GRRRRRR!
I HATE WORKING AT THE FUCKING HOSPITAL. I went in today after working every shift i was supposed to last week and then went in today as well which is pretty unusual but now i feel like shit. Every time i go in to work it leaves me wanting to cut and feeling on the verge of suicidal and that's just wrong!
I'm starting to get bogged down with loads of crap which is getting to me far too much. It's just little things like not having a house at the end of this month, being homeless AGAIN in October and losing my housemate as well, starting psychotherapy sometime soon and not knowing when and i guess just the whole needing to learn to fight the insane desire to cut and do other stupid things, which seem to follow me round all day every day! But once i manage to get through all of that i might one day be ok. Maybe. i don't have much faith in that at the moment to be honest, i just can't imagine my life without these temptations or being able to give in.
Why can't i just let myself go and give in to it all? part of me thinks that'd be easier cos then i wouldn't have to fight it at all, i could just curl up somewhere and let myself feel as shit as i want. *looks confused* I just don't know what i want any more!
I'm starting to get bogged down with loads of crap which is getting to me far too much. It's just little things like not having a house at the end of this month, being homeless AGAIN in October and losing my housemate as well, starting psychotherapy sometime soon and not knowing when and i guess just the whole needing to learn to fight the insane desire to cut and do other stupid things, which seem to follow me round all day every day! But once i manage to get through all of that i might one day be ok. Maybe. i don't have much faith in that at the moment to be honest, i just can't imagine my life without these temptations or being able to give in.
Why can't i just let myself go and give in to it all? part of me thinks that'd be easier cos then i wouldn't have to fight it at all, i could just curl up somewhere and let myself feel as shit as i want. *looks confused* I just don't know what i want any more!