Suck.
Thanks everyone for hugs and understanding.
Things are stressful right now.
I'm not sure it will be much better once I'm laid off (next friday), but it certainly will be less hellish. The stress may be different. Best I can hope for in the world of stress, I guess!
I also found out "for legal reasons" I will no longer be allowed to volunteer at the research floor. They are afraid I will sue them for not being paid for work I've been paid for before. But, it's the assumption of a volunteer is that you will NOT be paid. Like, how could I be surprised by not being paid and sue for it? Can't they just make me sign a waiver? I tried to fight it, but she just got more pissed off. So, my back up plan to beef up my resume and retain my skills is fucked. And, I feel more worried.
I wanted to volunteer to help my career from going stale while I was looking for a paid position. I wanted to do it to get me out of the house, too. I wanted to finish this damn project. It was the thing that was SUPPOSED to help me keep my sanity in a time where... in the past... I didn't do so well emotionally. Mostly because being unemployed is a constant state of "could I do better?" thoughts and it makes me feel useless and worthless.
So.... I have one week to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and make a schedule for a lab mate to follow in my absence. There's just a tiny bit more to do but someone has to be avalable to do it, and it can't be me because everyone in charge of my fate is an idiot. It's going to be hard to make a good schedule because schedules always get fucked up when working with animals. I've also got to clear up my stuff, pack up all the samples and store them, and erase any trace of my existence in the lab. It REALLY SUCKS.
It's almost over and I'm sad. I was really happy with that job and it was getting more exciting once we generated data. I'm also really scared of the emo-mess that unemployment might bring me. I'm scared because I don't even know where I will live vs where the jobs are. I don't know what kind of job I will find or if I will get stuck in some shity job again. I don't know if I can even land a new research job with the universities getting denied grants recently. I'm STILL not totally sure I will get unemployment checks! I don't even know if there will be a BF to influence some of these 'what ifs'.
I'm not talking about the BF thing for now. The situation has slightly improved and slightly gotten worse. So, really, nothing's changed enough to say more than that.
The bad news keeps coming, too.
My grandfather has got some lung disease. They are making him wait a month for an xray. I don't even know why. My mother is in a terrible mood already from being dumped again so she's taking this really really hard. As to be expected really, but she's being mean, too. That's unusual for her. I'm just at a total loss at how to feel because I don't know a solid diagnosis nor prognosis. I don't even understand if it's immediately fatal or not. I'm probably so wrapped up in other stress that I haven't had time to properly freak out yet.
I really don't want to face work tomorrow. My boss is leaving and I wont see him again. I'll probably cry and get embarrassed.
Things are stressful right now.
I'm not sure it will be much better once I'm laid off (next friday), but it certainly will be less hellish. The stress may be different. Best I can hope for in the world of stress, I guess!
I also found out "for legal reasons" I will no longer be allowed to volunteer at the research floor. They are afraid I will sue them for not being paid for work I've been paid for before. But, it's the assumption of a volunteer is that you will NOT be paid. Like, how could I be surprised by not being paid and sue for it? Can't they just make me sign a waiver? I tried to fight it, but she just got more pissed off. So, my back up plan to beef up my resume and retain my skills is fucked. And, I feel more worried.
I wanted to volunteer to help my career from going stale while I was looking for a paid position. I wanted to do it to get me out of the house, too. I wanted to finish this damn project. It was the thing that was SUPPOSED to help me keep my sanity in a time where... in the past... I didn't do so well emotionally. Mostly because being unemployed is a constant state of "could I do better?" thoughts and it makes me feel useless and worthless.
So.... I have one week to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and make a schedule for a lab mate to follow in my absence. There's just a tiny bit more to do but someone has to be avalable to do it, and it can't be me because everyone in charge of my fate is an idiot. It's going to be hard to make a good schedule because schedules always get fucked up when working with animals. I've also got to clear up my stuff, pack up all the samples and store them, and erase any trace of my existence in the lab. It REALLY SUCKS.
It's almost over and I'm sad. I was really happy with that job and it was getting more exciting once we generated data. I'm also really scared of the emo-mess that unemployment might bring me. I'm scared because I don't even know where I will live vs where the jobs are. I don't know what kind of job I will find or if I will get stuck in some shity job again. I don't know if I can even land a new research job with the universities getting denied grants recently. I'm STILL not totally sure I will get unemployment checks! I don't even know if there will be a BF to influence some of these 'what ifs'.
I'm not talking about the BF thing for now. The situation has slightly improved and slightly gotten worse. So, really, nothing's changed enough to say more than that.
The bad news keeps coming, too.
My grandfather has got some lung disease. They are making him wait a month for an xray. I don't even know why. My mother is in a terrible mood already from being dumped again so she's taking this really really hard. As to be expected really, but she's being mean, too. That's unusual for her. I'm just at a total loss at how to feel because I don't know a solid diagnosis nor prognosis. I don't even understand if it's immediately fatal or not. I'm probably so wrapped up in other stress that I haven't had time to properly freak out yet.
I really don't want to face work tomorrow. My boss is leaving and I wont see him again. I'll probably cry and get embarrassed.