The Painter [Chapter 17]
Title: The Painter
Chapters: 17/20(?)
Genre: Romance. Angst. AU. Fluff. Smut. Humour.
Warnings: Angst.
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: AoixUruha (main), ReitaxRuki (side), KiyoharuxRuki, ReitaxUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: A painter which convictions and hopes are destroyed by a single man. A single man who would change his life.
Comments: I'm a slow and lazy ass, I apologize.
The wind was blowing and two friends were sat together under an oak that had seen so many generations through the years...
Kouyou momentarily closed his eyes, his head against Akira's shoulder and relaxed until his best friend broke the comfortable silence.
- I've been stupid right?
- You just have your pride.
- Have you talked to Taka?
Kouyou sighed, that black cloud he had tried to avoid back above his head.
- No...Again, I've been blinded my problems only. I feel so bad for being like this, I neglect you all, I push Yuu away and then I complain nothing's going fine.
Akira pulled his best friend closer against him:
- He knows that it's hard for you. I'm sure he understands.
The painter smiled at him:
- If you know him that much, why do you think he still can't get over Kiyoharu?
The other looked away, ashamed.
- Because that night I couldn't stand in their way while they were talking. I was like...Invisible.
- Did you try to?
Akira didn't reply, remembering how he had been his own ghost, watching the whole scene without interfering, without showing to that man that Takanori was now his and would stay so.
- I know you Suzuki, you're such a wimp when you want to.
His mouth opened, offended but Kouyou's laughs discouraged him.
- You run away when you're afraid to lose. You didn't fight against him because you couldn't bear that Taka will leave you for him. But what happened? You abandoned and Taka thought that you was giving up on him too. Is that so?
Akira played with his lighter, head bending like a child lectured by his mother.
- It's like you said...Taka's right, I'm the one who didn't give us a chance.
He sighed and continued:
- You know after that I thought I could come back and apologize, tell him that I fucked up but, I felt like a piece of shit for not being a good boyfriend to him. Like that asshole could have Taka because I'm not good enough.
- Stop saying that. If you weren't good, Taka would have never gone out with you, he wouldn't even be your friend. We'll find a way to make things up with him...I'll apologize for being a lame friend and you a lame boyfriend.
He laughed and Akira pushed him gently, which gesture made Kouyou giggle when he fell on his back.
- Someone's offended!
- I was in love with you.
Kouyou froze, his smile and laughs fading away. Akira wasn't looking at him, actually, he seemed focused on the scenery, the way the branches were moving along with the wind, on those birds flying high in the horizon...
- I was trying to deny it, to deny the fact you were attracting me...The truth was that I hated your boyfriend. That's why I stopped hanging around with you in highschool. I wanted to punch him in the face when he was being too close sometimes.
The painter hadn't moved, still sat, hands resting on the grass and legs in a ridiculous position.
- Then you took your distance too...And I couldn't be here for you when it happened. And I stayed away because I thought at first you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because I abandoned you. I couldn't forgive myself when I learnt the truth. I tried to be a better support when I found you back...Then we met Taka.
Suddenly Akira turned his head and looked at Kouyou straight in the eyes:
- But I swear, I don't have any feelings for you anymore. It changed, I mean, I love you, it's true, but as a friend, nothing more. I love Taka...I really do, for so much time now that I wasted my only chance.
- Taka knew...
Akira frowned and stared at his best friend, dumb founded.
- Knew what?
Kouyou leant against the tree, his legs against himself:
- One day, Taka told me that you cared a lot for me and I didn't take it seriously, I told him that yes you cared because you were my best friend. And...
The painter looked into Akira's eyes:
- He replied that your looks for me and your words were filled with love and I didn't believe him. I told Taka that he was exagerating, that nothing like this could happen...
Akira laughed, as if to push away the awkwardness palpable around them.
- So I was that obvious...Yet he didn't notice when it was his turn.
Kouyou smiled.
- You both are special to each other. Sometimes I was jealous of him or of you because you were getting along so well...And I felt left out a lot because of my depressive moods.
His best friend was about to reply and Kouyou interrupted him:
- I'm not saying I blame you. Not at all. In a way, I understand...But I blame myself first. I was the one pushing you away...
The blond gasped as he found himself in a friendly embrace, hugged tightly. His body relaxed and he smiled against Akira's shoulder, relieved. He was finding back his best friend. Akira's confessions were blowing all of the resentment he had kept in his heart. It was all clear now, why he and his ex boyfriend never got along.
- I'm sincerely sorry Kou.
- I'm sorry too Kira.
- You don't even greet me.
Takanori was looking at him, frozen, speechless.
- I brought you my mother's cookies! They're better thank Yutaka's ones by the way.
- I...Kou...
The painter smiled brightly and hugged his friend. When Takanori put his hands on his back in return, he said, touched:
- I missed you.
- I did too.
They sat in the living room and Kouyou's hands were warming up around the cup of tea Takanori had given him.
- Since when you're in Tokyo?
- Today, 6am. We drove all night.
The writer frowned.
- We?
- Akira and I.
At the way Takanori avoided Kouyou's eyes, he knew that it was still a troubled subject and he understood why. Nothing had changed. The writer was still trapped in his sadness, his heartache, just like him. It was terrible to know some peace and suddenly, the storm was back and you were tired to fight and to fall down. Akira and Yuu were their saviors. Akira was staying away while Yuu was trying to help Kouyou not to drown. Takanori knew how to swim but he was just tired of the same old shit.
Kouyou in a way, didn't want to be saved. As much as he was trying to catch Yuu's hand, a part of him was irresistibly attracted by the deep abyss of this terrifying place the sea was. Life.
- He's really sorry Taka. He wants to talk to you but, he's afraid you wouldn't forgive him.
- Of course I won't.
Kouyou looked at him instantly.
- Come on...He loves you. He repeated me so over and over again. He doesn't want to lose you...
The writer snorted.
- I don't want to love a wimp anymore.
- But you still do.
The writer sighed with annoyance.
- He doesn't have the right to crush my heart and then to come back crying like a little girl! I'm not a fucking puppet! Why do they all think they can play with me?!
Kouyou sighed and squeezed Takanori's shoulder.
- He isn't playing. He just sucks when it comes to love.
The writer allowed his lips to show a weak smile.
- Like you.
The painter this time felt every muscles of his face giving up. No more any warm expression. There was no need to show a mask to his friend. He closed his eyes, leaned against the leather couch in a vain attempt to shelter from reality, from Takanori's upcoming question that would just make his heart sank deeper in his chest.
- What about Yuu?
A strong intake of air.
A lump in his throat.
Overwhelming sadness.
Eyes burning and chest hurting.
The fall.
Kouyou spoke quietly between low sobs.
- I miss him. I miss him so much I'm going crazy. I see him in my dreams and in my nightmares. He abandoned me and I didn't reach a hand out to keep him from leaving. Without any goodbye, without any word. Even my lips didn't move againt his. And I have this never ending pain here...
He showed his heart.
- It hurts. It burns. It kills me.
- What are you still doing here Kou?
His hands prevented him to look back at Takanori. He rubbed the wetness and waited long seconds before being able to speak.
- I'm afraid I couldn't give him the love he deserves. Because of this past...Because sometimes I find myself thinking I shouldn't trust him. I have those horrible thoughts, I hate them, I'm so scared it'd stain my love for him...
Takanori held his face:
- Yuu's not him! He will never be him! He's going to pay for what he did to you and Yuu will be by your side. Yuu would never betray you like he did. Yuu's still here despite your past. He loves you with it, he'll help you carrying it through the years you will both share.
A slight frown.
- You know that already Kou. You needed to hear it from someone else. And now you know what's left to do.
Their eyes for the horizon, trying to see through the giant silhouettes of buildings.
- It's the time in your life when you're supposed to be struggling. Not to let your past engulf your heart.
Kouyou shuddered. His head was about to explode and his grip tightened around the cold metal of Takanori's balcony.
- What if it doesn't get better? What am I supposed to do if it doesn't work?
- I don't know Kou.
The painter turned his teary eyes toward his friend, his hopes reduced to dust. Maybe that was why he considered Takanori a lot. For his honesty, for not making life more beautiful with empty words. For not writing lies.
- I don't know but if you don't try, you won't know either. What if then, it gets better?
Kouyou used the sleeve of his long and large sweet to wipe away a tear. He sniffled and replied in a low voice:
- I wouldn't take it...To lose Yuu. I really wouldn't. It was already hard without grandpa. I wouldn't want to live anymore.
Takanori grabbed his arm gently.
- Listen.
The painter nodded, fragile.
- Go find him and tell him what you just told me. Open your heart. You won't lose him if you do. He needs you as much as you do.
- How do you know?
- He told me.
A sad smile found its way on Kouyou's quivering lips. Sad, but still a smile, thought the writer.
A tight hug and the painter's whispering voice:
- Thank you...But remember to let Akira in too. Give him the chance he's too afraid to take.
Takanori nodded and kept his eyes closed when emptiness embraced his tiny body, when Kouyou's steps weren't heard anymore, when the door in the entrance was closed.
When he opened them, the cloud was already passing by the sun, the warm colors given back to the city.
Kouyou went back to his appartment, greeted warmly by his maid. He gave her the few presents he got for her, provoking embarassment and blushing cheeks. He realized then how much he missed her lively voice. He had always thought secretly she was like a second mother to him.
And when Kouyou and her sat around a coffee and biscuits, she didn't care about showing her pain or not, she simply let the tears fall against the painter's shoulder. So here was the truth. Mrs Matsubara knew now why her employer was a loner, why she never saw anyone closer than a friend around him, why he had been so depressed, why his pieces were filled with darkness.
She knew and it was horrible to know.
- I don't want the way you act with me to change. Stay the same Mrs Matsubara.
She nodded, using the napkin she had on her lap to dry her wet cheeks.
- Why did you decide to tell me Mr Takashima?
He smiled.
- You're like another mother to me. And so you should call me Kouyou.
A laugh to hide how embarassed she was, again.
- I'll need time for that though.
The painter worried when her laugh faded away.
- You're like the son I've never had.
He pulled the tiny woman against him once more and whispered gently, knowing that behind her tone were hidden things he wasn't able to discover yet:
- You're wrong then. You have me.
When Kouyou later that day, went out, he enjoyed wandering in the warm streets of Tokyo on his way to find back the one he loved.
At first only happiness could be felt but little by little, he couldn't help but to be stressed. He wished he was already there and kissing him and telling him all the things he hadn't been able to express when Yuu left that day in Kanagawa.
He hadn't rushed, took his time to think about his words carefully, to gather up all of his courage, he had cherished his feelings and only left his place with a conviction: he loved Yuu. He loved him and it was all that mattered now.
And he smiled brightly when he saw his silhouette in front of his building.
And he stopped to when he saw another one catching him up and holding his arm.
Long black hair, a beige dress, high heels.
Something he couldn't be.
Maybe someone who wasn't as fucked up as he was.
Maybe Kouyou got his expectations too high.
That now he was falling.
Again.
---------------------------
Leaving this here before I go to work, what can I say? Yes I said it already, I'm a damn slow and lazy ass who takes forever to sit down and type, I have no excuse for this story because it's already done but still, I have too many stories going on. And I have few more lines before Break The Rules chapter 19 is up as well. You guys should threaten me or something, maybe it'd work so I'd update more XD
Chapters: 17/20(?)
Genre: Romance. Angst. AU. Fluff. Smut. Humour.
Warnings: Angst.
Ratings: PG-13
Pairings: AoixUruha (main), ReitaxRuki (side), KiyoharuxRuki, ReitaxUruha
Disclaimer: I only own my imagination ♪
Synopsis: A painter which convictions and hopes are destroyed by a single man. A single man who would change his life.
Comments: I'm a slow and lazy ass, I apologize.
The wind was blowing and two friends were sat together under an oak that had seen so many generations through the years...
Kouyou momentarily closed his eyes, his head against Akira's shoulder and relaxed until his best friend broke the comfortable silence.
- I've been stupid right?
- You just have your pride.
- Have you talked to Taka?
Kouyou sighed, that black cloud he had tried to avoid back above his head.
- No...Again, I've been blinded my problems only. I feel so bad for being like this, I neglect you all, I push Yuu away and then I complain nothing's going fine.
Akira pulled his best friend closer against him:
- He knows that it's hard for you. I'm sure he understands.
The painter smiled at him:
- If you know him that much, why do you think he still can't get over Kiyoharu?
The other looked away, ashamed.
- Because that night I couldn't stand in their way while they were talking. I was like...Invisible.
- Did you try to?
Akira didn't reply, remembering how he had been his own ghost, watching the whole scene without interfering, without showing to that man that Takanori was now his and would stay so.
- I know you Suzuki, you're such a wimp when you want to.
His mouth opened, offended but Kouyou's laughs discouraged him.
- You run away when you're afraid to lose. You didn't fight against him because you couldn't bear that Taka will leave you for him. But what happened? You abandoned and Taka thought that you was giving up on him too. Is that so?
Akira played with his lighter, head bending like a child lectured by his mother.
- It's like you said...Taka's right, I'm the one who didn't give us a chance.
He sighed and continued:
- You know after that I thought I could come back and apologize, tell him that I fucked up but, I felt like a piece of shit for not being a good boyfriend to him. Like that asshole could have Taka because I'm not good enough.
- Stop saying that. If you weren't good, Taka would have never gone out with you, he wouldn't even be your friend. We'll find a way to make things up with him...I'll apologize for being a lame friend and you a lame boyfriend.
He laughed and Akira pushed him gently, which gesture made Kouyou giggle when he fell on his back.
- Someone's offended!
- I was in love with you.
Kouyou froze, his smile and laughs fading away. Akira wasn't looking at him, actually, he seemed focused on the scenery, the way the branches were moving along with the wind, on those birds flying high in the horizon...
- I was trying to deny it, to deny the fact you were attracting me...The truth was that I hated your boyfriend. That's why I stopped hanging around with you in highschool. I wanted to punch him in the face when he was being too close sometimes.
The painter hadn't moved, still sat, hands resting on the grass and legs in a ridiculous position.
- Then you took your distance too...And I couldn't be here for you when it happened. And I stayed away because I thought at first you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because I abandoned you. I couldn't forgive myself when I learnt the truth. I tried to be a better support when I found you back...Then we met Taka.
Suddenly Akira turned his head and looked at Kouyou straight in the eyes:
- But I swear, I don't have any feelings for you anymore. It changed, I mean, I love you, it's true, but as a friend, nothing more. I love Taka...I really do, for so much time now that I wasted my only chance.
- Taka knew...
Akira frowned and stared at his best friend, dumb founded.
- Knew what?
Kouyou leant against the tree, his legs against himself:
- One day, Taka told me that you cared a lot for me and I didn't take it seriously, I told him that yes you cared because you were my best friend. And...
The painter looked into Akira's eyes:
- He replied that your looks for me and your words were filled with love and I didn't believe him. I told Taka that he was exagerating, that nothing like this could happen...
Akira laughed, as if to push away the awkwardness palpable around them.
- So I was that obvious...Yet he didn't notice when it was his turn.
Kouyou smiled.
- You both are special to each other. Sometimes I was jealous of him or of you because you were getting along so well...And I felt left out a lot because of my depressive moods.
His best friend was about to reply and Kouyou interrupted him:
- I'm not saying I blame you. Not at all. In a way, I understand...But I blame myself first. I was the one pushing you away...
The blond gasped as he found himself in a friendly embrace, hugged tightly. His body relaxed and he smiled against Akira's shoulder, relieved. He was finding back his best friend. Akira's confessions were blowing all of the resentment he had kept in his heart. It was all clear now, why he and his ex boyfriend never got along.
- I'm sincerely sorry Kou.
- I'm sorry too Kira.
- You don't even greet me.
Takanori was looking at him, frozen, speechless.
- I brought you my mother's cookies! They're better thank Yutaka's ones by the way.
- I...Kou...
The painter smiled brightly and hugged his friend. When Takanori put his hands on his back in return, he said, touched:
- I missed you.
- I did too.
They sat in the living room and Kouyou's hands were warming up around the cup of tea Takanori had given him.
- Since when you're in Tokyo?
- Today, 6am. We drove all night.
The writer frowned.
- We?
- Akira and I.
At the way Takanori avoided Kouyou's eyes, he knew that it was still a troubled subject and he understood why. Nothing had changed. The writer was still trapped in his sadness, his heartache, just like him. It was terrible to know some peace and suddenly, the storm was back and you were tired to fight and to fall down. Akira and Yuu were their saviors. Akira was staying away while Yuu was trying to help Kouyou not to drown. Takanori knew how to swim but he was just tired of the same old shit.
Kouyou in a way, didn't want to be saved. As much as he was trying to catch Yuu's hand, a part of him was irresistibly attracted by the deep abyss of this terrifying place the sea was. Life.
- He's really sorry Taka. He wants to talk to you but, he's afraid you wouldn't forgive him.
- Of course I won't.
Kouyou looked at him instantly.
- Come on...He loves you. He repeated me so over and over again. He doesn't want to lose you...
The writer snorted.
- I don't want to love a wimp anymore.
- But you still do.
The writer sighed with annoyance.
- He doesn't have the right to crush my heart and then to come back crying like a little girl! I'm not a fucking puppet! Why do they all think they can play with me?!
Kouyou sighed and squeezed Takanori's shoulder.
- He isn't playing. He just sucks when it comes to love.
The writer allowed his lips to show a weak smile.
- Like you.
The painter this time felt every muscles of his face giving up. No more any warm expression. There was no need to show a mask to his friend. He closed his eyes, leaned against the leather couch in a vain attempt to shelter from reality, from Takanori's upcoming question that would just make his heart sank deeper in his chest.
- What about Yuu?
A strong intake of air.
A lump in his throat.
Overwhelming sadness.
Eyes burning and chest hurting.
The fall.
Kouyou spoke quietly between low sobs.
- I miss him. I miss him so much I'm going crazy. I see him in my dreams and in my nightmares. He abandoned me and I didn't reach a hand out to keep him from leaving. Without any goodbye, without any word. Even my lips didn't move againt his. And I have this never ending pain here...
He showed his heart.
- It hurts. It burns. It kills me.
- What are you still doing here Kou?
His hands prevented him to look back at Takanori. He rubbed the wetness and waited long seconds before being able to speak.
- I'm afraid I couldn't give him the love he deserves. Because of this past...Because sometimes I find myself thinking I shouldn't trust him. I have those horrible thoughts, I hate them, I'm so scared it'd stain my love for him...
Takanori held his face:
- Yuu's not him! He will never be him! He's going to pay for what he did to you and Yuu will be by your side. Yuu would never betray you like he did. Yuu's still here despite your past. He loves you with it, he'll help you carrying it through the years you will both share.
A slight frown.
- You know that already Kou. You needed to hear it from someone else. And now you know what's left to do.
Their eyes for the horizon, trying to see through the giant silhouettes of buildings.
- It's the time in your life when you're supposed to be struggling. Not to let your past engulf your heart.
Kouyou shuddered. His head was about to explode and his grip tightened around the cold metal of Takanori's balcony.
- What if it doesn't get better? What am I supposed to do if it doesn't work?
- I don't know Kou.
The painter turned his teary eyes toward his friend, his hopes reduced to dust. Maybe that was why he considered Takanori a lot. For his honesty, for not making life more beautiful with empty words. For not writing lies.
- I don't know but if you don't try, you won't know either. What if then, it gets better?
Kouyou used the sleeve of his long and large sweet to wipe away a tear. He sniffled and replied in a low voice:
- I wouldn't take it...To lose Yuu. I really wouldn't. It was already hard without grandpa. I wouldn't want to live anymore.
Takanori grabbed his arm gently.
- Listen.
The painter nodded, fragile.
- Go find him and tell him what you just told me. Open your heart. You won't lose him if you do. He needs you as much as you do.
- How do you know?
- He told me.
A sad smile found its way on Kouyou's quivering lips. Sad, but still a smile, thought the writer.
A tight hug and the painter's whispering voice:
- Thank you...But remember to let Akira in too. Give him the chance he's too afraid to take.
Takanori nodded and kept his eyes closed when emptiness embraced his tiny body, when Kouyou's steps weren't heard anymore, when the door in the entrance was closed.
When he opened them, the cloud was already passing by the sun, the warm colors given back to the city.
Kouyou went back to his appartment, greeted warmly by his maid. He gave her the few presents he got for her, provoking embarassment and blushing cheeks. He realized then how much he missed her lively voice. He had always thought secretly she was like a second mother to him.
And when Kouyou and her sat around a coffee and biscuits, she didn't care about showing her pain or not, she simply let the tears fall against the painter's shoulder. So here was the truth. Mrs Matsubara knew now why her employer was a loner, why she never saw anyone closer than a friend around him, why he had been so depressed, why his pieces were filled with darkness.
She knew and it was horrible to know.
- I don't want the way you act with me to change. Stay the same Mrs Matsubara.
She nodded, using the napkin she had on her lap to dry her wet cheeks.
- Why did you decide to tell me Mr Takashima?
He smiled.
- You're like another mother to me. And so you should call me Kouyou.
A laugh to hide how embarassed she was, again.
- I'll need time for that though.
The painter worried when her laugh faded away.
- You're like the son I've never had.
He pulled the tiny woman against him once more and whispered gently, knowing that behind her tone were hidden things he wasn't able to discover yet:
- You're wrong then. You have me.
When Kouyou later that day, went out, he enjoyed wandering in the warm streets of Tokyo on his way to find back the one he loved.
At first only happiness could be felt but little by little, he couldn't help but to be stressed. He wished he was already there and kissing him and telling him all the things he hadn't been able to express when Yuu left that day in Kanagawa.
He hadn't rushed, took his time to think about his words carefully, to gather up all of his courage, he had cherished his feelings and only left his place with a conviction: he loved Yuu. He loved him and it was all that mattered now.
And he smiled brightly when he saw his silhouette in front of his building.
And he stopped to when he saw another one catching him up and holding his arm.
Long black hair, a beige dress, high heels.
Something he couldn't be.
Maybe someone who wasn't as fucked up as he was.
Maybe Kouyou got his expectations too high.
That now he was falling.
Again.
---------------------------
Leaving this here before I go to work, what can I say? Yes I said it already, I'm a damn slow and lazy ass who takes forever to sit down and type, I have no excuse for this story because it's already done but still, I have too many stories going on. And I have few more lines before Break The Rules chapter 19 is up as well. You guys should threaten me or something, maybe it'd work so I'd update more XD