Springtime for Sucky Customers
I work in a locally-owned convenience store known for its donuts, milk, and ice cream.
Summertime is upon us, and thus, we sell lots of ice cream. Please, dear customers, follow a few simple rules:
1) We have a fairly standard-looking ice cream dip case, with sixteen flavors, all of which are labelled on the window facing you. No, we don't have strawberry cheesecake. See how it isn't listed? No, we don't have Rocky Road. It isn't listed on the sixteen labels either. Nor Moose Trax(tm), because our company doesn't make it. Just those sixteen flavors. No more, no less. Twenty-five is right out.
2) We have a 'regular' cake coke, a pointed cake cone, a sugar cone, and a waffle cone. You want your ice cream in a cone? Please choose one. You don't even have to identify them by name. Just point. Don't just keep repeating 'cone'. Because I won't choose for you.
3) Similarly, sizes. We have three of them. Please choose one. I'll go along with 'single' and 'double' scoop, because it's fairly obvious you mean small and medium... but just pointing to either our unisize cups, or our cones, and saying 'that size'? Perhaps other ice cream parlors use different sizes for different cones and cups and whatnot...we do not. In fact, our sizes are printed on a big sign right above the dip case. And we even show the pre-tax cost.
4) No, our mint chocolate chip is not our featured flavor. It hasn't been for months. Yes, even though it's on the ice cream sign. That is the ice cream sign that shows the prices. The sign immediately to the right of it says, in very large print "Feature Flavor of the Month: Death By Chocolate" with a really big picture of a scoop of said flavor. I'm sorry if our advertisement confused you by showing generic ice cream on our generic ice cream sign.
5) Sorry, we're out of that flavor right now. Yes, really. No, there's really not enough to scoop. I could get you maybe a few little crumbs of it, if I killed myself with the scoop to do it. Sorry, I couldn't pull some out of the back for you. Yes, we probably have some there, but even if I pulled it from the back I couldn't scoop it, because the back storage freezer is set at -10F. I'd need a hammer and chisel. And I don't think you'd want to eat ice cream that would give you cold burns on your tongue. You'll have to either choose a flavor that we do have ready for you, or get something else, sorry.
And a few more generic ones...
6) Sorry, I don't want to hire a prostitute. As soon as you leave the store, I'm going to throw this business card you gave me into the trash can. Why? Because if I want a 'nice time in with a lovely lady', I'll either start dating, or go to the bar and pick up a one night stand from one of the many drunken college kids that frequent the area. I don't need to pay you for it. And you might just want to turn your big blingy Jesus-head medallion away when you're trying to pick up customers.
7) Despite what you may believe, saying my name in an accusatory fashion is not actually a proper and polite greeting. That, demanding pennies from the penny cup when you don't need them, and interrogating us about why we're out of your precious 'bumpy cakes', makes you one of my least favorite customers.
8) Please, if you're going to ask me a question, do so while standing at the counter and facing me. Starting to ask while walking in, and then walking away from me, without even looking at me, will make me less inclined to help you. Mostly because at that point I assume you've got some sort of earbud that I can't see, and you're not actually talking to me.
9) Speaking of cell phones, if you'd like us to help you find something, kindly hang up, or at least set it aside long enough. If you seem to be ignoring us while you're asking 'Where are the Sparks' and walking past, I assume you're asking your friend, and not any of us who you are completely ignoring.
10) Kindly have enough money to purchase what you want to purchase. And, in the rare case when you're ten cents short, and my manager out of the goodness of his heart decides to give you a dime so you can buy it? Don't grab your stuff and just leave without a word, much less a 'thank you'. Your little sister is far more polite, you should learn from her.
Summertime is upon us, and thus, we sell lots of ice cream. Please, dear customers, follow a few simple rules:
1) We have a fairly standard-looking ice cream dip case, with sixteen flavors, all of which are labelled on the window facing you. No, we don't have strawberry cheesecake. See how it isn't listed? No, we don't have Rocky Road. It isn't listed on the sixteen labels either. Nor Moose Trax(tm), because our company doesn't make it. Just those sixteen flavors. No more, no less. Twenty-five is right out.
2) We have a 'regular' cake coke, a pointed cake cone, a sugar cone, and a waffle cone. You want your ice cream in a cone? Please choose one. You don't even have to identify them by name. Just point. Don't just keep repeating 'cone'. Because I won't choose for you.
3) Similarly, sizes. We have three of them. Please choose one. I'll go along with 'single' and 'double' scoop, because it's fairly obvious you mean small and medium... but just pointing to either our unisize cups, or our cones, and saying 'that size'? Perhaps other ice cream parlors use different sizes for different cones and cups and whatnot...we do not. In fact, our sizes are printed on a big sign right above the dip case. And we even show the pre-tax cost.
4) No, our mint chocolate chip is not our featured flavor. It hasn't been for months. Yes, even though it's on the ice cream sign. That is the ice cream sign that shows the prices. The sign immediately to the right of it says, in very large print "Feature Flavor of the Month: Death By Chocolate" with a really big picture of a scoop of said flavor. I'm sorry if our advertisement confused you by showing generic ice cream on our generic ice cream sign.
5) Sorry, we're out of that flavor right now. Yes, really. No, there's really not enough to scoop. I could get you maybe a few little crumbs of it, if I killed myself with the scoop to do it. Sorry, I couldn't pull some out of the back for you. Yes, we probably have some there, but even if I pulled it from the back I couldn't scoop it, because the back storage freezer is set at -10F. I'd need a hammer and chisel. And I don't think you'd want to eat ice cream that would give you cold burns on your tongue. You'll have to either choose a flavor that we do have ready for you, or get something else, sorry.
And a few more generic ones...
6) Sorry, I don't want to hire a prostitute. As soon as you leave the store, I'm going to throw this business card you gave me into the trash can. Why? Because if I want a 'nice time in with a lovely lady', I'll either start dating, or go to the bar and pick up a one night stand from one of the many drunken college kids that frequent the area. I don't need to pay you for it. And you might just want to turn your big blingy Jesus-head medallion away when you're trying to pick up customers.
7) Despite what you may believe, saying my name in an accusatory fashion is not actually a proper and polite greeting. That, demanding pennies from the penny cup when you don't need them, and interrogating us about why we're out of your precious 'bumpy cakes', makes you one of my least favorite customers.
8) Please, if you're going to ask me a question, do so while standing at the counter and facing me. Starting to ask while walking in, and then walking away from me, without even looking at me, will make me less inclined to help you. Mostly because at that point I assume you've got some sort of earbud that I can't see, and you're not actually talking to me.
9) Speaking of cell phones, if you'd like us to help you find something, kindly hang up, or at least set it aside long enough. If you seem to be ignoring us while you're asking 'Where are the Sparks' and walking past, I assume you're asking your friend, and not any of us who you are completely ignoring.
10) Kindly have enough money to purchase what you want to purchase. And, in the rare case when you're ten cents short, and my manager out of the goodness of his heart decides to give you a dime so you can buy it? Don't grab your stuff and just leave without a word, much less a 'thank you'. Your little sister is far more polite, you should learn from her.