Rory even found her after that whole ordeal, River was long gone anyway. She lied and told them a stranger rescued her from the prison; some kind of vigilante. She’s sure the Doctor doesn’t quite believe her, but he’s never questioned it either.
It was difficult lying to them both but under the circumstances, what else could she do? She knew she was trapped in this situation and frankly it… well, it wasn’t entirely unpleasant. It would be rather flippin’ grand, actually, if not for all the guilt it entailed. Two lovers… who wouldn’t want that?
The only problem was… Amy didn’t know if she was mentally or emotionally equipped to handle more than one. This all had the potential of becoming one big, sodding disaster. And knowing Amy’s luck, it probably will be.
TBC…