Whine whines.
Sucky customers (and a little snark in both tales!) from the world of wine...
Dear obnoxious Quebecois man;
Yes, I understand that I speak French with an accent (interestingly, I've been told it's with a Languedoc accent, or sometimes I'm told I sound like I'm Basque. Dunno why I sound like I'm from near the Pyrenees, but c'est la vie). I'll even joke that I sound "comme une vache espagnole," ("like a Spanish cow," as the saying goes -- the French don't like the Spanish much, it turns out.). However, that does not mean that I am trying to be insulting if I mispronounce a word. French is not my first language, nor is it my second -- I speak better Spanish than I do French -- so it's not a real surprise. I speak French to you because you seem more comfortable in it than you do in English, and it's easier for me to understand your French (if you speak a little slowly and enunciate) than it is for you to understand my English (even if I speak a little slowly and enunciate).
Telling me, in your thickly-accented English "when you speak French bad, it is insult to me, and hurt my ears," makes me want to respond "Je vais parler le français correctement quand vous pouvez parler correctement l'anglais; votre anglais est une insulte à mes oreilles aussi." ("I will speak French properly when you speak English properly; your English is an insult to my ears as well."). Besides... "Vous êtes Québécois, vous ne parlez pas vrai français en tout cas!" ("You are Quebecois; you don't speak real French in any case!"). However, I'll simply smile, and apologize in English.
And I'll stop speaking slowly and enunciating.
Merci, Cork_dork.
And, as a note, this is only one of our Quebecois customers I'm referring to. Most are great folks, and are in fact flattered that I'll try to address them in their chosen tongue (although most have pretty good English skills and would prefer to deal with me in my primary language, it's the attempt that counts). This one's the exception, not the rule.
tl;dr: Quebecois customer manages to mangle an insult in English about my French. I refrain from insulting his French in mine.
Dear guy who wants a case of Fetzer;
I understand that you want a case of 1.5 liter Fetzer merlot. That's cool, it's not a wine I particularly like, but if it makes you happy, good for you. I'm happy you're buying it from us, rather than our competition, really.
That being said, if I'm helping another customer, I will tell you that, and either call for someone else to get your wine (as I did, over the radio, which you saw), or let you know where you stand in the queue of customers I'm helping.
The proper response is not to stand there and yell at the top of your lungs "when will someone in this goddamn store help me??"
Thanks for potentially costing me a $1,000+ sale -- the customer I was helping was looking for wines to fill the cellar of the house he bought with his new husband with, and he was looking for upper-end Pinots to buy by the case. Three cases at $40-a-bottle is nothing to sneeze at, and he was being helped first. He had every right to simply walk out of the store to go somewhere where... well, he could get uninterrupted help.
Thankfully -- and I give the customer I was helping big props for this -- he told me "help the whiny guy first. I'll be here, but he looks like he forgot his manners when he picked out that hideous shirt this morning." (Why, did I just hear a customer burn on another customer? Gotta love me some cattiness!)
Please, grow up -- most of us outgrew that kind of behavior in Pre-K.
No love, Cork_dork.
tl;dr: Customer tries the little-used "stand there and scream like a toddler" method of getting assistance.
Wine recommendation (with a nod to the cheesemonger): Most people think of Champagne as a single region -- with good reason, as most Champagne producers don't bother using any sub-appellations. But, Champagne is a pretty big place! There's 300+ individual villages there, of which 18 are rated by the French government as top-growth (grand cru), and 40+ are second-tier-but-still-really-good (premier cru -- the number of premier cru villages changes on a regular basis as they're re-evaluated. Technically, grand cru villages can lose that status too, but in practice, it doesn't happen).
You see, Champagne is about 100 square miles. Think of a 10 mile by 10 mile square around your home town. Are there "better" and "worse" places to live in that region? If I were to offer you a home somewhere in that region, would that be a better bet than, say, offering you a home in the best neighborhood in town?
Of course it wouldn't be! So why should you accept grapes that are merely "Champagne?"
Fortunately, single-town Champagnes aren't impossible to find. I can't recommend any specific producers -- terroir-based Champagnes are generally small-production wines (ex, one of my favorites -- Pertios-Moriset -- brings less than 1000 cases into the US annually. No, you probably won't be able to find much. Veuve Cliquot, by comparision, produces a grand total of about 1.25 million cases, and brings a good chunk -- half a million or so -- into the US).
Tips for finding a terroir-based Champagne: Look at the champagne code on the label -- it'll usually be in the form LL-XX-XXX. LL should be a two-letter code; RM means the grower made the wine, NM means the grapes (or wine) were purchased and blended by the producer, CM means a co-op of growers made the wine, MA means it's a second label made for an exporter or retailer. Look for RM and CM wines. Avoid MA wines. If it's an NM, see if there's any mention of the town where the grapes were grown, either on the label or in the store. Bonus points if it's a grand cru wine.
Yes, you're going to have to go to a serious wine store to find one, but trust me, it's worth it (and, in general, good RM champagne costs the same as big-house wines)!
Dear obnoxious Quebecois man;
Yes, I understand that I speak French with an accent (interestingly, I've been told it's with a Languedoc accent, or sometimes I'm told I sound like I'm Basque. Dunno why I sound like I'm from near the Pyrenees, but c'est la vie). I'll even joke that I sound "comme une vache espagnole," ("like a Spanish cow," as the saying goes -- the French don't like the Spanish much, it turns out.). However, that does not mean that I am trying to be insulting if I mispronounce a word. French is not my first language, nor is it my second -- I speak better Spanish than I do French -- so it's not a real surprise. I speak French to you because you seem more comfortable in it than you do in English, and it's easier for me to understand your French (if you speak a little slowly and enunciate) than it is for you to understand my English (even if I speak a little slowly and enunciate).
Telling me, in your thickly-accented English "when you speak French bad, it is insult to me, and hurt my ears," makes me want to respond "Je vais parler le français correctement quand vous pouvez parler correctement l'anglais; votre anglais est une insulte à mes oreilles aussi." ("I will speak French properly when you speak English properly; your English is an insult to my ears as well."). Besides... "Vous êtes Québécois, vous ne parlez pas vrai français en tout cas!" ("You are Quebecois; you don't speak real French in any case!"). However, I'll simply smile, and apologize in English.
And I'll stop speaking slowly and enunciating.
Merci, Cork_dork.
And, as a note, this is only one of our Quebecois customers I'm referring to. Most are great folks, and are in fact flattered that I'll try to address them in their chosen tongue (although most have pretty good English skills and would prefer to deal with me in my primary language, it's the attempt that counts). This one's the exception, not the rule.
tl;dr: Quebecois customer manages to mangle an insult in English about my French. I refrain from insulting his French in mine.
Dear guy who wants a case of Fetzer;
I understand that you want a case of 1.5 liter Fetzer merlot. That's cool, it's not a wine I particularly like, but if it makes you happy, good for you. I'm happy you're buying it from us, rather than our competition, really.
That being said, if I'm helping another customer, I will tell you that, and either call for someone else to get your wine (as I did, over the radio, which you saw), or let you know where you stand in the queue of customers I'm helping.
The proper response is not to stand there and yell at the top of your lungs "when will someone in this goddamn store help me??"
Thanks for potentially costing me a $1,000+ sale -- the customer I was helping was looking for wines to fill the cellar of the house he bought with his new husband with, and he was looking for upper-end Pinots to buy by the case. Three cases at $40-a-bottle is nothing to sneeze at, and he was being helped first. He had every right to simply walk out of the store to go somewhere where... well, he could get uninterrupted help.
Thankfully -- and I give the customer I was helping big props for this -- he told me "help the whiny guy first. I'll be here, but he looks like he forgot his manners when he picked out that hideous shirt this morning." (Why, did I just hear a customer burn on another customer? Gotta love me some cattiness!)
Please, grow up -- most of us outgrew that kind of behavior in Pre-K.
No love, Cork_dork.
tl;dr: Customer tries the little-used "stand there and scream like a toddler" method of getting assistance.
Wine recommendation (with a nod to the cheesemonger): Most people think of Champagne as a single region -- with good reason, as most Champagne producers don't bother using any sub-appellations. But, Champagne is a pretty big place! There's 300+ individual villages there, of which 18 are rated by the French government as top-growth (grand cru), and 40+ are second-tier-but-still-really-good (premier cru -- the number of premier cru villages changes on a regular basis as they're re-evaluated. Technically, grand cru villages can lose that status too, but in practice, it doesn't happen).
You see, Champagne is about 100 square miles. Think of a 10 mile by 10 mile square around your home town. Are there "better" and "worse" places to live in that region? If I were to offer you a home somewhere in that region, would that be a better bet than, say, offering you a home in the best neighborhood in town?
Of course it wouldn't be! So why should you accept grapes that are merely "Champagne?"
Fortunately, single-town Champagnes aren't impossible to find. I can't recommend any specific producers -- terroir-based Champagnes are generally small-production wines (ex, one of my favorites -- Pertios-Moriset -- brings less than 1000 cases into the US annually. No, you probably won't be able to find much. Veuve Cliquot, by comparision, produces a grand total of about 1.25 million cases, and brings a good chunk -- half a million or so -- into the US).
Tips for finding a terroir-based Champagne: Look at the champagne code on the label -- it'll usually be in the form LL-XX-XXX. LL should be a two-letter code; RM means the grower made the wine, NM means the grapes (or wine) were purchased and blended by the producer, CM means a co-op of growers made the wine, MA means it's a second label made for an exporter or retailer. Look for RM and CM wines. Avoid MA wines. If it's an NM, see if there's any mention of the town where the grapes were grown, either on the label or in the store. Bonus points if it's a grand cru wine.
Yes, you're going to have to go to a serious wine store to find one, but trust me, it's worth it (and, in general, good RM champagne costs the same as big-house wines)!