A series of you and me [CHAPTER 2]
Title: A series of you and me
Chapters: 2/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. Depressed Uruha.
Ratings: PG-13 (R later?)
Pairings: AoixUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
Fingers sliding across the books on the shelf. New books smelling like melted glue. Older books and their subtle bouquet of pressed sawdust.
It reminded him his childhood and how his mother surrounded him with them. When he read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and spent the night with the lights on because he could swear everytime he was seeing his massive silhouette in the darkness of his bedroom...
Books taught him that he was not alone in this vaste world and that whenever he needed to escape reality, they were the best places where he could lose his self.
He was free.
Nobody could tell him what to read and what not to. And until now, books were still his saviors from the monotonous existence he was living.
His every days were filled with coffee smell, his black coat, dark thoughts and tiredness from the sleepless nights.
Monotonous. His whole life painted in black. He wished to be able to bury himself in his raven hair and get intoxicated with him, his entire body and soul. He wished to lose himself in him, insanely, to the point of madness, of no return, to death.
His hand stopped on the leather binding of an old book and he smiled when he read the title and opened it, his eyes instantly catching up...
"For this I had deprived myself of rest and health. I had desired it with an ardour that far exceeded moderation; but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart."
How come these few lines were true? It troubled him a little, and quickly he put the book back in the shelf, ready to leave the second hand bookshop but he froze at the sound of someone greeting the owner.
He backed away a little behind the shelf and the few books piled up on the ground behind him fell, disturbing the owner and the customer's talks.
- Takashima? Is everything alright?
Kouyou coughed, hands shaking as he was arranging the mess he had created:
- Hum, yes yes, I'm sorry.
Five long seconds and they were ignoring Kouyou's presence. He sighed of relief and went further in the library, his eyes scanning through the shelves...
There.
His laugh.
His laugh.
- You should hang out with us tomorrow! We're going for few drinks in this new bar at the end of the street!
All he could see...His lips. The way he pouted in response.
- I don't know.
- What's wrong? Are you chained at home by some lover?
Yutaka laughed. And so did Yuu while Kouyou was bleeding from the inside out.
- No, no...My only lover is work.
His heart felt lighter.
- You're working too much.
- From your point of view.
- Eh? Don't tell me you'd be working more if you had the chance to!
- I'm not going to tell you then.
- Yuu! Ah you're being too serious...
- I just love my job. I mean, find me one person who can earn money from their passion?
A loud sigh. A chortle from Yuu.
- You get a point but I still think you shouldn't forget to live. Are you free right now? I'm about to close the shop for lunch, we can go to Le Petit Crème.
Where I work...
- Yeah why not, but before that I'm going to pick a book.
- Takashima? Did you find what you were looking for?
Fuck!
Kouyou made few steps to get away from Yuu's that were getting closer.
- I did!
He grabbed the first book he had under his eyes and quickly made his way into the maze of shelves of the library, to the cash machine in front of the owner's legendary smile.
- Ah...
Kouyou smiled awkwardly, praying that Yuu wouldn't show up now he was almost out of the library and it hit him suddenly, what-the-fuck-is-that-bloody-book?
He didn't know if Yutaka's little smile and the way his cheeks were flushing was a good sign but he handed him a bill and didn't even bother to be paid in his own coin, rushing out as Yuu was coming back.
The raven haired frowned and stared at Kouyou's silhouette walking away from the library, before glancing at his friend who was laughing out loud.
- What? What happened?
Yutaka got the giggles:
- He was too ashamed to come in front of you I guess, but he bought a retro version of the Kamasutra! Poor guy, he didn't even wait for me to give him his money!
Yuu smiled and shook his head.
That man wasn't visible anymore.
Kouyou slammed his door shut, leaning against it, relieved. When he came to live here he knew about the risks, he knew he would have to cope with the fact he could be seen and even recognized by Yuu and maybe that was the reason why he had so drastically changed, from the sulfurous honey blond hair to those chestnut locks, from the catchy clothes to those boring ones. His large black plastic framed glasses could help but, Kouyou was afraid that if his eyes met Yuu's, instantly the other would know.
I don't want him to see...
Did he miss his old self? Not so much in the end, because, in a way, the old Kouyou was the worst. He would use people and abuse of them, of their gentleness, of their naivety, of all the good feelings and turn them into desperate living creatures.
How many people did I destroy? Destroy them before they destroy you. I thought that they wouldn't try to break me if I anticipated them and make of their lives a living Hell. I almost settled down with this guy few years ago because he was rich, because he was a good fuck and I left one morning when he said he wanted me for the rest of his life.
I never cared for him, for myself only. I slept with so many people. I didn't even dare ask some of their names before, I only remember some particularities in them, a beauty spot, a curve, the way a muscle would contract under my touch, a sensation...
Then I met you.
In this nightclub. You were the perfect target, always trying to catch my attention wherever our eyes would meet. And you came to me, you leaded me in those toilets and there are times I still feel your hands holding me against that door, your wild kisses and your erratic breaths on my neck...
And when we met again, under the night sky and its glitters splattered everywhere, I wanted to run away but something in you made me stay.
I think it's the way you left me alone sprawled on the wet grass...You didn't try to fight. You just left even when I knew, deep down, how much you wanted me. It's like you didn't want to bother me, like you weren't strong enough to face me and to demand anything from me.
That's why I gave it to you.
I followed you to your appartment, your eyes wide open expressing that, yes, you couldn't believe it. I wonder why it's surprising to you...Can't you see? You're almost perfect. Your biggest flaw is that you exist. You shouldn't.
Because that night I had planned to kill myself. I was up to leave without a backward glance at the mess of my life.
And you made love to me.
Love.
You cherished me. It wasn't rough, nor brutish but sweet and tender.
No one loved me this way. Not even when they were indeed infatuated with me. No one ever made me feel so alive, so prone to living because you were there now.
As you were asleep, I thought a lot, that I couldn't waste your life. You deserve someone as beautiful as you are. Someone sane. Someone with ideas of happiness where love is shared in an endless passion. Not with my twisted and sick self.
Yet I live here now, not far from your place, I work in your street, I see you every morning behind the glass of the coffee shop and I yearn for you in silence because it's my punishment.
I don't have the right to love. So I'm dying slowly while watching you from afar.
Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe my pathology is love.
Maybe.
He took a deeper breath and tossed the book on his couch before making himself some coffee.
How ironic. I told Sakai I hate it. Yet it's all I drink all day long.
He massaged his temples and allowed a grin to his lips.
He's single. He's got no one in his life. He's all for me. He's single. Oh the relief.
He smiled and soon it disappeared, tears ready to fall, washing away the fleeting happiness that had taken over him.
I can't have you anyway.
Once again, depression was strucking him hard and nothing could erase his sudden sadness. He frowned and tried to decipher the cover of the book.
- Oh shit.
Kouyou, congratulations, you made a fool of yourself.
------------------------
HOLIDAYS!!! How good it is to sleep without thinking "shit exam tomorrow...and this, then this, then...".
Means also more time to write :) I'm preparing you guys your Xmas gift haha. I hope everyone will like it. If you wonder, Le Petit Crème refers to white coffee (one of my fav drinks), I put le petit for the French touch. So it's a little white coffee.
Chapters: 2/?
Genre: Angst. Romance. Smut.
Warnings: Angst. Depressed Uruha.
Ratings: PG-13 (R later?)
Pairings: AoixUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: Kouyou finds his life ruled by the glimpses of him he can see.
Fingers sliding across the books on the shelf. New books smelling like melted glue. Older books and their subtle bouquet of pressed sawdust.
It reminded him his childhood and how his mother surrounded him with them. When he read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and spent the night with the lights on because he could swear everytime he was seeing his massive silhouette in the darkness of his bedroom...
Books taught him that he was not alone in this vaste world and that whenever he needed to escape reality, they were the best places where he could lose his self.
He was free.
Nobody could tell him what to read and what not to. And until now, books were still his saviors from the monotonous existence he was living.
His every days were filled with coffee smell, his black coat, dark thoughts and tiredness from the sleepless nights.
Monotonous. His whole life painted in black. He wished to be able to bury himself in his raven hair and get intoxicated with him, his entire body and soul. He wished to lose himself in him, insanely, to the point of madness, of no return, to death.
His hand stopped on the leather binding of an old book and he smiled when he read the title and opened it, his eyes instantly catching up...
"For this I had deprived myself of rest and health. I had desired it with an ardour that far exceeded moderation; but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart."
How come these few lines were true? It troubled him a little, and quickly he put the book back in the shelf, ready to leave the second hand bookshop but he froze at the sound of someone greeting the owner.
He backed away a little behind the shelf and the few books piled up on the ground behind him fell, disturbing the owner and the customer's talks.
- Takashima? Is everything alright?
Kouyou coughed, hands shaking as he was arranging the mess he had created:
- Hum, yes yes, I'm sorry.
Five long seconds and they were ignoring Kouyou's presence. He sighed of relief and went further in the library, his eyes scanning through the shelves...
There.
His laugh.
His laugh.
- You should hang out with us tomorrow! We're going for few drinks in this new bar at the end of the street!
All he could see...His lips. The way he pouted in response.
- I don't know.
- What's wrong? Are you chained at home by some lover?
Yutaka laughed. And so did Yuu while Kouyou was bleeding from the inside out.
- No, no...My only lover is work.
His heart felt lighter.
- You're working too much.
- From your point of view.
- Eh? Don't tell me you'd be working more if you had the chance to!
- I'm not going to tell you then.
- Yuu! Ah you're being too serious...
- I just love my job. I mean, find me one person who can earn money from their passion?
A loud sigh. A chortle from Yuu.
- You get a point but I still think you shouldn't forget to live. Are you free right now? I'm about to close the shop for lunch, we can go to Le Petit Crème.
Where I work...
- Yeah why not, but before that I'm going to pick a book.
- Takashima? Did you find what you were looking for?
Fuck!
Kouyou made few steps to get away from Yuu's that were getting closer.
- I did!
He grabbed the first book he had under his eyes and quickly made his way into the maze of shelves of the library, to the cash machine in front of the owner's legendary smile.
- Ah...
Kouyou smiled awkwardly, praying that Yuu wouldn't show up now he was almost out of the library and it hit him suddenly, what-the-fuck-is-that-bloody-book?
He didn't know if Yutaka's little smile and the way his cheeks were flushing was a good sign but he handed him a bill and didn't even bother to be paid in his own coin, rushing out as Yuu was coming back.
The raven haired frowned and stared at Kouyou's silhouette walking away from the library, before glancing at his friend who was laughing out loud.
- What? What happened?
Yutaka got the giggles:
- He was too ashamed to come in front of you I guess, but he bought a retro version of the Kamasutra! Poor guy, he didn't even wait for me to give him his money!
Yuu smiled and shook his head.
That man wasn't visible anymore.
Kouyou slammed his door shut, leaning against it, relieved. When he came to live here he knew about the risks, he knew he would have to cope with the fact he could be seen and even recognized by Yuu and maybe that was the reason why he had so drastically changed, from the sulfurous honey blond hair to those chestnut locks, from the catchy clothes to those boring ones. His large black plastic framed glasses could help but, Kouyou was afraid that if his eyes met Yuu's, instantly the other would know.
I don't want him to see...
Did he miss his old self? Not so much in the end, because, in a way, the old Kouyou was the worst. He would use people and abuse of them, of their gentleness, of their naivety, of all the good feelings and turn them into desperate living creatures.
How many people did I destroy? Destroy them before they destroy you. I thought that they wouldn't try to break me if I anticipated them and make of their lives a living Hell. I almost settled down with this guy few years ago because he was rich, because he was a good fuck and I left one morning when he said he wanted me for the rest of his life.
I never cared for him, for myself only. I slept with so many people. I didn't even dare ask some of their names before, I only remember some particularities in them, a beauty spot, a curve, the way a muscle would contract under my touch, a sensation...
Then I met you.
In this nightclub. You were the perfect target, always trying to catch my attention wherever our eyes would meet. And you came to me, you leaded me in those toilets and there are times I still feel your hands holding me against that door, your wild kisses and your erratic breaths on my neck...
And when we met again, under the night sky and its glitters splattered everywhere, I wanted to run away but something in you made me stay.
I think it's the way you left me alone sprawled on the wet grass...You didn't try to fight. You just left even when I knew, deep down, how much you wanted me. It's like you didn't want to bother me, like you weren't strong enough to face me and to demand anything from me.
That's why I gave it to you.
I followed you to your appartment, your eyes wide open expressing that, yes, you couldn't believe it. I wonder why it's surprising to you...Can't you see? You're almost perfect. Your biggest flaw is that you exist. You shouldn't.
Because that night I had planned to kill myself. I was up to leave without a backward glance at the mess of my life.
And you made love to me.
Love.
You cherished me. It wasn't rough, nor brutish but sweet and tender.
No one loved me this way. Not even when they were indeed infatuated with me. No one ever made me feel so alive, so prone to living because you were there now.
As you were asleep, I thought a lot, that I couldn't waste your life. You deserve someone as beautiful as you are. Someone sane. Someone with ideas of happiness where love is shared in an endless passion. Not with my twisted and sick self.
Yet I live here now, not far from your place, I work in your street, I see you every morning behind the glass of the coffee shop and I yearn for you in silence because it's my punishment.
I don't have the right to love. So I'm dying slowly while watching you from afar.
Maybe I'm just crazy. Maybe my pathology is love.
Maybe.
He took a deeper breath and tossed the book on his couch before making himself some coffee.
How ironic. I told Sakai I hate it. Yet it's all I drink all day long.
He massaged his temples and allowed a grin to his lips.
He's single. He's got no one in his life. He's all for me. He's single. Oh the relief.
He smiled and soon it disappeared, tears ready to fall, washing away the fleeting happiness that had taken over him.
I can't have you anyway.
Once again, depression was strucking him hard and nothing could erase his sudden sadness. He frowned and tried to decipher the cover of the book.
- Oh shit.
Kouyou, congratulations, you made a fool of yourself.
------------------------
HOLIDAYS!!! How good it is to sleep without thinking "shit exam tomorrow...and this, then this, then...".
Means also more time to write :) I'm preparing you guys your Xmas gift haha. I hope everyone will like it. If you wonder, Le Petit Crème refers to white coffee (one of my fav drinks), I put le petit for the French touch. So it's a little white coffee.