OOC: Unassessed rambling on the first and second murder
On finding the note, he has an instinct to hide it - not so much because it might be real, or dangerous, or because carrying it would make him look weird: it would be bad for his image. So on arrival, he's nervous, suspicious - where am I? - but also more relaxed, and casual. He's like a normal teenager, for values which include Light.
I know I've opined in the past that the first murder is the point of no return for Light. I still believe that (more on that shortly). Because I find his first murder weirdly understandable. What does he do, after all? - he finds the equivalent of a chain letter lying in the schoolyard, takes it home because it's caught his interest, and scribbles down the name of a handy criminal in it to assuage his fascination. We've all done it - the difference for Light is that the chain letter he receives - the one that says "if you don't pass this letter on, someone will die" - actually works. In fact, that he doesn't write anything in the note until what he considers to be a suitably heinous subject presents themselves - it speaks to how alarmingly seriously he takes everything.
Where he parts company with sanity is the second murder. And the motives there - I think a lot of it is the promise of power. How does he react? - he's excited, considering. He's just saved all those hostages - or appears to have - the idea of Using His Powerz For Good would appeal. He thinks about it constantly: who should he kill, who deserves to be killed - and who to live. Yet ... I can't help thinking a lot of this is still fantasy. He's 17, an age when the lack of power is really beginning to bite (in Japan he won't even come of age for another three years). He's convinced he didn't really do it, that it was a coincidence - he even says so, repeatedly. He uses the note again, in part, because he wants to prove it was a coincidence: that the note doesn't work. And perhaps that's why (in the manga) the second victim's crime is comparatively small: Light doesn't believe he'll die.
But his first reaction is fear, and shock - and as that wears off, excitement and fantasy take over. Remember how bored Light is, at this stage.
Also, compare his reactions after the first murder, to his reaction after the second, when he knows it works. He's shocked, shattered, horrified: that's when he wants to dump the note - but instead, he changes his mind: he acts on his fantasies.
It's possible that the motivation to be Kira stems from the first murder. From his fantasies in its wake - "what I've been thinking" - isn't a long-term thing - it's only since he got the note. He even says "it makes you realise how many people are worthless and don't deserve to live" - and that really would be tragic. It really would mean he's completely corrupted by the notebook's power. orz.
On the other hand, Yotsuba!Light agrees with Kira's methods and philosophy - so since Light loses all memories and attitudes inspired by the notebook at the point of surrendering it, those attitudes have to be in places before he gets the notebook.
I know I've opined in the past that the first murder is the point of no return for Light. I still believe that (more on that shortly). Because I find his first murder weirdly understandable. What does he do, after all? - he finds the equivalent of a chain letter lying in the schoolyard, takes it home because it's caught his interest, and scribbles down the name of a handy criminal in it to assuage his fascination. We've all done it - the difference for Light is that the chain letter he receives - the one that says "if you don't pass this letter on, someone will die" - actually works. In fact, that he doesn't write anything in the note until what he considers to be a suitably heinous subject presents themselves - it speaks to how alarmingly seriously he takes everything.
Where he parts company with sanity is the second murder. And the motives there - I think a lot of it is the promise of power. How does he react? - he's excited, considering. He's just saved all those hostages - or appears to have - the idea of Using His Powerz For Good would appeal. He thinks about it constantly: who should he kill, who deserves to be killed - and who to live. Yet ... I can't help thinking a lot of this is still fantasy. He's 17, an age when the lack of power is really beginning to bite (in Japan he won't even come of age for another three years). He's convinced he didn't really do it, that it was a coincidence - he even says so, repeatedly. He uses the note again, in part, because he wants to prove it was a coincidence: that the note doesn't work. And perhaps that's why (in the manga) the second victim's crime is comparatively small: Light doesn't believe he'll die.
But his first reaction is fear, and shock - and as that wears off, excitement and fantasy take over. Remember how bored Light is, at this stage.
Also, compare his reactions after the first murder, to his reaction after the second, when he knows it works. He's shocked, shattered, horrified: that's when he wants to dump the note - but instead, he changes his mind: he acts on his fantasies.
It's possible that the motivation to be Kira stems from the first murder. From his fantasies in its wake - "what I've been thinking" - isn't a long-term thing - it's only since he got the note. He even says "it makes you realise how many people are worthless and don't deserve to live" - and that really would be tragic. It really would mean he's completely corrupted by the notebook's power. orz.
On the other hand, Yotsuba!Light agrees with Kira's methods and philosophy - so since Light loses all memories and attitudes inspired by the notebook at the point of surrendering it, those attitudes have to be in places before he gets the notebook.