musesandlyrics | 8.7 Supernatural quote
8.7. "I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."
Supernatural
Co-written with geniuscowboy
[[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Chris found himself getting drawn awake yet again after a long night of restless dozing and trying to watch DVDs on the small portable screen that only made him go cross-eyed when his brain wanted to keep wondering and not sticking on the plot. By the time he got admitted and found himself in the bed next to Rick, he had started to feel anxious and sick. Not that anyone could blame him, now that the enormity was setting in. He spent about an hour feeling like absolute crap before Bella gave him a shot to ease the nausea and Chris finally managed to get a bit of sleep. He got about two hours or so before he was awake again, then he had a small handful of visitors ranging from Proctor to Kathy to even Kleebus, which gave Chris a bit of a laugh.
Before even that, Chris had finally gotten his taco, but he hadn't been able to stomach it like he thought he could, so they ended up sharing it after Serena sweetly sat and picked all the more stodgy parts of it out for him so he was left with a light meal before he was put on nil-by-mouth. Chris would say he couldn’t believe how amazing she was being, but he could. He more than could. She was making the whole thing bearable for him, and he knew how lucky he was that they had hooked up those few months before. He couldn’t ever see it as a mistake, she had come to mean far too much for him for that, and he really was head over for her. The highlight of the afternoon - and he was lucky there even could be a highlight - was when they took Bella's office hostage when she was on her rounds for a quickie on her exam table. Chris absolutely refused to be put under for surgery without getting laid to tied him over. The only problem was, despite thinking the strange lock on the door was actually locked, it wasn't and they got caught right in the middle by poor Lisa, and the whole thing more than took all of them by surprise. Lisa escaped with a small shriek of shock and although it should have been enough to kill any dude's erection, Chris was determined to finish... and he did.
He only realised now that he wasn't alone when he went to put his hand up to see his watch and found Serena was sitting there holding it, watching him closely. "You're still here," he told her with a small smile and managed to get a look at his watch. "It's one am. I told you to go home and get some sleep," he added with a hint of scolding to his hushed tone so he didn't wake Rick up.
Serena just smirked at him as she leaned forward to kiss Chris' forehead. Her chair was as close to his bed as she could get it, and Serena was lucky she was slender. She could easily curl up in the chair and at least be comfortable enough to watch over her boyfriend. Sleep was an on and off thing, Serena just managing to get snatches of it every so often. "Well, I don't know if you know this about me but I don't always follow orders. I'm a genius cowgirl that does surgery in hyperbaric chambers, and manages to get alligators on operating tables."
"Get back to me when you perform amputations down sinkholes," Chris threw back with a small smirk. He looked over at Rick to make sure he was at least still breathing and then met Serena's gaze again. "I'm glad you're here," he admitted quietly... and soberly. One am meant he was only about four hours off before they came to start prepping him for surgery. Hooking him up to machines and shaving him in interesting places. He looked at the IV in the back of his hand and pressed his lips together wryly. "Not all that long now. You know what Proctor told me? He said he could find someone to fill your place for a couple of weeks, if you wanted to take some leave. He said he was glad we made each other happy. I'm not sure I should be relieved of that or terrified that he thinks something might go wrong. He's being cooperative."
Serena was smiling at his response as she gave his hand a soft squeeze. "Well, I wasn't going to go that far. I think facing my fear was enough for now. But let's not forget the internal decapitation either, or Uncle Angry going into arrest while in the OR with me. Still, we're not having a pissing contest, are we? I know you're the man in this relationship," she teased as she bit back laughter so she didn't wake Rick. She sobered up as he mentioned Proctor before her eyebrows went up in surprise. "Are you serious? He'd really let me take a couple of weeks? Maybe this is what he meant when he said we needed to consider priorities."
"Hm, I still win with the hole. Sorry. You haven't faced a lobster or a vampire, yet." Chris pointed down to his torso. "Can we add giving a vital organ to save someone's life to the pissing contest? He said he would. I don't think he's the lying sort. I don't think it's an ideal situation for him to be two team members down, but then, teams generally don't have two of their surgeons dating and one handing over a kidney, do they? If we were both in a car accident together and out of action, it would be the same scenario. He might be all about ideal situations but he's still a decent guy."
"Maybe I'll just talk to him about it before I decide whether to take it, or not. I don't want to dump Dave in it even more. I'll just make sure Proctor really can cover it first." Serena rubbed her thumb over Chris' finger where he'd been wearing the ring she'd got him for his birthday and chewed on her lip as she thought it over. Maybe taking two weeks off really would help. She wasn't expecting anything to go wrong, but it would still mean she was there to look after Chris if he needed it. It would also stop her from having to be concerned about her mind not being on the job. That way Proctor really couldn't call her professionalism into question. "Well, on the plus side this is the only time you'll ever have to give a kidney..."
"A live one anyway. I am still listed as a donor. But hey, they can have at it if I check out of this place before my time." Chris kept it light, even if the words still wanted to catch him in the throat. He was overtired and he was nervous and scared. It was just hard to keep up the joking momentum completely, even if he was still C at heart. "What a day, huh? Part of me is relieved they're knocking me out in the morning so I can actually have an uninterrupted sleep. "Babies, and kidneys, and Dave's sister, and tacos, and flowers that mean health, and trips home, and... sex." The trademark cheeky grin appeared on his lips, even if it was sleepy and worn out.
Serena nodded as she grinned back at him and reached up to gently ruffle his hair. "I think it's probably why I can't sleep. I don't think I'll be able to come down from it just yet. Not to mention the fact I need to make sure you get the rest. I know it's scary, and I know being knocked out seems awesome right now, but you still need to try and relax. I'll be right there for you when you wake up, I promise. No way I'm letting you get away from me this easy."
"I'm trying, I just can't. My heart feels like it's up in my throat and my head is aching. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life. But hey, look. Puke Test Round Two, and we still survived it. We're gonna be experts soon," Chris said with a smirk and then brushed his hand over his arm with a small sigh. "It feels like everything is going to just be different now. Everything's changing."
Serena uncurled from her chair before she lifted up Chris' hand with the IV attached so that she didn't tangle any wires and climbed up onto his bed to lie down next to him. She slipped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly. "No one can touch us as far as those tests are concerned. Do you think it's changing in a good way, or a bad way?"
Chris looked up at the ceiling, trying to pretend he wasn't feeling crappy, but he just was. Lack of sleep and fear just wasn't his friend. He really would be glad when it was all finally over. "I don't know. Maybe it's changing in ways I don't believe are really actually happening. Eva leaving, hearing that Dave nearly died, Rick here being all... like a brother, finding out I'm going to be an uncle, you. If feels like I'm going to wake up and find out it's just some weird dream."
Serena pulled her mouth to the side. "I hope not, because you're the one part I don't want to miss out on if you wake up. That means I'll wake up too, and that's it. No us. I think the craziness is worth it sometimes to find the good side. The diamonds in the rough, you know? The thing that'll sustain us through it all. I can't imagine you not being in my life. I mean, you were before, but I mean like this. You know? If it makes you feel any better, I'm scared too."
"It doesn't actually make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse, actually, but thanks for trying, babe," Chris said quietly with a faint smile. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers, closing his eyes. The room was mostly darkened except for the small reading light above his bed, which he had ended up leaving on when he kept waking up and nearly went ass over tit trying to get out of bed for the bathroom a few hours ago. Serena hadn't been there at that point, but now it seemed that she had just gone home briefly to change and shower before coming back. She had told him she would bring some of his things back, but he just assumed that would be when she returned in the morning. But he really was glad she was here right now. More than glad. "Rick says I'm not allowed to jerk off in the bed next to him, but he didn't say anything about making out with you," he added. He was joking, anything to help keep him sane.
Serena rubbed her hand against his side as she smiled to herself before letting out an amused snort. "My bad. But hey, at least I get to observe. I still don't know if that'll be better or worse, but I know that will at least make you feel better." Chris' things were waiting for him in the little closet that formed part of the furnishings in the private room, her brother's DVD player a late addition. She knew Drew was on standby if she needed him, and Serena made a mental note to show him how grateful she was. She hadn't missed the meaningful glances exchanged by Lisa and Drew either when the two Warrens were sitting outside Chris' room. "Mm, well, I think we can manage that. I mean, only if we keep things slow and gentle. Don't want to overexcite you."
"Why not? This might be my last chance in awhile to get overexcited," Chris pointed out with a smirk and slipped his hand up under her shirt to help himself anyway. He was too tired and too aware of Rick in the room to really roll too much with it, but it was a nice thought. The taco had been a nice thought too, but that turned out to be a bad mistake. He really wasn't going to relax until he woke up knowing it was all over and had gone well. Only time would tell how he got on in the wake of the operation, or how well Rick would cope. As it was, Rick would be on meds for the rest of his life to make sure the transplant remained healthy, but as far as Chris was concerned, that would be a small price to pay as opposed to the cancer killing his brother.
Serena was about to ask why it was going to be awhile, but then she realised how stupid that was. Of course it would be a while. Chris was about to have an organ out. He wasn't just going to start running around the block and leaping tall buildings in a single bound five minutes after it. She really did need to start thinking about whether she wanted to take the leave Proctor was apparently offering. Serena hummed with pleasure as a little shudder rolled through her body as Chris really did just help himself and she tilted her head back to catch his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. "I really am proud of you, baby."
Chris raised his head just a little to see Rick over Serena's shoulder, making sure he was still asleep. He didn't know if he would be able to get much more sleep tonight, so why shouldn't he have something to distract him? It wasn't like they were hurting anyone, or being slightly reckless like they had when they 'borrowed' Bella's office the afternoon before. "Proctor said much the same thing... so did Rick, come to think of it. Maybe I should be handing out body parts more often? I could get used to all this praise," he murmured and kissed her back slowly, brushing his hand over the skin beneath her shirt. "I'm starting to feel like I've won the Pulitzer Prize."
Serena brushed her fingers along his arm before she pushed them up into Chris' hair, unable to resist playing with it again. He was going to be lucky if his hair was ever going to stay neat. About the only time was during work. Before or after was her time. She knew his brother was next to them, and her brother was outside the room, but she couldn't help that she still wanted to steal more boyfriend time. "No, it's not that. I mean, yeah, of course it's pretty inspiring that you're giving up a body part for Rick, but I'm talking more about how you handled it all. I'm just so proud of you." Serena tugged at his hair gently. "The Pulitzer, huh?"
"Handled it? I didn't handle it. I've spent days... weeks... freaking out about everything. I threatened Bella. I took a spur of the moment trip back home which was about an eighteen hour round trip. I'm not really sure I handled it. It's a miracle I'm not lying here crazy. Sometimes, it definitely felt like I was headed in that direction. Part of me still doesn't even know what I'm doing, and part of me still wants to run away to proctect myself. Right now, getting the Pulitzer Price seems a lot easier than facing this," Chris admitted and pressed his lips together wryly. "But I still know it's the right thing."
"That's what I mean. I know you think you didn't handle it, but the fact that you let your emotions come through when you needed them to... And you knew you needed to take off for a bit, just like you knew you wanted to come home. And no matter what you think, you did good. You thought it all through, considered the angles. You didn't make a hasty decision." Serena kissed him again and pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth when it eased off. "And if you feel it's the right thing, it is the right thing."
Chris frowned a little and sighed, his head coming to rest against hers. "What are we going to do if something goes wrong? If I can't recover? Can't... work?" he asked her quietly. It had been one of the main things that had been passing through his mind. He really didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a trauma surgeon. In fact, if felt like it would ruin it if he couldn't be.
Serena linked her fingers with Chris' as she held his hand to her chest and fell quiet for a moment. "I'm not going to leave you," she murmured as she closed her eyes briefly against a wave of tears that threatened to spill. "If you can't work, I'll... I'll take care of you. I can't just leave it like this... I can't leave us like this. We'll find a way."
"And there's a chance it might not even work. I mean, the initial surgery probably will, but there is a chance his body could still reject the new organ. It happens all the time. If that happens..." Chris let his own eyes closed. "I told myself I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to think about all this and just get in there and do it, but I can't not think about it. There's still a chance this could all be for nothing."
Serena nodded against his shoulder as she gripped his hand that little bit tighter. Of course it was hard not to think about the bad stuff. It was part of why Serena was so scared. She really didn't know what she would do if everything went wrong. She wasn't ready to lose Chris, she wasn't ready for him to lose a brother he only just had a chance to have a real relationship with. "We're just going to have to wait until it's over. You know better than anyone it's hard to predict how this is gonna play out. Are you going to regret it if the kidney doesn't take?"
"I don't know. Maybe... probably. How could I not? It would feel like all of this was for nothing. Maybe it would even feel like I failed. I just... I really don't know how I would feel. If someone had asked me six months ago how I would have felt if someone told me Rick had cancer, I probably would have just laughed at them in disbelief, and we all know how I eventually took that news. My head still keeps going to weird places. Even in the very least, I'm not looking forward to any of the post-op stuff. The body even has to learn how to pee differently. That probably isn't painful, but it just sounds painful by default," Chris said with a small sigh of frustration.
"You still won't be doing it alone. I'll help any way I can. I'll do whatever you need me to. I know it's scary... I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it's all just guesswork until it's over and done but we'll get through it. Even if I have to give your body a talking to myself so you start peeing in a way that doesn't hurt by default." Serena kissed the back of his hand before she opened her eyes to look at the darkened wall opposite. "Just don't regret this, okay? You're doing what you can to help Rick. He'll appreciate it no matter what."
Chris was quiet for a long time. "That's just easier said than done, babe. I don't want to regret it, but can't predict how I'm going to feel about any of it after it's done. Proctor thinks I'll feel relieved and... shit, what did he say? Relieved and with a renewed sense of hope. It was something like that. I'm not sure it automatically takes that route if it all fails. There is no renewed sense of hope if Rick ends up dying anyway. I'm doing this so he doesn't die."
Serena sighed softly as she pulled herself up a little higher and started to brush her fingers through his hair before she kissed his forehead. "I know, baby. I know. And I just really hope it is worth something, and he won't die. I really want this to go well. I want you to be okay."
Chris gave his hand a small wave. "Okay. Optimism gets switched off now. It's starting to make me nervous again," he warned and squeezed his fingers into the corners of his eyes. "I still can't believe he's going to be a father. She told me after all this, any other chance is pretty much shot. In saying that, apparently her chances were shot too, so I don't know what to believe anymore. To top it all off, someone told me Dave was waiting for me, but I haven't had the chance to speak to him and he wasn't there when I did. I want to see him before I go in."
"I'm sorry, I'll definitely switch it off now." Even if Serena really was hoping that Chris would be okay. She couldn't lie there and think about the worst because it was part of why she hadn't been able to sleep back at their apartment. She didn't want her last night with Chris to be away from him. Especially if it really would be their last night. "I can send him a message if you want. Make sure he's here. I don't think he'd want to miss you. How do you feel about being an uncle?"
Chris was tempted but he rested his tongue between his lips and shook his head. "No, it's late. He might be sleeping. He should be sleeping. Everyone should be. He's been having a crap time trying to find his feet in Alpha. I just want to try and speak to him before everything happens in the morning, even just for a few minutes." He turned his head to look over at Rick again, letting his gaze linger for a few moments before he softly cleared his throat. "A bit weird, but I guess it'd be pretty cool. I just can't imagine him as a dad. I'm trying, it just goes way over my head. I look at Bella and it's impossible to believe she's actually carrying Rick's kid."
Serena curled her fingers into Chris' hospital gown as she cuddled closer to him and tried to imagine him as an uncle, and Rick as a father. It was true that it was hard. Rick didn't exactly come across as a family man straight out, but that didn't mean he wasn't capable. Serena was only optimistic because she wanted so badly for Chris to experience family as it should be. She wanted to believe this would all end happily. "I've tried to help Dave as much as I can, but it has been hard. It just seems to have kept up the craziness even without you. But then, we are Alpha and this would be why. It just never stops. I know, right? It's crazy. She's gonna be mother to a Deleo."
Chris stretch a little restlessly, and looked up at the IV. "Nil by friggin mouth. I could kill for a drink right now. Or maybe a beer," he complained, and it was probably only just going to be the start of it. He sighed in frustration, trying not to let that cabin fever feeling set in already that came with a doctor being a patient in his own hospital. "Tell me I'm going to be okay..." he finally added quietly, once again showing to Serena how vulnerable he felt. He didn't show it to many people, but she seemed to be copping the lot lately.
Serena looked at Chris, her eyes searching his face quietly. It was the one thing they were never supposed to promise as surgeons. It wasn't even like Serena would be scrubbing in on this one as a surgeon either. She would just be an observer. She felt even less comfortable trying to promise Chris would be okay when she had no real assurance that he would be. Then again, Bella trusted the surgeons and Serena just wanted so much for Chris to be okay. She kissed him softly. "You'll be okay, baby."
Words: 4126
Supernatural
Co-written with geniuscowboy
[[Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Chris found himself getting drawn awake yet again after a long night of restless dozing and trying to watch DVDs on the small portable screen that only made him go cross-eyed when his brain wanted to keep wondering and not sticking on the plot. By the time he got admitted and found himself in the bed next to Rick, he had started to feel anxious and sick. Not that anyone could blame him, now that the enormity was setting in. He spent about an hour feeling like absolute crap before Bella gave him a shot to ease the nausea and Chris finally managed to get a bit of sleep. He got about two hours or so before he was awake again, then he had a small handful of visitors ranging from Proctor to Kathy to even Kleebus, which gave Chris a bit of a laugh.
Before even that, Chris had finally gotten his taco, but he hadn't been able to stomach it like he thought he could, so they ended up sharing it after Serena sweetly sat and picked all the more stodgy parts of it out for him so he was left with a light meal before he was put on nil-by-mouth. Chris would say he couldn’t believe how amazing she was being, but he could. He more than could. She was making the whole thing bearable for him, and he knew how lucky he was that they had hooked up those few months before. He couldn’t ever see it as a mistake, she had come to mean far too much for him for that, and he really was head over for her. The highlight of the afternoon - and he was lucky there even could be a highlight - was when they took Bella's office hostage when she was on her rounds for a quickie on her exam table. Chris absolutely refused to be put under for surgery without getting laid to tied him over. The only problem was, despite thinking the strange lock on the door was actually locked, it wasn't and they got caught right in the middle by poor Lisa, and the whole thing more than took all of them by surprise. Lisa escaped with a small shriek of shock and although it should have been enough to kill any dude's erection, Chris was determined to finish... and he did.
He only realised now that he wasn't alone when he went to put his hand up to see his watch and found Serena was sitting there holding it, watching him closely. "You're still here," he told her with a small smile and managed to get a look at his watch. "It's one am. I told you to go home and get some sleep," he added with a hint of scolding to his hushed tone so he didn't wake Rick up.
Serena just smirked at him as she leaned forward to kiss Chris' forehead. Her chair was as close to his bed as she could get it, and Serena was lucky she was slender. She could easily curl up in the chair and at least be comfortable enough to watch over her boyfriend. Sleep was an on and off thing, Serena just managing to get snatches of it every so often. "Well, I don't know if you know this about me but I don't always follow orders. I'm a genius cowgirl that does surgery in hyperbaric chambers, and manages to get alligators on operating tables."
"Get back to me when you perform amputations down sinkholes," Chris threw back with a small smirk. He looked over at Rick to make sure he was at least still breathing and then met Serena's gaze again. "I'm glad you're here," he admitted quietly... and soberly. One am meant he was only about four hours off before they came to start prepping him for surgery. Hooking him up to machines and shaving him in interesting places. He looked at the IV in the back of his hand and pressed his lips together wryly. "Not all that long now. You know what Proctor told me? He said he could find someone to fill your place for a couple of weeks, if you wanted to take some leave. He said he was glad we made each other happy. I'm not sure I should be relieved of that or terrified that he thinks something might go wrong. He's being cooperative."
Serena was smiling at his response as she gave his hand a soft squeeze. "Well, I wasn't going to go that far. I think facing my fear was enough for now. But let's not forget the internal decapitation either, or Uncle Angry going into arrest while in the OR with me. Still, we're not having a pissing contest, are we? I know you're the man in this relationship," she teased as she bit back laughter so she didn't wake Rick. She sobered up as he mentioned Proctor before her eyebrows went up in surprise. "Are you serious? He'd really let me take a couple of weeks? Maybe this is what he meant when he said we needed to consider priorities."
"Hm, I still win with the hole. Sorry. You haven't faced a lobster or a vampire, yet." Chris pointed down to his torso. "Can we add giving a vital organ to save someone's life to the pissing contest? He said he would. I don't think he's the lying sort. I don't think it's an ideal situation for him to be two team members down, but then, teams generally don't have two of their surgeons dating and one handing over a kidney, do they? If we were both in a car accident together and out of action, it would be the same scenario. He might be all about ideal situations but he's still a decent guy."
"Maybe I'll just talk to him about it before I decide whether to take it, or not. I don't want to dump Dave in it even more. I'll just make sure Proctor really can cover it first." Serena rubbed her thumb over Chris' finger where he'd been wearing the ring she'd got him for his birthday and chewed on her lip as she thought it over. Maybe taking two weeks off really would help. She wasn't expecting anything to go wrong, but it would still mean she was there to look after Chris if he needed it. It would also stop her from having to be concerned about her mind not being on the job. That way Proctor really couldn't call her professionalism into question. "Well, on the plus side this is the only time you'll ever have to give a kidney..."
"A live one anyway. I am still listed as a donor. But hey, they can have at it if I check out of this place before my time." Chris kept it light, even if the words still wanted to catch him in the throat. He was overtired and he was nervous and scared. It was just hard to keep up the joking momentum completely, even if he was still C at heart. "What a day, huh? Part of me is relieved they're knocking me out in the morning so I can actually have an uninterrupted sleep. "Babies, and kidneys, and Dave's sister, and tacos, and flowers that mean health, and trips home, and... sex." The trademark cheeky grin appeared on his lips, even if it was sleepy and worn out.
Serena nodded as she grinned back at him and reached up to gently ruffle his hair. "I think it's probably why I can't sleep. I don't think I'll be able to come down from it just yet. Not to mention the fact I need to make sure you get the rest. I know it's scary, and I know being knocked out seems awesome right now, but you still need to try and relax. I'll be right there for you when you wake up, I promise. No way I'm letting you get away from me this easy."
"I'm trying, I just can't. My heart feels like it's up in my throat and my head is aching. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life. But hey, look. Puke Test Round Two, and we still survived it. We're gonna be experts soon," Chris said with a smirk and then brushed his hand over his arm with a small sigh. "It feels like everything is going to just be different now. Everything's changing."
Serena uncurled from her chair before she lifted up Chris' hand with the IV attached so that she didn't tangle any wires and climbed up onto his bed to lie down next to him. She slipped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly. "No one can touch us as far as those tests are concerned. Do you think it's changing in a good way, or a bad way?"
Chris looked up at the ceiling, trying to pretend he wasn't feeling crappy, but he just was. Lack of sleep and fear just wasn't his friend. He really would be glad when it was all finally over. "I don't know. Maybe it's changing in ways I don't believe are really actually happening. Eva leaving, hearing that Dave nearly died, Rick here being all... like a brother, finding out I'm going to be an uncle, you. If feels like I'm going to wake up and find out it's just some weird dream."
Serena pulled her mouth to the side. "I hope not, because you're the one part I don't want to miss out on if you wake up. That means I'll wake up too, and that's it. No us. I think the craziness is worth it sometimes to find the good side. The diamonds in the rough, you know? The thing that'll sustain us through it all. I can't imagine you not being in my life. I mean, you were before, but I mean like this. You know? If it makes you feel any better, I'm scared too."
"It doesn't actually make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse, actually, but thanks for trying, babe," Chris said quietly with a faint smile. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers, closing his eyes. The room was mostly darkened except for the small reading light above his bed, which he had ended up leaving on when he kept waking up and nearly went ass over tit trying to get out of bed for the bathroom a few hours ago. Serena hadn't been there at that point, but now it seemed that she had just gone home briefly to change and shower before coming back. She had told him she would bring some of his things back, but he just assumed that would be when she returned in the morning. But he really was glad she was here right now. More than glad. "Rick says I'm not allowed to jerk off in the bed next to him, but he didn't say anything about making out with you," he added. He was joking, anything to help keep him sane.
Serena rubbed her hand against his side as she smiled to herself before letting out an amused snort. "My bad. But hey, at least I get to observe. I still don't know if that'll be better or worse, but I know that will at least make you feel better." Chris' things were waiting for him in the little closet that formed part of the furnishings in the private room, her brother's DVD player a late addition. She knew Drew was on standby if she needed him, and Serena made a mental note to show him how grateful she was. She hadn't missed the meaningful glances exchanged by Lisa and Drew either when the two Warrens were sitting outside Chris' room. "Mm, well, I think we can manage that. I mean, only if we keep things slow and gentle. Don't want to overexcite you."
"Why not? This might be my last chance in awhile to get overexcited," Chris pointed out with a smirk and slipped his hand up under her shirt to help himself anyway. He was too tired and too aware of Rick in the room to really roll too much with it, but it was a nice thought. The taco had been a nice thought too, but that turned out to be a bad mistake. He really wasn't going to relax until he woke up knowing it was all over and had gone well. Only time would tell how he got on in the wake of the operation, or how well Rick would cope. As it was, Rick would be on meds for the rest of his life to make sure the transplant remained healthy, but as far as Chris was concerned, that would be a small price to pay as opposed to the cancer killing his brother.
Serena was about to ask why it was going to be awhile, but then she realised how stupid that was. Of course it would be a while. Chris was about to have an organ out. He wasn't just going to start running around the block and leaping tall buildings in a single bound five minutes after it. She really did need to start thinking about whether she wanted to take the leave Proctor was apparently offering. Serena hummed with pleasure as a little shudder rolled through her body as Chris really did just help himself and she tilted her head back to catch his lips in a soft, lingering kiss. "I really am proud of you, baby."
Chris raised his head just a little to see Rick over Serena's shoulder, making sure he was still asleep. He didn't know if he would be able to get much more sleep tonight, so why shouldn't he have something to distract him? It wasn't like they were hurting anyone, or being slightly reckless like they had when they 'borrowed' Bella's office the afternoon before. "Proctor said much the same thing... so did Rick, come to think of it. Maybe I should be handing out body parts more often? I could get used to all this praise," he murmured and kissed her back slowly, brushing his hand over the skin beneath her shirt. "I'm starting to feel like I've won the Pulitzer Prize."
Serena brushed her fingers along his arm before she pushed them up into Chris' hair, unable to resist playing with it again. He was going to be lucky if his hair was ever going to stay neat. About the only time was during work. Before or after was her time. She knew his brother was next to them, and her brother was outside the room, but she couldn't help that she still wanted to steal more boyfriend time. "No, it's not that. I mean, yeah, of course it's pretty inspiring that you're giving up a body part for Rick, but I'm talking more about how you handled it all. I'm just so proud of you." Serena tugged at his hair gently. "The Pulitzer, huh?"
"Handled it? I didn't handle it. I've spent days... weeks... freaking out about everything. I threatened Bella. I took a spur of the moment trip back home which was about an eighteen hour round trip. I'm not really sure I handled it. It's a miracle I'm not lying here crazy. Sometimes, it definitely felt like I was headed in that direction. Part of me still doesn't even know what I'm doing, and part of me still wants to run away to proctect myself. Right now, getting the Pulitzer Price seems a lot easier than facing this," Chris admitted and pressed his lips together wryly. "But I still know it's the right thing."
"That's what I mean. I know you think you didn't handle it, but the fact that you let your emotions come through when you needed them to... And you knew you needed to take off for a bit, just like you knew you wanted to come home. And no matter what you think, you did good. You thought it all through, considered the angles. You didn't make a hasty decision." Serena kissed him again and pressed her lips against the corner of his mouth when it eased off. "And if you feel it's the right thing, it is the right thing."
Chris frowned a little and sighed, his head coming to rest against hers. "What are we going to do if something goes wrong? If I can't recover? Can't... work?" he asked her quietly. It had been one of the main things that had been passing through his mind. He really didn't know what he would do if he couldn't be a trauma surgeon. In fact, if felt like it would ruin it if he couldn't be.
Serena linked her fingers with Chris' as she held his hand to her chest and fell quiet for a moment. "I'm not going to leave you," she murmured as she closed her eyes briefly against a wave of tears that threatened to spill. "If you can't work, I'll... I'll take care of you. I can't just leave it like this... I can't leave us like this. We'll find a way."
"And there's a chance it might not even work. I mean, the initial surgery probably will, but there is a chance his body could still reject the new organ. It happens all the time. If that happens..." Chris let his own eyes closed. "I told myself I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to think about all this and just get in there and do it, but I can't not think about it. There's still a chance this could all be for nothing."
Serena nodded against his shoulder as she gripped his hand that little bit tighter. Of course it was hard not to think about the bad stuff. It was part of why Serena was so scared. She really didn't know what she would do if everything went wrong. She wasn't ready to lose Chris, she wasn't ready for him to lose a brother he only just had a chance to have a real relationship with. "We're just going to have to wait until it's over. You know better than anyone it's hard to predict how this is gonna play out. Are you going to regret it if the kidney doesn't take?"
"I don't know. Maybe... probably. How could I not? It would feel like all of this was for nothing. Maybe it would even feel like I failed. I just... I really don't know how I would feel. If someone had asked me six months ago how I would have felt if someone told me Rick had cancer, I probably would have just laughed at them in disbelief, and we all know how I eventually took that news. My head still keeps going to weird places. Even in the very least, I'm not looking forward to any of the post-op stuff. The body even has to learn how to pee differently. That probably isn't painful, but it just sounds painful by default," Chris said with a small sigh of frustration.
"You still won't be doing it alone. I'll help any way I can. I'll do whatever you need me to. I know it's scary... I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it's all just guesswork until it's over and done but we'll get through it. Even if I have to give your body a talking to myself so you start peeing in a way that doesn't hurt by default." Serena kissed the back of his hand before she opened her eyes to look at the darkened wall opposite. "Just don't regret this, okay? You're doing what you can to help Rick. He'll appreciate it no matter what."
Chris was quiet for a long time. "That's just easier said than done, babe. I don't want to regret it, but can't predict how I'm going to feel about any of it after it's done. Proctor thinks I'll feel relieved and... shit, what did he say? Relieved and with a renewed sense of hope. It was something like that. I'm not sure it automatically takes that route if it all fails. There is no renewed sense of hope if Rick ends up dying anyway. I'm doing this so he doesn't die."
Serena sighed softly as she pulled herself up a little higher and started to brush her fingers through his hair before she kissed his forehead. "I know, baby. I know. And I just really hope it is worth something, and he won't die. I really want this to go well. I want you to be okay."
Chris gave his hand a small wave. "Okay. Optimism gets switched off now. It's starting to make me nervous again," he warned and squeezed his fingers into the corners of his eyes. "I still can't believe he's going to be a father. She told me after all this, any other chance is pretty much shot. In saying that, apparently her chances were shot too, so I don't know what to believe anymore. To top it all off, someone told me Dave was waiting for me, but I haven't had the chance to speak to him and he wasn't there when I did. I want to see him before I go in."
"I'm sorry, I'll definitely switch it off now." Even if Serena really was hoping that Chris would be okay. She couldn't lie there and think about the worst because it was part of why she hadn't been able to sleep back at their apartment. She didn't want her last night with Chris to be away from him. Especially if it really would be their last night. "I can send him a message if you want. Make sure he's here. I don't think he'd want to miss you. How do you feel about being an uncle?"
Chris was tempted but he rested his tongue between his lips and shook his head. "No, it's late. He might be sleeping. He should be sleeping. Everyone should be. He's been having a crap time trying to find his feet in Alpha. I just want to try and speak to him before everything happens in the morning, even just for a few minutes." He turned his head to look over at Rick again, letting his gaze linger for a few moments before he softly cleared his throat. "A bit weird, but I guess it'd be pretty cool. I just can't imagine him as a dad. I'm trying, it just goes way over my head. I look at Bella and it's impossible to believe she's actually carrying Rick's kid."
Serena curled her fingers into Chris' hospital gown as she cuddled closer to him and tried to imagine him as an uncle, and Rick as a father. It was true that it was hard. Rick didn't exactly come across as a family man straight out, but that didn't mean he wasn't capable. Serena was only optimistic because she wanted so badly for Chris to experience family as it should be. She wanted to believe this would all end happily. "I've tried to help Dave as much as I can, but it has been hard. It just seems to have kept up the craziness even without you. But then, we are Alpha and this would be why. It just never stops. I know, right? It's crazy. She's gonna be mother to a Deleo."
Chris stretch a little restlessly, and looked up at the IV. "Nil by friggin mouth. I could kill for a drink right now. Or maybe a beer," he complained, and it was probably only just going to be the start of it. He sighed in frustration, trying not to let that cabin fever feeling set in already that came with a doctor being a patient in his own hospital. "Tell me I'm going to be okay..." he finally added quietly, once again showing to Serena how vulnerable he felt. He didn't show it to many people, but she seemed to be copping the lot lately.
Serena looked at Chris, her eyes searching his face quietly. It was the one thing they were never supposed to promise as surgeons. It wasn't even like Serena would be scrubbing in on this one as a surgeon either. She would just be an observer. She felt even less comfortable trying to promise Chris would be okay when she had no real assurance that he would be. Then again, Bella trusted the surgeons and Serena just wanted so much for Chris to be okay. She kissed him softly. "You'll be okay, baby."
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