It's all in the palm of your hands
If you actually read this, thank you, really.
I’ve been sitting here for a long time now, trying to put thoughts into words. I don’t know what exactly I’m doing here, and I don’t remember how I got here. All I know is that it’s been a year since the beginning of 2006. At first I was blindsided, wondering what it is that I’ve done with myself for the past year. I couldn’t think of a single thing. I found myself sitting in my bed on Christmas eve, smoking my lungs out and watching The Muppet Christmas Carol by myself. I secretly wished that the ghosts of my past, present and future would come visit me in the night. Somehow I’d be whisked away into another dimension, and in the morning I would find myself happier than ever, the full effects of Christmas raining down heavily on my newly refreshed soul. Instead, I fell into a dreamless sleep, and woke up Christmas morning to my sister and her boyfriend poking me with a cold water bottle, and telling me to get my ass downstairs to open gifts.
I miss the magical part of the holidays. The only part I actually enjoy is being with my family. Which technically is the essence of it all anyways. But I find it incredibly sad how as you get older, the excitement for the actual day of Christmas seems to leave. After the first time I watched my mom, dad, aunt & uncle setting up the Santa presents for the younger kids, it’s never seemed the same. This year, Christmas wasn’t even a genuine family affair. Now that Josh is living with us, it’s really never going to be again. And now that I think about the last year, nothing is ever going to be the same again.
I suppose that with each beginning/end of a year, one begins to try and comprehend just what exactly we’re all doing here. “3!... 2!... 1!... Happy new year!” And suddenly, we’re all running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to find someone moderately attractive to kiss at this moment. Why? I’m not really sure, but if you were at a bar or a party, it surely happened. Next comes the fabrication of some sort of New Years Resolution List, marked with the last two digits of the new year. I’d be lying if I told you that I knew a single person who’s ever stuck with a new years resolution past the end of January, let alone kept it up all year long. I suppose the underlying goal in general is to improve yourself--a new year, a new you.
It all seems so exciting, until about January 3rd. (Or for most people my age, whenever the second semester of college starts up.) Suddenly we’re back to the average day to day droning, and the eve of new yeardom that recently passed seems like just another drunken night. Personally, I’m worried about this. What’s the point of getting so excited for these random celebrations, when we blunder through them just the same as we would a normal day? I’m sure everyone thinks about this. As you get older, it seems to get worse. With age comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes actually having things to do. We get older, we get busier. Time flies by faster and faster. The good times and the bad times kind of just blur into… times. We know we had the conversations, but can’t remember what we talked about. We know we probably left the house that day, but what you did is an intermingled mess of coffee, working, eating, and transporting from place to place. Sometimes punctuated by cigarettes.
When the hell did all of this happen? When did we grow up? I seem to remember being in second grade, wishing for summer break to be over so that I could go back to school. I was bored out of my fucking tree and all I wanted was something to do. Nowadays I think I speak for most of us when I say that I would give my right breast to have that endless summer holiday. And quite honestly, this is coming from the nineteen year old with the least responsibility in the free world. I’m not even working, or in school. I live under my parents’ roof and I eat their food. Sometimes they drive me around. For the better part of the last four years, I’ve done nothing but sit and think. And apparently it took me four years to realize this.
My basic thoughts, realizations and overall analysis of 2006 is as follows:
1.) Everyone’s taste in every aspect of their lives constantly changes.
2.) Fairytale love does not exist, tell me you have it--I still won’t believe you.
3.) Friends come and go.
4.) People are capable of turning their backs on a dime.
4.5.) Real friends never turn their backs.
5.) Really, humans are shallow bastards, in every aspect of the word.
6.) A great number of seemingly close people would throw you to the wolves as long as they could have a shot at whatever it is they want.
7.) I will never be free of lint and/or cat hair.
8.) Memories are all we have now, all we ever had, and all we will ever have.
9.) There are more important things in life than your bank account.
10.) It’s not possible to truly and completely understand another person, let alone yourself.
11.) Worrying is a useless waste of time and energy.
12.) Regretting is a useless waste of time and energy.
13.) True friends are real family, and real family are true friends.
14.) Meeting new people can be astonishing, people will always surprise you.
15.) Laughing until you cry is probably the best waste of time and energy there is.
16.) There will always be someone better looking than you.
17.) There will always be someone worse looking than you.
18.) Keeping your mindset positive actually makes you positive.
19.) Breakdowns are allowed. A breakdown does not disprove strength.
20.) Books allow your mind to expand without taking hits of acid.
21.) If you’re going to take hits of acid, do it when you don’t have to stay outside for six hours.
22.) Genuine people are still out there.
23.) Fake people are still out there.
24.) It’s unnecessary to keep fake people in your life.
25.) You are living your life, don’t let anyone else try and take the reins.
26.) Every person is capable of having flexible morals.
27.) Drinking a lot of water is good.
28.) 75 texts per month is not enough.
29.) Embraces from the truest of friends leave you energized.
30.) A talk about the universe every now and then is needed.
31.) Sitting outside by yourself is freeing.
32.) You are beautiful.
33.) The number of people you’ve slept with does not define you, or how attractive you are.
34.) It’s not the people you can live with that matter, it’s the people you can’t live without.
35.) Green tea lattes are by far my favourite beverage, ever.
36.) No matter how bad things seem, they can always get worse.
37.) No matter how bad things seem, they will always get better.
38.) Happiness comes and goes without warning, so enjoy it whenever you can.
39.) You don’t need someone else to complete you.
40.) The stars on The Sunshine Coast will always be brighter than the stars in Edmonton.
41.) Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrmann gets me every time.
42.) Respect yourself, and respect others.
43.) It’s impossible to live every single moment, in the moment.
44.) The moments in which you truly feel alive, are the ones worth remembering.
45.) Remembering to forget the negative really does work.
46.) My favourite person to wake up with is myself.
47.) Don’t ever get too busy to remember to breathe.
48.) Stop and look around every once in a while, just to make sure you’re awake.
49.) Sometimes your heart will break without your permission, let it mend.
50.) Realization is the key to acceptation.
51.) I have always, still do, and always will suck at calling people back.
52.) People-watching is my ultimate, all time favourite thing to do.
53.) We all change, every day.
54.) If you still don’t know what you want to do with your life, it’s alright, you're not the only one.
55.) There’s no stopping time. Let them know how you feel before you no longer can.
56.) Living in the past makes you blind to the future, and blind to the now.
57.) Sometimes there is no “right” thing to say.
58.) If you argue correctly, you’re never wrong.
59.) The end may not always be the end.
60.) Everything really is going to be okay.
Happy new year kids.
We’ve still got a long way to go, enjoy it.