Revelations
I think I just had a revelation. In fact, I KNOW I did. I think part of the problem is not knowing what I want. Simpely being too afraid to pick one thing and end up hating it. Goodness my thoughts are coming so fast I can barely type them all down. After high school, even during I knew I wanted to go to Grand Valley. Not only because it was a beautiful campus but also because being there offered A. getting out of my house. B. being able to meet new people. C. having the opportunity to experience life at a different level. With all that being said, here I am still living at home and hating myself for it. If only I could muster up some strength to finally stand up for what I want and simply do what feels right, instead of sitting on the side lines living my life through other peoples happiness. I know who I am, that isnt part of the problem. Mainly, I just need a fresh start, in every aspect. Today I finally realized what I want to do with my life. Teaching is ovbviously what career path Im taking, but in order to fufill those dreams I either have to get an appartment on my own or go away to a school.. most likely gvsu. maybe western, I have been doing some research and that might be an option as well. Idkkk why im tell you this but I guess it helped getting that off my chest. Decisions decisions.. there kicking my ass. Another problem, might as well just go ahead and say it... Im depressed that I havent found anyone yet and the fact that my brother is getting married and moving out of state yet Im stuck here by myself in sucky michigan. Pisses me off really. Im very much so upset with the choices in men that I have taken intrest in. Disgusts me. Maybe once I give up on all hope the right guy will find me and things will finally take shape. My parents refuse to let me move to South Carolina by myself, so that leaves me with either finding a guy or convincing a close friend to join me on a new journey. eh. sorry I have nothing ever good to say in here, seems mostly I complain. Which also I have realized I need to stop doing. I dont know why it comes so easily to me, but being a winer is just second nature. lol.Instead of beign appreciative to what I do have and value it Id rather just look at the negative side and be upset with life. screw that. I have a life to live damn it and I think its about time I get to it! hehe
that felt good.
can I just tell you how much I love drinking cosmos. basically my new favorite alcoholic beverage!
had a few lastnight and prettysure it was well needed :)
hopefully sometime soon I'll have somethign actually worth reading..until then. Im truely sorry.
-michelle-