(no subject)
i hate that i couldn't do anything. that im basically not allowed to miss or care about you for fear of causing drama. i hate that i met you. i did nothing but take away from the shortest most unfair life ever, and if it weren't for me, so any things would be different. if i had just stayed away from you, richard would have never gotten in any trouble with his parents and maybe he could have been somewhere better now. he could be happy, and with someone far better than me. i wish i had just not gotten in trouble and never gone to richard's movie night. i wish i never took anything away from you, from richard, from everything you guys had.
i wish you guys could have led happy catholic lives and i could lead my happy super liberal one, and i wouldn't feel like i ruined so much. i know i effected something, and im so sorry for that i guess.
i wish i could be somewhere else and had never met any of you and didn't have to feel like i caused so much damage when all i wanted was to be friends with you and spend the rest of my life with richard.
and i just want to go back to high school because at least then i had this dream that things would get so much better, instead of the reality that everything is completely fucked up and the future will only get harder.
i wish you guys could have led happy catholic lives and i could lead my happy super liberal one, and i wouldn't feel like i ruined so much. i know i effected something, and im so sorry for that i guess.
i wish i could be somewhere else and had never met any of you and didn't have to feel like i caused so much damage when all i wanted was to be friends with you and spend the rest of my life with richard.
and i just want to go back to high school because at least then i had this dream that things would get so much better, instead of the reality that everything is completely fucked up and the future will only get harder.