(no subject)
hmm today i woke up at 12 and talked to justin for a bit then went and showered and cleaned my room and then got dressed and stuff then headed over to his house.....went upstairs and mike was there he stayed there for a bit and chatted with us? then he left and me and justin finished mean girls...then went and got gas and went and took a hot tub..wah there was a little boy's party there it was crazy and loud...then we came to my house so i could eat supper and then back to his house soo he could eat and ended up stayin there....we watch liar liar and messed around...
saturday- did absoultley nuthing..i'm sick of sittin around soo friends..call me up or something i dunno i miss hangin out w/ my friends...i mean i love hangin out w/ justin don't get my wrong ..but i needa hang out with my friends sometimes to..cuz i don't ever even talk to them that much anymore or anything idunno...whatev ...sat around all saturday
friday samme thing sat around
when i got home tonight my mom was tellin me some things about my uncle and my aunt ...some things that are gonna suck and it's gonna be another hard situation that our family is gonna have to go threw after everything that happend with my aunty jill now something with uncle johnny ...but we were talkin about my dad and that how when they got a divorce they were never like how they are now...they never wanted me to hurt and that i would always be able to see my mom or my dad whenever i wanted...and then when my dad married laurie a lot of things changed..i never really wanted to go over there because i didn't like how i wasn't so close to my dad anymore...because laurie was jealous of me and my dads relation ship..i mean i was a daddys girl hard core.....i just wanted to like go marq or something i never wanted to sleep there ...my mom told me that i used to call her and tell her to come pick me up cuz laurie was freaking out and accusing me of shit and telling me that i had to learn respect and get my priorites together when i was like 13..and i didn't know wtf priorties were...listening to her bitch at me and my dad standing right there and him not saying a word to her about how she doesn't know wtf she's talkin about..and him not sticking up for me.....and then one day when he came and picked me up and on the way back to his house he was talkin to me about..how i would feel if we moved...and that he was thinking about moving to texas and that he wanted me to go with him and everything...and wtf i didn't know what to do..all i did was cry...and then he went to work and i had to say there, i sat in my room ..that morning i woke up and usually my dad would be up..and he wasn't up..his car wasn't there and i started freakin out thinkin that my dad moved that night and i didn't get to say goodbye to him and that i loved him....called my mom and came home and called suard cuz we were bestfriend at the time..and i talked to her mom and then my dad pulled up in my driveway and i started bawling...then a couple months later..my dad asks me what i thought about him moving away...and i say..i just want you to be happy...soo my dad left..wrote me a note saying that it was all my fault that he left becasue i would have said i wanted himm to stay he would have..and thats not it at all...i said i wnated him to be happy and moving was what would have made him happy and it's my fault that he moved? i dont' get it..soo obviously i fucked up and said i just want you to be happy..wtff .......now that close relation ship i had with my dad is gone...i NEVER talk to him anymore ...he never calls me...i don't call him cuz i'm usually never home or have time...i go down there for x-mas last year and he doesn't tell me that their moving into a diff house soo that whole time i got to put shit away and sit up in the loft or secret room ..eat oranges and watch law and order svu..never got to have time by myself with my dad cept at 3, 4 in the mornign when he got home from work..not even when he asked if i wanted to go to the store becuase kris would be like...oo take mckenzie with.....didnt' go down there this x-mas...f;lawkejflawejktler i don't evne know why i'm writing this....i should go to sleep...but i can't...i miss him soo much...i miss him being here for me to watch me grow..and to watch me in everything i do...last summer when he came up he got to see two of my softball games and sam told me that she never saw me that happy before....i was soo happy when he was there...and then he came up again...wanted me to go to a wedding reception with people i didn't even have ONE clue who they were from like 3-6 a wedding then 7-12 a wedding recption..plus i had plans with judy already so i got mad and he called back and said that he understood and just to call him sunday..soo i did ...4 or 5 times..and he never answered and never called me back...soo i'm like ok..monday he'll call me..i sat around the whole day waiting for him to call me..no call ...tuesday his LAST day here...i for surely thought he would call..waited around ..no call...wednesday while i was at school he left...never got to see my dad when he came up here when i only get to see him like once every 2-3 years...??wtf did i do wrong there..because i dind't wanan go to a wedding reception i would have known i woudlnt' have saw you i would have went....he called me 3 or 4 times withing a couple days i never answered the phone beacuse i was soo disappointed in him...finally i picked up....didnt' say one word about him not seeing me.......i dunno...i'om gonna go try and go bed...sorry for everything that i've done....cuz obviously i've done somethign to make you not want to see me anymore or have anyting to do with me now that you have another little daughter ..i dont' matter :'( :'(
saturday- did absoultley nuthing..i'm sick of sittin around soo friends..call me up or something i dunno i miss hangin out w/ my friends...i mean i love hangin out w/ justin don't get my wrong ..but i needa hang out with my friends sometimes to..cuz i don't ever even talk to them that much anymore or anything idunno...whatev ...sat around all saturday
friday samme thing sat around
when i got home tonight my mom was tellin me some things about my uncle and my aunt ...some things that are gonna suck and it's gonna be another hard situation that our family is gonna have to go threw after everything that happend with my aunty jill now something with uncle johnny ...but we were talkin about my dad and that how when they got a divorce they were never like how they are now...they never wanted me to hurt and that i would always be able to see my mom or my dad whenever i wanted...and then when my dad married laurie a lot of things changed..i never really wanted to go over there because i didn't like how i wasn't so close to my dad anymore...because laurie was jealous of me and my dads relation ship..i mean i was a daddys girl hard core.....i just wanted to like go marq or something i never wanted to sleep there ...my mom told me that i used to call her and tell her to come pick me up cuz laurie was freaking out and accusing me of shit and telling me that i had to learn respect and get my priorites together when i was like 13..and i didn't know wtf priorties were...listening to her bitch at me and my dad standing right there and him not saying a word to her about how she doesn't know wtf she's talkin about..and him not sticking up for me.....and then one day when he came and picked me up and on the way back to his house he was talkin to me about..how i would feel if we moved...and that he was thinking about moving to texas and that he wanted me to go with him and everything...and wtf i didn't know what to do..all i did was cry...and then he went to work and i had to say there, i sat in my room ..that morning i woke up and usually my dad would be up..and he wasn't up..his car wasn't there and i started freakin out thinkin that my dad moved that night and i didn't get to say goodbye to him and that i loved him....called my mom and came home and called suard cuz we were bestfriend at the time..and i talked to her mom and then my dad pulled up in my driveway and i started bawling...then a couple months later..my dad asks me what i thought about him moving away...and i say..i just want you to be happy...soo my dad left..wrote me a note saying that it was all my fault that he left becasue i would have said i wanted himm to stay he would have..and thats not it at all...i said i wnated him to be happy and moving was what would have made him happy and it's my fault that he moved? i dont' get it..soo obviously i fucked up and said i just want you to be happy..wtff .......now that close relation ship i had with my dad is gone...i NEVER talk to him anymore ...he never calls me...i don't call him cuz i'm usually never home or have time...i go down there for x-mas last year and he doesn't tell me that their moving into a diff house soo that whole time i got to put shit away and sit up in the loft or secret room ..eat oranges and watch law and order svu..never got to have time by myself with my dad cept at 3, 4 in the mornign when he got home from work..not even when he asked if i wanted to go to the store becuase kris would be like...oo take mckenzie with.....didnt' go down there this x-mas...f;lawkejflawejktler i don't evne know why i'm writing this....i should go to sleep...but i can't...i miss him soo much...i miss him being here for me to watch me grow..and to watch me in everything i do...last summer when he came up he got to see two of my softball games and sam told me that she never saw me that happy before....i was soo happy when he was there...and then he came up again...wanted me to go to a wedding reception with people i didn't even have ONE clue who they were from like 3-6 a wedding then 7-12 a wedding recption..plus i had plans with judy already so i got mad and he called back and said that he understood and just to call him sunday..soo i did ...4 or 5 times..and he never answered and never called me back...soo i'm like ok..monday he'll call me..i sat around the whole day waiting for him to call me..no call ...tuesday his LAST day here...i for surely thought he would call..waited around ..no call...wednesday while i was at school he left...never got to see my dad when he came up here when i only get to see him like once every 2-3 years...??wtf did i do wrong there..because i dind't wanan go to a wedding reception i would have known i woudlnt' have saw you i would have went....he called me 3 or 4 times withing a couple days i never answered the phone beacuse i was soo disappointed in him...finally i picked up....didnt' say one word about him not seeing me.......i dunno...i'om gonna go try and go bed...sorry for everything that i've done....cuz obviously i've done somethign to make you not want to see me anymore or have anyting to do with me now that you have another little daughter ..i dont' matter :'( :'(