RP Log with geniuscowboy | Running on Empty
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Chris exited the bathroom in his apartment feeling much like a zombie after copping a look at himself in the mirror when he washed his hands. He looked so rough, he had actually laughed at himself. Either it was just highly amusing how shit he managed to look, or he was finally cracking up. His mind was fresh on the conversation with Dave, his mate being the voice of reason through Chris' stressed out haze of messed thoughts. The other surgeon managed to pull Chris' thought process back onto the right track and get him to think about littler things that he could cope with, rather than the whole picture that just made him feel crazy. The conversation left him feeling focused on one main thing, though, and that was Serena.
He spotted her standing out on the balcony and so intent on getting to her and giving her a hug, Chris didn't even realise the glass doors were closed and his attempt to be smooth and suave was one big fail when he smacked head-first into the doors with a loud thump. Obviously, not sleeping for over fifty hours was terrible on his boyfriend mojo. "Goddamn and fuck!" he cursed, putting a hand over his face to check for any bloody when his nose competed with his head to see which would hurt first. He grabbed hold of the door handle and yanked it open to hold his hand up. "No laughing!" he told her, even if he was fighting the urge himself.
Serena wasn't in danger of laughing. In fact, she was terrified she was about to turn around and find Chris bleeding. The thud had scared the shit out of her, and knowing it had been Chris had sent her heart racing. She moved away from the balcony to move to his side, trying to check that he wasn't badly injured. "Shit, are you okay? Oh my god, Chris. What am I going to do with you? This is why you need to sleep. I'm really not about to laugh." She brushed her fingers through his hair once she was satisfied he wasn't gushing blood, or brain matter. She'd stayed at his place even when he'd disappeared to Dave's, hanging around in a pair of his boxers and her t-shirt as she tried not to let her stomach eat itself in worry. "Are you okay?" she asked again.
"I don't know," Chris said honestly with a laugh. "I think I'm too tired to feel pain, which works. I can work with that. Wonder how many people will actually believe I ran into a door if I break out into a giant bruise on my forehead?" He was still checking to make sure he wasn't bleeding and then just went on to rub his fingers through his blond hair and send it sticking up in all directions. "Okay, one thing. I might need you to do me a favour. As much as it pains me to admit, I might need something to help me sleep before I end up walking in front of a bus by accident. And two..." He wrapped his arms around her in a hug and buried his face into her shoulder with a heavily exhaled breath of relief.
Serena took a moment to absorb the fact that Chris was hugging her before she wrapped her arms around him tightly and hugged him back. "Of course. It's okay to take something once in a while. Sometimes you just need it. It doesn't mean it'll be a permanent thing. Personally I'll be happier if you take something just so you stop. You need a rest." After a moment she found her ability to laugh and her mood shifted and lightened. "Maybe they'll just assume it was another result of being caught in a waitress' bed?"
"I'm intrigued how I would get from the bed to running into a door. The sex musn't have been that good," Chris said with a smirk against her shoulder. "I'm beyond tired. I feel like there is so much I need to do, and that I have to squeeze it all in and get it done. But don't worry, Dave gave me a talking to about it, and reminded me how much of a dick I can be when I try hard enough. Part of me doesn't even feel awake, which sounds weird. I bought candy at the gas station that I don't even like. I have absolutely no appetite. Everytime I get worked up, I want to throw up, until Dave pointed out I was having a panic attack and fixed it with a paper bag. All I want to do is just lie down with you and sleep, but I can't sleep. Dave thinks it should be a naked lie down, too, so I don't have to think about getting dressed."
"Well, he's got a good point about the naked part," Serena agreed with a quiet laugh. She rubbed her hand against Chris' back and turned her head enough to kiss his cheek. "I think maybe I should go and get the script before we try the lying down. You really do need to rest, baby. You can't keep pushing and pushing and pushing. With everything's that's happened something was bound to give. I'm sorry that it all seems like this huge shit pile got dumped on you, and now all you can do is scramble to keep up, but you're not alone. You don't have to manage this alone."
Chris nodded and waited for his brain to catch up. "I guess some pills aren't going to hurt. Dave's sick, the flu. It's from the cancer. You know, every time he gets even just a bit of an illness, he has to get labs done in case... you know." He pulled up but remained in the hug, shaking his head. "Fuck, I'm just glad you're okay. Even if for a minute there, I was more than convinced Near Death Guy was going to draw you back to him. Pills, I'll wait for you. Maybe try and make a bit of toast or something."
Serena kissed his lips lightly. "No, they're not. I heard. He talked to me a little. Told me where you were. I didn't get your note at first, so I did panic just a little. I wish I could say he'll be okay, but cancer isn't black and white. I think he's doing everything he can to ensure he's okay, but it's a waiting game. He wasn't going to draw me back. No one can get me away from you. Haven't you figured that out yet?" she asked as she gave him an amused look. "Do I trust you with toast?"
Chris pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "You can trust me with toast," he confirmed with a nod. "And if worse comes to worse, I'll stick with uncooked toast. Or cereal out of the box. Do I even have cereal. I can't remember the last time I actually went grocery shopping. Maybe my tired brain has successfully deleted that ordeal out of my head. I hate shopping. Hey, I'm operating on, like, half a brain cell recently. You gotta admit, I've done pretty damn good with the ex front. I could have put a knot it his oxygen line, or 'accidentally' sliced off one of his balls."
"You did really, really, well, baby. I'm proud." She kissed him again, before she gently pulled away and nudged him in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll put some pants on and be right back. Hope you don't mind me constantly raiding your wardrobe. I would just seriously prefer some sweats right now than my jeans. I won't be long, okay? Try and eat something and don't burn your house down."
She gave him a quick squeeze before she found the energy to run into his room and grab a pair of Chris' sweat pants to wear to the pharmacy. She found her script book and quickly scrawled him out a prescription. Good thing doctors really didn't have to ever worry about neat handwriting. Serena was out the door and into her car before Chris could say anything else, and luckily she didn't have to wait that long at the chemist. She even picked up an array of candy from their counter display just in case Chris was nursing more of a sweet tooth.
Serena came back just in time to find Chris easing himself into the bed after having stripped off. The smell of toast lingered through the apartment and Serena dumped her newly acquired stash of surgar and pills on the covers next to her boyfriend before she started to strip off herself. "See? No time at all. I bet you didn't even have time to miss me."
Chris barely even acknowledged the candy when he got into the bed and flopped onto his side. It was a struggle enough with the toast, nothing else was going near his mouth. "Hardly even noticed you had left the apartment," he joked back as he restlessly tried to find a comfortable spot in the bed. It wasn't easy, and he settled on a place half on his back and half on his side, arm draped over his eyes for a few moments. He yawned widely and pushed the covers away to lethargically scratched at his belly. "Kathy called. She wants my ass," he added and shot her a smirk of amusement.
"Oh does she now? Well, you might have done pretty well with the ex factor but I am not as gracious as you. Kathy would definitely meet with a nasty 'accident'," Serena replied as she shot him a devious look. She peeled back the other side of the covers and climbed in beside Chris once all her clothes lay in a pile on the floor and she was naked just like him. She really was getting used to their snuggles. She rubbed her hand against his side and smiled at him. "How you doing there, tiger?"
Chris stretched, trying to release some of the tension that had built in all his muscles and joints from the stress. "She's just feeling left out because Tuck's back and rocking the place again. I think she was getting quite comfy in his Charge Nurse hat." He turned his head to look at her with a faint, sleepy smile. "Okay, I guess. I'm not sure, really. I keep wanting to freak out about everything, and just when I think my head has chilled, I start worrying all over again. I don't know what to think about half of it. Then part of me is even worried if I go to sleep, something will happen to Rick and I won't get there in time..."
Serena reached across Chris to pick up the glass of water still sitting on the stand and offered it to him while she found the sleeping pills in amongst the candy. She popped open the cap for him and shook out one so he could take it. "Just take this, okay. It's a start. Once you get some rest maybe your brain will learn to slow down a notch. I know it's hard right now. But you got me, and I'll help you wherever you can. You got Dave, you got Aimee. You even got Eva. Proctor will understand, too. I'll make sure you get there in time if anything happens to Rick. I promise, okay? I'll get you there."
Chris took the pill, setting it between his lips before he took it into his mouth so he could take the bottle to read the label. He was a doctor, it was just natural for him to want to know what she prescribed him. "Good choice," he said with a smirk and took the pill into his mouth to swallow it with a sip of water. "I could sell these on the street and make a bomb, you know. You really want to knock me out, don't you. This is all out in one pill. Don't even need to take two." He put the glass back and sighed. "I dunno. I haven't really spoken to Eva and Proctor about any of it. Eva tried to talk to me when Rick was here that day for the surgery, but I wasn't really receptive. Proctor... man, he knows about Dave, you know. All about it. I've just never felt this weird in my life, about anything, and I've been through some tough shit."
Serena shifted to pull him against him and combed her fingers through her hair as she laughed softly. "You got me. I just want to knock you out so I can invite my other boyfriends over and we can have a massive orgy in the hot tub. I'm only dating you for the hot tub. Truth is out now, huh? Maybe you need to try talking to Eva and Proctor. It might be hard at first, but it could help. They'll offer you different perspectives. Hew knew about Dave?"
"I knew you had an ulterior motive. You Chicagoites are all the same," Chris joked and rolled onto his side. He had one arm hugged around his middle and he slipped the other around hers. It was a warm day outside, but with the airconditioning on inside, they could get away with some light covers. Chris was one of those weird people who couldn't sleep unless he had at least some cover over him anyway, even if it was just a small strip around his hips. "Yeah, he knew. I guess it makes sense. Proctor is the big boss of MT1, and he would have overseen Dave's hiring. Dave's remission is still pretty recent, he needed healthchecks to show he was fit for the job. We all did, but it just meant Dave would have had to reveal right up his medical history. Proctor obviously still thought he was well capable. Sometimes I feel like he likes everyone else in the world but me.... and eesh, I'm not sure I have the energy for metaphors right now."
"It's all that living in the windy city. It makes us crave hot tubs and warm spaces." She kissed the top of his head, and moved her hand down to stroke his back. She didn't mind the fact they were under light covers. The only time she ever slept without them was when there was no aircon and the heat was sweltering. Right now it was just hot, but not sweltering. "Maybe he just realises that medical issues shouldn't stop anyone from pursuing a career. Just like his heart. Dave isn't any less of a doctor for being in remission."
Chris' eyes felt a little heavy and he shrugged, wriggling a little closer so his lips could reach hers. "Of course he's not. Dave doesn't give himself credit, but he's a brilliant doctor. General Surgeon, too, so he has a large range of skills. Ironically, he always wanted to specialise in Surgical. I just sort of tripped into it. It's just a lot to take for it to feel real. He told me about it, and sitting there looking at him, I couldn't fathom him suffering like that. He couldn't come home, you know. If he travelled, he would have died. He was too sick to even travel. And... he got Rick here. Whatever he said, it worked, and I guess that's all I care about, even if I'm flying off the handle with it left and right."
Serena smiled a little as she kissed him back and then kissed the corner of his mouth. She couldn't help it. At work it was getting harder and harder to restrain herself when she just wanted to touch him, or kiss him. Even if it was a quick peck between cases. She craved that contact with him. I didn't know about him not being able to travel. He never mentioned that. Wow, he really was close. I know he should have called, or told you, but he was fighting for his life and I guess it's easy to get tunnel vision. I think he was worried you'd be pissed off at him for bringing Rick here, but he's you're brother. And Dave's your best friend. You need them both, and maybe this is the time to get things right with Rick."
"He didn't tell me because of my job. I remember it. It was just after I scored the residency with MT1, and we were in touch a lot. I was going on about how much work I would need to do to prove myself and keep the job. And he was sitting over there with cancer, not telling me because he didn't want me to risk it by taking leave. He was facing death, and he didn't want me to fuck up my career. I just... have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about that. He went through hell. I'm trying to cope with it the best I can, but I don't know how to accept any of it. Then to think he already told me once, and I screwed him over with that too. He didn't want to dump it on me again once Rick got his diagnosis, but he still stepped in to try and get Rick to see the light." Chris fell quiet for a moment, and he could feel the pills trying to work, but his brain still wanted to fight it off. "Then Rick... fuck. I've never known how to take him. I need more than words, which makes me a selfish cockhead because my brother has cancer, and I still don't trust him."
"You're anything but a selfish cockhead, Chris. You've just been burned enough to know that Rick's silver tongue isn't going to make things better. He's got to prove himself a little, and staying in that hospital bed is a start. So's getting the right treatment. Anything else might have to wait until after he's in recovery." Assuming he did go into remission, but Serena didn't voice that. She really hoped that Rick would be given the chance to be the big brother Chris needed, but it was a waiting game. "Dave's just a great guy. Maybe he's too great in that he put your job before himself, but maybe it also helped knowing that you were still living, still enjoying your life. I don't know. I'm not in his head. I'm sure he'd give you the answer if you just asked."
"You would think in a job like ours that we wouldn't take our health for granted. We see some freakish things, and we don't always save lives, no matter how many people think we should. But you do. You take your health for granted when you're healthy. It's like you're on the outside of a window looking in, and you see it happening to other people, but never stop and think it might touch you. Now look. Probably two of the most important dudes in my life... cancer. I could lose either of them, and that scares the fucking shit out of me. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think." Chris rubbed tiredly at his eyes, more sleepiness setting in and making him feel slightly drunk. "Tell me about your family. I've never much asked, and I'm sorry. I want to know about them. What's your brother like?" he asked, watching her closely.
Serena kissed his forehead and smiled. "It's okay, your family's been more at the forefront than mine. And really, mine aren't anything that special. I feel pretty lucky. No offence. No major dramas. My brother's cool, he's more into music than medicine. He's smart, but there was only one passion he wanted to pursue. He's blonde, like me. We come from some scary genes, you know. If we ever have kids they'll be the blondest, blue-eyed babies around. But my brother, he's my brother." Serena laughed nervously. "Wow, I suck at this. He's going to love the fact that I don't even know how to talk about him. I think he'd like you though. And you have the guitar thing in common. He's the other reason why I love live music." Serena looked at him. "How are we supposed to not take our health for granted?"
Chris smiled sleepily at her and nodded. "You know, I'm glad one of us drew the family long straw, I really am. Just because mine suck, doesn't mean I would deny anyone else the chance. Far from it. I guess it why it bothers me so much when we get patients in and they're all 'My mum sucks, I don't want her to know I'm here because she'll ground me'. It's like, no damn effing wonder when you've been out jetskiing after you've been on the piss, you know? Or that chick the other month who led us to believe she had no family because her mum wanted her to have the best in life. It's screwed. So, you're close to him, then? And I swear, that is the million dollar question I have been asking myself over and over lately."
Serena nodded. "Yeah, I am. I guess it's also the reason I don't talk about him, or my family often. I know I drew the long straw and you really wouldn't hold it against me, but I don't ever want you feeling like I'm rubbing it in your face. We talk online and on the phone. He knows I'm seeing someone, but I haven't told him who yet. Maybe now that you've told Rick, you won't mind if I tell my brother? All those people... Sometimes I feel like smacking them. They're being stupid when it's their lives at stake. Well, maybe once we know the answer, we can make a change."
"I don't mind. Just so long as he doesn't tell Proctor in some freakish six degrees of separation thing," Chris said wryly. His eyes fell closed again without him even wanting to and for a few moments, he just stayed like that because he didn't even feel like fighting it for the first time in over two days. He was brushing his hand softly back and forth over her hip, the movement somehow hypnotic to him. The drunk feeling had just turned into maybe drunk and post-head injury now, sans the pain. He knew what head injuries felt like and this was way better than one of those. He dozed off for a minute or so, but still managed to peel his eyes open just a little to give her a small smile as he yawned and wet his lips. "I do, y'know... love you too..." he murmured as his eyes slipped closed again.
Serena shook her head. "Doubt it. He doesn't know anyone here but me. I'm sure of it. And he's really not the sort to go spreading secrets. He's always known all of mine. Except you. You're the one secret. I told you I was pretty boring and didn't have any." Serena just kept brushing her fingers lightly against his back, watching Chris close his eyes. She couldn't help it. There was a small sigh at seeing him relax and Serena was more than happy to be his pillow if it meant he would sleep, even with the help of a pill. It was his murmured words though that had her heart speeding up, and her fingers pausing in their rhythm as she just stared at him. "You do?"
"Hm..." was Chris' reply, if it could even be classed as a reply. He didn't even take in a lot of what she said. He only managed to fight it a little longer before the pill kicked in and he finally fell asleep still lying close up against her with his head barely an inch away from hers.
Chris exited the bathroom in his apartment feeling much like a zombie after copping a look at himself in the mirror when he washed his hands. He looked so rough, he had actually laughed at himself. Either it was just highly amusing how shit he managed to look, or he was finally cracking up. His mind was fresh on the conversation with Dave, his mate being the voice of reason through Chris' stressed out haze of messed thoughts. The other surgeon managed to pull Chris' thought process back onto the right track and get him to think about littler things that he could cope with, rather than the whole picture that just made him feel crazy. The conversation left him feeling focused on one main thing, though, and that was Serena.
He spotted her standing out on the balcony and so intent on getting to her and giving her a hug, Chris didn't even realise the glass doors were closed and his attempt to be smooth and suave was one big fail when he smacked head-first into the doors with a loud thump. Obviously, not sleeping for over fifty hours was terrible on his boyfriend mojo. "Goddamn and fuck!" he cursed, putting a hand over his face to check for any bloody when his nose competed with his head to see which would hurt first. He grabbed hold of the door handle and yanked it open to hold his hand up. "No laughing!" he told her, even if he was fighting the urge himself.
Serena wasn't in danger of laughing. In fact, she was terrified she was about to turn around and find Chris bleeding. The thud had scared the shit out of her, and knowing it had been Chris had sent her heart racing. She moved away from the balcony to move to his side, trying to check that he wasn't badly injured. "Shit, are you okay? Oh my god, Chris. What am I going to do with you? This is why you need to sleep. I'm really not about to laugh." She brushed her fingers through his hair once she was satisfied he wasn't gushing blood, or brain matter. She'd stayed at his place even when he'd disappeared to Dave's, hanging around in a pair of his boxers and her t-shirt as she tried not to let her stomach eat itself in worry. "Are you okay?" she asked again.
"I don't know," Chris said honestly with a laugh. "I think I'm too tired to feel pain, which works. I can work with that. Wonder how many people will actually believe I ran into a door if I break out into a giant bruise on my forehead?" He was still checking to make sure he wasn't bleeding and then just went on to rub his fingers through his blond hair and send it sticking up in all directions. "Okay, one thing. I might need you to do me a favour. As much as it pains me to admit, I might need something to help me sleep before I end up walking in front of a bus by accident. And two..." He wrapped his arms around her in a hug and buried his face into her shoulder with a heavily exhaled breath of relief.
Serena took a moment to absorb the fact that Chris was hugging her before she wrapped her arms around him tightly and hugged him back. "Of course. It's okay to take something once in a while. Sometimes you just need it. It doesn't mean it'll be a permanent thing. Personally I'll be happier if you take something just so you stop. You need a rest." After a moment she found her ability to laugh and her mood shifted and lightened. "Maybe they'll just assume it was another result of being caught in a waitress' bed?"
"I'm intrigued how I would get from the bed to running into a door. The sex musn't have been that good," Chris said with a smirk against her shoulder. "I'm beyond tired. I feel like there is so much I need to do, and that I have to squeeze it all in and get it done. But don't worry, Dave gave me a talking to about it, and reminded me how much of a dick I can be when I try hard enough. Part of me doesn't even feel awake, which sounds weird. I bought candy at the gas station that I don't even like. I have absolutely no appetite. Everytime I get worked up, I want to throw up, until Dave pointed out I was having a panic attack and fixed it with a paper bag. All I want to do is just lie down with you and sleep, but I can't sleep. Dave thinks it should be a naked lie down, too, so I don't have to think about getting dressed."
"Well, he's got a good point about the naked part," Serena agreed with a quiet laugh. She rubbed her hand against Chris' back and turned her head enough to kiss his cheek. "I think maybe I should go and get the script before we try the lying down. You really do need to rest, baby. You can't keep pushing and pushing and pushing. With everything's that's happened something was bound to give. I'm sorry that it all seems like this huge shit pile got dumped on you, and now all you can do is scramble to keep up, but you're not alone. You don't have to manage this alone."
Chris nodded and waited for his brain to catch up. "I guess some pills aren't going to hurt. Dave's sick, the flu. It's from the cancer. You know, every time he gets even just a bit of an illness, he has to get labs done in case... you know." He pulled up but remained in the hug, shaking his head. "Fuck, I'm just glad you're okay. Even if for a minute there, I was more than convinced Near Death Guy was going to draw you back to him. Pills, I'll wait for you. Maybe try and make a bit of toast or something."
Serena kissed his lips lightly. "No, they're not. I heard. He talked to me a little. Told me where you were. I didn't get your note at first, so I did panic just a little. I wish I could say he'll be okay, but cancer isn't black and white. I think he's doing everything he can to ensure he's okay, but it's a waiting game. He wasn't going to draw me back. No one can get me away from you. Haven't you figured that out yet?" she asked as she gave him an amused look. "Do I trust you with toast?"
Chris pointed in the direction of the kitchen. "You can trust me with toast," he confirmed with a nod. "And if worse comes to worse, I'll stick with uncooked toast. Or cereal out of the box. Do I even have cereal. I can't remember the last time I actually went grocery shopping. Maybe my tired brain has successfully deleted that ordeal out of my head. I hate shopping. Hey, I'm operating on, like, half a brain cell recently. You gotta admit, I've done pretty damn good with the ex front. I could have put a knot it his oxygen line, or 'accidentally' sliced off one of his balls."
"You did really, really, well, baby. I'm proud." She kissed him again, before she gently pulled away and nudged him in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll put some pants on and be right back. Hope you don't mind me constantly raiding your wardrobe. I would just seriously prefer some sweats right now than my jeans. I won't be long, okay? Try and eat something and don't burn your house down."
She gave him a quick squeeze before she found the energy to run into his room and grab a pair of Chris' sweat pants to wear to the pharmacy. She found her script book and quickly scrawled him out a prescription. Good thing doctors really didn't have to ever worry about neat handwriting. Serena was out the door and into her car before Chris could say anything else, and luckily she didn't have to wait that long at the chemist. She even picked up an array of candy from their counter display just in case Chris was nursing more of a sweet tooth.
Serena came back just in time to find Chris easing himself into the bed after having stripped off. The smell of toast lingered through the apartment and Serena dumped her newly acquired stash of surgar and pills on the covers next to her boyfriend before she started to strip off herself. "See? No time at all. I bet you didn't even have time to miss me."
Chris barely even acknowledged the candy when he got into the bed and flopped onto his side. It was a struggle enough with the toast, nothing else was going near his mouth. "Hardly even noticed you had left the apartment," he joked back as he restlessly tried to find a comfortable spot in the bed. It wasn't easy, and he settled on a place half on his back and half on his side, arm draped over his eyes for a few moments. He yawned widely and pushed the covers away to lethargically scratched at his belly. "Kathy called. She wants my ass," he added and shot her a smirk of amusement.
"Oh does she now? Well, you might have done pretty well with the ex factor but I am not as gracious as you. Kathy would definitely meet with a nasty 'accident'," Serena replied as she shot him a devious look. She peeled back the other side of the covers and climbed in beside Chris once all her clothes lay in a pile on the floor and she was naked just like him. She really was getting used to their snuggles. She rubbed her hand against his side and smiled at him. "How you doing there, tiger?"
Chris stretched, trying to release some of the tension that had built in all his muscles and joints from the stress. "She's just feeling left out because Tuck's back and rocking the place again. I think she was getting quite comfy in his Charge Nurse hat." He turned his head to look at her with a faint, sleepy smile. "Okay, I guess. I'm not sure, really. I keep wanting to freak out about everything, and just when I think my head has chilled, I start worrying all over again. I don't know what to think about half of it. Then part of me is even worried if I go to sleep, something will happen to Rick and I won't get there in time..."
Serena reached across Chris to pick up the glass of water still sitting on the stand and offered it to him while she found the sleeping pills in amongst the candy. She popped open the cap for him and shook out one so he could take it. "Just take this, okay. It's a start. Once you get some rest maybe your brain will learn to slow down a notch. I know it's hard right now. But you got me, and I'll help you wherever you can. You got Dave, you got Aimee. You even got Eva. Proctor will understand, too. I'll make sure you get there in time if anything happens to Rick. I promise, okay? I'll get you there."
Chris took the pill, setting it between his lips before he took it into his mouth so he could take the bottle to read the label. He was a doctor, it was just natural for him to want to know what she prescribed him. "Good choice," he said with a smirk and took the pill into his mouth to swallow it with a sip of water. "I could sell these on the street and make a bomb, you know. You really want to knock me out, don't you. This is all out in one pill. Don't even need to take two." He put the glass back and sighed. "I dunno. I haven't really spoken to Eva and Proctor about any of it. Eva tried to talk to me when Rick was here that day for the surgery, but I wasn't really receptive. Proctor... man, he knows about Dave, you know. All about it. I've just never felt this weird in my life, about anything, and I've been through some tough shit."
Serena shifted to pull him against him and combed her fingers through her hair as she laughed softly. "You got me. I just want to knock you out so I can invite my other boyfriends over and we can have a massive orgy in the hot tub. I'm only dating you for the hot tub. Truth is out now, huh? Maybe you need to try talking to Eva and Proctor. It might be hard at first, but it could help. They'll offer you different perspectives. Hew knew about Dave?"
"I knew you had an ulterior motive. You Chicagoites are all the same," Chris joked and rolled onto his side. He had one arm hugged around his middle and he slipped the other around hers. It was a warm day outside, but with the airconditioning on inside, they could get away with some light covers. Chris was one of those weird people who couldn't sleep unless he had at least some cover over him anyway, even if it was just a small strip around his hips. "Yeah, he knew. I guess it makes sense. Proctor is the big boss of MT1, and he would have overseen Dave's hiring. Dave's remission is still pretty recent, he needed healthchecks to show he was fit for the job. We all did, but it just meant Dave would have had to reveal right up his medical history. Proctor obviously still thought he was well capable. Sometimes I feel like he likes everyone else in the world but me.... and eesh, I'm not sure I have the energy for metaphors right now."
"It's all that living in the windy city. It makes us crave hot tubs and warm spaces." She kissed the top of his head, and moved her hand down to stroke his back. She didn't mind the fact they were under light covers. The only time she ever slept without them was when there was no aircon and the heat was sweltering. Right now it was just hot, but not sweltering. "Maybe he just realises that medical issues shouldn't stop anyone from pursuing a career. Just like his heart. Dave isn't any less of a doctor for being in remission."
Chris' eyes felt a little heavy and he shrugged, wriggling a little closer so his lips could reach hers. "Of course he's not. Dave doesn't give himself credit, but he's a brilliant doctor. General Surgeon, too, so he has a large range of skills. Ironically, he always wanted to specialise in Surgical. I just sort of tripped into it. It's just a lot to take for it to feel real. He told me about it, and sitting there looking at him, I couldn't fathom him suffering like that. He couldn't come home, you know. If he travelled, he would have died. He was too sick to even travel. And... he got Rick here. Whatever he said, it worked, and I guess that's all I care about, even if I'm flying off the handle with it left and right."
Serena smiled a little as she kissed him back and then kissed the corner of his mouth. She couldn't help it. At work it was getting harder and harder to restrain herself when she just wanted to touch him, or kiss him. Even if it was a quick peck between cases. She craved that contact with him. I didn't know about him not being able to travel. He never mentioned that. Wow, he really was close. I know he should have called, or told you, but he was fighting for his life and I guess it's easy to get tunnel vision. I think he was worried you'd be pissed off at him for bringing Rick here, but he's you're brother. And Dave's your best friend. You need them both, and maybe this is the time to get things right with Rick."
"He didn't tell me because of my job. I remember it. It was just after I scored the residency with MT1, and we were in touch a lot. I was going on about how much work I would need to do to prove myself and keep the job. And he was sitting over there with cancer, not telling me because he didn't want me to risk it by taking leave. He was facing death, and he didn't want me to fuck up my career. I just... have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about that. He went through hell. I'm trying to cope with it the best I can, but I don't know how to accept any of it. Then to think he already told me once, and I screwed him over with that too. He didn't want to dump it on me again once Rick got his diagnosis, but he still stepped in to try and get Rick to see the light." Chris fell quiet for a moment, and he could feel the pills trying to work, but his brain still wanted to fight it off. "Then Rick... fuck. I've never known how to take him. I need more than words, which makes me a selfish cockhead because my brother has cancer, and I still don't trust him."
"You're anything but a selfish cockhead, Chris. You've just been burned enough to know that Rick's silver tongue isn't going to make things better. He's got to prove himself a little, and staying in that hospital bed is a start. So's getting the right treatment. Anything else might have to wait until after he's in recovery." Assuming he did go into remission, but Serena didn't voice that. She really hoped that Rick would be given the chance to be the big brother Chris needed, but it was a waiting game. "Dave's just a great guy. Maybe he's too great in that he put your job before himself, but maybe it also helped knowing that you were still living, still enjoying your life. I don't know. I'm not in his head. I'm sure he'd give you the answer if you just asked."
"You would think in a job like ours that we wouldn't take our health for granted. We see some freakish things, and we don't always save lives, no matter how many people think we should. But you do. You take your health for granted when you're healthy. It's like you're on the outside of a window looking in, and you see it happening to other people, but never stop and think it might touch you. Now look. Probably two of the most important dudes in my life... cancer. I could lose either of them, and that scares the fucking shit out of me. I really don't know what I'm supposed to think." Chris rubbed tiredly at his eyes, more sleepiness setting in and making him feel slightly drunk. "Tell me about your family. I've never much asked, and I'm sorry. I want to know about them. What's your brother like?" he asked, watching her closely.
Serena kissed his forehead and smiled. "It's okay, your family's been more at the forefront than mine. And really, mine aren't anything that special. I feel pretty lucky. No offence. No major dramas. My brother's cool, he's more into music than medicine. He's smart, but there was only one passion he wanted to pursue. He's blonde, like me. We come from some scary genes, you know. If we ever have kids they'll be the blondest, blue-eyed babies around. But my brother, he's my brother." Serena laughed nervously. "Wow, I suck at this. He's going to love the fact that I don't even know how to talk about him. I think he'd like you though. And you have the guitar thing in common. He's the other reason why I love live music." Serena looked at him. "How are we supposed to not take our health for granted?"
Chris smiled sleepily at her and nodded. "You know, I'm glad one of us drew the family long straw, I really am. Just because mine suck, doesn't mean I would deny anyone else the chance. Far from it. I guess it why it bothers me so much when we get patients in and they're all 'My mum sucks, I don't want her to know I'm here because she'll ground me'. It's like, no damn effing wonder when you've been out jetskiing after you've been on the piss, you know? Or that chick the other month who led us to believe she had no family because her mum wanted her to have the best in life. It's screwed. So, you're close to him, then? And I swear, that is the million dollar question I have been asking myself over and over lately."
Serena nodded. "Yeah, I am. I guess it's also the reason I don't talk about him, or my family often. I know I drew the long straw and you really wouldn't hold it against me, but I don't ever want you feeling like I'm rubbing it in your face. We talk online and on the phone. He knows I'm seeing someone, but I haven't told him who yet. Maybe now that you've told Rick, you won't mind if I tell my brother? All those people... Sometimes I feel like smacking them. They're being stupid when it's their lives at stake. Well, maybe once we know the answer, we can make a change."
"I don't mind. Just so long as he doesn't tell Proctor in some freakish six degrees of separation thing," Chris said wryly. His eyes fell closed again without him even wanting to and for a few moments, he just stayed like that because he didn't even feel like fighting it for the first time in over two days. He was brushing his hand softly back and forth over her hip, the movement somehow hypnotic to him. The drunk feeling had just turned into maybe drunk and post-head injury now, sans the pain. He knew what head injuries felt like and this was way better than one of those. He dozed off for a minute or so, but still managed to peel his eyes open just a little to give her a small smile as he yawned and wet his lips. "I do, y'know... love you too..." he murmured as his eyes slipped closed again.
Serena shook her head. "Doubt it. He doesn't know anyone here but me. I'm sure of it. And he's really not the sort to go spreading secrets. He's always known all of mine. Except you. You're the one secret. I told you I was pretty boring and didn't have any." Serena just kept brushing her fingers lightly against his back, watching Chris close his eyes. She couldn't help it. There was a small sigh at seeing him relax and Serena was more than happy to be his pillow if it meant he would sleep, even with the help of a pill. It was his murmured words though that had her heart speeding up, and her fingers pausing in their rhythm as she just stared at him. "You do?"
"Hm..." was Chris' reply, if it could even be classed as a reply. He didn't even take in a lot of what she said. He only managed to fight it a little longer before the pill kicked in and he finally fell asleep still lying close up against her with his head barely an inch away from hers.