more funny stories...
here's another good one:
The 86-proof solution
It's men's turn to be dissected on their first-date drink orders.
By Brad Dickson
Special to The Times
Posted October 20 2005
What you drink might indeed give your date an immediate idea about who you are, and in this space last week female readers enjoyed a primer on what their companions derive from that first beverage order.
But does a guy's choice of drink leave a similar first impression?
Probably - even if it's not the first impression.
I mean, by the time a dude gets to the all-important drink stage of a first date, he has been under plenty of scrutiny. So that "instant opinion" she forms when he orders his drink? It's usually the 353rd opinion she's formed in 10 minutes. (Including the conclusion drawn when he scratched his nose three times with his right hand. Ah-ha!)
After consulting some female friends and random mixologists, I submit to you guys a compendium of popular drinks - and what that woman could be thinking when you order one:
Beer on tap: Women told me they think a man who orders a beer is reliable, down-to-earth and low-maintenance. But he may put his dog - possibly a Labrador mix named Prince - before them.
Dark beer: Women were divided - Is he overtly masculine, or is he a guy who's playing pseudo-sophisticate to the nth degree?
Cosmopolitan: Shops at Pier One. Women immediately place in the "friend" category.
Martini: Just blurt it out - "Let me impress you with my suave, metrosexual ways." Women view this drink as a sign of social skills. On the Westside, this is particularly effective, since the martini will frequently be ordered with a faux British accent.
Mike's Hard Lemonade: A rank amateur. Women check the ID to make sure he's really 21.
Rum and Coke: Women said "Average Joe," a joiner, a person so nondescript he's a possible future Supreme Court nominee.
Scotch on the rocks: Elegant, sophisticated, with manly Old World charm. Either that or he read the book "999 Ways to Impress Chicks" while working the drive-through window.
Harvey Wallbanger: A man's man; the type who goes to football games shirtless with five of his friends, each with a letter across his torso spelling out their team's nickname.
Red Bull and vodka: A bandwagon-jumper who wears a shirt emblazoned in 14-inch "Tommy Hilfiger" lettering and asks "How about our Angels?" even though he's not certain what sport they play.
Wine (red or white): Distinguished and ambitious. Although that vacant staring at the wine list is viewed as a way of avoiding conversation.
Long Island iced tea: "My backseat sleeps two comfortably."
Gin and tonic: Possibly dull, he regales dates with complaints about his failed third marriage.
Margarita: "The party didn't even get started till 4:30 in the morning and then we were still doing Jell-O shooters at 7 p.m. the next day" type.
Tequila: Women surmise a tequila drinker is a free spirit. Always a chance he could cancel a future date due to court-ordered attendance at an AA meeting.
Club soda: First thing a woman thinks is "on the wagon." Second thing she thinks is "cheap." Best way to determine which is to see if he takes you to Norm's on your second date and then says it's his birthday so he gets the free sliver of carrot cake.
Zima: Women think you're the type who will invite them back to your double-wide to watch the "Dukes of Hazzard" marathon.
and another...
Sick of your husband? Japan reports syndrome
Anthony Faiola
the Washington Post
Posted October 18 2005
TOKYO -- Sakura Terakawa, 63, describes her four decades of married life in a small urban apartment as a gradual transition from wife to mother to servant.
Communication with her husband started with love letters and wooing words under pink cherry blossoms. It devolved over time, she said, into mostly demands for his evening meals and nitpicking over the quality of her housework.
So when he came home one afternoon three years ago, beaming, and announced he was ready to retire, Terakawa despaired.
" 'This is it,' I remember thinking. 'I am going to have to divorce him now,' " Terakawa recalled. "It was bad enough that I had to wait on him when he came home from work. But having him around the house all the time was more than I could possibly bear."
Concerned about her financial future if she divorced, Terakawa stuck with their marriage -- only to become one of an extraordinary number of Japanese women stricken with a disorder that experts here have recently begun diagnosing as retired husband syndrome, or RHS.
Terakawa developed stomach ulcers, her speech began to slur and rashes broke out around her eyes. When doctors discovered polyps in her throat but could find no medical reason for her sudden burst of ailments, she was referred to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed stress-related RHS.
Terakawa began receiving therapy from Nobuo Kurokawa, a physician who is one of Japan's leading RHS experts. Kurokawa coined the term in a presentation to the Japanese Society of Psychosomatic Medicine in 1991.
Kurokawa estimates that as many as 60 percent of the wives of retired men may suffer from RHS.
"Come to therapy," he said. "Then spend as much time as possible away from your husband."
and part of another...
Alpha, pronounced "Al-fa." As in, "Let's take a vote. Alpha evacuating, raise your hands!"
Beta, pronounced "Bay-ta." As in, "Beta first on your block to get your shutters up."
Gamma, as in, "Gamma some shelter!"
Delta. What South Florida will look like after this weekend.
Epsilon, as in, "Epsilon time since I've had a shower and a hot meal."
Fema. Just fooling. It's not really a Greek letter. It's English. For "ineptitude."
Zeta, pronounced "Say-da." As in, "Zeta, you have any extra batteries?"
Eta, pronounced "Ate-a." As in, "I eta whole pantry full of pork and beans, and now I can't stand to look at another can."
Theta, pronounced "thay-ta." As in, "If the show is canceled because of Wilma, will they refund my tickets for the theta?"
Iota, as in, "Iota move to Arizona."
Kappa, as in, "This here storm better be the kappa because I don't think I can take another one."
Lambda. The "L" sound. As in, "It'll get hot as L in here when the power goes off."
Mu. As in, "Municipal services aren't expected to get back to normal for at least three weeks."
Nu, as in, "Nope, nothin' nu here except another damn hurricane."
Xi. The "X" sound. As in, "Extra generators? Hey, lady, do I look like I have extra generators? You can't find a generator from here to Daytona."
Omicron. As in, "My barometer is showing 882 millibars. What have you got on your omicron?"
Pi. The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Just in case you have to know it for the FCAT.
Rho. How you'll get to the Publix on Sunday.
Sigma. The "S" sound. As in, "Your back yard is now an estuary."
Tau. For target. We must be wearing one.
Upsilon. The "Uh" sound. As in, "Uh, no, I don't think an umbrella will do any good out there."
Phi. Pronounced "fie." A good word to throw at the cursed storm!
Chi. The "kuh" sound. As in, "C'mon, enough with the catastrophes, already!"
Psi. Pronounced "sigh." How you show your relief when your roof holds.
Omega. The end.
We hope.
The 86-proof solution
It's men's turn to be dissected on their first-date drink orders.
By Brad Dickson
Special to The Times
Posted October 20 2005
What you drink might indeed give your date an immediate idea about who you are, and in this space last week female readers enjoyed a primer on what their companions derive from that first beverage order.
But does a guy's choice of drink leave a similar first impression?
Probably - even if it's not the first impression.
I mean, by the time a dude gets to the all-important drink stage of a first date, he has been under plenty of scrutiny. So that "instant opinion" she forms when he orders his drink? It's usually the 353rd opinion she's formed in 10 minutes. (Including the conclusion drawn when he scratched his nose three times with his right hand. Ah-ha!)
After consulting some female friends and random mixologists, I submit to you guys a compendium of popular drinks - and what that woman could be thinking when you order one:
Beer on tap: Women told me they think a man who orders a beer is reliable, down-to-earth and low-maintenance. But he may put his dog - possibly a Labrador mix named Prince - before them.
Dark beer: Women were divided - Is he overtly masculine, or is he a guy who's playing pseudo-sophisticate to the nth degree?
Cosmopolitan: Shops at Pier One. Women immediately place in the "friend" category.
Martini: Just blurt it out - "Let me impress you with my suave, metrosexual ways." Women view this drink as a sign of social skills. On the Westside, this is particularly effective, since the martini will frequently be ordered with a faux British accent.
Mike's Hard Lemonade: A rank amateur. Women check the ID to make sure he's really 21.
Rum and Coke: Women said "Average Joe," a joiner, a person so nondescript he's a possible future Supreme Court nominee.
Scotch on the rocks: Elegant, sophisticated, with manly Old World charm. Either that or he read the book "999 Ways to Impress Chicks" while working the drive-through window.
Harvey Wallbanger: A man's man; the type who goes to football games shirtless with five of his friends, each with a letter across his torso spelling out their team's nickname.
Red Bull and vodka: A bandwagon-jumper who wears a shirt emblazoned in 14-inch "Tommy Hilfiger" lettering and asks "How about our Angels?" even though he's not certain what sport they play.
Wine (red or white): Distinguished and ambitious. Although that vacant staring at the wine list is viewed as a way of avoiding conversation.
Long Island iced tea: "My backseat sleeps two comfortably."
Gin and tonic: Possibly dull, he regales dates with complaints about his failed third marriage.
Margarita: "The party didn't even get started till 4:30 in the morning and then we were still doing Jell-O shooters at 7 p.m. the next day" type.
Tequila: Women surmise a tequila drinker is a free spirit. Always a chance he could cancel a future date due to court-ordered attendance at an AA meeting.
Club soda: First thing a woman thinks is "on the wagon." Second thing she thinks is "cheap." Best way to determine which is to see if he takes you to Norm's on your second date and then says it's his birthday so he gets the free sliver of carrot cake.
Zima: Women think you're the type who will invite them back to your double-wide to watch the "Dukes of Hazzard" marathon.
and another...
Sick of your husband? Japan reports syndrome
Anthony Faiola
the Washington Post
Posted October 18 2005
TOKYO -- Sakura Terakawa, 63, describes her four decades of married life in a small urban apartment as a gradual transition from wife to mother to servant.
Communication with her husband started with love letters and wooing words under pink cherry blossoms. It devolved over time, she said, into mostly demands for his evening meals and nitpicking over the quality of her housework.
So when he came home one afternoon three years ago, beaming, and announced he was ready to retire, Terakawa despaired.
" 'This is it,' I remember thinking. 'I am going to have to divorce him now,' " Terakawa recalled. "It was bad enough that I had to wait on him when he came home from work. But having him around the house all the time was more than I could possibly bear."
Concerned about her financial future if she divorced, Terakawa stuck with their marriage -- only to become one of an extraordinary number of Japanese women stricken with a disorder that experts here have recently begun diagnosing as retired husband syndrome, or RHS.
Terakawa developed stomach ulcers, her speech began to slur and rashes broke out around her eyes. When doctors discovered polyps in her throat but could find no medical reason for her sudden burst of ailments, she was referred to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed stress-related RHS.
Terakawa began receiving therapy from Nobuo Kurokawa, a physician who is one of Japan's leading RHS experts. Kurokawa coined the term in a presentation to the Japanese Society of Psychosomatic Medicine in 1991.
Kurokawa estimates that as many as 60 percent of the wives of retired men may suffer from RHS.
"Come to therapy," he said. "Then spend as much time as possible away from your husband."
and part of another...
Alpha, pronounced "Al-fa." As in, "Let's take a vote. Alpha evacuating, raise your hands!"
Beta, pronounced "Bay-ta." As in, "Beta first on your block to get your shutters up."
Gamma, as in, "Gamma some shelter!"
Delta. What South Florida will look like after this weekend.
Epsilon, as in, "Epsilon time since I've had a shower and a hot meal."
Fema. Just fooling. It's not really a Greek letter. It's English. For "ineptitude."
Zeta, pronounced "Say-da." As in, "Zeta, you have any extra batteries?"
Eta, pronounced "Ate-a." As in, "I eta whole pantry full of pork and beans, and now I can't stand to look at another can."
Theta, pronounced "thay-ta." As in, "If the show is canceled because of Wilma, will they refund my tickets for the theta?"
Iota, as in, "Iota move to Arizona."
Kappa, as in, "This here storm better be the kappa because I don't think I can take another one."
Lambda. The "L" sound. As in, "It'll get hot as L in here when the power goes off."
Mu. As in, "Municipal services aren't expected to get back to normal for at least three weeks."
Nu, as in, "Nope, nothin' nu here except another damn hurricane."
Xi. The "X" sound. As in, "Extra generators? Hey, lady, do I look like I have extra generators? You can't find a generator from here to Daytona."
Omicron. As in, "My barometer is showing 882 millibars. What have you got on your omicron?"
Pi. The ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Just in case you have to know it for the FCAT.
Rho. How you'll get to the Publix on Sunday.
Sigma. The "S" sound. As in, "Your back yard is now an estuary."
Tau. For target. We must be wearing one.
Upsilon. The "Uh" sound. As in, "Uh, no, I don't think an umbrella will do any good out there."
Phi. Pronounced "fie." A good word to throw at the cursed storm!
Chi. The "kuh" sound. As in, "C'mon, enough with the catastrophes, already!"
Psi. Pronounced "sigh." How you show your relief when your roof holds.
Omega. The end.
We hope.