Torn...
It's been really wonderful and relaxing being back home for a bit, and I'm not ready to go back to my new life yet, but I've discovered some things since I've been here. I'm a lot more appreciative for both my life-long friends here in Michigan, and am really grateful too, for the wonderful ones I have made in California. I find that I just fit in so much better in general out there with the people I've become close to. Being back here reminds me of the shit I surrounded myself with for too long, and I'm thrown back into a lot of the high school bullshit that I find myself so glad to be away from these days.
For the first time...ever...I went out to California and felt like I truly belonged for once! I got into a group of friends that only wants the best for one another and never brings up bullshit things to argue about or create drama over. In going out there, I've felt what it's like to be respected and appreciated for who I am without any expectations or consistent lies being thrown in my face. Their compliments and promises are genuine, and come from the heart. In thinking back to my life for the past 2 years, heart is something I can't recall feeling a lot from others. I of course will always adore and feel completely grateful for my life-long friends out here like Lauryn, Godar, Lee, Casey, Kendra, and so on, but I find myself also yearning for the company of my new friends out in California, like Anders, James, Sarah, and Joey!
I guess I'm just tortured or bothered by memories of the past out here and feel as if, now that I've seen how things can be better, why I put up with and allowed myself to get caught into the meaningless shit for so long while I was here. I feel torn by the 2 different lives, yet am so grateful to have something to look forward to no matter where I go. How many people can say they have that?! As much as I feel crappy to see how I wasted some of my past, I feel so thankful to have a wonderful future ahead of me, filled with those who I simply adore!
For the first time...ever...I went out to California and felt like I truly belonged for once! I got into a group of friends that only wants the best for one another and never brings up bullshit things to argue about or create drama over. In going out there, I've felt what it's like to be respected and appreciated for who I am without any expectations or consistent lies being thrown in my face. Their compliments and promises are genuine, and come from the heart. In thinking back to my life for the past 2 years, heart is something I can't recall feeling a lot from others. I of course will always adore and feel completely grateful for my life-long friends out here like Lauryn, Godar, Lee, Casey, Kendra, and so on, but I find myself also yearning for the company of my new friends out in California, like Anders, James, Sarah, and Joey!
I guess I'm just tortured or bothered by memories of the past out here and feel as if, now that I've seen how things can be better, why I put up with and allowed myself to get caught into the meaningless shit for so long while I was here. I feel torn by the 2 different lives, yet am so grateful to have something to look forward to no matter where I go. How many people can say they have that?! As much as I feel crappy to see how I wasted some of my past, I feel so thankful to have a wonderful future ahead of me, filled with those who I simply adore!