My computer is dying...
But I feel like writing... and with absolutely no inspiration to write something of substance, I thought that livejournal was a nice compromise. It's about 3 a.m. and I am tired, and yet enjoying sitting outside with my laptop listening to music, and really don't feel like going inside to sleep.
Things have been good lately. A few things have been nagging at me which hinder my otherwise perfect existence, but nothing life threatening. I am genuinely scared of graduation and all that it implies, which is actually saying something for me, as I don't scare easy. Earning a living doesn't bother me, that I know I can do, it's the being happy in what I am doing, where I am living and who I am with that worries me a bit. I know instinctively that I will be fine, as I generally settle in new places relatively quickly and easily and make friends somewhat easily when stranded, alone, in a new environment. "Knowing" this however, is completely useless as it doesn't do a damn thing to assuage my fears. Part of it, I am sure, is that I know that I am going to China once I graduate and this idea sort of worries me. I might be going for the wrong reasons. I am not entirely sure yet. The task of picking a career also concerns me a little bit. I would love to be able to find an internship or two while abroad, but this will be pretty difficult since I don't speak Chinese. Argentina would be a much eaiser place for me to start my career path abroad since I know of dozens of NGOs there, I know people, oh ... and the language. I feel as though I may want to get into the nonprofit field, because I figure that I might as well as do something for a cause I can support if I will be doing it. They often need exactly the same positions as corporations, so my business degree would still come in handy. I am considering taking the LSAT again and maybe getting an LSAC profile put together for next year. I also want to study sociology and peace and conflict studies. People are so fucked up, and while I can't stand it, (reading accounts of human nature's brutality makes me weep) they interest me to no end. I need to talk to an advisor next week about my majors, graduation and perhaps doing and independent study next semester. I probably should have applied for a Fullbright scholarship. Maybe I will do that next year as well. I know I can no longer apply through UF, but I can stilly apply at the national level. Next semester I need to work on getting to know my teachers so that I may get them to write me letters of recommendations. I say this every semester, but now it's sort of my last chance. The only professors that have ever known me well enough to write me a letter of rec are my German teacher from last summer, and professors in Spain and Argentina. Pathetic. I miss Spain, and I miss Argentina. I miss my family, especially my sister. I will miss everyone. I hope we all stay close despite the distance that will be put between us. I know I am getting ahead of myself, as this is ages in the future, but I can't help but think it. Every time I leave I go through the same cycle of emotions, and I hate myself for putting myself through it, but every time it ends up being worth it and every time I come back and can't wait to leave again. I am in a bit of a strange mood in case there was any doubt there... I apologize if this is any way disheartening, depressing or anything along those lines. It's really not meant to be. I have now had to move inside to avoid my computer dying, so I will go to sleep. I <3 you all!!
Things have been good lately. A few things have been nagging at me which hinder my otherwise perfect existence, but nothing life threatening. I am genuinely scared of graduation and all that it implies, which is actually saying something for me, as I don't scare easy. Earning a living doesn't bother me, that I know I can do, it's the being happy in what I am doing, where I am living and who I am with that worries me a bit. I know instinctively that I will be fine, as I generally settle in new places relatively quickly and easily and make friends somewhat easily when stranded, alone, in a new environment. "Knowing" this however, is completely useless as it doesn't do a damn thing to assuage my fears. Part of it, I am sure, is that I know that I am going to China once I graduate and this idea sort of worries me. I might be going for the wrong reasons. I am not entirely sure yet. The task of picking a career also concerns me a little bit. I would love to be able to find an internship or two while abroad, but this will be pretty difficult since I don't speak Chinese. Argentina would be a much eaiser place for me to start my career path abroad since I know of dozens of NGOs there, I know people, oh ... and the language. I feel as though I may want to get into the nonprofit field, because I figure that I might as well as do something for a cause I can support if I will be doing it. They often need exactly the same positions as corporations, so my business degree would still come in handy. I am considering taking the LSAT again and maybe getting an LSAC profile put together for next year. I also want to study sociology and peace and conflict studies. People are so fucked up, and while I can't stand it, (reading accounts of human nature's brutality makes me weep) they interest me to no end. I need to talk to an advisor next week about my majors, graduation and perhaps doing and independent study next semester. I probably should have applied for a Fullbright scholarship. Maybe I will do that next year as well. I know I can no longer apply through UF, but I can stilly apply at the national level. Next semester I need to work on getting to know my teachers so that I may get them to write me letters of recommendations. I say this every semester, but now it's sort of my last chance. The only professors that have ever known me well enough to write me a letter of rec are my German teacher from last summer, and professors in Spain and Argentina. Pathetic. I miss Spain, and I miss Argentina. I miss my family, especially my sister. I will miss everyone. I hope we all stay close despite the distance that will be put between us. I know I am getting ahead of myself, as this is ages in the future, but I can't help but think it. Every time I leave I go through the same cycle of emotions, and I hate myself for putting myself through it, but every time it ends up being worth it and every time I come back and can't wait to leave again. I am in a bit of a strange mood in case there was any doubt there... I apologize if this is any way disheartening, depressing or anything along those lines. It's really not meant to be. I have now had to move inside to avoid my computer dying, so I will go to sleep. I <3 you all!!