rrte
i really wish that I was back in 7th grade, where nothing really mattered to me.fucking i can't take shit anymore, even though i laugh and smile doesn't mean that i am truly happy. i was looking at a memory box that i had since i was like 6 or so, i've moved around alot, and i've lost alot of friendships from that.seiously i see it happening, i'm so far away from the people that i desire to be with. i can't concentrate in school anymore, i'm failing 4 classes. it kind of really sucks. i really wanted to go to college when i got older, i guess that isn't going to happen, i mean my gpa is like a 6 no lie i'm failing fucking everything, i cant get into the loop of things. i am soooooo fucking bithly lately,mabybe its because i am depressed.i don't want to at all come back to this school again, not even after new years but i guess i'm still going to have to though. that really sucks,especially when I don't feel like a belong here, everyone grew up with eachother, i want to be with people i grew up with, it just isn't fair.i pictured my high school years going to parties, getting drunk, having fun. not worring if the cops are going to arrest me, my fucking grades, and all the shit that i do worry about, it got bad this year. i stopped dancing just so i can keep my grades up a little just so that i can only have 2 failing grades.maybe i shouldn't care, i really don't want to , but i know i have to. i want to do something with my lifw. i know i kid around like if i don't make it in the big bad world i'll just become a stripper or something, but i want to have self respect for myself, i want to be proud of who i am. I don't want to be some bum off the street, i want to make something out of life. I''ve had mainly downs for the past 2 years when the fuck will i have my ups.?. i want someone to help me along, someone to tell me everything is going to be alright, but i guess nothing will be ok.i really wanted to have a big 16 party, but i have no one to invite,i don't talk to anyone so what the fuck just call of randomly asking to come to my party. thats fucked up a little. i don't thnink that i would show for something like that. i want to feel good about myself, i want to be confident. i mainly want my secure blanket back which would be my friends.