(no subject)
So it seems like it has been forever and a day since my last post. I would go and check but really not caring that much right now. Which is true about most things these days. I was feeling a little low before Thanksgiving and after having gone home I now feel very low. All the things I joined the Army for are happening without me. Job offers coming left and right where there were none before. And things I actually want to do, which is odd in it's self. Instead I'm trading off for a possible future and crazy ventures dreamed up between my battle buddies and I.
Ok, very distracted and can't remember where I was going with that thought. Sorry, these days my mind tends to wander. It's this training we are going through. It turns the brain into mush. And not even good mush. Like second-hand third-world mush. If only I could just take time to recoup. Both my body and my mind as both are now broken. Sad thing is that I don't have time to heal up either parts for a long time. And like anythign broken, when pushed it just gets more and more broken. Yeah me.
So much I wish to type here just to be able to say it out loud, as it were, but none of these thoughts can really be made manifest into words. And even the ones that can be aren't really good for people here to see. I don't know what is a sign of more, the fact that I do things that I know others won't approve of and do not care or that I don't fully trust those around me to know the things that run through my head and the spots where I my fingerprints have been left. Some day we will do.
Well I think I'm done for now. Back to bednad thinking of things and people I shouldn't. I should never have asked. One day I will learn. Just... not anytime soon.
Ok, very distracted and can't remember where I was going with that thought. Sorry, these days my mind tends to wander. It's this training we are going through. It turns the brain into mush. And not even good mush. Like second-hand third-world mush. If only I could just take time to recoup. Both my body and my mind as both are now broken. Sad thing is that I don't have time to heal up either parts for a long time. And like anythign broken, when pushed it just gets more and more broken. Yeah me.
So much I wish to type here just to be able to say it out loud, as it were, but none of these thoughts can really be made manifest into words. And even the ones that can be aren't really good for people here to see. I don't know what is a sign of more, the fact that I do things that I know others won't approve of and do not care or that I don't fully trust those around me to know the things that run through my head and the spots where I my fingerprints have been left. Some day we will do.
Well I think I'm done for now. Back to bednad thinking of things and people I shouldn't. I should never have asked. One day I will learn. Just... not anytime soon.