I miss it
emo
Originally uploaded by fakeplastic. Don't yell at me if this turns out to be really long.
I am currently listening to Hymie's Basement which I have been doing quite a lot lately. There are about 5 songs I listen to repeatedly these days. I worked at Central for the first time yesterday and it was way better than 8th. I wish I could switch to only sutherland. Ah well. I did a lot of thinking yesterday/last night and I really started to miss everything. Not just people or places but being in the moment and just being able to breathe and not have a care in the world and someone would always be there to hold my hand. Things are changing now, like they always do during the summer, but I feel like it's all falling apart. Usually I build up a new life for myself in the summer (or at least it feels that way) and now everyone's going away and I am standing still.
I miss him so much that sometimes it hurts. I just want to be back in his car watching the sunset and talking about the meaning of life and the future, even if we are a bit pretentious. I know I should have gone with him, I know that was a mistake, but I wouldn't know what to say. For someone who makes me feel so much he always leaves me without words. On the other hand, there is this boy who is absolutely adorable and we like each other but are too scared to do anything about it. We make art for each other but then get shy when we have to trade. I know he is probably better left as a dream but I still find myself wondering if anything more could happen.
The truth finally came out to my best friend the other night and I felt really bad saying it but I couldn't stand it. I started crying because I got so frustrated over something so dumb. Whatever.
I talked to boy number one last night and he didn't seem angry or annoyed and told me to call him when I'm off work tonight so we can go for coffee. Normally something like this would be awkward but I know it's not going to be. Even when he's far away I still feel so close to him..
There is so much going on in my head but my body can't interpret it to anyone. All I want to do is talk to him and hold his hand and take pictures with Matt and tell secrets with Savannah and have my crew stay here forever so we can adventure to our hearts' content.
I would cry if I could..