scared and excited
Im not sure how I feel right now...
I went to da ridge today and Feldy told me I should hang out and listen to Kyle speak to the class... Kyle , I swear I havent seen him in such a friggin long time , its ridiculous. He started talking about Godspell and I honestly wanted to cry. That show really reminds me of why I am in theatre , I sincerely hope that all of you still in high school get the chance to feel and experience even the smallest fraction of what I did while I was in that show.
I move in to my apartment in a day ... one day ... thats crazy! I mean , I remember a summer when I was a little kid and would make up stories and write and sing and play outside all the time and now ... I am watching those kids. It scares me soo bad that Im going to college . I know Im ready in my heart but , then I think of how I just didnt care in high school and I barely scraped by on my B average . I didnt study in high school ... I mean like at all.. and Im just worried about college, but on the other hand I have never been more excited to start something in all my life. I know Im meant to do something great and I want nothing more in life than to make a difference and be able to wake up in the morning knowing that I am going and doing something that makes me really happy .
I just never thought I would be old enough to where when I start dating these guys in college that one of them could be the one I end up with ... forever. That scares the shit out of me. I mean , I wont be getting married for a very very long time , but it still scares me to death.
I realized recently how extremely lucky I have been . I have never felt like such a bitch in all my life . I have not been nearly as grateful as I should have been these last years . My wonderful parents have done nothing but support me through everything I have ever done and more. They have given me a beautiful home to live in and food and clothing and trips to places I could only dream to visit and soooo much more.. I cannot even express how much I should have done for them over the years that I didnt. I feel sooo awful . My mother told me that she would move with me to New York when I graduate . I mean that alone shows you how amazing she is as an individual . She didnt follow her dream and I want to be able to support her one day so that she can . It makes me want to cry at all the things that I shouldve said or done. So , since I havent said those things these past years I will just have to show her and my dad how much it means to me...
there is so much more to say but I wont... goodnight all.