Not sure what i'm doing
Leaving sucks and is the best thing all in one.
I just remembered that I really don't knwo what im doing with my life. for the longest time my goal has been to get into ND. Well i'm in, what now?? hmmm...dont know my major, and i'm scared i'm in the wrong classes. I know i shouldnt worry, but i do, its just what i do. I doubt and I worry and then i worry some more. Why i dont know, but i just do these things.
So I am really looking forward to this new start I get, but what am i going to do, am i going to be the same person i have been? I'm hoping that I will change, that some of my really bad habits will disappear, although I doubt that they will. haha, doubting as usual. What if im not who i really am when i start over, if that makes sense. I just really hope i dont try to please everyone and get myself in trouble because of it. I want to make new friends and everything, but am i going to be able to keep them? Are they going to be good enough friends that they will take care of me when i need them. But when do i ever need people? another problem i have, i tend to push people away, deal with shit on my own. I dont really turn to anyone when i need help except for my parents at times. Which i cant do in college. and i dont even have my own room to go and cry in when i need it. what am i going to do when i get upset and need to be by myself and dont want anyone listening to me cry. That's one thing i really dont like, other people hearing me cry when im truly in pain.
If you havent noticed, this huge change that i am about to go through has really made me think. THink about me, my relationships, who i am, it has overwhelmed my thoughts and is basically what i think about 24 hours a day. And when you think about something for that long, you need to write it down. It feels better to get all this out because i dont really open up to people like this, always independent, self-reliant, strong, tough ME!!
I just remembered that I really don't knwo what im doing with my life. for the longest time my goal has been to get into ND. Well i'm in, what now?? hmmm...dont know my major, and i'm scared i'm in the wrong classes. I know i shouldnt worry, but i do, its just what i do. I doubt and I worry and then i worry some more. Why i dont know, but i just do these things.
So I am really looking forward to this new start I get, but what am i going to do, am i going to be the same person i have been? I'm hoping that I will change, that some of my really bad habits will disappear, although I doubt that they will. haha, doubting as usual. What if im not who i really am when i start over, if that makes sense. I just really hope i dont try to please everyone and get myself in trouble because of it. I want to make new friends and everything, but am i going to be able to keep them? Are they going to be good enough friends that they will take care of me when i need them. But when do i ever need people? another problem i have, i tend to push people away, deal with shit on my own. I dont really turn to anyone when i need help except for my parents at times. Which i cant do in college. and i dont even have my own room to go and cry in when i need it. what am i going to do when i get upset and need to be by myself and dont want anyone listening to me cry. That's one thing i really dont like, other people hearing me cry when im truly in pain.
If you havent noticed, this huge change that i am about to go through has really made me think. THink about me, my relationships, who i am, it has overwhelmed my thoughts and is basically what i think about 24 hours a day. And when you think about something for that long, you need to write it down. It feels better to get all this out because i dont really open up to people like this, always independent, self-reliant, strong, tough ME!!