someone needs to tell the turkey.
For darkblue.
Title: Someone Needs to Tell the Turkey
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Fiction.
Summary: A snippet of lunch break at the Highbury Markets. Grocery!AU.
Cesc wasn't in the staff lounge at break time, so Robin brought their lunch (turkey and cranberry on sourdough for himself, BLT on Dutch Crunch for Cesc, courtesy of Clichy's fine work at the deli) around to the only other place he would go. And there Cesc was behind the store, sitting on an upturn crate with his chin in his hands, sucking viciously at a candy stick.
"That lollipop's been giving you a rough day?" Robin said. He sat down on a cinder block and nudged the BLT onto Cesc's lap before unwrapping his own sandwich.
"No, but everyone else is," Cesc answered with a heavy sigh. "I spent all morning mopping up some kid's sick all over aisle nine - the school supplies, Robin, my favourite! next to the candy, anyway - and then some old hag dragged me to the produces and tried to convince me that tomatoes are vegetables and it's only the Scientologists who try to tell us otherwise. Like it even matters since we already have the tomatoes sorted with the veggies! I even told her I'd bring Theo out, cos you know he treats every single one of his fruits and vegetables like children, so he's definitely mad enough to deal with her."
"Wha' dih he shafe?" Robin had taken a huge bite and tried very hard to ignore Cesc's stink-eye.
"Theo? Couldn't find him. I bet he was out snogging a carrot somewhere."
Robin nearly choked.
"Anyway," Cesc continued, sounding exceedingly forlorn, "I finally got away by distracting her with some well-placed croutons."
They ate in silence for a while, Cesc ignoring his lunch in favour of nursing the lolly. Then Robin made the mistake of commenting, "Well, that doesn't sound too bad? I heard from Nicky that Lukasz is having an even worse week, poor lad -"
"Not too bad, is it?" Cesc said heatedly. "I haven't told you everything. See, after I got away from Crazy Tomato Lady, I moseyed up to the registers to see my boyfriend, expecting I'd be able to tell him a little bit about my rotten morning and maybe I'd win a sympathetic snog and a handful of his arse, a right good squeeze. Would've cheered me up, you know? Liven my spirits. I thought, hey, maybe I could tell him we should skip lunch and I'd blow him behind the dumpster -"
Robin did choke this time. "Cesc!" he sputtered.
"- but, no, none of that happened, did it? Because when I got to my boyfriend's register, I saw him flirting shamelessly with some hussy -"
"Oh, god, I was not - are you talking about Samir?"
"Oh, Samir, is it?" Cesc aimed his untouched Dutch Crunch at Robin's forehead. It bounced off and settled in Robin’s lap. "Since when are you on a first-name basis with Nasri? What did you guys talk about, hm? Dinner and a movie tomorrow? Your future together? Four kids? He'll be Assistant Manager Trainee still and you his trophy husband? Or will he have usurped Arsene by then, hm, take over as Manager and make you the bloody mascot of Highbury Markets?"
Robin heard the lollipop crack in Cesc's mouth.
"You...are insane," he said, half-bewildered and half-fond. "Seriously, how does that mind of yours work?"
Cesc rubbed at the spot on Robin’s forehead where his lunch had left its mark, a bit of oil smear. "Don't even pretend," he said grimly. "I have spies at the front, you know."
"I do know," Robin said, smiling. He set aside his sandwich and took both of Cesc's hands in his. "Silly boy, you don't think Carlos and Jack are ninja, do you? They come in so often to check on me, they didn’t even notice when a tramp stole one of our carts. Nicky and I make up things for them to report back to you all the time."
"Fantastic!" Cesc squirmed in Robin's grip, half-heartedly trying to free himself and looking as if he would kill Robin if he actually let go. "Have a great life with Samir then. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding. I'll ask Arshavin to make you a grand meat bouquet, and you can shove it right up Samir's -"
"Nasri was just asking me," Robin said loudly, "whom I thought should be Employee of the Month. Yes, he was very friendly and said that since he's already won the last five months, he could give me tips on how to earn it next. But," he hurried on before Cesc could protest, "I told him I thought you, my boyfriend, thank-you-for-shopping-at-Highbury's-may-I-help-you-find-something? Cesc Fabregas, is the clear standout for Employee of the Month. You work harder than anybody and you do it - usually - with a smile on your face."
Cesc’s lower lip trembled just so slightly and then he threw out the lollipop stick and flung his arms around Robin’s neck.
"Sweetheart," he mumbled, "oh, darling…don't marry him, okay? You can't. I won't let you. I'm sorry I'm in such a mood. Let's go to dinner and a movie tonight. You and me. And then we'll go back to your place and practice making our biologically-impossible babies, okay? Four kids. No, six kids! No, eight! We'll be such good daddies." He sniffled and drew back a little. "Oh, we need to get out of here, Robin, we can't work in groceries all our lives."
Robin just grinned and kissed at Cesc's temple. "Sure, Cesc. Whatever you want."
Title: Someone Needs to Tell the Turkey
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Cesc Fàbregas/Robin van Persie
Disclaimer: Fiction.
Summary: A snippet of lunch break at the Highbury Markets. Grocery!AU.
Cesc wasn't in the staff lounge at break time, so Robin brought their lunch (turkey and cranberry on sourdough for himself, BLT on Dutch Crunch for Cesc, courtesy of Clichy's fine work at the deli) around to the only other place he would go. And there Cesc was behind the store, sitting on an upturn crate with his chin in his hands, sucking viciously at a candy stick.
"That lollipop's been giving you a rough day?" Robin said. He sat down on a cinder block and nudged the BLT onto Cesc's lap before unwrapping his own sandwich.
"No, but everyone else is," Cesc answered with a heavy sigh. "I spent all morning mopping up some kid's sick all over aisle nine - the school supplies, Robin, my favourite! next to the candy, anyway - and then some old hag dragged me to the produces and tried to convince me that tomatoes are vegetables and it's only the Scientologists who try to tell us otherwise. Like it even matters since we already have the tomatoes sorted with the veggies! I even told her I'd bring Theo out, cos you know he treats every single one of his fruits and vegetables like children, so he's definitely mad enough to deal with her."
"Wha' dih he shafe?" Robin had taken a huge bite and tried very hard to ignore Cesc's stink-eye.
"Theo? Couldn't find him. I bet he was out snogging a carrot somewhere."
Robin nearly choked.
"Anyway," Cesc continued, sounding exceedingly forlorn, "I finally got away by distracting her with some well-placed croutons."
They ate in silence for a while, Cesc ignoring his lunch in favour of nursing the lolly. Then Robin made the mistake of commenting, "Well, that doesn't sound too bad? I heard from Nicky that Lukasz is having an even worse week, poor lad -"
"Not too bad, is it?" Cesc said heatedly. "I haven't told you everything. See, after I got away from Crazy Tomato Lady, I moseyed up to the registers to see my boyfriend, expecting I'd be able to tell him a little bit about my rotten morning and maybe I'd win a sympathetic snog and a handful of his arse, a right good squeeze. Would've cheered me up, you know? Liven my spirits. I thought, hey, maybe I could tell him we should skip lunch and I'd blow him behind the dumpster -"
Robin did choke this time. "Cesc!" he sputtered.
"- but, no, none of that happened, did it? Because when I got to my boyfriend's register, I saw him flirting shamelessly with some hussy -"
"Oh, god, I was not - are you talking about Samir?"
"Oh, Samir, is it?" Cesc aimed his untouched Dutch Crunch at Robin's forehead. It bounced off and settled in Robin’s lap. "Since when are you on a first-name basis with Nasri? What did you guys talk about, hm? Dinner and a movie tomorrow? Your future together? Four kids? He'll be Assistant Manager Trainee still and you his trophy husband? Or will he have usurped Arsene by then, hm, take over as Manager and make you the bloody mascot of Highbury Markets?"
Robin heard the lollipop crack in Cesc's mouth.
"You...are insane," he said, half-bewildered and half-fond. "Seriously, how does that mind of yours work?"
Cesc rubbed at the spot on Robin’s forehead where his lunch had left its mark, a bit of oil smear. "Don't even pretend," he said grimly. "I have spies at the front, you know."
"I do know," Robin said, smiling. He set aside his sandwich and took both of Cesc's hands in his. "Silly boy, you don't think Carlos and Jack are ninja, do you? They come in so often to check on me, they didn’t even notice when a tramp stole one of our carts. Nicky and I make up things for them to report back to you all the time."
"Fantastic!" Cesc squirmed in Robin's grip, half-heartedly trying to free himself and looking as if he would kill Robin if he actually let go. "Have a great life with Samir then. Don't forget to invite me to the wedding. I'll ask Arshavin to make you a grand meat bouquet, and you can shove it right up Samir's -"
"Nasri was just asking me," Robin said loudly, "whom I thought should be Employee of the Month. Yes, he was very friendly and said that since he's already won the last five months, he could give me tips on how to earn it next. But," he hurried on before Cesc could protest, "I told him I thought you, my boyfriend, thank-you-for-shopping-at-Highbury's-may-I-help-you-find-something? Cesc Fabregas, is the clear standout for Employee of the Month. You work harder than anybody and you do it - usually - with a smile on your face."
Cesc’s lower lip trembled just so slightly and then he threw out the lollipop stick and flung his arms around Robin’s neck.
"Sweetheart," he mumbled, "oh, darling…don't marry him, okay? You can't. I won't let you. I'm sorry I'm in such a mood. Let's go to dinner and a movie tonight. You and me. And then we'll go back to your place and practice making our biologically-impossible babies, okay? Four kids. No, six kids! No, eight! We'll be such good daddies." He sniffled and drew back a little. "Oh, we need to get out of here, Robin, we can't work in groceries all our lives."
Robin just grinned and kissed at Cesc's temple. "Sure, Cesc. Whatever you want."