Me again
Hey guys, just a quickie cos i've got 15 mins before work finishes and i've done everything i need to. Well how am I? well i had a really good holiday followed by a totally shitty weekend for reasons i won't go into right now but since then i've been feeling more and more crap. i don't think it was just what happened but i can feel the depression coming back. i'm making a half-hearted attempt to stop it but the problem is, i don't know if i'm strong enough to do all of this again. i've been in this position so many times in the last 5 years that i'm running out of strength and energy to fight it. some of the time i just want to lay down and give up so that i don't have to go through all this shit again. I cut once at the weekend and it was pretty deep (one's still bleeding on and off) and although it really helped, i now want to do it again. and again. I don't know how to get out of this rut again and in some ways i don't want to.
Tonight i want to shut myself away in my room and cut until i feel calmer but of course i can't because Lynne's going to be in all night and i can't cut with her in the house. i was going to do it on my break at work but then ended up sitting and talking to Jim so that one went out of the window. damn it!!
What else? well i dunno. just feeling generally shitty and very negative today. want to cry but can't. want to cut but can't. don't wanna eat but have to cos Ceri's cooking tea. and don't even get me started on her. she's driving me insane!!!!!
Bill, if you read this, i wanna chat to you bout something. can you let me know if you check your emails ever please?
I'll post again when i can.
Cut
Tonight i want to shut myself away in my room and cut until i feel calmer but of course i can't because Lynne's going to be in all night and i can't cut with her in the house. i was going to do it on my break at work but then ended up sitting and talking to Jim so that one went out of the window. damn it!!
What else? well i dunno. just feeling generally shitty and very negative today. want to cry but can't. want to cut but can't. don't wanna eat but have to cos Ceri's cooking tea. and don't even get me started on her. she's driving me insane!!!!!
Bill, if you read this, i wanna chat to you bout something. can you let me know if you check your emails ever please?
I'll post again when i can.
Cut