Making an Epic Fool of Myself....
I made an epic fool of myself last night. Two points for me. I attempted to tell Him how I really feel....well, dumb idea.....because He doesn't feel like I do. FML. The thing is....He says He won't ever.....but the things He said are inconsistent with how He acts around me....so, then what do I do? What do I believe? I guess that's the better question.....Could I just believe what I want to be true and just lie to myself....I could.....or I could believe what's true and accept that I am just never going to be good enough....Heh.....Except now, instead of just thinking I'm not good enough because I value Him so highly....He told me I'm not good enough...just because I'm not. Nice. Very Nice. I actually believe that if I am around long enough and show, through time, that I am trustworthy enough....He could feel the same way...maybe that's more of a hope......but a possible one....not too far fetched.....I am so sure of how I feel that leaving now just because I am momentarily unsatisfied would be a big mistake.....I can understand His caution.....because I am now feeling the danger that He is so actively avoiding.....I am in danger of being absolutely destroyed......a danger that I no longer have control over....He has all the control....*sigh*.....I know exactly where this is going....what I don't know is how the path is going to be along the way......I was hoping it'd be easy......but I can now see that it's not going to be...oh well.....should have expected that.....Well, we'll just have to see what can be learned.....I have no choice but to stay trapped.....so....I can only hope for some good luck.....I think I'm going to need a fucking miracle now that I think about it......