Gotta run.. always
So yesterday Rachel asked me if I was going to take her to queer prom this year.. I don't know what the fuck that's supposed to mean because last year when I took her I ended up making an idiot out of myself in a jealous rage. I guess I should figure out what she meant but just asking me that has sent me into a swirl of thoguhts about when we were together. Mostly bad, but the good ones are awful pretty.
Took a shower and thought way too much. At one point I looked at my hands and could see every vein. I wanted to see them pulsing. But if that happened I would probably be on drugs.
More thinking was done of course. Thought about how I flubbed up things with the girl I wanted.. (want?) moreso than anything I've ever wanted in a long time. But this stupid little ticker in my chest is clinging on with hope. Thought of the words of Jack Skellington.
But I never intended all this madness, never
And nobody really understood, how could they?
That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great
Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?
Well, what the heck, I went and did my best
And, by God, I really tasted something swell
And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky
And now.. I'm with the baby. Young Sami. The one who adores me and whose heart I'm going to break over and over... and over again. I'm already thinking about the end. I'm afraid to even tell people we're together because no one seems to like it except for Ashley so I guess that's alright since Ashley is the only person (besides Sami) I really see anymore anyway. People keep saying what if someone else comes along? Then whatever. Everyone knows I suck at this dating thing.
Rachel used to say that when you fall in love that's it. That's your one chance. And I'm worried I already used it on her. As shitty as that is. I'm just afraid of anything relationship-wise anymore. And things don't feel right no matter what I do.
Took a shower and thought way too much. At one point I looked at my hands and could see every vein. I wanted to see them pulsing. But if that happened I would probably be on drugs.
More thinking was done of course. Thought about how I flubbed up things with the girl I wanted.. (want?) moreso than anything I've ever wanted in a long time. But this stupid little ticker in my chest is clinging on with hope. Thought of the words of Jack Skellington.
But I never intended all this madness, never
And nobody really understood, how could they?
That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great
Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?
Well, what the heck, I went and did my best
And, by God, I really tasted something swell
And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky
And now.. I'm with the baby. Young Sami. The one who adores me and whose heart I'm going to break over and over... and over again. I'm already thinking about the end. I'm afraid to even tell people we're together because no one seems to like it except for Ashley so I guess that's alright since Ashley is the only person (besides Sami) I really see anymore anyway. People keep saying what if someone else comes along? Then whatever. Everyone knows I suck at this dating thing.
Rachel used to say that when you fall in love that's it. That's your one chance. And I'm worried I already used it on her. As shitty as that is. I'm just afraid of anything relationship-wise anymore. And things don't feel right no matter what I do.