Anyone Out There?
I feel alone tonight.
My boyfriend has been quiet. He's been working all day, but I always feel so inadeqate ALL THE TIME, and I always feel like I need constant 24/7 reassurance.
I feel unlovable, and I feel like a fuck up, and I want to kill myself.
All I can manage to do tonight is cry in bed in the dark and think about cutting.
I haven't actually cut in over a year, but damn the urges...
I've gotten to the point where it's comforting just to hold my pocket knife while lying in bed.
I don't do anything... just hold it.
And I can't sleep... My psychiatrist told me to stop taking my Ambien due to my hallucinations, and I don't see him again until next week for any other suggestions...
I just want to cut a,d go somewhere far away and start all over -- brand new.
I don't want to think anymore.
My boyfriend has been quiet. He's been working all day, but I always feel so inadeqate ALL THE TIME, and I always feel like I need constant 24/7 reassurance.
I feel unlovable, and I feel like a fuck up, and I want to kill myself.
All I can manage to do tonight is cry in bed in the dark and think about cutting.
I haven't actually cut in over a year, but damn the urges...
I've gotten to the point where it's comforting just to hold my pocket knife while lying in bed.
I don't do anything... just hold it.
And I can't sleep... My psychiatrist told me to stop taking my Ambien due to my hallucinations, and I don't see him again until next week for any other suggestions...
I just want to cut a,d go somewhere far away and start all over -- brand new.
I don't want to think anymore.