"I never loved nobody fully, always one foot on the ground..."
It is my last day in Alabama. Things have gone well. I've hung out with family a lot, was able to see people I haven't seen in way too long...it's been cool. When I leave tomorrow, I'm not so sure if I will be happy to be going back to Louisville or wishing I could stay gone a little bit longer.
Being away has really given me time to think about everything. I'm still confused about life and everything in it of course but, for some reason, things seems a little more easy to deal with. Maybe because they aren't staring me in the face because I'm out of town.
I have a lot of decisions to make. I am not sure how much time I have to make them. These last couple of weeks, I've really been thinking about moving. I always said that as soon as I graduated, I would be leaving. I put that plan off for one reason. My heart told me to stay. My heart tells me a lot of things and it does not always give me the best advice but at least I know it's still alive. My heart isn't telling me to stay anymore and still it is not telling me to go. But a lot of other stuff is and I think it's time.
I love Louisville. It feels more like my home than anything else ever has and the people I may leave behind, they have become my family. But, restlessness gets the best of me. I talked to my mom about everything. I told her that I was going to start looking for a job elsewhere and she thought it was a good idea. She even said she would help me get out of my lease if that was the case. It is up in May anyway though and it might just take me that long to tie up loose ends anyway.
That being said, I guess I will just have to see how everything goes. I could change my mind tomorrow and say that I will never leave Louisville behind. But, I think my mind is set. It's my time to go...
****
It is so crazy to be back here. It makes me feel old. Most of my friends are married and starting families. They all seem so young. And I find myself wanting to ask them what the hell are they doing? Here in my mind, we are young adults. We are supposed to be preparing ourselves to set our roots in the ground, not already sprouting a whole fucking tree...lol, I guess time moves at different speeds for different people. It is hard to grasp.
****
I've shopped my ass off this week and I still have to go this evening with my sister. It's been fun though. I just feel so refreshed. I needed this trip more than air itself.
****
I have a new favorite singer. Regina Spektor. I have fallen in love. I want to die with her song, "Fidelity," following me to my last breath. Yeah, it's a good time for music.
****
We got in trouble by the cops last night. It was scary but all's well that ends well. Nobody went to jail, nobody got any tickets and the car wasn't impounded. What more can you ask for?
****
As long as we can all laugh about it when it's over, that's all that matters.
Being away has really given me time to think about everything. I'm still confused about life and everything in it of course but, for some reason, things seems a little more easy to deal with. Maybe because they aren't staring me in the face because I'm out of town.
I have a lot of decisions to make. I am not sure how much time I have to make them. These last couple of weeks, I've really been thinking about moving. I always said that as soon as I graduated, I would be leaving. I put that plan off for one reason. My heart told me to stay. My heart tells me a lot of things and it does not always give me the best advice but at least I know it's still alive. My heart isn't telling me to stay anymore and still it is not telling me to go. But a lot of other stuff is and I think it's time.
I love Louisville. It feels more like my home than anything else ever has and the people I may leave behind, they have become my family. But, restlessness gets the best of me. I talked to my mom about everything. I told her that I was going to start looking for a job elsewhere and she thought it was a good idea. She even said she would help me get out of my lease if that was the case. It is up in May anyway though and it might just take me that long to tie up loose ends anyway.
That being said, I guess I will just have to see how everything goes. I could change my mind tomorrow and say that I will never leave Louisville behind. But, I think my mind is set. It's my time to go...
****
It is so crazy to be back here. It makes me feel old. Most of my friends are married and starting families. They all seem so young. And I find myself wanting to ask them what the hell are they doing? Here in my mind, we are young adults. We are supposed to be preparing ourselves to set our roots in the ground, not already sprouting a whole fucking tree...lol, I guess time moves at different speeds for different people. It is hard to grasp.
****
I've shopped my ass off this week and I still have to go this evening with my sister. It's been fun though. I just feel so refreshed. I needed this trip more than air itself.
****
I have a new favorite singer. Regina Spektor. I have fallen in love. I want to die with her song, "Fidelity," following me to my last breath. Yeah, it's a good time for music.
****
We got in trouble by the cops last night. It was scary but all's well that ends well. Nobody went to jail, nobody got any tickets and the car wasn't impounded. What more can you ask for?
****
As long as we can all laugh about it when it's over, that's all that matters.