I really need separate tags for my fail vs. other people's fail.
My mother offered to buy me a handful of things from the Body Shop for the holidays, so naturally I went on the website tonight on a "short NaNo break" to see what sort of things I might like.
Things escalated, and by "escalated" I mean I branched out onto the Bath & Body Works site and have emailed her at least a dozen times in an hour and a half. I've stopped now, but I think as a whole all these emails combine into kind of an interesting LJ post. (I may report back in a couple of hours when my mom wakes up and answers.)
IN WHICH I NARRATE MY SHOPPING PROCESS TO YOU
All their hairbrushes are either for all hair types or for medium-long hair. Is there such a thing as a brush especially for shorter hair? Since I will probably end up growing mine out again eventually anyway, do I care?
. . . oh my god i am a failure at womanhood I am sort of going "oooooh" at all these things even though I haven't got the faintest idea what half of them are and know I would be too lazy to be a proper girly-girl and use half of the rest ever. I'm pretty sure I want a nice hairbrush, but I can't even pick things I might want otherwise without asking you for advice D: I will call you tomorrow.
Maybe Bath and Body Works is less scary? :( Maybe I am just inept? :( Maybe I should go back to writing Lord Peter fanfic, which is why I'm still awake to begin with? Do you know if either place has a shampoo that is good for psoriasis?
maybe if I knew what "illuminators" and "primers" were and why the bottom-end ones cost as much as I spend on takeout in a week girls would like me?????
also bath&body works has a much bigger variety of cheaper stuff but their ~*special*~ holiday scents, I guess these are, have the most uninformative names. they're all called things like black amethyst and moonlight path. and secret wonderland, which sounds kind of pornographic.
I may still be at this in three more hours when you wake up :(
I want to be the kind of person who dresses niceish every day and wears lip gloss and eyeshadow and burns nice-smelling things but actually I guess I am a really lazy person who probably is horribly frumpy-looking even when she tries and never actually has the time to put makeup on :( Why do eyeshadow brushes cost $16 when the actual eyeshadow only ("only") costs $12?
TL;DR PERFORMATIVE FEMININITY IS REALLY HARD AND I FEEL REALLY AWFUL FOR BEING JEALOUS THAT YOU WERE BROUGHT UP WITH IT BY DEFAULT.
it is really distressing how easily I decided that OH HEY MAYBE USING THIS BLACKCURRANT VANILLA WHATEVER SCENTED THING WILL GET ME DATES just be . . . cause they stuck the word "sensual" in the name, SELF DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN
this stress relief aromatherapy thing sounds vaguely promising though? Eucalyptus spearmint! At least it'll smell good.
WTF makes something a men's sponge? It's because they come in black or brown instead of in nice bright colors, isn't it? And it's . . . crumpled differently? I bet it's exactly the same sponge. And they all look exactly like the one I already have from CVS for a dollar, anyway. I don't think I need a new sponge.
I wish I had a bathtub, though, so I could use things that fizzed or bubbled or ~exuded therapeutic aromas~ or turned colors. You can't really do that in a shower stall.
BREAKING NEWS: I DON'T UNDERSTAND HAIR PRODUCTS EITHER. I don't know if I need any of these. There isn't anything wrong with my hair, I don't think? My hair is pretty nice. My scalp is trying to kill me, but that's heriditary, so I don't think $22 hair spray will fix that. And I don't even have a job with a dress code, so I don't ever even need to style my hair for, I don't know, occasions and things.
I miss dressing up for things, though :( All but one of the nice dresses I own, I bought when I was in high school, and they would probably look a bit silly on someone my age. I don't even know what kind of dresses 23-year-olds wear right now. Jesus Christ, I am a frump :( Is frump a noun? It is now, and I am one.
. . . "light twisting lotion." Who makes these things up?
More things I don't understand: perfume?
That is not nearly enough question marks. Everything I know about perfume I learned from that really disturbing movie where the guy kills women and distills them into essential oils to make perfume out of, so I think a more accurate way to express this would be
perfume?!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!??????????!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
I don't even want to buy perfume :( I know I am not cool enough to use perfume :( I just went to look at body wash and all of a sudden the Body Shop website was all with perfume terminology and body wash having top notes and middle notes and base notes?
I am so sorry you are going to have to wake up to all of this. I thought this was going to be easy. Or, you know, easier than this.
White tea and ginger sounds like it would smell nice! Maybe I will ask for some white tea and ginger things.
This is the closest to an actual decisive thing I have said to you since "hairbrush."
Dear Bath and Body Works: why would I want to choose my shower gel by color I don't understand
anyway I have emailed you-- this makes the fifteenth time in about two hours? So I think I had better get on with my life for the moment.
ETA:
. . . sometimes I forget that there are people in the world who actually have sex and to whom products with names like "secret wonderland" and "dark kiss" and "sensual blackcurrant vanilla" are probably not completely ridiculous.
SRSLY, DONE NOW.
Things escalated, and by "escalated" I mean I branched out onto the Bath & Body Works site and have emailed her at least a dozen times in an hour and a half. I've stopped now, but I think as a whole all these emails combine into kind of an interesting LJ post. (I may report back in a couple of hours when my mom wakes up and answers.)
IN WHICH I NARRATE MY SHOPPING PROCESS TO YOU
All their hairbrushes are either for all hair types or for medium-long hair. Is there such a thing as a brush especially for shorter hair? Since I will probably end up growing mine out again eventually anyway, do I care?
. . . oh my god i am a failure at womanhood I am sort of going "oooooh" at all these things even though I haven't got the faintest idea what half of them are and know I would be too lazy to be a proper girly-girl and use half of the rest ever. I'm pretty sure I want a nice hairbrush, but I can't even pick things I might want otherwise without asking you for advice D: I will call you tomorrow.
Maybe Bath and Body Works is less scary? :( Maybe I am just inept? :( Maybe I should go back to writing Lord Peter fanfic, which is why I'm still awake to begin with? Do you know if either place has a shampoo that is good for psoriasis?
maybe if I knew what "illuminators" and "primers" were and why the bottom-end ones cost as much as I spend on takeout in a week girls would like me?????
also bath&body works has a much bigger variety of cheaper stuff but their ~*special*~ holiday scents, I guess these are, have the most uninformative names. they're all called things like black amethyst and moonlight path. and secret wonderland, which sounds kind of pornographic.
I may still be at this in three more hours when you wake up :(
I want to be the kind of person who dresses niceish every day and wears lip gloss and eyeshadow and burns nice-smelling things but actually I guess I am a really lazy person who probably is horribly frumpy-looking even when she tries and never actually has the time to put makeup on :( Why do eyeshadow brushes cost $16 when the actual eyeshadow only ("only") costs $12?
TL;DR PERFORMATIVE FEMININITY IS REALLY HARD AND I FEEL REALLY AWFUL FOR BEING JEALOUS THAT YOU WERE BROUGHT UP WITH IT BY DEFAULT.
it is really distressing how easily I decided that OH HEY MAYBE USING THIS BLACKCURRANT VANILLA WHATEVER SCENTED THING WILL GET ME DATES just be . . . cause they stuck the word "sensual" in the name, SELF DO YOU EVEN HAVE A BRAIN
this stress relief aromatherapy thing sounds vaguely promising though? Eucalyptus spearmint! At least it'll smell good.
WTF makes something a men's sponge? It's because they come in black or brown instead of in nice bright colors, isn't it? And it's . . . crumpled differently? I bet it's exactly the same sponge. And they all look exactly like the one I already have from CVS for a dollar, anyway. I don't think I need a new sponge.
I wish I had a bathtub, though, so I could use things that fizzed or bubbled or ~exuded therapeutic aromas~ or turned colors. You can't really do that in a shower stall.
BREAKING NEWS: I DON'T UNDERSTAND HAIR PRODUCTS EITHER. I don't know if I need any of these. There isn't anything wrong with my hair, I don't think? My hair is pretty nice. My scalp is trying to kill me, but that's heriditary, so I don't think $22 hair spray will fix that. And I don't even have a job with a dress code, so I don't ever even need to style my hair for, I don't know, occasions and things.
I miss dressing up for things, though :( All but one of the nice dresses I own, I bought when I was in high school, and they would probably look a bit silly on someone my age. I don't even know what kind of dresses 23-year-olds wear right now. Jesus Christ, I am a frump :( Is frump a noun? It is now, and I am one.
. . . "light twisting lotion." Who makes these things up?
More things I don't understand: perfume?
That is not nearly enough question marks. Everything I know about perfume I learned from that really disturbing movie where the guy kills women and distills them into essential oils to make perfume out of, so I think a more accurate way to express this would be
perfume?!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!??????????!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!
I don't even want to buy perfume :( I know I am not cool enough to use perfume :( I just went to look at body wash and all of a sudden the Body Shop website was all with perfume terminology and body wash having top notes and middle notes and base notes?
I am so sorry you are going to have to wake up to all of this. I thought this was going to be easy. Or, you know, easier than this.
White tea and ginger sounds like it would smell nice! Maybe I will ask for some white tea and ginger things.
This is the closest to an actual decisive thing I have said to you since "hairbrush."
Dear Bath and Body Works: why would I want to choose my shower gel by color I don't understand
anyway I have emailed you-- this makes the fifteenth time in about two hours? So I think I had better get on with my life for the moment.
ETA:
. . . sometimes I forget that there are people in the world who actually have sex and to whom products with names like "secret wonderland" and "dark kiss" and "sensual blackcurrant vanilla" are probably not completely ridiculous.
SRSLY, DONE NOW.