Sad Blah Blah Blah
my self esteem is at an all time low.
Just when I think someone is going to have just 1 nice thing to say... I get another 2 hours of what a waste I am.
i made a really nasty myspace blog. but I was being serious about the judgement and criticism thing.
Phree will be my last rave. Im tired of everyone saying that Im not trying to make things better and then they start blaming drugs and raves.
Its not raves or drugs fault. Raves have been my small happy world to escape all this turmoil. It helps put things into perspective. Everyone thinks Im a hardcore druggy... But I have news. Ive been straight edge for a while. I had a slip up at Devils Rejects... But even then, it wasnt a big deal especially since it had no effect.
I keep hearing, "Prove me wrong. Just prove it!" Does that mean I have to hear what a fuck up I am for years before they finally believe me???
I admit... The school thing isnt working so well. and truth be told- I get so fucking bored. When I get bored- I dont go to class. and then i miss more classes and then I fail. I've heard "Try to get A's and u wont get bored." But I dont give a shit about A's. To me, they're a part of the materialistic culture that everyone seems to be so involved in.
I daydream about more men like Henry David Thoreau being around. It was natural unhappiness not materialistic. and He's probably known more Real happiness than 80% of people today.
But somehow me thinking that the world should be simple and ideal= shallow in family's eyes.
I still dont know what to do about that. Im hoping that becoming a full time student in the spring- helps relieve the class boredom thing.......
Suggestions please. Im tired of dropping and failing all my classes.
Just when I think someone is going to have just 1 nice thing to say... I get another 2 hours of what a waste I am.
i made a really nasty myspace blog. but I was being serious about the judgement and criticism thing.
Phree will be my last rave. Im tired of everyone saying that Im not trying to make things better and then they start blaming drugs and raves.
Its not raves or drugs fault. Raves have been my small happy world to escape all this turmoil. It helps put things into perspective. Everyone thinks Im a hardcore druggy... But I have news. Ive been straight edge for a while. I had a slip up at Devils Rejects... But even then, it wasnt a big deal especially since it had no effect.
I keep hearing, "Prove me wrong. Just prove it!" Does that mean I have to hear what a fuck up I am for years before they finally believe me???
I admit... The school thing isnt working so well. and truth be told- I get so fucking bored. When I get bored- I dont go to class. and then i miss more classes and then I fail. I've heard "Try to get A's and u wont get bored." But I dont give a shit about A's. To me, they're a part of the materialistic culture that everyone seems to be so involved in.
I daydream about more men like Henry David Thoreau being around. It was natural unhappiness not materialistic. and He's probably known more Real happiness than 80% of people today.
But somehow me thinking that the world should be simple and ideal= shallow in family's eyes.
I still dont know what to do about that. Im hoping that becoming a full time student in the spring- helps relieve the class boredom thing.......
Suggestions please. Im tired of dropping and failing all my classes.