so i was bored sitting at home awaiting my mother.
I'm not going to get mushy on you guys- i'm just
going to write the million things going on through
my mind.
Lets look through my past.
My mother has done this before
not accept who i am,
for what its for.
Mainly because you can't accept
something you don't understand.
ok cool.
There was a time when i thought i
loved someone- thought i loved them
so much i would risk anything.
She made my life hell.
And i gave up.
In the end i realized it wasn't worth it.
it wasn't real?
how do you know if this crap you go through
is real? Sometimes i come home go through my day
and certain things just go by in a blurr.
I'm two different people.
One- the person i am with my friends.
and those i love.
two- when im at home-a worthless,lying, bad person.
For some time you can distinguish between what is real
and what is not. Sort of like when they finally had
the matrix figured out.
But now- now friends my worlds are sort of clashing
and i am struggling to keep my true self on the surface.
I was so unhappy before.
But its strange how im not miserable now.
My life at home can be hell but- some how
i have managed not to be damaged by it.
Something won't let me.
And i know what it is.
It is those few who love me
and those few who know who i am.
I can't sit in a hole of self pitty-
because quite frankly my body doesn't allow me to.
--------------------------------------------------
you know something is real when you don't
cry because you might not have them forever-
yet rather because you might not see them tomorrow.
it's real when it can not be defined.
It's real when you know if u didn't have them
it wouldn't necessarily be the end, but in your world
it would be.
its real because its something that is felt.
its not what you're living for persay- rather something
that is aiding you through.
I don't think I'm a bad person.
I'm over these sad games she's pushing into my
mind. I'm just going to be how i was before and maybe
if i shut her out she'll pretend like im
"back to normal"
lol that sounds so funny
you ever have your mother tell you
you're not her daughter?
And then try taking it back the next day?
i love my mother, god bless her,
but that sentence is never going to go away.
Thats going to be the reminder of why i stay cold.
to protect myself from her.
"quite frankly my dear i don't give a damn"-gone with the wind
And honestly my mother is not going to be the person
i spend the rest of my life with.
As much as that hurts me to say it.
I don't know what my future brings anymore.
But i do have an idea of who i want in it.
and i just hope what i pray for happens in my
favor.
going to write the million things going on through
my mind.
Lets look through my past.
My mother has done this before
not accept who i am,
for what its for.
Mainly because you can't accept
something you don't understand.
ok cool.
There was a time when i thought i
loved someone- thought i loved them
so much i would risk anything.
She made my life hell.
And i gave up.
In the end i realized it wasn't worth it.
it wasn't real?
how do you know if this crap you go through
is real? Sometimes i come home go through my day
and certain things just go by in a blurr.
I'm two different people.
One- the person i am with my friends.
and those i love.
two- when im at home-a worthless,lying, bad person.
For some time you can distinguish between what is real
and what is not. Sort of like when they finally had
the matrix figured out.
But now- now friends my worlds are sort of clashing
and i am struggling to keep my true self on the surface.
I was so unhappy before.
But its strange how im not miserable now.
My life at home can be hell but- some how
i have managed not to be damaged by it.
Something won't let me.
And i know what it is.
It is those few who love me
and those few who know who i am.
I can't sit in a hole of self pitty-
because quite frankly my body doesn't allow me to.
--------------------------------------------------
you know something is real when you don't
cry because you might not have them forever-
yet rather because you might not see them tomorrow.
it's real when it can not be defined.
It's real when you know if u didn't have them
it wouldn't necessarily be the end, but in your world
it would be.
its real because its something that is felt.
its not what you're living for persay- rather something
that is aiding you through.
I don't think I'm a bad person.
I'm over these sad games she's pushing into my
mind. I'm just going to be how i was before and maybe
if i shut her out she'll pretend like im
"back to normal"
lol that sounds so funny
you ever have your mother tell you
you're not her daughter?
And then try taking it back the next day?
i love my mother, god bless her,
but that sentence is never going to go away.
Thats going to be the reminder of why i stay cold.
to protect myself from her.
"quite frankly my dear i don't give a damn"-gone with the wind
And honestly my mother is not going to be the person
i spend the rest of my life with.
As much as that hurts me to say it.
I don't know what my future brings anymore.
But i do have an idea of who i want in it.
and i just hope what i pray for happens in my
favor.