Reality check
Tonight is pretty dark, even the stars are having a hard time shinning.
Not feeling very good, don't wanna say why. If you really wanna know, you could always just ask me. Or if you don't wanna talk to me, then.. umm.. I wouldn't know why you'ed wanna know? Um.. moving on.. I've just been thinking. I think way too much, so then there's too much on my mind. No one really wants to hear this, so I write it here instead. Bleh, some of my friends here are.. getting weird. One of them actually thought I'ed want to go and get high with them. I don't do drugs, and I'm staying that way, I don't need drugs to feel good. Been drawing, just not really posting. But, ya know, just because I don't really post doesn't mean I don't draw. Some stuff I draw I don't show people, cause they could take it the wrong way.
Hmm... like drawing a naked character, I become a pervert? What if I'm just making a point, or trying to say something by using that picture. Sometimes a picture means more than just whats it's showing. I dunno, I guess some people don't get what I'm saying.
Bleh.. darn, guess I'm not going to portugal this year. I could've but I can't get a ticket now, since apparently they don't have enough seats, and too many people wanna go already. Oh well, maybe next year. I wanna do too many things, but can't. Ethier because I don't have enough money, no time, can't plan it well enough. Gah.. if I wanna go on a trip, seems like I gotta pay for it myself. Yes, no help from mom and dad, gotta do it on my own, or else I'm going no where.
Do do do... so, online life, pretty meh. No one around really anymore, 'cept for Nezumi. He's been busy though, but he still seems to wanna chat with me. He's been giving me a bunch of japanese songs too, and it's not that I wouldn't like them all, it's just my brother is probably gonna flip out once he see's all these songs he calls crap. Just because it's japanese, and you can't understand it, doesn't mean it's bad. Um.. yeah, this isn't really "my" computer. It's shared, sort of. No one really uses this computer except me and my brother.
Hmm.. really, if Mousy wasn't around, I probably wouldn't be online. Since he's the only one that talks to me anymore. If he were gone, there'd be no reason for me to be here, since I'ed always be alone then. I don't really like being alone, it's okay sometimes, but all the time? blah. I've tried contacting people I haven't seen in awhile, but usually I still don't see them. I don't get replys, no e-mails, no notes, nothing. So I dunno if it went through, did you get it, or what. Meh, I'm not really that important anyhow. But yeah, I mean, it's actually worse if I don't hear from people. Some people think, "oh, it doesn't matter if I don't say anything, it won't matter." but why? why wouldn't it matter? These people whom I wanna talk to are important, they are important to me. Why else would I still wanna be in contact with them. If I didn't like them, why am I going out of my way to try and see them again. But ugh.. I don't like when people think that they don't matter to me. Anyone who's my friend, I care about them very much. So none of this, "nobody likes me, nobody cares about me" I DO! You may think I don't, but nuh huh, I do care. Why do you think I try and help you when you feel bad. I don't do a great job of it, I know, but I try anyway cause I don't want them to be sad.
The only thing I don't get is, sometimes they won't let me be there. So sometimes, I can't even try and help, because I don't even know where they are.
I think thats what makes me a pretty lousy friend.
Not feeling very good, don't wanna say why. If you really wanna know, you could always just ask me. Or if you don't wanna talk to me, then.. umm.. I wouldn't know why you'ed wanna know? Um.. moving on.. I've just been thinking. I think way too much, so then there's too much on my mind. No one really wants to hear this, so I write it here instead. Bleh, some of my friends here are.. getting weird. One of them actually thought I'ed want to go and get high with them. I don't do drugs, and I'm staying that way, I don't need drugs to feel good. Been drawing, just not really posting. But, ya know, just because I don't really post doesn't mean I don't draw. Some stuff I draw I don't show people, cause they could take it the wrong way.
Hmm... like drawing a naked character, I become a pervert? What if I'm just making a point, or trying to say something by using that picture. Sometimes a picture means more than just whats it's showing. I dunno, I guess some people don't get what I'm saying.
Bleh.. darn, guess I'm not going to portugal this year. I could've but I can't get a ticket now, since apparently they don't have enough seats, and too many people wanna go already. Oh well, maybe next year. I wanna do too many things, but can't. Ethier because I don't have enough money, no time, can't plan it well enough. Gah.. if I wanna go on a trip, seems like I gotta pay for it myself. Yes, no help from mom and dad, gotta do it on my own, or else I'm going no where.
Do do do... so, online life, pretty meh. No one around really anymore, 'cept for Nezumi. He's been busy though, but he still seems to wanna chat with me. He's been giving me a bunch of japanese songs too, and it's not that I wouldn't like them all, it's just my brother is probably gonna flip out once he see's all these songs he calls crap. Just because it's japanese, and you can't understand it, doesn't mean it's bad. Um.. yeah, this isn't really "my" computer. It's shared, sort of. No one really uses this computer except me and my brother.
Hmm.. really, if Mousy wasn't around, I probably wouldn't be online. Since he's the only one that talks to me anymore. If he were gone, there'd be no reason for me to be here, since I'ed always be alone then. I don't really like being alone, it's okay sometimes, but all the time? blah. I've tried contacting people I haven't seen in awhile, but usually I still don't see them. I don't get replys, no e-mails, no notes, nothing. So I dunno if it went through, did you get it, or what. Meh, I'm not really that important anyhow. But yeah, I mean, it's actually worse if I don't hear from people. Some people think, "oh, it doesn't matter if I don't say anything, it won't matter." but why? why wouldn't it matter? These people whom I wanna talk to are important, they are important to me. Why else would I still wanna be in contact with them. If I didn't like them, why am I going out of my way to try and see them again. But ugh.. I don't like when people think that they don't matter to me. Anyone who's my friend, I care about them very much. So none of this, "nobody likes me, nobody cares about me" I DO! You may think I don't, but nuh huh, I do care. Why do you think I try and help you when you feel bad. I don't do a great job of it, I know, but I try anyway cause I don't want them to be sad.
The only thing I don't get is, sometimes they won't let me be there. So sometimes, I can't even try and help, because I don't even know where they are.
I think thats what makes me a pretty lousy friend.