This is Not Enough
If I were Bill, I'd be going insane. I can't believe he puts up with my moodiness sometimes. I mean its not that I take it out on him but hes here to hear it all, thats for sure. I've been really sick these past couple of days and really depressed on top of that. I'm sooo stressed over dance that it's all I think about. I can't sleep and I can't enjoy myself doing anything. It really sucks. I can't keep anything in my stomach so I've been starving but the more I eat the more I get sick. It's a vicious cycle and a pretty damn crappy one too. So I'm sick, depressed, and being a girl. WTF??? It reminds me of like 7th grade when I had that concusion and then got sick on top of it, and then got my period in the emerency room. Only I'm not in nearly as much pain this time.
As much as being sick and a girl sucks, I think the suckiest thing right now is how depressed I am. I am SO worried about dance and school and everything. Then when I worry I start thinking about my family and how fucking unwelcomed I am in that home. Things got better for a little while until I went home Sunday. It is sooooooooooo sad to think about. How can anybody feel good about themself when members of their own family literally HATE them and would do anything to keep them away? They can't...so don't act like I'm being too hard on myself. Life is treating me like shitright now no matter how optimistic I try to be. So fuck optimism.
As much as being sick and a girl sucks, I think the suckiest thing right now is how depressed I am. I am SO worried about dance and school and everything. Then when I worry I start thinking about my family and how fucking unwelcomed I am in that home. Things got better for a little while until I went home Sunday. It is sooooooooooo sad to think about. How can anybody feel good about themself when members of their own family literally HATE them and would do anything to keep them away? They can't...so don't act like I'm being too hard on myself. Life is treating me like shitright now no matter how optimistic I try to be. So fuck optimism.