SINCE WE ALL READ MY JOURNAL NOW
yeah i write about you.
and it shouldn't matter.
it DOESN'T matter.
it's not like we even talk anyway.
why would you care if i write about you?
i don't care.
i just get pissed off.
i thought we were cool.
because it SHOULDN'T matter if we talk or not.
because the only time we even see eachother are the brief moments when we pass in the halls.
and its fine.
i understand that you have your girlfriend.
and MAYBE you werent just looking through this for shit about you and noticed that im kind of seeing someone right now.
i DON'T have feelings for you.
we were friends so i thought,
then i had to check my e-mail on AOL while i was still signed onto AIM
yeah,
well i discovered that SOMEONE had obviously blocked my AIM s/n.
if we were friends that wouldn't be the case.
so basically it was you saying all the fuck you's.
i just put it into words for you.
i'm not going to say i'm sorry,
because that's been the case all too many times.
i hate how you treat me.
and i dont even think you realize it.
but im sure you wouldnt care anyway.
you know,
i was trying to convince people that didnt like you that you were cool,
but you know,
forget that.
because after the whole incident i find that i am once again contradicting myself.
yes, the whole thing may seem juvenile,
but at this point i could care less.
the way you've treated girls in the past was juvenile.
and disgusting.
obviously you have been improving on that,
otherwise i don't think your girlfriend would have stuck around this long.
i mean, obviously you were quite a player before.
i remember talking to Allie and Luanne and they told me that you were telling them the same things you were saying to me.
"oh i like you so much. i really care about you. blah blah blah."
boys like that SUCK
and yes,that means i just indirectly told you that you SUCK!!!
but you should already know that.
this whole thing is just ridiculous.
i guess someday we can be civil without being friends.
that's what it's come down to.
but i'm not sure if im ready for that,
this month im so emotionally unstable.
it'll be the 5th anniversary of my brother's suicide on the 15th,
and the only thing that takes my mind off that is Eric.
oh, and obviously the whole entry about you helped me relieve stress.
i was able to get out some of my anger.
i dont think you realize how hurt i am.
not only by you, but by everything that's going on right now.
this is a really stressful time for me.
i dont get to go to prom OR graduation ceremony because i fucked up in school.
i have to take a class over the summer just so i can get my diploma.
so all this along with my brother,
along with you, really starts to build up.
and maybe if you understood that,
then you would better understand where exactly i am comming from.
this whole thing is probably too long for you to read.
and it doesnt say anything too terrible about you,
so you probably won't even read this.
i am probably just wasting my time again.
but oh well.
at this point i don't even care.
all i know is that for the time being, i am done with trying.
i really am.
and that's all...
and it shouldn't matter.
it DOESN'T matter.
it's not like we even talk anyway.
why would you care if i write about you?
i don't care.
i just get pissed off.
i thought we were cool.
because it SHOULDN'T matter if we talk or not.
because the only time we even see eachother are the brief moments when we pass in the halls.
and its fine.
i understand that you have your girlfriend.
and MAYBE you werent just looking through this for shit about you and noticed that im kind of seeing someone right now.
i DON'T have feelings for you.
we were friends so i thought,
then i had to check my e-mail on AOL while i was still signed onto AIM
yeah,
well i discovered that SOMEONE had obviously blocked my AIM s/n.
if we were friends that wouldn't be the case.
so basically it was you saying all the fuck you's.
i just put it into words for you.
i'm not going to say i'm sorry,
because that's been the case all too many times.
i hate how you treat me.
and i dont even think you realize it.
but im sure you wouldnt care anyway.
you know,
i was trying to convince people that didnt like you that you were cool,
but you know,
forget that.
because after the whole incident i find that i am once again contradicting myself.
yes, the whole thing may seem juvenile,
but at this point i could care less.
the way you've treated girls in the past was juvenile.
and disgusting.
obviously you have been improving on that,
otherwise i don't think your girlfriend would have stuck around this long.
i mean, obviously you were quite a player before.
i remember talking to Allie and Luanne and they told me that you were telling them the same things you were saying to me.
"oh i like you so much. i really care about you. blah blah blah."
boys like that SUCK
and yes,that means i just indirectly told you that you SUCK!!!
but you should already know that.
this whole thing is just ridiculous.
i guess someday we can be civil without being friends.
that's what it's come down to.
but i'm not sure if im ready for that,
this month im so emotionally unstable.
it'll be the 5th anniversary of my brother's suicide on the 15th,
and the only thing that takes my mind off that is Eric.
oh, and obviously the whole entry about you helped me relieve stress.
i was able to get out some of my anger.
i dont think you realize how hurt i am.
not only by you, but by everything that's going on right now.
this is a really stressful time for me.
i dont get to go to prom OR graduation ceremony because i fucked up in school.
i have to take a class over the summer just so i can get my diploma.
so all this along with my brother,
along with you, really starts to build up.
and maybe if you understood that,
then you would better understand where exactly i am comming from.
this whole thing is probably too long for you to read.
and it doesnt say anything too terrible about you,
so you probably won't even read this.
i am probably just wasting my time again.
but oh well.
at this point i don't even care.
all i know is that for the time being, i am done with trying.
i really am.
and that's all...