Inspiration....
So today Chaz and I had a pretty bad fight. I guess that is what put me in this dark sorta mood. I hate feeling like this.. I hate when we fight. I love him so much and i think i would completely die if i ever lost him. I know that sounds a lil psychotic but its really how i feel. Im not sure how i would even function without him. He said some horrible things today... Im sure he didnt mean them it was just words in the heat of the moment. But they really crushed me. It really made me stop and think about wether they could be true or not. I dont think they are but he has said time and time again that he doesnt say things unless he means them. We have fought many times before and he never got like he did today. He never really said mean horrible things to me.. Except for today. Makes me wonder if he feels differently about me some how? I really hope its just my mind running away from reality but it still makes me think. I cant wait till next weekend he wants to take me out to the movies or dinner. He really does think of ways to make me happy. Not that doing those things is the only thing that makes me happy but it does help. Sometimes i wish he was a lil more emotional, he doesnt show his feelings much but when he does he really shows them. He always thinks of me and does lil things that he knows i like or would like. I just wish sometimes he would just walk up and grab me and kiss me or hug me. Thats really what i need sometimes. I know men arent really good with all that, or at least thats what i think. I dunno... I am just so happy that things didnt end between us today. I probably would have died emotionally......