Days like these you've gotta find it in some other way
I like to think that even though I tend to hate people as a whole, individuals can still make some difference, change your mind with their beauty. I’ve come across many people in my life who have made an impact on me in some way. Changed something about the way I lived, the way I thought, or the way I felt. More and more nowadays, it seems like everyone is so incredibly wrapped up in fear. The passion of life has been drained from our society, and the details in life that truly matter, aren’t being taught. Wouldn’t it be nice if there could be some sort of Life 101 course? Morals, values, communication, interaction, and dealing with the utter feeling of helplessness that comes along with being human. Whether you feel it towards friends, family members, yourself, or a greater purpose, we’ve all felt it. Today I feel helpless towards myself. What is there to do when you can’t control your situation? One can only wait it out, play it by ear.
Have you ever wished that you could be completely emotionless?
I have.
This is such a vicious circle for me. I don’t like getting close to people, or rather, I don’t like people getting close to me. The closer you are to my life, the more I tend to care for you, and how many relationships (friendly or otherwise) in your life have left you feeling hurt at some point or another? But is this any reason to completely give up hope, become unattached, and curl up into a lonely ball of angst? I don’t think so. What’s the point of having feelings if you don’t use them? I understand that people are scared, because obviously, I am too. I understand that people make mistakes, and we’re prone to being emotionally unavailable at times. What I don’t understand is why people can’t just be straightforward with each other, and with themselves. I would never, not for a second, lie to myself. And I’m a firm believer in the fact that no matter what the situation, you should be honest with others. So then it happens; someone seems to appear out of the blue, flustering me up with a bunch of feelings. I refuse to hold myself back, because if I do, I know that I’ll find myself wondering what could have been. The dreaded, “What if?”
So I let go of most of the worries, and I go with it. Things go great, and then suddenly, everything has changed. Flip-flopped to the complete polar opposite. I find myself crying over people who never gave a damn in the first place. People who lied their ways into my life, seemingly only to take a small piece of it away.
No more.