(no subject)
so iv been thinking alot the last few days. well really alot sence yesterday. i relised i might not have the rest of my life like i always thought i would. im having alot of health issues right now, and my doctor seems to be really consernd about some thing i was told wasnt anything.
~Am i to young to be in a long time relationship? i mean all iv wanted all my life is to get married and have kids, and i think that was pretty obvious when i picked out my wedding dress at 12. i really do like jeff, alot... sometimes ill even admit that i love him. But should i be like this? Or should i be an 18 year old and go to the clubs and partys when ever i want? ill be 19 soon, and being with jeff will hold me back from the fun if getting drunk in another country....whats the fun in that?
~Is this change that i thought was so great really not all iv made it out to be ,am i just turning into a bitch? I have changed so much in the last couple months, and in doing so pushed alot of people away. i used to think i was a better person. No more drugs, not as much drinking, and i just recently stoped smoking. I thought it was a really good thing, but maybe i was wrong. Maybe that was all a part of who i am. Alot of my friends seem to dislike me, or the way i am now. And for a while i was pretty damn content with not having any friends. But now i think about it, and even if i did settle down and get married, WHO the fuck would want to be in my wedding? No one, cause by that time ill prolly have no friends at all!
~ What happend to me? when i was living in my appartment i was all about being this young,strong, independent chick. iv ruind ne means of that what so ever. I go to jeffs house every night, i do what he says, and iv gotten rid of all the girls that i had fun with. Dont get my wrong i dont miss that appartment, just the memories we made in it! Should i be out dating different guys? I mean isnt that the only way youll really meet the one your suppposed to be with? I never really thought id find a long term relationship at national, and some times i still hate the idea of it. But i do like him alot, but maybe i just like him so much because im with him everyday. maybe there is some one else for me. who knows....
well im outta here, im going to spend another day at home bored and pissed! buh bye