IAM- Ch 2/8
Chapter 2: Kato Shigeaki
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"Baby... I'm sorry... Let's pretend that it never happened... please?"
I shiver as I heard him plead. He was so close to me that I'm starting to get goose bumps.
"Ayame-SENSEEEEIIIIIII!!!! (Teacher)"
She turned around and faced us.
Us, her noisy students.
She pushed her eye glasses as she put down the book she was holding onto.
"Chiaki-san, why are you shouting?"
"Sensei, this guy..." I pushed him away as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "He’s getting on my nerves. Can I transfer seat? Because I don’t want to be near with him!"
"Why? He's your boyfriend right?"
"Ex. Ex boyfriend." I corrected her. She nodded slowly in amusement.
"Okay... I understand, Ino-san..." Her eyes roam around. "Where should I place you...? Ah... You can transfer on the third row."
"Baby... don’t leave me..."
He said as he held me on my arm. I nudge it away and glare at him. I stood up and walked on my new place. Finally, I'm away from that stupid bastard.
I look around, from my right then to my left.
I felt somebody is watching over me.
I turn around, I saw Kato Shigeaki looking at me.
I smile uneasy at him and look away.
____________________________________________________________________________________
"So you guys have broken up?"
My lips form a half smile. That voice. I look on my right, it was Shige-kun.
He was looking at a very far distance.
I mimicked him.
"Yup. I dumped him, my stupid hick boyfriend."
"So you regret it?"
"No... To be honest, it was a good feeling. I feel like I’ve taken out some weight over my shoulder. I'm happy with my choice."
"I'm glad that Aki-chan is happy now."
Then he leaned closer to me that my heart started to pound uncontrollably. Our foreheads were pressing each others. I blink countless times. "Jaa ne. (see you)" he move backward and mess with my hair. Then he vanished from my sight.
I sigh wearily.
I feel awful.
Shige-kun didn’t change even a bit.
But I do.
I feel like I’ve changed a lot.
Especially, when I start dating that jerk.
But now, finally I'm free.
I can bring back the same closeness we had before.
Me and Shige-kun.
My childhood friend.
____________________________________________________________________________________
"Aki..."
"Oi. Shige-kun... what are you doing here?"
I asked curiously, because I'm doing reports for the monthly meetings we had inside this office.
"Nothing... I just saw you so I stop and drop by here..."
"Oh... That's so sweet. Thank you."
"Don’t push yourself too much. Okay? Does the president understand that?"
I nodded with a smile. Then he tapped my shoulder, "I'll go first."
"Okay take care."
When I turn around, there was no Shige-kun.
That was fast. Why didn’t he stay for a while? I'm not trying to oust him.
Suddenly, I feel empty. I don’t have anyone except Shige-kun.
After all, I'm done with what I am doing.
I stood up and started to run outside.
I saw him walking from afar.
I yelled, "Shige-kun!"
He stopped. I smiled. I jogged closer to him. By the time I got there, I was panting.
With narrowed eyebrows, he said, "Are you alright? Didn't I tell you not to push yourself? Why are you running?"
"Because I'm chasing you."
"Chasing me?" he snickered. “Why?”
I lowered my head. It’s been a while since the two of us ate together.
I missed that feeling. “Ca-cause… I want us, to eat together. Is it alright with you?”
He lifted my face with his index finger and thumb. My heart started to thump. The feeling was unusual, he never did this before.
“I thought you’d never ask.” I blushed. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and he was dragging me. “So where do you want to eat?”
“I want to eat at your restaurant. I missed the ramen there.”
____________________________________________________________________________________
After we ate, we decided to take a walk first, at the park where we used to play before.
“Do you remember the promise that we made here? Three years ago?”
He asked. It made me thought hard.
After the break up incident, I decided to forget all memories from before.
Living with memories will only make you suffer. It will only make you regret things you haven’t done from before.
So better start living forward.
“What promised?”
I smile innocently at him as I ask him that question.
I tried to act ignorantly in front of him, trying to test his patient.
The truth is, that promise was very explicit to me.
“After high school, if both of us have passed the entrance exam at Todai (University of Tokyo)---“
I cut off his sentence and continued.
“We will pursue our studies there... together.” I laugh lightly. He was smiling very wide.
“I’m surprised you still remember that.”
“I was just playing tricks over you.” I chuckled as I sit on the swing.
He stood behind me and started pushing it nonchalantly.
“I knew it… You really like to see me suffer.”
“No, I’m not.” I smiled to the extent that my muscle felt sore.
“Then why did you start dating him?”
His tone didn’t change. But I felt the question was out of line. I wonder why he asked such question like that.
“Do I have to answer that?”
He stopped pushing the swing and replied, “No…”
Then there was an awkward silence between the two of us.
Neither spoke. I don’t know what his intention is when he said that.
Or am I just playing dumb and numb?
“Aki…”
His tone was different.
I knew him very well enough, for me to think that this conversation will lead to that topic.
The topic that I’ve always try to avoid.
“Shige-kun?” I lift my face upward until our gazes met. “Can we go back? I feel cold?”
He pursed his lips and nodded. I wrap my arms around me. We walk side by side until I felt our upper arms collided.
I exhale loudly and shiver.
Slowly, creeping to me, I felt he wrap his jacket around me and place his arms around my shoulder.
I look at him. He was looking straight ahead.
“Don’t worry… I’m doing this as a friend… nothing more.”
I felt a pang on my chest. It was my entire mistake, never his.
Few months earlier, under the sunset, it was an unforgettable moment for us.
At the back of my mind, the decision that I made before, was something that occasionally made me regret.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“Aki… I have something to tell you.”
“What?”
I spun around and look at him. I cannot clearly see his face, because of the sun.
“Daisuki (I like you) would you like to go out with me?” he bowed in front of me. My heart started to pound rapidly, I wanted to chase it. But…
I swallowed hard. I look away. I answered him casually. “Gomen ne (I’m sorry) but… I love him.”
“Ah… Souka (I see)?” He said in flat tone as he looked on the other side. When I tried to meet his gaze, his eyes were misted. Then he sniffed. “I guess I’m a little bit late…” I didn’t answer. I wanted to say some words to console him, but my brain isn’t cooperating, my tongue retreated. I looked at the ground. “Aki…”
I look up.
I did not expect that I would be the one who will hurt him.
Never when I’m wide awake and never in my dreams.
“We’re still friends right?”
He asked. I tried to smile.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
“Don’t worry… I’m doing this as a friend… nothing more.”
I felt a pang on my chest. It was my entire mistake, never his.
And that’s what happened few months earlier, under the sunset, it was an unforgettable moment for us.
At the back of my mind, the answer that I made before was something that occasionally made me regret.
“Thank you.” I mumbled.
“Hmm?”
“I said, thank you… for always being there… even though, I’ve always confer you pain…”
“I’ll stay here no matter what, even if you stray me away.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
My eyebrows got wrinkled at the same time it made me happy as I saw him outside the office, sitting on the floor with a book on his hand.
“Oi Shige-kun, what are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you… at the same time, I’m studying.”
“Wow… so you’re really preparing for the exam. I’m impressed!”
“Of course… Coz I want to be with you for the next succeeding years.”
I blushed. I sat on the floor beside him and started scanning the notes. I asked, “What if, for example, Shige-kun didn’t pass the exam at Todai, what would you do afterward?”
He stare at me for seconds and back to the window. “If I didn’t pass the exam at Todai, what should I do? Hmm… actually, I’ve thought of this a long time ago… I only have three roads to take. It’s an either or-or.”
“What’s the first?”
“Aki-chan… no offense… but somehow, I think it would be cool to be a con artist once in your life.”
“Yeah? I think so… but it’s kind of scary… what if you’ll get caught, right? Of course lawyers or other people will sue you.”
“I know…anyway…”
“Next?”
“I’ll take another exam from other schools… If I don’t pass again…”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Hokkaido.”
“Hokkaido?!” I shrieked. “That’s very…”
“Far? Yeah, I know… That’s why I decided to go there… Of course when you fail at Todai, it feels like your dreams have ended.”
“Don’t you think you’re exaggerating?” I ask. But somehow, I agree with his idea.
“No… How about you Aki? If you fail at Todai, what would you do?”
I bit my lower lips and think. “Hmm… To honest I like your first and third idea… addition to that… If I fail, I would just work at my parents’ café.”
“That’s great… You’re good at cooking and I bet your parents would love that idea… If that happens, I’ll always go and visit there… or I could just stay there and study.” Then we smiled at each other.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Three more months, and it’s the much awaited exam. Every day, Shige and I make sure that the two of us will have a group study together.
---
“What’s the formula for finding the area of a rectangle?” He asked as we were having this question and answer. We were studying, furthermore we are having fun.
“I know that… Hmm… Length times width!” I answered very proudly. Then he feed me some kiwi.
“Correct!”
“Yatta! (I did it)” I flip the reviewer and ask, “What’s the area of---Ow!” with sour face, I look up. It was the hick ex boyfriend pulling my hand with his tight gripped.
“Chiaki, let’s talk.”
“No! I’m not going anywhere near you.” I said calmly yet I’m totally pissed off.
My answer, pulled his anger likewise. He started to haul me outside.
Shige stood in front of him with narrowed eyebrows. “She said, she doesn’t want to get near you. So let her go.”
“You and what army?”
Shige-kun smirked. He clicked his tongue. “I said let her go.”
For a split second, there was loud thud. My eye grew wide as I saw him punch Shige on his face. “Shige-kun!” I knelt in front of him, trying to stay by his side and protect him. But I was dragged far away from him.
---
The wind blew my hair; I had to place my hand on head.
“So… you’re still fulfilling that childish promise?”
“What do you care?”
He simpered. “I care because you’re mine.”
“Are you out of your mind?! We’re over! It’s over! It’s been over!”
“For me… it didn’t end, it’s infinite.”
“I like him.”
He held me by my collar, as he gritted his teeth. “What did you say?”
I look up to him. “Kato Shigeaki… I love him.”
He exhale deeply and let me go. I had to stumble partially because of the impact. “Let’s make a deal.”
“What deal?”
“If… that Kato… passed the exam at Todai… I promise you, I’ll stay away with you… I won’t bother you anymore... If he didn’t passed…” I raised an eyebrow. “You’re mine again.”
I gave him a half smile. “In your dreams… Shige will pass that exam. I believe in him… So better start backing off.”
I walked away. “Good luck.” I heard him say, I look behind me; conceitedly, he waves his fingers at me.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
We walked separate ways. I exhale deeply, I’m nervous. I cannot explain this feeling. I hope when I face the test paper, I wouldn’t get metal block.
The promise, three years ago is at the stake. I wouldn’t let Shige-kun down.
Before I forgot, I turn around; I decided to walk back to where we are earlier. I followed him and yelled. “Shige-kun!” He turned around, I step closer to him. He was smiling confidently. “Are you nervous?” I asked.
He shrugged. “No, I’m quite confident… because I know you’re here… and I’m doing this for you.”
My heart was beating uncontrollably again. I’m having butterflies on my stomach. I walked closer to him. I gave him a peck and whisper, close enough that my lips were almost brushing to his cheeks. “I know you’ll do great, coz I’m completely in you… and to us.”
“Good luck!”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
After a month or it even feels perpetuity of waiting. The results are already posted inside the premises of Todai. I went alone. With Shige’s number on my hand, I’ve search for his number, 102192, first.
I’ve search from the top to bottom.
102185
102187
102188
I’ve heard lots of cheers from other people who have pass. A gloomy aura from those failed.
102189
102190
102191
102195
My eyes got widen. I got anxious. There should be a mistake here! Shige’s number wasn’t on the list. I scan through again… only to find out that there wasn’t any mistake. My world suddenly turned upside down.
I trembled. Tears with were forming around my eyes.
That promise… Those dream… Three years ago… It was all bound to recede. How could I face Shige-kun after this? How can I stay by his side?
_____________________________________________________________________________________
A cold breeze waft along the rooftop, I started to shiver and bit my nails. For the past week, my eyes were never dry. I kept on crying the whole night. I’ve been avoiding Shige… coz I’m afraid I might say the wrong words when we meet again.
“Chiaki…” By the name he was calling me; I already knew who it was… definitely not Shige.
I turn around. Indeed it was really not him. “Congratulations… I saw your name on the list.” He said as he tried to touch my face. I slap his hand away.
“Don’t touch me… Or I’ll call the police.”
He laughed dauntingly. “Call the police or your uncle who is a con artist?” I didn’t answer. I started to grit my teeth and clench my fist. He started to walked, encircling me…
“My… my… my… Chiaki… Remember… the restaurant your parents established their whole lives are part of our district… Or… how about we do it vice versa? The restaurant that Shige’s father established… with just one snap of my fingers… Boom! Bye-bye!”
He winked at me as he waved his fingers. Tears started to flow of my cheeks. I’m having chest pain as I tried to control my sob. “You don’t have a choice… a deal is a deal… you’re mine now.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I made a choice and a promised to myself.
If in this lifetime, I won’t be with Shige… then for the rest of eternity, I won’t be any man’s woman.
.
.
.
Hokkaido.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
With eyes puff, I walked closer to him and say, “Shige-kun, later… Let’s meet on the park near my place.”
“Sure.”
---
I stood up as I saw his silhouette. We we’re standing few meters away from my each other, I took the chance to do the first move.
I stride closer to him and gave him a quick peck on his right cheeks.
I tried to hide the pain. We both smile sadly at each other.
“Aki… Gomen ne (I’m sorry) I didn’t pass the exam…but… I did my best…” I wanted to burst in tears. I sniffed and pretend.
My heart screamed, ‘Baka (stupid) yeah, I know you did your best. You always give me your best.’
“…But… I love you… My wasted heart will always love you… would you like to be my girlfriend?”
‘Yes! Yes! I wanted to be your girlfriend. I’ve always wanted to be your girlfriend!’ I wanted to say. Droplets of warm liquid flow on my cheeks, I wipe them away.
He noticed it. He took a step forward, reaching his fingers on my crestfallen face.
I took a step backward. How ironic. I signaled him to stop, he followed.
Under the same sunset… just like how I’ve broken his heart before.
I cleared my dry throat and in croaky manner, I answer. “Gomen ne, I only see Kato Shigeaki as a friend… and nothing more.”
For the first time in my life, I cried and lied at the same time.