an open letter to all

[cut_cut_cut]

to whome it may concern:
 I have decided to conciously decrease how "scene" I am. This decision was, in part, caused by my contact with Justin Pearson and Gabe Serbian of the Locust, both of whom look cool without being "scene" I came to this bitter realization when speaking to Justin Pearson and saw the look in his eyes that conveyed, "I have to talk to thousands of kids that are exactly like you." I have compiled a list of  regulations that I shall uphold starting immediately.

• I will continue to wear girl's pants, however, now it is based purely on monetary reasons: the guy's pants I like cost upwards of $70. My pants will be far less tight though. I will try to purchase some pants that are designed to house a penis, and basically do less cross-dressing
• I will no longer like bands based upon how they look, who is in the bandm or what record label they are on, only based on their aesthetic appeal.
• As soon as I make an appointment, I will be getting a boy's haircut.
• I will continue to wear a bandana in my back pocket, but no because it is "scene" but because I have to "fly da flag fo, my homiez"
• I will no longer utter anything close to the phrase, "That dude is hot, i want to make out with him"
• I will no longer start sentences with ," So Brian Early..."
• I still plan on getting a lot of tattoos, but none of them will be of robots, dinosaurs, stars of vegan shit.
• I will only hate bands based upon their suckiness, not because they are on FUSE.
• I will be able to shop at Hot Topic, as I will know see it as just another store, not some form of evil.
• I will wash my hair.
• I now realize that most grindcore is pretty gay.
• I now realize that Jack Johnson is pretty rad.
• I now like Conor Oberst for his songwriting ability, not his "hotness"
• I now realize the Chinese Stars actually suck ass.
• I now realize that a lot of punk/old goth music is pretty cool.
• My clothes will no longer be skin tight, except for when I have neglected to do my laundry and I am forced to.
• I will still listen to the following bands: The Blood Brothers (yet i no longer care that they are on the O.C. soundtrack), The Locust (really talented), Daughters! ( I don't know, i just like them, in spite of the fact that they blow), Circle Takes the Square (very poetic), HORSE the band (rad), The Great Redneck Hope (rad, nice fellas), and more, but none come to mind at the moment.

I believe this to be a change for the good. Now i will no longer be a giant douchebag, but merely the asshole you have all come to love. I know realize that "looking cool" and "looking really, really gay" are not the same thing. This change is not so much to gain credibility, and moreso about the fact that i can't see with hair in my eyes and my balls hurt.

peace out y'all!
                                                                                                                                                             Andrew Dyer