(no subject)
You know, im sure im gonna get a lot of interesting comments back on this, a lot of it being what people are supposed to say when someone says what im about to say. Or ill get some comments agreeing and then im not gonna feel too good about it but at the same time im gonna feel like I deserve it, especially after what happened today. So, I just ask a small favor, if your gonna comment, comment what you mean to say, not what you hafta say because sometimes, some of us just really need to hear the truth and not the bullshish.
Anyways, here it goes...
After what happened today, I really wish I was pretty. I know some of you are gonna comment back and say "but you are pretty dont say that" or "your so cute you dont need to worry about it" and all that. But the truth is, after today, I dont feel pretty. I feel average if that. I feel like the only people who think im pretty are only the people who have to and weird creepy old guys who hit on me in drive thru who are like 3 times my age and nasty perverts. I just get so irritatied being somewhere where I see a girl take advantage of the fact that she looks like a goddess. Its like sending the whole womans movement 30 steps in the WRONG direction. Seeing her have every male person wrapped around her little size 0 fingers and have them do her job for her while all she has to do is sit there look pretty and do a little laugh making them think they have a chance, even when, they may already have a girlfriend. And I get irritated when she gets breaks that I dont. She can be late to work everyday oh but its ok because she looks cute. But if I was late id get written up. Even though theres no chance of being late because I come in with my mom, but thats not the point! I just get so irritated when she thinks shes queen on the world. Oh and the fact that shes fake nice and lies. That bugs me. But of course its ok for her to get in the middle of a relationship because shes said to be "Super Hot" Its ok for her to have feelings for someone in a realtionship, but im in the wrong for not having feelings for that same person even though they think I do? Oh yeah thats right thats because its me. My feelings (existant or not) make people feel ackward and it makes me a snob. So after today, I wish I was pretty, I wish someone would say that I looked beautiful, and ment it. To say theres something special about me. But I have a sinking feeling, I might just hafta wait. I just wish I knew, how one of my best friends turned on me. Randomly. And how, another good friend, calls me a snob. And says im in the wrong. I deffinitly didnt want to be at work today I was to the point of tears and all I kept saying to Steph and Kat and Krystal was how much I wanted to go home, 3 hrs before my shift was over. I wanted to go wait in the lobby and cry. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. My mom said I should just let everything go but its so hard to feel this way and just let it go. It really is. I feel like if I let it go like I usually do then that will let people know they can walk all over me and hurt my feelings and its ok. They can totally distroy how I feel and then do it again for fun. I...am...fragile. On me should be a sign that says handle with care. I know sometimes I take things a little too personally and let it get to me more than it should but this time I think I have every right to feel distroyed.
Even though, I feel like crap. I do wanna thank Joey, when all this shish started to happen last night he made me feel better *:o)
Um so yeah I think thats about it. All I can say is that im trying really hard not to let it get to me but all of this at once and all the damage its doing is personally affecting me more than I like to. And my one salvation, going to youth and church, is even a big question mark because I cant get a ride anywhere! I have to miss youth again tomorrow for the 3rd week in a row and thats heart breaking. ugh.
Anyways, here it goes...
After what happened today, I really wish I was pretty. I know some of you are gonna comment back and say "but you are pretty dont say that" or "your so cute you dont need to worry about it" and all that. But the truth is, after today, I dont feel pretty. I feel average if that. I feel like the only people who think im pretty are only the people who have to and weird creepy old guys who hit on me in drive thru who are like 3 times my age and nasty perverts. I just get so irritatied being somewhere where I see a girl take advantage of the fact that she looks like a goddess. Its like sending the whole womans movement 30 steps in the WRONG direction. Seeing her have every male person wrapped around her little size 0 fingers and have them do her job for her while all she has to do is sit there look pretty and do a little laugh making them think they have a chance, even when, they may already have a girlfriend. And I get irritated when she gets breaks that I dont. She can be late to work everyday oh but its ok because she looks cute. But if I was late id get written up. Even though theres no chance of being late because I come in with my mom, but thats not the point! I just get so irritated when she thinks shes queen on the world. Oh and the fact that shes fake nice and lies. That bugs me. But of course its ok for her to get in the middle of a relationship because shes said to be "Super Hot" Its ok for her to have feelings for someone in a realtionship, but im in the wrong for not having feelings for that same person even though they think I do? Oh yeah thats right thats because its me. My feelings (existant or not) make people feel ackward and it makes me a snob. So after today, I wish I was pretty, I wish someone would say that I looked beautiful, and ment it. To say theres something special about me. But I have a sinking feeling, I might just hafta wait. I just wish I knew, how one of my best friends turned on me. Randomly. And how, another good friend, calls me a snob. And says im in the wrong. I deffinitly didnt want to be at work today I was to the point of tears and all I kept saying to Steph and Kat and Krystal was how much I wanted to go home, 3 hrs before my shift was over. I wanted to go wait in the lobby and cry. I wanted everyone to leave me alone. My mom said I should just let everything go but its so hard to feel this way and just let it go. It really is. I feel like if I let it go like I usually do then that will let people know they can walk all over me and hurt my feelings and its ok. They can totally distroy how I feel and then do it again for fun. I...am...fragile. On me should be a sign that says handle with care. I know sometimes I take things a little too personally and let it get to me more than it should but this time I think I have every right to feel distroyed.
Even though, I feel like crap. I do wanna thank Joey, when all this shish started to happen last night he made me feel better *:o)
Um so yeah I think thats about it. All I can say is that im trying really hard not to let it get to me but all of this at once and all the damage its doing is personally affecting me more than I like to. And my one salvation, going to youth and church, is even a big question mark because I cant get a ride anywhere! I have to miss youth again tomorrow for the 3rd week in a row and thats heart breaking. ugh.