[Chat Log] "You are one of the liveliest men I've ever met."
Who: Asato Tsuzuki & Hisoka Kurosaki
What: Hisoka and Tsuzuki start to close the gap that time and space put between them.
When: November 1st, 2011
Rating: PG-13 (some cuddling and talk of relationships)
[This conversation follows after a rambling fantasy by the fireside one night, about certain Mansion dwellers doubling themselves.]
Hisoka: So, now we're bringing back earlier versions of ourselves?
Tsu: Better not: it might get out of hand. :: Wibbles ::
Hisoka: I see your point.
Hisoka: Besides, I'm not sure I want to have any 16-year-old versions of myself around. It was bad enough being him, without having to deal with him.
Tsu: Yeah, you -- err, he was kind of a prickly fella.
Hisoka: That's for sure. He was a hostile little prick. I don't know how you managed to put up with him.
Tsu: Ahh, you were too cute not to like, really. :: reaches out to fuzz Hisoka::
Hisoka: *smiles faintly, allows the fuzz, leans into it gingerly* You were a good nurturer, Tsuzuki.
Tsu: Someone had to help you and I'm glad I was the one to do it. :: Fuzzing him a little harder, but gently::
Hisoka: ...
Hisoka: Sometimes I'm baffled as to how to talk with you. It's not your fault. It's just we can't go back to that old world, and we've yet to figure out where we can go. Does this make sense to you?
Tsu: Makes perfect sense to me: only way we can move is forward, and that's the best way to go anyway.
Hisoka: Yes. But what does that mean?
Tsu: We just keep moving on, growing together. Though I think I've got a little catching up to do: you've grown a lot quicker than I have, it seems. I don't mind it: a slacker like me could use the challenge."
Hisoka: *chuckles* You know I'll be willing to challenge you. I did grow up, as much as anybody ever does, that is. I was on my own, and I had to. Also, I wanted to.
Hisoka: I don't think anybody who works as hard as you do at relationships could be called a slacker, though.
Tsu: I guess there's a part of me that's determined to stay a kid. :: Laughing at himself, gently::
Hisoka: What is it that makes you want to stay a kid?
Tsu: Hah, that's a good question. I guess I felt safer when I was younger and in the middle of my family. Growing up and getting a wider circle was kinda scary. Like I told you once, I got teased a lot by the kids in the village, for being different.
Hisoka: Home was a safe, loving place?
Tsu: Most of the time: my older sisters kept an eye on me, and my twin sister Ruka looked out for me. But then she moved away to work when we got older and, well, that's when things get all jumbled up and hard to remember....
Hisoka: It's funny, I always had a feeling Ruka was your twin, although you never said. When does it get hard to remember?
Tsu: Yeah, she was older than me by several hours: our grandma used to say Ruka was born first so she'd be there to make sure things were safe for me.
Tsu: But it got hard the autumn that I turned eighteen: I'd always had trouble getting along with my father, and it just started getting worse after Ruka moved away.
Hisoka: Were you and your father different personalities?
Tsu: Oh yeah: he was always kinda tough and practical, while I was more easy-going and kinda lazy and my grades at school were spotty.
Tsu: I was the younger son, and I wasn't going to inherit the family farm, which was going to my older brother, but my father wanted me to make something of myself.
Hisoka: What did he want you to do?
Tsu: I think he wanted me to be something professional, like a lawyer or a teacher, but I was pretty much content to putter around the garden or roam around in the bamboo forest behind our house and just enjoy it.
Hisoka: So what happened between you and your father the autumn you turned eighteen?
Tsu: He wanted to send me off to some special school connected to a hospital and I didn't want any part of that. We got into some pretty bad arguments and he even got physical with me once, which was kinda silly on his part 'cause I was a head taller than he was by then. Not that I was much of a fighter, but I did have a bit of a leg-up because of that.
Hisoka: Connected to a hospital? What happened? Did you kick your dad's ass?
Tsu: Eh, yeah, though I got pretty banged up, too. It gets all muddled after that, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up covered in bandages and lying in a hospital bed with some guy who looked like a darker version of *him* looking at me.
Hisoka: Oh...Muraki's grandfather.
Tsu: Ehhhyeaah, it took me a little while to figure that out. I mean, that first time I met *him*, he seemed vaguely familiar, but not.
Hisoka: What happened then?
Tsu: It gets really confusing after that, but he, the older Muraki, told me my family was dead... there'd been a fire and I'd been badly burned. I was the only one left. :: Looking away, this is very hard to talk about::
Hisoka: *knows how hard it is to talk about -- remembers that Tsuzuki used to be so well armored against other people's questions that people never even realized that there had been a trauma in Tsu's earthly life -- and all he was able to tell Hisoka was that he wasn't human, that he felt like a monster* You lost your whole family.
Tsu: Yeah... it left me really messed up for a long time: I went crazy with grief, tried to kill myself more than a few times, but my body just kept... healing itself, as if it wouldn't let me go. Finally, I had to be kept in restraints most of the time, to keep me from trying that again.
Tsu: My mind shut me down as well: I'd just pull into my head and comfort myself with the memories I had of better times...
Hisoka: *simply nods -- remains quiet, indicating willingness to keep listening*
Tsu: But sometimes, the memories weren't enough to keep me safe from reality, and I'd wake up from it, still in the hospital, still confined...
Hisoka: *nods again* Hard to wake up to that.
Tsu: Yeah.... people use the phrase 'a living hell', but I wonder how many of them have really been there... :: pensive now::
Hisoka: *has been there* Yes.
Tsu: I sometimes wonder if it was a bit of a miracle that I broke out of that cycle...
Hisoka: Perhaps there are miracles. *has actually not much hope of that, but doesn't completely discount the unexpected in life* How did you break out?
Tsu: One of the times I came back to reality, I found I wasn't restrained, so I groped around under the frame of the bed till I found the end of one of the springs. I managed to bend the metal back far enough that it stuck out and I could use it to start sawing at my right wrist... I don't think I have to tell you what happened next. :: Looks away, sickened by the memory and yet realizing this needs to be spoken::
Hisoka: Yes, I understand.
Tsu: Everything went black after that... and then I woke up on the other side...
Hisoka: Meifu.
Tsu: Yeah... :: Breathing easier:: It wasn't home, but at least I wasn't in any pain any more, or at least nothing like when I was alive.
Hisoka: It was a good place.
Tsu: It was... but I guess for now, we're here, and for some reason, we need to be here. Maybe so we could reconnect and pick up where we left off. :: smiling through the shadows that have hung over his face::
Hisoka: *who has also had some experience with finding himself in places he can't leave* We're here, and there may be a reason, but even if there isn't, I've found that there is meaning in these strange sorts of events. I do want to find a way to reconnect with you.
Tsu: We're heading in that direction: it's just that... well, there's a few feelings I've had hanging around my heart that I didn't think I should be feeling about you. :: A bit awkward admitting this::
Hisoka: Tell me. *wants to know*
Tsu: Ahh, well, I've been... attracted to you for some time... :: Blushing, smiling, but a bit uncomfortable admitting this::
Hisoka: I know that. *smiles, with a gentleness which in the past he would not have known how to display*
Tsu: Well, ah, I've wanted to move on from attraction to something...more physical. I just felt funny wanting that, after finding out what happened to you. I guess I was afraid that I might hurt you somehow.
Hisoka: You should not worry about that, Tsuzuki. I think I told you I've had lovers. I didn't just mean falling in love. And I've been attracted to you, too. I couldn't do much about it in our world. Not because I was afraid of getting hurt. I didn't really feel like an adult until we went to GenSouKai and I came back with a shiki. And then I didn't have any idea how to broach the subject, and it didn't seem like the time, anyway.
Tsu: :: Nods, pushing back a small surge of something like jealousy:: Wow... well, that's, ah, kind of a relief. :: laughs a bit, rubbing the back of his neck, awkwardly::
Tsu: :: More at ease now:: No, serious, it is... I mean... I wish it had been me, but it gets a weight off my mind. I was afraid I was moving too quickly for you.
Hisoka: I know. If our lives had been a story, we would have gotten together when I was eighteen. But this is reality. Different rules. You've had other people, too. And that's ok.
Tsu: Only a few... I wanted to wait, but, well, I guess there's a lot of life in me yet. :: Blushing a bit::
Hisoka: You are one of the liveliest men I've ever met. XD
Tsu: :: Growing more serious, but in a tender way:: But I really want to share some of that life with you, more than anyone else.
Hisoka: I'd like to spend some time with you, and if the time seems right....well, there would be no reason to wait. I still sometimes...it's not that I wish I were still that eighteen-year-old....that's a time that is passed. It's just that sometimes I feel I might be cheating you, because I'm not him anymore. I do want to share some of my life with you. But I think I'm not very monogamous, strange to discover. And it doesn't look like you are, either. Can we deal with that, do you think?
Tsu: I think we can manage: I'm not against, well, sharing you, if there's anyone else that you fancy. But, there hasn't been anyone for me for a while.
Hisoka: *nods, slowly.* "If you think it can work that way. And I wondered what had happened. After our conversation in Neville's greenhouse, I waited a long time for you to tell me. And at your hanami party, we were both so determinedly cheerful, I thought our faces would crack. I thought...when I asked you if I would see you before the canoe was finished, and you said that we would see each other at rehearsals...well, I thought that was the kiss-off, to tell you the truth. I thought you were trying to tell me you wouldn’t see me again, but you were too nice to say it directly. That was why I left so quickly.
Tsu: :: Hangs his head a bit:: Like I said: I was taking it slowly because I was afraid of hurting you; but it seems it happened anyway. But if there any way I -- we can make up for lost time...
Hisoka: Tsuzuki....I don't require never to be hurt.
Tsu: :: Looking up, hopeful but still worried::
Hisoka: It is only that I would not have survived the prison I told you about, if I had not decided that the truth was more important than anything else, even love.
Hisoka: When I don't know what is happening because someone does not want to tell me, or doesn't feel he can, I am lost in the dark. It is like being back in solitary confinement.
Tsu: There won't be any more darkness. I can promise you that.
Hisoka: Please....that isn't your fault; you have your own life and your own issues. It is just that there have been many times in my life, in both my lives, when I had to decide to climb out of that cell alone. Because no one would go with me. And I did, because I wanted to live. And I could not live with lies. Not even my own. And I had to leave my myths behind, too.
Hisoka: My myth was that if I only loved enough, and trusted enough, someone would be by my side forever. It was a wonderful myth, and it saved my life when we were in our own world.
Tsu: :: Just listening, trying to take it all in and process it::
Hisoka: But when I left our world, it wouldn't carry the weight of reality.
Hisoka: *has been silent about this for so long (for two lifetimes, in fact) that the words just tumble out* So I abandoned it. I would have died, if I had not. And I had to abandon it more than once, because I loved like that more than once. I can love very deeply, still. But I can't love like that anymore.
Hisoka: So I hope you can see what I meant when I said that we will have the truth, or we will have nothing. I said that to that other Tsuzuki. And then I left him.
Hisoka: He wasn't you. I don't think he was even related to you. A different spirit. And he is not your responsibility. I think I said I would never bring him up again, and I'm breaking that promise. But I can't make anything clear without bringing up that experience.
Tsu: ;: The truth is clearly a bit painful still for him, and he's still taking all that in...:: But... we can still move forward together, can't we? :: a childlike concern there::
Hisoka: It is my hope that we can.
Tsu: :: Reaches out a little gingerly and, typist willing, puts a hand on Hisoka's shoulder, prior to pulling the smaller male closer to him::
Hisoka: *with similar carefulness, permits himself to be pulled, and rests his hands on Tsuzuki's shoulders* This is strange, after all this time.
Tsu: :: slipping an arm around Hisoka's waist:: It is... but we can still have that closeness, even if things are different, can't we?
Hisoka: Maybe we can find a new closeness. It won't be the same as the old one. But I hope it will be stronger, in its way.
Tsu: That works for me... :: smiling, still a bit sad-eyed, but more at ease::
Hisoka: *sadness in his gaze, too. But it allows him to recognize and honor that which is in Tsuzuki's eyes.* All right. What made you decide to try to reconnect? I was just wondering.
Tsu: I'm not really sure. Maybe I just got tired of dancing around it and decided to take some action.
Hisoka: *small smile* You always were impressive when you did that.
Tsu: Maybe I just get lonely at night. :: chuckling::
Hisoka: Oh? Yeah. The stuffed animals don't quite substitute...
Tsu: Yeah, they don't get grumpy and cuss at me if I roll over on them. :: Mischievous::
Hisoka; Unlike somebody else you know?
Tsu: I promise I won't squish you too much. :: playful but earnest::
Hisoka: Well, my elbows are still sharp. And I think I can remember some of the old lines: "Will you for godsake move the fuck OVER, Tsuzuki????? ....It's TOO HOT!!!
Hisoka: *snickers* That doesn't sound like the present me.
Tsu: No, it doesn't: You'd be a lot more polite about it, if I did roll on you. I'd miss you being snippy, but I like the new polite you just as much.
Hisoka: I had to start thinking about how what I said might affect other people. It was a matter of life and death, too, every minute. So I learned very well. But I'm glad you like it. And I do revert to being snippy occasionally. I guess I could make an effort, for your sake. XD
Tsu: Nah, don't change a hair for me unless you want to.
Tsu: :: Glancing about, making sure no one's listening:: So... you want to share my pillow tonight?
Hisoka: I do, if we can talk, mostly. I may be up for more in a day or two. Is that all right?
Tsu: Oh, that's perfect! I'd rather work up toward... you know... :: Blushing again::
Hisoka: Sex? *his eyes are sparkling, the little brat*
Tsu: I meant cuddling! geez! I guess you did grow up, you horny weasel! :: Pretending to be shocked, but his eyes do look genuinely surprised::
Hisoka: *doesn't blush very often anymore, either* Cuddling is fine. *grin* Well, I did grow up. And I AM kind of a horny weasel, now that you mention it.
Tsu: well, my first two were pretty horny, so maybe that was fate's way of warming me up. :: Still a little awkward talking about this, but more at ease::
Hisoka: I always wondered about you. You were so affectionate and actually, kind of sensuous. You mean you weren't really sexual until somebody made love to you for the first time? *curious, but not wishing to make Tsu uncomfortable*
Tsu: Well... there was one when I was young, but we didn't go all the way... :: Something painful flicks through his eyes, then is gone:: After that... I guess I never really thought about it much. I wasn't against it or anything, it just never really crossed my mind or maybe I'm just a little old-fashioned.
Hisoka: *Sees that something painful that flashes briefly in Tsu's eyes, but doesn't ask about it. That can wait until later, though he does want to know.* I guess we grew up in different environments, different times. For you, it was all family and duty, something like that?
Tsu: Yeah, my parents weren't Christian, but my mother had been to a convent school, so she'd picked up a few notions from the teaching sisters there. And my father just wanted me to make myself useful.
Hisoka: I remember my grandfather -- he wasn't quite your generation, he was born in 1920. But he used to shake his head over the younger generation, even before we were grown. He couldn't understand us -- thought we were setting ourselves up for a big disappointment by wanting as much as we wanted.
Hisoka: And when I consider how little that really was, I wonder about his life.
Tsu: Good thing those notions are dying out, though I guess it took me long enough to get past them myself. :: laughing a bit:: The War hardened a lot of people's souls, but I suppose that's how some people choose to protect themselves. :: thoughtfully::
Hisoka: Yes. He seemed not to be living exactly in the same world as my father's generation. I don't know anything about his childhood. But he and his brother were both in the Pacific Islands. My great uncle died on Guam, and the family story is that he died in my grandfather's arms. When my grandfather returned home, he didn't speak for months. And he was so sick, it was surprising he didn't die. Starvation and malaria.
Tsu: That'd definitely cause a person to take a dim view of things, poor guy.
Hisoka: Yes. And he never got his health back. And his eyes were so dark and distant, most of the time, as though he were seeing things from the past. But he loved my father, and me. He died when I was nine or ten.
Tsu: Sounds like he was a good man...
Hisoka: He was. But he was carrying some secrets, I can guarantee that. I never understood that until my second life, when I was in the military myself. I think he had done some things that haunted him.
Tsu: I'll bet... there's things I haven't been able to get out of my head since those days, too. :: Thoughtful::
Hisoka: I was going to ask you, actually. Kyuushuu was your area back then, too? Hiroshima and Nagasaki are both in it.
Tsu: Yes.. I had to help cover both cities. There were so many souls, we had to call in shinigami from other branches to help them cross over. :: a haunted look passes through his violet eyes::
Hisoka: That generation, they knew about death. But they didn't know about that kind of death. That must have been hard for those of you who had to help them.
Tsu: There were some who'd seen battle, but this was different: these were civilian souls who got pulled into a battle that they didn't have any place in. So many wounded people... and there were more, after the war, the people who'd survived but had gotten sick from the radiation... :: he shakes his head wearily:: In some ways, maybe it was supposed to happen, to bring an end to the war...
Tsu: But did it have to involve all those civilians? Some of them were just children.
Hisoka: Yes. And you always had compassion for the young. I remember that. Actually, you had compassion for everybody.
Tsu: I do, don't I? :: managing a slightly forced laugh, in spite of all the dark talk::
Hisoka: It's one of the things I always admired about you. You were sympathetic. And you didn't let your anger destroy that, when you had anger.
Tsu: I just can't do that, you know? I'd be letting whoever angered me that much get the better of me and I'd be no better than they, if not something worse."
Hisoka: *has noted the forced laugh -- Tsuzuki usually did try to keep the mood upbeat, even when he was indignant on somebody else's behalf, as he often was in their Ministry days.* Yes, and I learned a lot about compassion from you. When we met, I knew how to hurt for somebody else's pain, but I didn't know what to do with it, anymore than I knew what to do with my own. It was easy just to get huffy, or to start shouting.
Tsu: Yeah, that's an easy thing to do: it's harder to feel with and for someone, even someone who's done something unforgivable.... :: Thoughtful again and a pain memory passes through his eyes::
Hisoka: What is it, Tsuzuki?
Tsu: Would you hate me if... I told you even felt sorry for *him*?
Hisoka: No. It would be hard to hate you for anything.
Tsu: I mean, part of me hated him for what he'd done, but during that time he'd captured me and kept me in his lab in Kyoto... he said things he didn't think I could hear, but I heard every word he said, things about his mother, who'd been so afraid of losing him, she ended up hurting him, and about his half-brother who tormented him when he was a young man. He's damaged inside and that's why he turned to the darkness: he wanted to be the monster for a change, to be the one causing the harm.
Tsu: That's why I summoned Touda, to destroy his lab: I wanted to end his suffering and mine as well.
Tsu: :: A bit hastily:: But it wasn't one of those lovers' suicides you read about in old stories, trust me! :: laughs, nervously::
Hisoka: I think I understand more than you think I do. Yes, people who turn abusive do that because somebody did the same thing to them. So, of course there was some kind of family history. I've spent years talking to and listening to people, and some of them have done terrible things.
Hisoka: And there's been a Muraki everywhere I've been since I last saw you in our world. I talked to him, too.
Tsu: That's gotta be weird, like he's following you around. Change that: that's gotta be creepy... None of them have... tried to do anything more to you, have they? :: concerned, even a bit worried in a slightly irritated way::
Hisoka: Yes, but I wouldn't let them.
Tsu: That's good: what about the one that's here? He hasn't gotten fresh with you at all?
Hisoka: He would have, when I first arrived, but I didn't let him, either. It's amazing how easy it is to discourage them.
Tsu: Rrrr! That freaky bastard! I just might take back what I said. If I catch him trying that again, I'll nail his skinny ass to the nearest wall! :: getting all protective::
Hisoka: *smiles* Don't worry about that. I'm very good at protecting myself, now. I don't fear him much anymore, and his power was always based on fear. Take that away, and the rug is jerked out from under him. But I wanted to say something about him....
Tsu: Like what? :: a bit suspicious and wary, but his eyes are curious::
Hisoka: Something has happened to him. He's a little different than he used to be.
Tsu: :: Blinks... then blinks again:: Something happened to him? what do you mean?
Hisoka: I'm not sure, really. He explained, but his vocabulary for the soul and its journey is different than mine, so I can't always translate. But he apologized for raping and murdering me. And he meant it. Strange, huh?
Tsu: :: Gobsmacked by that revelation:: Buh-whah? he apologized?! Was he drunk or something? He doesn't strike me as the type to apologize for anything, let alone something that big.
Hisoka: He doesn't strike me that way, either. Nevertheless, he did.
Hisoka: And he wasn't drunk.
Hisoka: Anyway, so if you find a letter from him stuck on your door and you can't understand what he's going on about, that'll be it. He wants to apologize to you, too. I tried to tell him in a nice way that you might not be all that eager to hear it.
Tsu: Well, we know he doesn't give up easily, once he gets an idea in his head.
Hisoka: I have noticed that. *There are entire realms of nuance in those four words.*
Tsu: Well, I appreciate the fair warning, in case he does leave me a note. And if he leaves a love letter, I'm not replying to it: maybe I'll bury the hatchet with him, but I'm not going to let him make love to me.
Tsu: :: Pauses, thoughtfully, after that declaration, stroking his chin::
Hisoka: That's the first thing that occurs to you when you think of burying the hatchet?
Hisoka: Well, look out if he hands you a bunch of roses. "Tsuzuki! Forgive me!" (And then you get groped.)
Tsu: He's attractive, I'll give him that, but I'm not letting him try any of that funny stuff with me ever again.
Hisoka: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Tsu: What's that "hmmmmm" for?
Hisoka: I used to know you pretty well, remember.
Tsu: What are you getting at? You think I've got a thing for him? How could I have a thing for a guy who spent the better part of a day doing 'empirical tests' on whether I could still heal quickly. Brrr! :: shudders::
Hisoka: I know. I'm not explaining very well. Listen, I've never told anyone this. Anyone. Except him, once. I had sexual dreams about him for years. And you know I had no reason to have a thing for him.
Tsu: Whhhaaaaahhh!! :: Falls over backwards, feet in the air::
Tsu: :: Rights himself, hopping back onto his feet:: Are you sure you were just dreaming about him, or was he sneaking into your dreams?
Hisoka: *Waits for Tsu to get his feet back down where they belong and his head back up where it belongs.* They were dreams, not visitations. I'd have known if he had been psychically present.
Hisoka: Nobody really understands how that happens, But it does. The abuser can get into our pysches in ways that have nothing to do with the abuser himself.
Tsu: That's a relief: if he tries anything funny with you, in a dream or otherwise, I will give him a piece of my mind, I can promise you that.
Hisoka: *smiles at Tsu -- Hisoka's knight in shining armor* I'm sure you would. But the point I was making is that a person can mistake that for genuine sexual attraction. There's not much difference. Unless you're really thinking about it.
Tsu: Yeah... I guess that can happen: it's like some kind of really odd inside-out crush.
Hisoka: Exactly. I’m just saying, your case isn't really that much different than mine. Look out. Don't be unconscious about it.
Hisoka: Because he sure as hell has a thing for you.
Tsu: It's pretty damn hard to miss. Test subject or bed-warmer: could he just pick one and stick with it? Geez! it's enough to give me whiplash.
Hisoka: *laughs* Yes.
Tsu: I'd rather I was the former and he had me sign some kind of contract first.
Hisoka: Like: you, the undersigned, state that you understand that you're taking your life into your hands -- no, that you're agreeing to put your life into his hands, and oh yeah, there's the stipulation in fine print about being deliriously happy to serve as an organ donor in the event of your death from any of these experimental procedures...
Hisoka: For example, when he cuts your head off.
Tsu: Well, it's not death I'm worried about, it's getting horribly mauled. And he's already done that. Ewwww :: Wincing and writhing in pain::
Hisoka: ...I was going to say, then he sews somebody else's head onto your body....
Tsu: There hasn't been any sign of that freakshow in the basement, has there?
Hisoka: Good heavens, I hadn't even thought of that. I poked around down there before I picked a room to set up my workshop in. But I didn't look everywhere.
Tsu: Yeah, we might want to make sure he hasn't brought that along with him: I don't want a repeat of what happened in Kyoto, and we don't need any version of his brother hanging around. The kid sounded like a real peach. :: said ironically::
Tsu: Though if it's true he's turning over a new leaf, maybe he's gotten that out of his system as well.
Hisoka: *rolls eyes* I certainly hope so.
Tsu: :: Reaching out, he'll try and slip an arm around Hisoka's waist:: But it doesn't matter what he thinks of me and wants from me: it's you that I want to be with.
Hisoka: *Allows the arm, and lays a hand on Tsu's shoulder* We were kind of talking about that, weren't we?
Tsu: Mmm, till somehow we took the scenic route to get back to it. :: Leans in, resting his cheek against the side of Hisoka's head::
Hisoka: *Lifts his hand to touch Tsuzuki's hair. It's as soft as he remembers.* Yeah, the scenic route.
Tsu: We can take a more, ah, direct route, if you like. It's getting kinda late...
Hisoka: You mean, to your pillow? *smiles*
Tsu: Yeah... yes, if you want to. :: running a hand up Hisoka's back gently::
Hisoka: *The hand has a softly electrifying effect on Hisoka* Yes, I do. I'll have to shove all your stuffed animals to the wall. Move over, guys!
Tsu: Yeaaaah, I kind of collected a few more since I got here. :: Laughs, hugging him gently but as if he'll never let go::
Hisoka: I might have known! *Puts his arms around Tsu.* I don't know where your room is, funny, huh?
Tsu: It's up on the third floor, the fourth door on the right.
Hisoka: Then let's climb some stairs.
Tsu: I'll lead the way. :: smiling and letting him go, but keeping a hand behind his back as he turns to lead the way upstairs..
What: Hisoka and Tsuzuki start to close the gap that time and space put between them.
When: November 1st, 2011
Rating: PG-13 (some cuddling and talk of relationships)
[This conversation follows after a rambling fantasy by the fireside one night, about certain Mansion dwellers doubling themselves.]
Hisoka: So, now we're bringing back earlier versions of ourselves?
Tsu: Better not: it might get out of hand. :: Wibbles ::
Hisoka: I see your point.
Hisoka: Besides, I'm not sure I want to have any 16-year-old versions of myself around. It was bad enough being him, without having to deal with him.
Tsu: Yeah, you -- err, he was kind of a prickly fella.
Hisoka: That's for sure. He was a hostile little prick. I don't know how you managed to put up with him.
Tsu: Ahh, you were too cute not to like, really. :: reaches out to fuzz Hisoka::
Hisoka: *smiles faintly, allows the fuzz, leans into it gingerly* You were a good nurturer, Tsuzuki.
Tsu: Someone had to help you and I'm glad I was the one to do it. :: Fuzzing him a little harder, but gently::
Hisoka: ...
Hisoka: Sometimes I'm baffled as to how to talk with you. It's not your fault. It's just we can't go back to that old world, and we've yet to figure out where we can go. Does this make sense to you?
Tsu: Makes perfect sense to me: only way we can move is forward, and that's the best way to go anyway.
Hisoka: Yes. But what does that mean?
Tsu: We just keep moving on, growing together. Though I think I've got a little catching up to do: you've grown a lot quicker than I have, it seems. I don't mind it: a slacker like me could use the challenge."
Hisoka: *chuckles* You know I'll be willing to challenge you. I did grow up, as much as anybody ever does, that is. I was on my own, and I had to. Also, I wanted to.
Hisoka: I don't think anybody who works as hard as you do at relationships could be called a slacker, though.
Tsu: I guess there's a part of me that's determined to stay a kid. :: Laughing at himself, gently::
Hisoka: What is it that makes you want to stay a kid?
Tsu: Hah, that's a good question. I guess I felt safer when I was younger and in the middle of my family. Growing up and getting a wider circle was kinda scary. Like I told you once, I got teased a lot by the kids in the village, for being different.
Hisoka: Home was a safe, loving place?
Tsu: Most of the time: my older sisters kept an eye on me, and my twin sister Ruka looked out for me. But then she moved away to work when we got older and, well, that's when things get all jumbled up and hard to remember....
Hisoka: It's funny, I always had a feeling Ruka was your twin, although you never said. When does it get hard to remember?
Tsu: Yeah, she was older than me by several hours: our grandma used to say Ruka was born first so she'd be there to make sure things were safe for me.
Tsu: But it got hard the autumn that I turned eighteen: I'd always had trouble getting along with my father, and it just started getting worse after Ruka moved away.
Hisoka: Were you and your father different personalities?
Tsu: Oh yeah: he was always kinda tough and practical, while I was more easy-going and kinda lazy and my grades at school were spotty.
Tsu: I was the younger son, and I wasn't going to inherit the family farm, which was going to my older brother, but my father wanted me to make something of myself.
Hisoka: What did he want you to do?
Tsu: I think he wanted me to be something professional, like a lawyer or a teacher, but I was pretty much content to putter around the garden or roam around in the bamboo forest behind our house and just enjoy it.
Hisoka: So what happened between you and your father the autumn you turned eighteen?
Tsu: He wanted to send me off to some special school connected to a hospital and I didn't want any part of that. We got into some pretty bad arguments and he even got physical with me once, which was kinda silly on his part 'cause I was a head taller than he was by then. Not that I was much of a fighter, but I did have a bit of a leg-up because of that.
Hisoka: Connected to a hospital? What happened? Did you kick your dad's ass?
Tsu: Eh, yeah, though I got pretty banged up, too. It gets all muddled after that, and the next thing I knew, I was waking up covered in bandages and lying in a hospital bed with some guy who looked like a darker version of *him* looking at me.
Hisoka: Oh...Muraki's grandfather.
Tsu: Ehhhyeaah, it took me a little while to figure that out. I mean, that first time I met *him*, he seemed vaguely familiar, but not.
Hisoka: What happened then?
Tsu: It gets really confusing after that, but he, the older Muraki, told me my family was dead... there'd been a fire and I'd been badly burned. I was the only one left. :: Looking away, this is very hard to talk about::
Hisoka: *knows how hard it is to talk about -- remembers that Tsuzuki used to be so well armored against other people's questions that people never even realized that there had been a trauma in Tsu's earthly life -- and all he was able to tell Hisoka was that he wasn't human, that he felt like a monster* You lost your whole family.
Tsu: Yeah... it left me really messed up for a long time: I went crazy with grief, tried to kill myself more than a few times, but my body just kept... healing itself, as if it wouldn't let me go. Finally, I had to be kept in restraints most of the time, to keep me from trying that again.
Tsu: My mind shut me down as well: I'd just pull into my head and comfort myself with the memories I had of better times...
Hisoka: *simply nods -- remains quiet, indicating willingness to keep listening*
Tsu: But sometimes, the memories weren't enough to keep me safe from reality, and I'd wake up from it, still in the hospital, still confined...
Hisoka: *nods again* Hard to wake up to that.
Tsu: Yeah.... people use the phrase 'a living hell', but I wonder how many of them have really been there... :: pensive now::
Hisoka: *has been there* Yes.
Tsu: I sometimes wonder if it was a bit of a miracle that I broke out of that cycle...
Hisoka: Perhaps there are miracles. *has actually not much hope of that, but doesn't completely discount the unexpected in life* How did you break out?
Tsu: One of the times I came back to reality, I found I wasn't restrained, so I groped around under the frame of the bed till I found the end of one of the springs. I managed to bend the metal back far enough that it stuck out and I could use it to start sawing at my right wrist... I don't think I have to tell you what happened next. :: Looks away, sickened by the memory and yet realizing this needs to be spoken::
Hisoka: Yes, I understand.
Tsu: Everything went black after that... and then I woke up on the other side...
Hisoka: Meifu.
Tsu: Yeah... :: Breathing easier:: It wasn't home, but at least I wasn't in any pain any more, or at least nothing like when I was alive.
Hisoka: It was a good place.
Tsu: It was... but I guess for now, we're here, and for some reason, we need to be here. Maybe so we could reconnect and pick up where we left off. :: smiling through the shadows that have hung over his face::
Hisoka: *who has also had some experience with finding himself in places he can't leave* We're here, and there may be a reason, but even if there isn't, I've found that there is meaning in these strange sorts of events. I do want to find a way to reconnect with you.
Tsu: We're heading in that direction: it's just that... well, there's a few feelings I've had hanging around my heart that I didn't think I should be feeling about you. :: A bit awkward admitting this::
Hisoka: Tell me. *wants to know*
Tsu: Ahh, well, I've been... attracted to you for some time... :: Blushing, smiling, but a bit uncomfortable admitting this::
Hisoka: I know that. *smiles, with a gentleness which in the past he would not have known how to display*
Tsu: Well, ah, I've wanted to move on from attraction to something...more physical. I just felt funny wanting that, after finding out what happened to you. I guess I was afraid that I might hurt you somehow.
Hisoka: You should not worry about that, Tsuzuki. I think I told you I've had lovers. I didn't just mean falling in love. And I've been attracted to you, too. I couldn't do much about it in our world. Not because I was afraid of getting hurt. I didn't really feel like an adult until we went to GenSouKai and I came back with a shiki. And then I didn't have any idea how to broach the subject, and it didn't seem like the time, anyway.
Tsu: :: Nods, pushing back a small surge of something like jealousy:: Wow... well, that's, ah, kind of a relief. :: laughs a bit, rubbing the back of his neck, awkwardly::
Tsu: :: More at ease now:: No, serious, it is... I mean... I wish it had been me, but it gets a weight off my mind. I was afraid I was moving too quickly for you.
Hisoka: I know. If our lives had been a story, we would have gotten together when I was eighteen. But this is reality. Different rules. You've had other people, too. And that's ok.
Tsu: Only a few... I wanted to wait, but, well, I guess there's a lot of life in me yet. :: Blushing a bit::
Hisoka: You are one of the liveliest men I've ever met. XD
Tsu: :: Growing more serious, but in a tender way:: But I really want to share some of that life with you, more than anyone else.
Hisoka: I'd like to spend some time with you, and if the time seems right....well, there would be no reason to wait. I still sometimes...it's not that I wish I were still that eighteen-year-old....that's a time that is passed. It's just that sometimes I feel I might be cheating you, because I'm not him anymore. I do want to share some of my life with you. But I think I'm not very monogamous, strange to discover. And it doesn't look like you are, either. Can we deal with that, do you think?
Tsu: I think we can manage: I'm not against, well, sharing you, if there's anyone else that you fancy. But, there hasn't been anyone for me for a while.
Hisoka: *nods, slowly.* "If you think it can work that way. And I wondered what had happened. After our conversation in Neville's greenhouse, I waited a long time for you to tell me. And at your hanami party, we were both so determinedly cheerful, I thought our faces would crack. I thought...when I asked you if I would see you before the canoe was finished, and you said that we would see each other at rehearsals...well, I thought that was the kiss-off, to tell you the truth. I thought you were trying to tell me you wouldn’t see me again, but you were too nice to say it directly. That was why I left so quickly.
Tsu: :: Hangs his head a bit:: Like I said: I was taking it slowly because I was afraid of hurting you; but it seems it happened anyway. But if there any way I -- we can make up for lost time...
Hisoka: Tsuzuki....I don't require never to be hurt.
Tsu: :: Looking up, hopeful but still worried::
Hisoka: It is only that I would not have survived the prison I told you about, if I had not decided that the truth was more important than anything else, even love.
Hisoka: When I don't know what is happening because someone does not want to tell me, or doesn't feel he can, I am lost in the dark. It is like being back in solitary confinement.
Tsu: There won't be any more darkness. I can promise you that.
Hisoka: Please....that isn't your fault; you have your own life and your own issues. It is just that there have been many times in my life, in both my lives, when I had to decide to climb out of that cell alone. Because no one would go with me. And I did, because I wanted to live. And I could not live with lies. Not even my own. And I had to leave my myths behind, too.
Hisoka: My myth was that if I only loved enough, and trusted enough, someone would be by my side forever. It was a wonderful myth, and it saved my life when we were in our own world.
Tsu: :: Just listening, trying to take it all in and process it::
Hisoka: But when I left our world, it wouldn't carry the weight of reality.
Hisoka: *has been silent about this for so long (for two lifetimes, in fact) that the words just tumble out* So I abandoned it. I would have died, if I had not. And I had to abandon it more than once, because I loved like that more than once. I can love very deeply, still. But I can't love like that anymore.
Hisoka: So I hope you can see what I meant when I said that we will have the truth, or we will have nothing. I said that to that other Tsuzuki. And then I left him.
Hisoka: He wasn't you. I don't think he was even related to you. A different spirit. And he is not your responsibility. I think I said I would never bring him up again, and I'm breaking that promise. But I can't make anything clear without bringing up that experience.
Tsu: ;: The truth is clearly a bit painful still for him, and he's still taking all that in...:: But... we can still move forward together, can't we? :: a childlike concern there::
Hisoka: It is my hope that we can.
Tsu: :: Reaches out a little gingerly and, typist willing, puts a hand on Hisoka's shoulder, prior to pulling the smaller male closer to him::
Hisoka: *with similar carefulness, permits himself to be pulled, and rests his hands on Tsuzuki's shoulders* This is strange, after all this time.
Tsu: :: slipping an arm around Hisoka's waist:: It is... but we can still have that closeness, even if things are different, can't we?
Hisoka: Maybe we can find a new closeness. It won't be the same as the old one. But I hope it will be stronger, in its way.
Tsu: That works for me... :: smiling, still a bit sad-eyed, but more at ease::
Hisoka: *sadness in his gaze, too. But it allows him to recognize and honor that which is in Tsuzuki's eyes.* All right. What made you decide to try to reconnect? I was just wondering.
Tsu: I'm not really sure. Maybe I just got tired of dancing around it and decided to take some action.
Hisoka: *small smile* You always were impressive when you did that.
Tsu: Maybe I just get lonely at night. :: chuckling::
Hisoka: Oh? Yeah. The stuffed animals don't quite substitute...
Tsu: Yeah, they don't get grumpy and cuss at me if I roll over on them. :: Mischievous::
Hisoka; Unlike somebody else you know?
Tsu: I promise I won't squish you too much. :: playful but earnest::
Hisoka: Well, my elbows are still sharp. And I think I can remember some of the old lines: "Will you for godsake move the fuck OVER, Tsuzuki????? ....It's TOO HOT!!!
Hisoka: *snickers* That doesn't sound like the present me.
Tsu: No, it doesn't: You'd be a lot more polite about it, if I did roll on you. I'd miss you being snippy, but I like the new polite you just as much.
Hisoka: I had to start thinking about how what I said might affect other people. It was a matter of life and death, too, every minute. So I learned very well. But I'm glad you like it. And I do revert to being snippy occasionally. I guess I could make an effort, for your sake. XD
Tsu: Nah, don't change a hair for me unless you want to.
Tsu: :: Glancing about, making sure no one's listening:: So... you want to share my pillow tonight?
Hisoka: I do, if we can talk, mostly. I may be up for more in a day or two. Is that all right?
Tsu: Oh, that's perfect! I'd rather work up toward... you know... :: Blushing again::
Hisoka: Sex? *his eyes are sparkling, the little brat*
Tsu: I meant cuddling! geez! I guess you did grow up, you horny weasel! :: Pretending to be shocked, but his eyes do look genuinely surprised::
Hisoka: *doesn't blush very often anymore, either* Cuddling is fine. *grin* Well, I did grow up. And I AM kind of a horny weasel, now that you mention it.
Tsu: well, my first two were pretty horny, so maybe that was fate's way of warming me up. :: Still a little awkward talking about this, but more at ease::
Hisoka: I always wondered about you. You were so affectionate and actually, kind of sensuous. You mean you weren't really sexual until somebody made love to you for the first time? *curious, but not wishing to make Tsu uncomfortable*
Tsu: Well... there was one when I was young, but we didn't go all the way... :: Something painful flicks through his eyes, then is gone:: After that... I guess I never really thought about it much. I wasn't against it or anything, it just never really crossed my mind or maybe I'm just a little old-fashioned.
Hisoka: *Sees that something painful that flashes briefly in Tsu's eyes, but doesn't ask about it. That can wait until later, though he does want to know.* I guess we grew up in different environments, different times. For you, it was all family and duty, something like that?
Tsu: Yeah, my parents weren't Christian, but my mother had been to a convent school, so she'd picked up a few notions from the teaching sisters there. And my father just wanted me to make myself useful.
Hisoka: I remember my grandfather -- he wasn't quite your generation, he was born in 1920. But he used to shake his head over the younger generation, even before we were grown. He couldn't understand us -- thought we were setting ourselves up for a big disappointment by wanting as much as we wanted.
Hisoka: And when I consider how little that really was, I wonder about his life.
Tsu: Good thing those notions are dying out, though I guess it took me long enough to get past them myself. :: laughing a bit:: The War hardened a lot of people's souls, but I suppose that's how some people choose to protect themselves. :: thoughtfully::
Hisoka: Yes. He seemed not to be living exactly in the same world as my father's generation. I don't know anything about his childhood. But he and his brother were both in the Pacific Islands. My great uncle died on Guam, and the family story is that he died in my grandfather's arms. When my grandfather returned home, he didn't speak for months. And he was so sick, it was surprising he didn't die. Starvation and malaria.
Tsu: That'd definitely cause a person to take a dim view of things, poor guy.
Hisoka: Yes. And he never got his health back. And his eyes were so dark and distant, most of the time, as though he were seeing things from the past. But he loved my father, and me. He died when I was nine or ten.
Tsu: Sounds like he was a good man...
Hisoka: He was. But he was carrying some secrets, I can guarantee that. I never understood that until my second life, when I was in the military myself. I think he had done some things that haunted him.
Tsu: I'll bet... there's things I haven't been able to get out of my head since those days, too. :: Thoughtful::
Hisoka: I was going to ask you, actually. Kyuushuu was your area back then, too? Hiroshima and Nagasaki are both in it.
Tsu: Yes.. I had to help cover both cities. There were so many souls, we had to call in shinigami from other branches to help them cross over. :: a haunted look passes through his violet eyes::
Hisoka: That generation, they knew about death. But they didn't know about that kind of death. That must have been hard for those of you who had to help them.
Tsu: There were some who'd seen battle, but this was different: these were civilian souls who got pulled into a battle that they didn't have any place in. So many wounded people... and there were more, after the war, the people who'd survived but had gotten sick from the radiation... :: he shakes his head wearily:: In some ways, maybe it was supposed to happen, to bring an end to the war...
Tsu: But did it have to involve all those civilians? Some of them were just children.
Hisoka: Yes. And you always had compassion for the young. I remember that. Actually, you had compassion for everybody.
Tsu: I do, don't I? :: managing a slightly forced laugh, in spite of all the dark talk::
Hisoka: It's one of the things I always admired about you. You were sympathetic. And you didn't let your anger destroy that, when you had anger.
Tsu: I just can't do that, you know? I'd be letting whoever angered me that much get the better of me and I'd be no better than they, if not something worse."
Hisoka: *has noted the forced laugh -- Tsuzuki usually did try to keep the mood upbeat, even when he was indignant on somebody else's behalf, as he often was in their Ministry days.* Yes, and I learned a lot about compassion from you. When we met, I knew how to hurt for somebody else's pain, but I didn't know what to do with it, anymore than I knew what to do with my own. It was easy just to get huffy, or to start shouting.
Tsu: Yeah, that's an easy thing to do: it's harder to feel with and for someone, even someone who's done something unforgivable.... :: Thoughtful again and a pain memory passes through his eyes::
Hisoka: What is it, Tsuzuki?
Tsu: Would you hate me if... I told you even felt sorry for *him*?
Hisoka: No. It would be hard to hate you for anything.
Tsu: I mean, part of me hated him for what he'd done, but during that time he'd captured me and kept me in his lab in Kyoto... he said things he didn't think I could hear, but I heard every word he said, things about his mother, who'd been so afraid of losing him, she ended up hurting him, and about his half-brother who tormented him when he was a young man. He's damaged inside and that's why he turned to the darkness: he wanted to be the monster for a change, to be the one causing the harm.
Tsu: That's why I summoned Touda, to destroy his lab: I wanted to end his suffering and mine as well.
Tsu: :: A bit hastily:: But it wasn't one of those lovers' suicides you read about in old stories, trust me! :: laughs, nervously::
Hisoka: I think I understand more than you think I do. Yes, people who turn abusive do that because somebody did the same thing to them. So, of course there was some kind of family history. I've spent years talking to and listening to people, and some of them have done terrible things.
Hisoka: And there's been a Muraki everywhere I've been since I last saw you in our world. I talked to him, too.
Tsu: That's gotta be weird, like he's following you around. Change that: that's gotta be creepy... None of them have... tried to do anything more to you, have they? :: concerned, even a bit worried in a slightly irritated way::
Hisoka: Yes, but I wouldn't let them.
Tsu: That's good: what about the one that's here? He hasn't gotten fresh with you at all?
Hisoka: He would have, when I first arrived, but I didn't let him, either. It's amazing how easy it is to discourage them.
Tsu: Rrrr! That freaky bastard! I just might take back what I said. If I catch him trying that again, I'll nail his skinny ass to the nearest wall! :: getting all protective::
Hisoka: *smiles* Don't worry about that. I'm very good at protecting myself, now. I don't fear him much anymore, and his power was always based on fear. Take that away, and the rug is jerked out from under him. But I wanted to say something about him....
Tsu: Like what? :: a bit suspicious and wary, but his eyes are curious::
Hisoka: Something has happened to him. He's a little different than he used to be.
Tsu: :: Blinks... then blinks again:: Something happened to him? what do you mean?
Hisoka: I'm not sure, really. He explained, but his vocabulary for the soul and its journey is different than mine, so I can't always translate. But he apologized for raping and murdering me. And he meant it. Strange, huh?
Tsu: :: Gobsmacked by that revelation:: Buh-whah? he apologized?! Was he drunk or something? He doesn't strike me as the type to apologize for anything, let alone something that big.
Hisoka: He doesn't strike me that way, either. Nevertheless, he did.
Hisoka: And he wasn't drunk.
Hisoka: Anyway, so if you find a letter from him stuck on your door and you can't understand what he's going on about, that'll be it. He wants to apologize to you, too. I tried to tell him in a nice way that you might not be all that eager to hear it.
Tsu: Well, we know he doesn't give up easily, once he gets an idea in his head.
Hisoka: I have noticed that. *There are entire realms of nuance in those four words.*
Tsu: Well, I appreciate the fair warning, in case he does leave me a note. And if he leaves a love letter, I'm not replying to it: maybe I'll bury the hatchet with him, but I'm not going to let him make love to me.
Tsu: :: Pauses, thoughtfully, after that declaration, stroking his chin::
Hisoka: That's the first thing that occurs to you when you think of burying the hatchet?
Hisoka: Well, look out if he hands you a bunch of roses. "Tsuzuki! Forgive me!" (And then you get groped.)
Tsu: He's attractive, I'll give him that, but I'm not letting him try any of that funny stuff with me ever again.
Hisoka: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Tsu: What's that "hmmmmm" for?
Hisoka: I used to know you pretty well, remember.
Tsu: What are you getting at? You think I've got a thing for him? How could I have a thing for a guy who spent the better part of a day doing 'empirical tests' on whether I could still heal quickly. Brrr! :: shudders::
Hisoka: I know. I'm not explaining very well. Listen, I've never told anyone this. Anyone. Except him, once. I had sexual dreams about him for years. And you know I had no reason to have a thing for him.
Tsu: Whhhaaaaahhh!! :: Falls over backwards, feet in the air::
Tsu: :: Rights himself, hopping back onto his feet:: Are you sure you were just dreaming about him, or was he sneaking into your dreams?
Hisoka: *Waits for Tsu to get his feet back down where they belong and his head back up where it belongs.* They were dreams, not visitations. I'd have known if he had been psychically present.
Hisoka: Nobody really understands how that happens, But it does. The abuser can get into our pysches in ways that have nothing to do with the abuser himself.
Tsu: That's a relief: if he tries anything funny with you, in a dream or otherwise, I will give him a piece of my mind, I can promise you that.
Hisoka: *smiles at Tsu -- Hisoka's knight in shining armor* I'm sure you would. But the point I was making is that a person can mistake that for genuine sexual attraction. There's not much difference. Unless you're really thinking about it.
Tsu: Yeah... I guess that can happen: it's like some kind of really odd inside-out crush.
Hisoka: Exactly. I’m just saying, your case isn't really that much different than mine. Look out. Don't be unconscious about it.
Hisoka: Because he sure as hell has a thing for you.
Tsu: It's pretty damn hard to miss. Test subject or bed-warmer: could he just pick one and stick with it? Geez! it's enough to give me whiplash.
Hisoka: *laughs* Yes.
Tsu: I'd rather I was the former and he had me sign some kind of contract first.
Hisoka: Like: you, the undersigned, state that you understand that you're taking your life into your hands -- no, that you're agreeing to put your life into his hands, and oh yeah, there's the stipulation in fine print about being deliriously happy to serve as an organ donor in the event of your death from any of these experimental procedures...
Hisoka: For example, when he cuts your head off.
Tsu: Well, it's not death I'm worried about, it's getting horribly mauled. And he's already done that. Ewwww :: Wincing and writhing in pain::
Hisoka: ...I was going to say, then he sews somebody else's head onto your body....
Tsu: There hasn't been any sign of that freakshow in the basement, has there?
Hisoka: Good heavens, I hadn't even thought of that. I poked around down there before I picked a room to set up my workshop in. But I didn't look everywhere.
Tsu: Yeah, we might want to make sure he hasn't brought that along with him: I don't want a repeat of what happened in Kyoto, and we don't need any version of his brother hanging around. The kid sounded like a real peach. :: said ironically::
Tsu: Though if it's true he's turning over a new leaf, maybe he's gotten that out of his system as well.
Hisoka: *rolls eyes* I certainly hope so.
Tsu: :: Reaching out, he'll try and slip an arm around Hisoka's waist:: But it doesn't matter what he thinks of me and wants from me: it's you that I want to be with.
Hisoka: *Allows the arm, and lays a hand on Tsu's shoulder* We were kind of talking about that, weren't we?
Tsu: Mmm, till somehow we took the scenic route to get back to it. :: Leans in, resting his cheek against the side of Hisoka's head::
Hisoka: *Lifts his hand to touch Tsuzuki's hair. It's as soft as he remembers.* Yeah, the scenic route.
Tsu: We can take a more, ah, direct route, if you like. It's getting kinda late...
Hisoka: You mean, to your pillow? *smiles*
Tsu: Yeah... yes, if you want to. :: running a hand up Hisoka's back gently::
Hisoka: *The hand has a softly electrifying effect on Hisoka* Yes, I do. I'll have to shove all your stuffed animals to the wall. Move over, guys!
Tsu: Yeaaaah, I kind of collected a few more since I got here. :: Laughs, hugging him gently but as if he'll never let go::
Hisoka: I might have known! *Puts his arms around Tsu.* I don't know where your room is, funny, huh?
Tsu: It's up on the third floor, the fourth door on the right.
Hisoka: Then let's climb some stairs.
Tsu: I'll lead the way. :: smiling and letting him go, but keeping a hand behind his back as he turns to lead the way upstairs..